>Try to act masculine like I was back then
>Doesn't work anymore
>The urge to crossdress died with my dysphoria so feminine side isn't separate anymore
>Which includes my attraction to guys
>I really want to appear straight and masculine so I could look normal enough for a gf
>But looks like am at the point of no return
This is so frustrating.
>>6392869
wait, so are you a guy or a girl? Im not sure i can make heads or tales of this without that info.
>>6392869
wow this is kinda cool you could applie all this info in so many different ways
a trans conundrum
gender puzzle
>>6394035
Am a guy.
>>6394356
still lost
were you a guy initially?
>>6394395
A guy initially.
>>6394356
Ohhhhh, so for whatever reason, you find yourself unable to act masculine, like you used to be (or pretend to be). After "accepting" your fem side, you no longer feel the need to crossdress, probably because you've accepted and began to express yourself based on how you feel you should be. The main problem with that is that you now seem "faggier", and find yourself even more attracted to guys than during your "repression". You still desire to appear straight and masculine, probably because you've lived your entire life under that guise, but still feel at odds with that lifestyle - despite it being all you've really known. Plus, you still want a nice gf and try the standard straight life. But you fear that you've reached your mental limitations, and that because of your recent experiences - you cannot go back to how you were before, while your fear and desire to go back holds you from moving forward. This conundrum causes mental frustration. amirite? If so, im going through a similar thang.
>>6394492
Yea and it's like now I can't date women right now because I have gyno for all the hormones I was taking and they would be creeped out as soon we were naked. I can't date guys because I don't identify with the LGBT community at large and I would probably have to come out and wouldn't have the family I want.
>>6394571
Oh shit, your a step ahead of me. I am interested in taking hormones but don't work two jobs and can't really afford the time or money, or my future. Atleast for right now. I think your best bet is to date someone way below your league. You'd have to find someone who likes you more than you like them. And they'd probably have to be from the lgbt community. So are you trying to detransition or what? If so, why?
>>6394711
>So are you trying to detransition or what?
I already did, but really it doesn't feel like I "de-transitioned" in a sense, I can't un-change what I went through.
>If so, why?
All I can say is my dysphoria or gender identity disorder is resolved so all I needed was esteem in myself and my life.
>>6394571
So you attempted to be a trans woman and you didn't like it or do you just think you'd have better luck as a man so you don't want to transition further?
>>6394758
>All I can say is my dysphoria or gender identity disorder is resolved so all I needed was esteem in myself and my life.
So, you confused your faggyness with trans? Did one of these trannies from 4chan convince you, or did you thought you were yourself. Also, did you see a therapist?
>>6394758
How did you get the esteem in you have now cause I'm in the same predicament?
>>6394795
>FILE DELETED
NOOOOOO!!!! I NEED TO KNOW!!!
>>6394825
First, you have to post a pic. Second, you have to never tripfag again.
>>6394878
I don't post pics, and what's wrong with trip?
>>6394771
>>6394825
It was like for a moment I stopped focusing on being a woman or a man, or being masculine or feminine.
I just accepted things how the are. It would take a new thread to explain 5 years of progression to how I got to this state and 13 years of past memories. I had other threads where I discussed i felt like I was acting sometimes and how I was clocked even though I passed, like people could sense something's up.
>>6394816
>So, you confused your faggyness with trans?
No
The faggyness came with the crossdressing. While I was crossdressing I was gay but when I didn't I was straight. Imagining I had a boyfriend while crossdressing was just part of the experience, like some kind of accessory.
>Did one of these trannies from 4chan convince you
partly, with the weird coincidences, my past, how I was at the present before I did it.
>Also, did you see a therapist?
Yes, five of them.
>>6394901
Any chance you'd be willing to exchange skypes? I don't mean to sound weird, but the way you have been describing it sounds a lot like me, and I'd honestly like anyway out of this shit at this point cause therapy doesn't do shit.
>>6394891
First, trips go against 4chan. We're suppose to be anonymous. By giving yourself a name your not only saying you desire attention, but attaching a personality to yourself. I've seen your trip before (can't say which threads), but now that i've seen you again, i can piece together what kind of person you are by past experiences which kinda eliminates the point of being anon. Like, your asking how to overcome self esteem issues while tripping. Your basically begging for attention which means you don't get enough in real life. If you have self esteem issues and don't get alot of attention, the first assumption is your not very attractive as a person. Second is that your not succesful in life. ect, ect, ect. Frankly, desperation is considered unattractive. But i have a hobby. I like to understand how people think and learn about them. So ill give you a choice. Give me your email or something and tell me your life story, or don't and find some other poor sop to cry and beg to. I don't really care either way, but you obviously want someone to talk to, and im bored.
>>6394901
>I just accepted things how the are.
Fucking A. I've been wanting to transition, but i've realized its just stupid. There are so many things in life that you can't choose. I've just accepted that I like fem things, and looking fem, but im not a girl. And thats all there is to it. Sure, i don't like how my shoulders look, or how big my hands are, and i get jelly as fuck around girls. But i think trying to transition would be like creating a fake identity. I have a problem with lying to others, and i feel like transitioning and trying to stealth would be lying 24/7.
