How old were you/what made you realize you were lgbt? Or if you denied it, what were the first signs?
pic not related, phone won't let me use downloads.
OP posting.
>be in elementary school
>be naruto/entry level anime fag
>discover that people make r34 of naruto
>tons of sakura, but I noticed that I didn't really feel anything looking at those
>for some reason, the only ones I'm interested in are sasuke pictures
>not even r34, just enjoyed seeing him in the show more than any female characters
>jack off to sasuke picture
>discover what being gay is a short time later
>deny it through middle school
>stop giving a shit in high school and accept it
>here I am today
>Discover my feelings were different when I was 11
>get concrete signs of faggotry when I was 12
>cry a day or so since I didn't want to be bullied again
>stay closeted for 7/8 years
It took away my teen years and ruined everything I had with my straight crush.
Here I am wasting away my time.
>>6424874
>Be 8.
>Be renting anime because Robotech, Unico, and Astroboy were great.
>Get Ranma 1/2.
>Parents disturbed, but holy shit, I need magic water so I can stop being a fucking boy.
>Santa fucks up, but at least I get a new video game to distract myself with.
>Be 17
>Have crush on a girl that you don't want to reveal because she's straight and I'm still clearly trans.
>Cute boy expresses interest in me for reasons I can't fathom.
>I would actually like to go out with him because of all our shared interests and he's brilliant and attractive.
>But he's hard gay, and I'm still clearly trans.
>God damn monosexuals.
So... 8 and 17
>>6424874
>Always tried to be super boyish as a kid, dismissed all things "girly" as being dumb and had trouble admitting I liked anything of the sort
>See several documentaries on tv when I was ~9 about transgenderism and trans kids because it was some sort of weekly special on the channel (a channel I really enjoyed watching because of all its shows on medicine)
>Think "I can relate to their feelings, but no way that's me"
>Around 11-12, puberty, discover porn, had envy of those chicks who had dicks
>14, on Christmas, dad gives me a pretty formal shirt as present, my older brother jokingly says "hah, you look like [male version of my name] now"
>Suddenly have an epiphany
>Struggle with the sudden wave of dysphoria for months and months on end, read a lot on the issue
>The signs were so obvious but I had never thought much of them, I just thought I was a tomboy and thought other girls/women were like this too
>Finally come to terms on being ftm, though felt embarrassed of calling myself trans
>it's been 5 years and I still don't know what to do with all these feelings
It's nice to get to tell it all like this. I think of all of this every single day
>>6424874
46, I heard the bells when I was having my 16th weeding anniversary with my wife in hawaii.
>>6424874
>be in high school.
>meet a real cute guy with a winning personality in the locker room
>he's on the lacross team and I'm on the swim team and practice ends at about the same time
>fall for him, hard
>be confused because I'm straight
>end up working at the same place as him
>see each other all the time without our cliques knowing
>we become friends
>we experiment once
That was about 13 years ago. He's married to woman now.
>>6424874
took me a long time to realize i am bi and a little longer to act on it at all
first signs: used to finger my ass while i masterbated in the shower before i was 15
by 20 i had anal toys
22 or something going to ymce gym, after working out go into locker room, this fit AF guy with no body hair was walking naked to the shower or something couldnt look away, stared the whole time im sure great looking guy and cock
had a huge crush on some of my friends in college, never told them. one time one of them started bragging about how huge his dick was and how his gf's couldnt hang or fucking loved it, i really really wanted to find out first hand for sooo long
>>6425946
>>we experiment once
do tell :)
>>6425492
how old r u now?
>>6426071
No.
>>6424874
My very first memory was waking up from a dream involved naked fat hairy men.
That's not even counting the significantly more gay shit that I remember from my childhood.
>Be 6
>Suddenly likes to dress with my sister bra, shoes
>Get caught with her 7/8 rainbow socks
>Mother and dad look at each other and says "Well... it's not a big deal. Don't do it again."
