I'm a trans girl, just turned 19. I have no hope of looking like a regular girl no matter how long I stay on hrt, I'll always be some sort of in-between thing. Some people are cool with getting married, having a wife and kids, then decide that they're a woman when they're 50 or something. I'm not one of those people, I need to be a regular girl but it's an impossibility.
Sometimes I imagine having friends that love being with me for who I am inside, coming to terms with myself, and having a boyfriend. But it's impossible, especially the not being single for the rest of my life part, because I'm forced to detest myself.
My mental and physical health is deteriorating every day.
I don't understand why I had to be forced into an existence full of pain and misery.
I hope there is something like reincarnation in the thereafter, but even if there's just nothingness, I see it as an inevitability. Someone please just tell me it'll be ok
please
>>6555725
It's not ok to give up but I'd be lying if I said I didn't understand you, as another depressive-suicidal trans girl.
I absolutely hate the phrase "cheer up" but that is the main reason depressed people tend to not have friends. Being friends with someone is an exchange, you both trade in each other's company. If one of you is depressed and only wants to cry or mope then the other partner doesn't have any enjoyment and has to force himself/herself to spend time with the depressed person. Which typically works for a while but it is guaranteed to cause a split sooner or later.
That said, I fully understand how difficult it can be to find friends if you're weird and/or ugly with long hair or such so I'd suggest just focus on the internet. It's not a real replacement for real friendships and, 99 times out of a hundred, people online aren't your real friends but they are real people and it is real human interaction, something I think would do you well. Oh, and probably lay off 4chan. This place can be atrocious if you're in fragile state of mind.
Ultimately it is up to you. You have to believe that your life is worth something and that you can be something. Focusing on something is probably the best idea since it's both productive and it takes your mind off of depressing thoughts. So try learning something and then doing it. The trans girl stereotype is computer science and it works - there are million resources for it online and all you really need is a computer and free time.
Also, as weird as this sounds, I think you (and me, really) need some entitlement. Entitlement is usually a bad thing but it's also what allows people to exist in a world where thousands of people starve to death every hour or millions drink unclean water or, closer to home, what unpassing trans girl use to still continue living their life. It is your life, it is your existence, even if you're not passing try doing your best and then at least no one can accuse of you not trying..
>>6555725
at least bladee's album is amazing tho right
>>6555922
it is beautiful
>>6555725
OP give the hormones time and just chill. Hormones don't fully finish their work in the one or two year span that everyone claims they do. Give it at least three or four years, by year 5 you can start feeling lost. If you have friends that don't support you or act douchey towards you because of your situation then drop them because they're not worth the time. There are people that like to act like their politically correct by "being friends" with people like us, their names are tumblrinas and there cancer. Get yourself a solid support structure, or learn to rely on yourself, this is usually better. Most importantly though just love yourself. Don't focus so much on being a boy or a girl just focus on who you are as a person. What are you interested in, what's your favorite food, what's your favorite color even. Just focus on making yourself happy and finding who you are. Once you make yourself happy other people will see that and eventually people will gravitate towards you naturally regardless of appearance or gender associated with you. Personality and self confidence go a very long way with feeling positive and living a happier life. If you don't have the positivity you can't wait for someone to give it to you, it's like building a house, it's a really big job that has to start somewhere. If you start being positive it will eventually reach into other aspects of your life and will affect not only you, but those close to you as well.
>>6555725
It will be ok
I understand what you are saying but it isn't too late to start transitioning OP just remember that
>>6555725
Go femboy status. Many trannies do. It's better than nothing and it sounds like you're already there. You'll by default be the envy of many twinks. Dress well, become a tender little cute faglet. Walk around knowing that while you might not be the girl, you're something so much more rare and amazing.
>>6555725
Be friends with me
>>6555725
>>6555725
Just make the transition, it's hard as fuck and it's going to take time but there are people out there and in here that will support you.
I fucking don't doubt you can do it! You won't settle to do it later in life? Perfect, get started tomorrow. Fucking do this thing and stay dedicated it will take time but people out there have done this, you are not the first and you will not be the last!
Get on it!
>>6556045
>Don't focus so much on being a boy or a girl just focus on who you are as a person
This is REALLY good advice. I understand that it's a lot harder as trans person to consider your transness as just "part of your identity" the way gays can but it is something that is really really really healthy to do.
Just take a step back and remember that you are you first before you're trans or gay or anything else. The entire point of being transgender is to finally look the way you feel you are inside and get your mind and body in sync don't let yourself become lost in transgenderism.
Its ok to give up. I started hrt at 20. I am 23 now. I know I will never pass even with 60k in FFS (which I do have btw).
So yes I am giving up. I'm definitely never "presenting" as a girl again.
I think I can deal with it besides the pain of never feeling fulfilled romantically and sexually. I only like hetero leaning guys who want me as a feminine person :(. But as a feminine person society sees me as a freak and makes my life hell. I cannot see how that is worth some dick (of course I want everything else about female but my point is this is the ONLY time and way and thing I can do to feel normal as a woman while not passing, sex with men/chasers/peoplewholikefemmethings).
Its sucks though. Sucks real fucking bad.
>>6556123
People see femboys the same as they see nonpassing trannies, as freaks.
>>6556123
And also no one likes fags. People like girls. Only other fags like fags. So ya if you want to make a bunch of faggots jealous then you can enjoy being a femboy, no one else cares about it or is impressed.