>partly, with the weird coincidences, my past, how I was at the present before I did it.
I just went through something just like that. I have been talking to another girl from here on skype, and she is convinced im trans. I was pretty convinced also. But even if i am, I have to many conflicting beliefs about identity and what not.
>Yes, five of them.
damn. Five, and they recomended you transition? or did you desire it? I've been afraid of seeing a therapist because i might try to influence the therapist into giving me what i want by answering her questions based on how i think i should, instead of truthfully.
>>6394914
>Any chance you'd be willing to exchange skypes?
fucking called it biiiiiiiiiiiitccchhhhh
>>6394964
You want me to be honest. I gave myself a "personality" on here cause I liked that other people did it and thought it was cool, that's literally it. I just thought in order to fit in that's what most of the other "girls" did. I post on here constantly cause I'm trying to find an answer as to why my life is so fucked because no matter what therapist I go to nothing helps. You're right I don't have anyone to talk to in real life which is why I come here. I don't care about the attention I just want to find out how to stop being trans. It sucks and only makes other people's lives miserable, and I don't want to be like this anymore. I come on here and act positive sometimes because I go through periods where I feel like it's going to be okay, and then usually something stupid comes along and ruins my mood, and my world comes crashing down at the drop of a pin. I realize that I'm fucked in the head. But no matter who I talk to no one can give me an answer. If you're saying I'm begging and crying for an answer then fuck yes I fucking am. I want being trans to stop being the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up, and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. Please though don't fucking tell me I'm begging for attention. What I'm begging for is an answer. I feel like it's a secret that everyone else keeps from me and I can't take it anymore.
Reading things like this makes me really scared that one day I'll just snap and give in to the tranny feelings/kill myself.
I try hard to ignore them and they go away for a little bit but they come back worse.
I don't want to be like this, I really just want to die most of the time nowadays.
>>6395050
Yea. you could kill yourself faggot. Jk, i assumed your an attention whore because i have a problem assuming things. 4chans atmosphere is naturally hostile so i tend to be "provocative" here, for the sake of playing along. Also, i sometime fail to account that others have had different experiences than me when pertaining to the same thing (how we've both been browsing 4chan, yet in very different ways). As for the disphoria, i have had a few breakdowns like what you've described. I was ready to pop some pills and hang myself because i felt so shitty. And im not the kind of person that feels shitty all the time. The trick to enjoying life is distractions. Everyone i interact with, all my friends, my coworkers, my family members. They all distract themselves every fucking second, every fucking day. And i do also. Because when im not distracting myself, some of those disphoric feelings start creeping back. The thoughts about how I should have transitioned sooner, about how im wasting my life and lying to myself, ect, ect, ect, we've all heard the story. But in the end, you find some people to accept you, or you kill yourself. Even if you transition, if you don't have someone, or some people, that accept who you are (or who enjoy your company), you'll end up killing yourself anyways. Nobody can live alone. And 4chan doesn't count. Just look at r9k, you can't be happy with just 4chan. You just need some people to belong to. A sense of community is extremely powerful. And after you've found this community, if you still desire to transition - then just fucking do it.
>>6395072
>Reading things like this makes me really scared that one day I'll just snap and give in to the tranny feelings/kill myself.
Tell me more, please. I'de like to start with sexual history, preferably any confusing thoughts or ways in which you find yourself uncomfortable. That is, if you have any.
>>6395167
>sexual history
none
I kissed a girl once but I didn't feel anything, it was just skin on skin, didn't excite me at all.
I've never really been attracted to girls, I've had a few crushes on guys but it's hard to imagine myself in any sexual situation as a guy, especially with a guy.
>>6395183
none
I kissed a girl once but I didn't feel anything, it was just skin on skin, didn't excite me at all.
I've never really been attracted to girls, I've had a few crushes on guys but it's hard to imagine myself in any sexual situation as a guy, especially with a guy.
Considering the location we find ourselves, your story is not very uncommon. As my image states, i find the subconscious mind hosts many potential answered for the problems we find ourselves in. Many parts of the brain do not function during sleep. One one had you could say that this causing these dreams to be viewed as uncensored, revealing your true desires or beliefs. But i prefer the interpenetration that because only SOME of your mind is active during, your dreams reveal only SOME of your desires. I explain this to you because i need you to understand that interpreting someones subconscious desires is a very "loose" technique. And every detail has many interpretations in which could be concluded. So next i ask, what about your dreams? Do you drink any alcohol also? What do you find occupying your thoughts during these times? What do you feel?