>9
>Mom constantly screams at me because i can't scream, as only girls do it. I can't get mad or cry because only girls do it
>Repress any feeling i have
>13
>Discover masturbation
>Like, every day, crossdress in my sister/aunt clothing and masturbate
...
>Some time later, at 15, i'm just dressing and no more masturbation
>Make lunchs, play games and watch tv dressed as a girl when i'm alone
>Growing hair
>Mom tells me to stop growing my hair
>Tell her to fuck off
>17
>Get out from severe depression and anxiety, i'm on meds (Rivotril and Esc), my grades gone really down and i can't live even one day the way i am
>Really feel that i'll just fucking shoot myself in the head if i stay as a male
>But life may be 100% better if i'm a girl or at least a cute guy
So, i'm 18 now and seeking an therapist.
>be me
>14, summer vacation
>have almost no friends, except this one guy who I hanged out with all the time
>he starts flirting with me
>tells me he loves me and it doesn't bother me
>realize I'm bi but I don't want to accept it
>he seems to forget too, even though we've had fun, straight times
>one year later we meet again, first time since we started school
>we both smile at each other and say we grew up
>decide to meet up later
>go to one of our favorite places to hang out, a small forest on a hill at the edge of the town
>confess to him
>we kiss
>next day acts like nothing ever happened to us
Well, this was the easy part.
>be me, 17
>birthday party, decide inviting old crush is okay
>been thinking about him ocasionally
>didn't have any strong feelings for someone before or since
>get shitfaced, hug him out of nowhere and ask him what happened
>he acts like he doesn't know what I'm talking about
>friend comes in
>I think he heard me, panic, and start crying
>end up coming out to everyone at the party and cry my eyes out while his watching
And even though I went through that shit, my friends act like they don't know and talk shit about fags while I'm there.
I'm doomed to a life of being ignored.
>Be 14
>Had crushes on girls in junior high
>Freshman in hs now
>Taking advanced algebra with upperclassmen
>One day suddenly realize that I spend all of class staring at sophomore guy, wrestler
>Be dumb. Think: I just want my body to look like his
>Other kids jokingly bully me for being freshman, sophomore guy always sticks up for me. Always picks me during group work
>Pretty soon thinking about him while I fap
>Still deluded, cannot accept faggotry
>Always flirting with girls to compensate for degenerate thoughts
>One day during lunch, he calls me over to sit with him and his friends
>Goes well, nothing awkward
>He tousles my hair, says: You're the funniest kid I know, anon
>Fall in love
I was hopelessly obsessed with him for next three years until he graduated. Crushing that hard led to terrible judgment. For example...
>Sophomore year, be 16
>Play on baseball team
>At party one night, much underage drinking
>Sitting outside with teammate
>"Can I tell you something, anon?"
>OK
>Confesses that he's bisexual, asks: Does that upset you?
>Shrug, say I don't care [starting to sweat]
>"You're the only person I've told, I guess because I trust you"
>Uh...
>He leans in, kisses me
>Panic!
>Push him on the ground and call him faggot, spit like I'm disgusted
>He starts crying, begging me not to tell anyone, says it was all a joke
>Leave immediately, walk home
>In bed all night crying
>Tfw could've had first bf and lost virginity with nice, funny, athletic qt, but too in love with someone who will never reciprocate
Bonus epilogue:
>Dawn breaks
>Go downstairs, mom sees eyes are swollen, look like shit
>"Aww anon, did you have a fight with one of your little girlfriends?"
FML.
>>6424874
>first start jerking off in kindergarten (literally during the class) to weirdass vote fantasies
>always stick around the older guys, my teachers and counselors at the YMCA
>When I was about 8, I filed a plastic glove with water and started to suck on the fingers
>in 7th grade I realize im not like the other kids
>think I'm asexual for a while (because I could never recall being attracted to a girl and simply couldn't imagine myself as homosexual)
>one day in eight grade, after school while I was jerking off to m/m furry porn i realized that meant I was gay
i was a fucked up kid
still am desu
>>6427390
*vore
>be me age 15
>Start playing sims 3 on 360 like a peasant
>Create a straight married couple
>play them for about 3 game weeks
>start to get bored
>add the husbands female friend to the household
>Intend for her to his mistress
>Force them to flirt
>Carpool comes for him
>few in game hours pass
>notice wife and mistress in bed relaxing
>press the cuddle interaction
>realize how hot it was
>press make out in be interaction
>Start to get horny
>realize I'm bi
>proceed to look up lesbain porn
>Be 13
>Tomboyish girl with purple hair
>Wake up one morning so confused as to why I couldn't just BE a boy. Why couldn't I?