>>6556270
gays don't get harassed, stared at, and have their employment threatened like trannies do. Its simply not as socially acceptable to be a tranny than a gay
>>6556320
>>6556323
No people view non-passing trannies as freaks only when they wear girl's clothes. In men's clothes they're just effeminate looking guys. Really effeminate, maybe androgynous. At that point you get curious stares, no hate in them. People are just trying to figure you out. If you get to the point where you are a boy who looks like a girl, you begin to blend in again depending on your mode of dress. Dress androgynously and you can slip under the radar. It's when you open your mouth that the awkwardness begins, then. I myself enjoy that awkwardness and surprise. I like being the freak. Even if you're bothered you eventually quit giving a fuck and begin to own it. Besides if OP got to that point they'd just go girlmode anyway. IMO they could blend in as a fag, only way they wouldn't blend in is if they have no fags there.
I never implied anyone but fags would be jealous. Girls -love- fags. People like girls. If people give you shit in front of girls those girls will not like the people giving you shit. Guys have cockblocked themselves insulting me. People treat you differently, and it's nice IMO. Women in general become so much nicer and friendlier.
>>6556351
Also, any locations I frequent, the staff knows I'm cool as fuck and treat me excellently. If you're a good person, if you're nice, people will pick up on that and treat you with respect no matter how you look. You could be a disgusting homeless man with cracked bloody hands but if you're the nicest man on Earth and people come to learn that, they will treat you with respect.
>>6556123
Even that would be somewhat preferable to being me, but I can't be comfortable being anything other than a regular looking girl. I wish I was nonbinary or agender or a fanboy or some shit, but I'm not. Puberty destroyed me before I even realized it. Im not androgynous, I look like a strange sad man, with the biggest head out of anyone I know, the most manly jaw of all my few guy friends, and also the biggest nose. I wish I was exaggerating. Decades of HRT will never change this. I guess all I really want is a bit of pity, even if it's from online strangers. It's time to throw in the towel for me, I'm a prisoner, and this pain is inescapable
>>6556444
iktf anon
I want not to care about passing and to settle for femboy status but the truth is I do care and I can't magically change that
gonna try LSD soon to see if it fixes me
>>6555725
I don't have anything useful to say but I want you to know that I hope you don't give up. I hope everything works out and you find happiness. That could happen, right? Just hold on.
>>6556323
and all straight men like transwomen right? who are you looking to date exactly
you can give up if you want. I'm close to giving up, and I've already transitioned, pass, have a boyfriend who loves me but I'm not happy, I don't think I'll ever come to terms with my life or fix myself, the damage has already been done. ill never have a normal life
I would have killed myself the other night but my bf prevented me from doing so, i almost wish he didnt
>>6555725
Hey at least you have good taste in music senpai. What's youre favorite track on eversince? Mine's lovenote
>>6556045
pretty good advice, thanks
>>6556351
I have a super fem body but a somewhat mainly jaw/face. I think I pass about 30-40% of the time, currently with just 9 months of HRT so I am really hopeful. When people give me shit about my jaw I just tell them I am german. (I do have german and scottish blood so yeaaa) Google german women they have some hard core chins/jaws.
>>6555725
>>6555906
Op listen to this advice. As for entitlement remember your 19 fucking years old! MANY trans women would kill to transition that young. You WILL get good results if you stick with it. If you want to go hard mode for better results insist on injections etc.
Yeah we will never have cis life. But being trans is like any other disability. You have to learn to make the best of your situation. Non passing transwomen can and do still have good/happy lives.
Don't make your appearance your life. Become really good at art or music or SOMETHING! let that be your source of self confidence. Women (cis or otherwise) are so much more than just their looks!
You get one life. You can spend it however you like. Eating all the best food and getting fat as fuck if you want till you die. Drinking and partying all the time until you give no fucks!
If someone gives you shit about your appearance just tell them your a cis woman with a hormonal disorder. then you just make them feel like a sexist piece of shit for calling you out. (get SRS and no one, in the regular public, will know the difference anyway! )
Like check this chick out! She is super cute, and has a beefy man jaw! There is hope! https://www.reddit.com/r/transpassing/comments/4sm6i1/25_years_hrt_walking_around_flashing_ma_tits/
>>6556351
Thsts the fallacy. That people gendering you female sometimes in boymode means you will pass in girl mode. It's false 90% of the time.
>>6556351
Women are fake. Women are awful. I'm sure they talk shit about how weird you are behind your back and they will always choose to be aroun an alpha male over your weird ass
>>6556371
Wrong. Stupidly Wrong.
>>6557581
No. Only straight men with a fetish like trans women. If I passed at least maybe those men would want to be seen in public with me and I could go about my public business without people staring at me.
>>6558348
She looks like she has a small head. Yes her jaw is wide. But if ops head is bulkier than hers than so is his jaw. I doubt she passes anyway with such a wide head
>>6558397
Yeah, I'm destroyed
>>6559366
I'm sorry.
>>6558381
Protipp: if your experience is not the same, you are a dick and don't realize it. Have you had any customer service jobs to teach you what truly constitutes being a shit customer?
>>6560650
just did, take a look
>>6559366
Profiles are bad for determining if someone can pass. Selfies in general are. Post a pic next to real people.
>>6560843
>jew nose
It's called roman nose you filthy pedestrian
