Selling a car is more difficult than I thought it would be, setting the price seems entirely guess work.

My fitness regime is going well, I seem to be improving at a steady pace. However I've been experiencing extreme stomach pain, perhaps at the sudden shift in my diet.

I've been expected to talk to be a lot more than before. I've found this difficult. My own personal hang ups make connecting with new people a trial. However for this new position I must push forward.

In an attempt to lengthen my attention span I have begun forcing myself to partake in singular tasks in hour long spans. Otherwise I'll simply get nothing done.

I hate myself.

>>8124262
I threw away one of my old diaries because it made me cringe hard.

Nausea all day again

Chest pains didn't go away

No energy to look for job today

Headaches went away

She's convinced I'm going to leave her and this fear of hers, it makes me have to think about everything I'm going to say and I think I need to hide what mood I'm in.

I'm walking on egg shells.
This is going to make me leave her and then she'll say she was right that I was leaving her and her fears were correct.
But it's because of her fears that I'm leaving

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I need to stop eating shit. For the past 3 weeks, or technically weekends, I've said I'll get back on track and stop eating shit when the new week begins. This week I tried again on Thursday and lasted two day, before giving in and eating everything from a Yorkie bar to an entire tub of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting. If I don't stop this, I'll be right back where I started in no time.

Still, today wasn't that bad; but unbearably humid. It was supposed to brighten up outside, but it didn't. Bought the groceries I wanted, and also got some pig ears for the dogs at the pet store.

Whilst there, I saw a few live meal worms in an open plastic tub beside the counter: yellow, wriggling and crawling over one another. The older woman there, who moments before had been referred to as "Ma" with a grunt by the guy who served me, stepped out and moved the box. "Here you go, Willy" she said, whilst I turned around to leave, but also to look. On the floor behind me, I saw a wagtail; black and white, my favourite type of bird alongside robins. It quickly ate the wriggling meal worms, only to receive a few more; only to hop out of the shop and fly away. I left in turn, walking home with my groceries. When I got in, I ate the aforementioned tub of Ben and Jerry's, after which I fell asleep for a few hours; probably due to the insane blood sugar spike.

Not a bad day, overall. I need to get out of this vicious cycle when it comes to food, though. Reminds me of the depression I had, procrastinating to Hell and back.

I spend my days now checking tinder to see if I have gotten any matches. I have started getting less and less matches with girls who I find attractive unlike I did when I first started using the app. I used to think that I was good looking enough and dressed well enough and talked well enough to not have trouble approaching women or getting rejected by them but as of lately I have started questioning that idea because of a few bad encounters especially one with a girl named Demi who told me to fuck off after I asked for her number, I thought that was really rude. I feel like my identity is being a attacked as I always tied myself to being something along the lines of a good looking autistic. I will never know why Camryn blocked me on everything after our first date. I thought it went so well. I thought we had so much in common she knew every obscure thing I would talked about. I even went as far to message her friends but they blocked me as well.

I hope I won't fuck up my chance with O. She's wonderful and we respect each other on another level. I feel like I wouldn't love again if she were to disappear. My feelings on this are conflicted and honestly I can't put them down. Writing is such a bummer when it feels like I should be able to extrapolate more on any subject or thought, but when it comes down to actually doing it I have nothing. I feel like I could talk with her until I die. In fact, I could talk about her with anyone for a long time, just rambling on and on, if it weren't weird to do that. Besides, the only people I'm close enough to talk about emotions are friends long gone, even if I do see them on the street now and then. It should make me feel like a loser but I don't. Like they walked out on me as if we were in some sort of faggy and manipulative high school relationship. After the things we did and the challenges we faced together as children we should sincerely embrace each other whenever we meet, but somehow I feel like I would have to initiate it and even then they would act weird about it even though it should be the natural thing to do. We were like brothers. Perhaps they did replace my biological brothers for a while after they left, but now they have gone as well. And we were closer than I and my real brothers. We shared real feeling and promises, secrets and love for each other. In a manly way. I would cry for them if I had to. But we have each gone our way and even if we actually, truly meet then we would be too different.

No one take that out of context. It's a sad topic for me.

>>8124398
Kek

>>8124398

>>8124350 Here. I'm having an oddly similar experience. I used to get quite a few matches, and have managed to get a few dates out of Tinder.

Since losing about 20kg, however, I've had way less look; even though I think I look better now in photos.

Almost like I should just go back to being a fatass.