>Spent so long "crossdressing for fun" and never thought I'd ever Actually Be Trans
>Start transitioning slowly
>Goodwill all female clothes
>Mom supportive mostly
>It was such a simple relevation
>Went on T at 16
>Never looked back
when watching porn id rarely misinterpret thumbnails and get two guys fucking
then more frequently i'd 'misinterpret' thumbnails,
then id 'accidentally' misread the title and end up on gay porn.
I even made the 'mistake' of downloading crossdresser pornography a few times
I guess only this year at age 22 I realised, its okay to want to have sex with a man who is in drag.
Heels are sexy, panties are sexy, guys are sexy and their moans my god.
I dont know if i fancied but i used to observe overtly gay guys and imagine having sex with them.
Girls were off my radar for a long time.
>>6428936
lmao i had the same thing with guys
my dad was right, the sims makes you gay
>3 or 4 years old
>I always liked playing with dolls and shit with my cousin
>bring a pre-bronie-era MyLittlePony doll to daycare
>friends all laugh and make fun of me for having it
>throw it away and stop playing with dolls forever
>as childhood goes on, mom always tries to enter me in sports
>never hold interest in any of them
>never really liked playing outside or getting dirty, become a bit reclusive (only had 2 friends I'd play with)
>just settle with video games and school work
>14 years old
>start browsing 4chan
>find trap threads on /b/
>you know where that goes
>realize i'm into both girls and dudes
>16 years old
>start wearing whatever of mom's clothing that fits me
>it feels fucking great to wear it
>read up about transgender topics, go on 420chan's /cd/ board a lot
>tear up whenever i see transition timelines, really inspired by them
>think about the horrors and tribulations that come with transitioning in public
>lock away all my desires and proceed deep into the closet for 5 years
>currently 21 and finally came to terms with myself being trans
There was no real turning point for me. It was a gradual thing.
>>6424874
I dunno exactly what I am but I probably belong here.
>mostly a normal boy but sometimes act girly
>at like 6 was curious about homos, kept asking mom about them
>something about its forbiddenness seemed enticing
>at 12 some guy archetypes seemed to turn me on (eg emos)
>at 13-15 various crushes on guys (alongside with girls)
>think I'm bi
>just now, 21, am turned on by myself
>want to fear faggy clothes
>enjoy the stares I sometimes get, also turned on by it
Never did I develop a crush on a stereotypically pretty or feminine girl, always tomboys or outcasts. But then again I never had a crush on masculine guys. It's like I'm only turned on by androgyny or girls/boys that act/look like the opposite sex.
>>6424874
Like 12
I just masturbated to nude images online and realized I liked looking at the guys more than the girls
>first realization (visual) was when 12 when a friend got his hands on a nudist magazine (pre-internet days) and realized how much I was looking at cocks and hairy guys more than women
>second realization (emotional) when about 13 was when my older brother brought a friend home from school and I developed a crush on him
>third realization (physical) when 15 when I met the older (20) cousin of my best friend who was gay. when alone I'd ask questions about being gay and what gay guys do, which eventually led to being physical with him
I did gay shit all the way back in elementary school. I remember having GI Joe action figures that I often played with and I frequently would remove their shirts and shut when playing with them. And I remember thinking that the guy who played Oliver Wood in Harry Potter was really cute. I did gay shit all the way through middle school and high school but I don't think I accepted it until 11th grade
>relationships with women were terrible
>"man up anon"
>"grow some balls anon"
>what if i want to be the submissive one in the relationship?
>projected how i wanted the world to be on a "daughter" i would have in the future
>slowly got over the "eww gay people" halo 3 online days
>realized i was so mean due to my own insecurities
>i never had parents to teach me anything
>take a long look at my life and regret most of it
>i will never be a cute girl due to hairy fat body
a teacher in highschool told me it would get better
she lied
>>6424874
>I was 10, found my dad's porn mags.
>Thought it was good stuff, even if it was soft core. Then I found my mom's stuff.
>Hard core porn with dicks and girls. >Thought that was better
>Fantasized about guys, girls, both
>Not sure what to do.
>Experiment with guys, experiment with girls
>Turns out I like both.
I've since dated guys and girls separately, and still fantasize about both
I asked my grandma why boys have to wear pants and girls have to wear dresses.
She asked if I wanted to try one.
I did.
When my father found out, he was so mad he beat me and made me promise to never go back without him, and never do it again.
>>6429701
Oh, yeah. I was like 5.
I didn't know what being trans was until I was 14, though. By that point in time, I was too terrified to even dream of doing girly things, soI repressed. I repressed really hard, and hated myself for being a "fag" like my dad called anyone who wasn't a hetro christian.
>>6424874
>Discovered I liked men to some degree when I was about 12
>12-13 trying to find out if I was bisexual, gay or just a phase
>14 realized I was bi
>be me in 8th grade
>Notice I don't have the same interest in girls that my friends do
>But I still like girls
>Right?
>I couldn't be gay, could I
>Early high school thought I was closeted gay
>Middle high school realize I like guys and girls the same; maybe I'm bi
>Towards end of high school think I'm closeted bi
>Feeling okay with it. Not great but not bad
>College time!
>Meet qt3.14 ace girl who opens my world
>After some experimenting and god knows how many intellectual conversations with her we come to the conclusion I may be ace
>Abro to be exact (asexual biromantic)
>Feel bad
>Kinda liked bi because that means more options
>Junior year move cross country
>Miss her but start doing some soul searching on my own
>Come to terms with it
>Not that bad
>Realize I define the label not the other way around
>Come out to my two best friends since middle school
>Super understanding
>One comes out to me later and says he's been hiding that he's bi
>We're super accepting of each other
>He's been in long and good relationship with his girlfriend and I want to just stay friends
>One night stay at his house and we sleep together
>Better than all the experimenting I've done before
>All we did was cuddle :)
Idk. I guess I'm sorta trans. I didn't have any of the sort of signs people mention frequently. I've always admired women for their features and some of the clothes they get to wear (not a fan of dresses or skirts though). Somewhere along the line that got painful as I realized how much I wanted to look like a woman and how improbable that is. I guess since I was around 12 or 13 I started to get this discomfort with my body that, for the longest time, I simply attributed to low self esteem. None of it was ever too awful though, just hated seeing reflections or images of myself, but it was easy enough to shrug off.
Oh yeah, and when I was, like, 17 I was talking with some girl on the bus, and I said something along the lines of, "Yeah I'm basically a lesbian in a man's body." I didn't mean it in a trans way just that I wasn't very masculine and didn't feel much like a "man".
>First signs were peeing sitting down to emulate my mom and having to be taught to stand up and pee.
>In school, I had only female friends and played with gender neutral toys like stuffed animals and those Lego sets where you build little towns.
>Just assumed I'd be a girl when I grew up. Got sex ed (or at least the BS excuse for sex ed they had in my community, very conservative area)
>freaked out and passed out when I realized I wouldn't get boobs or have a baby.
>Depressed all through teenage years
>didn't know transgender was a thing. >Get suicidal, mom sent me to therapy
>Figure out I'm trans.
>Wait until move to the city for college to start transitioning
Now I'm full time and stealth, and I'm in a committed long term relationship with a very sweet girl. Things are okay but dysphoria is still bad and I can't afford surgery yet.
when i was playing tennis matches in like 4th or 5th grade, my mother pulled me off the court and sternly told me to "stop it with the gay innuendo and take the game seriously."
I had no idea what she meant, but later i figured that my non-caring lackadaisical attitude towards my helicopter-parent's favorite game embodied itself in me flopping around the court, being lazy, and wrist flapping etc
jacked off in my sleeping bag at scout camp for the first time when i was 12 and came for the first time. I didn't know what happened, but I felt a hot liquid and i freaked out because of the intense feeling. I used my flashlight to look for the liquid, but it was just seminal fluid (not thick) and i didn't see anything (i assume it had soaked in quickly).
Scared the fuck out of me and it scared me a LOT so I was seriously considering waking up my dad or another scoutmaster and getting help.....SO GLAD I DIDN'T.
>>6427341
i hate you
>>6424874
14.
All my friends were swooning over The New Kids on the Block while I was secretly in love with Madonna and Tenna Marie and masturbating to Linda Kozlowski.
>>6427341
>Tfw could've had first bf and lost virginity with nice, funny, athletic qt, but too in love with someone who will never reciprocate
Ah yes, the beauty of tragedy.
>As a kid I was jealous of my girl cousins, never really understood why
>Discover TG and similar stuff when I'm about 11, got hooked to it, after a while think it's just a fetish
>14 years old, find out what trans is, find out about hormones and everything else, came out to my parents
Not that interesting I guess, there's a lot of little details but that's about it.
>started cross dressing at age 9
>always wanted to grow my hair
>when I started high school, I went into a deep depression because all of my female friends were now going through female puberty and I wasn't
>was the edgy suicidal emo throughout high school and hated girls probably because of jealousy
>whenever girls would ask me out, I would reject them
>when high school ended, I spent a lot of time here on /lgbt/ speaking to trans girls "just because"
I'm 19 years old now, and I'm still denying that I'm trans. I know I probably am but I just can't accept it, it's too fucked up. I want to just play video games and kill myself instead
>>6435247
>just play video games and kill myself instead
such ambition
>>6435255
Well, do you have any better ideas to deal with the dysphoria?
Becoming a tranny is literally shit tier. Assuming you pass, you will probably just be a sexual fetish and the shame of the family, and if you don't pass, you have to live through the agony of judgemental stares and self hatred.
I don't think I have the energy or strength to deal with that.
>Be 6
>Enjoy playing basketball and going to scouts with neighbor boy
>Try to cuddle with him whenever possible
>Don't quite process it sexually but enjoy the intimacy of when our parents would make us take showers together after playing out in the dirt/mud
>Be 12
>Understand what gay and bi mean
>Wonder if I'm gay because I feel frankly attracted to me
>Not into feminine things or fashion or dance music or 'gay' things
>Decide that I must be gay because I love dick, even if I prefer dressing like a punk.
It was pretty smooth honestly. I just always liked dudes. The only real struggle was when people would say things like "But you don't look gay." "You don't sound gay." "You don't dress gay."
>>6435271
If you're worried about the fetish thing, see if there's a LGBT group nearby. If you can put up with the occasional SJW, you'll usually find some chill people who don't care if you're trans or not.
Or stop giving a shit about other people and do what you want. Only thing that stopped me from killing myself.
>>6435271
There are more than a few examples of trans women who grew up in even more hostile times yet grew up to be respected writers, scholars, industry professionals, AND wives and mothers.
It's probably going to be a harder life than gaming until suicide, but there's a real chance it'll be more rewarding. It's your life so it's all up to you, but I have to at least urge you to give yourself that chance if you're able.
>>6424874
>crush on a boy in year 6 (10 yrs old?)
>nope not dealing with that
>live life considering all homosexual thoughts to be dirty on account of christian upbringing
>could not condemn myself to a life of faggotry
>get older, realise bisexual is a thing and that its not one or the other
>still consider straight
>suck a dick drunk @ 19 y/o
>any further denial is rendered impossible and this was my final realisation
I'd say 11 or 12 that's about when I started to feel a bit awkward around other boys. It started more as debating if I was gay.