>>6395132
I have transitioned that's the problem. I don't understand why I keep going through with it if I hate. I don't understand why I keep going. It's like I'm watching myself destroy my life from the outside like some fucked up tv show, and can't do anything about it. I've tried every "community" and I get rejected. I keep having this gut feeling that I'm gonna be alone by myself for the rest of my life, and the whole reason I transitioned was so that this wouldn't happen since I figured that girls were the most social people. Some of it did stem from what OP was saying about crossdressing as I only felt gay then, it was more a fetish than something I wanted to live as, because outside if it I was straight. I don't even know if I'm straight, gay, or bi anymore. I look in the mirror and don't see a boy or a girl, just a person. I feel like I drift through life as a ghost. I honestly would've killed myself by now if I knew what was on the other side, but I don't and that's the only thing stopping me at this point.
>>6395412
You can do group chats and group calls free. You can only share video if you have premium if it's more than one person.
>>6395330
>I've tried every "community" and I get rejected.
Tell me more about this. What do you mean "rejected"?
>It's like I'm watching myself destroy my life from the outside like some fucked up tv show
Alot of people go through life just following the flow, going through the steps, but never stop and just examine the reality they live in. I read a book a while ago (I hate reading), called interview with the devil or someshitlikethat. It speaks of a physiological phenomena known as hypnotic rhythm. I'de define it as the process in which humans find themselves quietly repeating their boring safe lives. A mixture of fear and the prospect of safety lock you into a situation in which you can't break free.
>I keep having this gut feeling that I'm gonna be alone by myself for the rest of my life, and the whole reason I transitioned was so that this wouldn't happen since I figured that girls were the most social people.
I think that you might have already had a predisposition to being fem, and through experiences you've had with other tgirls, you've created a persona around what you desire to be and attempted to become that person physically, hoping that the emotional change would follow. You had an idea about what girls are. They were a type of person who had what you wanted. So to get what you wanted, you became like them. Or someshitlikethat.
I'de say the real problem with being trans is how much of your mind it takes up. To be so intently focused on such an abstract reality that it interferes with your desire to live and basic needs, means that you believe it to be more important that anything else. The way you speak about self perception implies an extreme disconnect between reality and perception. I believe you need to ground yourself. I've found restricting myself from things like the 4chan and moving out of your comfort zone to be the most therapeutic.
Also, im getting tired and have work in the morning, so consider the choice i gave you earlier, homo.
>>6395495
I'de post my skype, but my anon account is on my phone and it just baroque. Im not really interested in hearing your voices either, thats when shit gets a little to personal. Give me a throwaway email if you want to talk.
>>6395503
[email protected] that's my throwaway account. I honestly would like to pick your brain if your willing to let me have your spare time cause you have got me thinking.
> I feel like I've examined my life too much and constantly walk on egg shells with everything I do. Even smoking weed in my own house gets me paranoid and my moms told me she's fine with it.
> Pretty much right on the money with the first part.
> The second part I can kinda see as I'm extremely paranoid about everything. I agree with how crazy it is being trans as well. I used to have crazy life goals that I always went after and was usually able to accomplish, but like I said before it's almost a question of how I'm going to make myself more womanly everyday when I wake up which if I was actually that feminine it wouldn't be a question.
>>6395050
You have to do three things, and your life will be more tolerable - maybe even enjoyable!
this is how it works:
1. You peer inside yourself
2. You take the things you like
And 3. try to love the things you took
Suffering and pleasure are always part of life. You pays your money and takes your chances, and if you are living in accordance with your true heart, you will draw other people to you who are capable of love. Things can be better. I love you. Try it.
>>6394492
oh fuck, that's pretty accurate
do you all have discord? we have several painful similarities and it might be nice not to feel so alone...
and i've basically given up on therapists at this point
Since others seem to be throwing up emails, I'll throw up a throwaway.
>[email protected]
Feel free to write me emails anons (>>6396503). I'm interested in what other anons who decided not to pursue are feeling.
>>6395072
I'll chime in. I used to have thoughts about transitioning. The reality is they made me extremely unhappy. While I wanted to be a woman in a hypothetical sense, the thought of undertaking the process filled me with anxiety, dread, and stress. Even discussions about transitioned transsexuals made me feel extremely uncomfortable in an existential crisis sort of way. I wonder if my friends noticed...
Anyway I no longer have these thoughts. I stopped giving a fuck about my sex in a concrete sense. I decided that I'm fine with just being sort of androgynous.
If I were to transition I would be placed under the yoke of expectations and "passing." People would make a lot more stereotypes and judgments about me. I'd hurt my health. I also live in Texas so that's another can of worms.
I didn't desire the social aspects of being a woman, and especially the social aspects of being a member of the LGBT group. I just want the femininity, and I don't have to be a woman to be feminine.
>inb4 ur just a pervert
Fuck you, it's non-sexual.
>>6395330
I'm late but please be strong. There are very few problems which cannot later be fixed. Push through and find happiness.
>>6396947
I kinda feel the same now, was attempting the usual kind of transition, but the disapproval and expectations are bullshit and I just feel like being whatever I'm comfortable with now. Which I guess for lack of a better option will probably just be weirdly fem guy on hormones. :/
I had a very peaceful moment earlier today. I was all put together, about to go on a drive to find local sources of inspiration for my photography. Turned the radio off and just drove around taking it all in, it felt serene. I didn't care about all the people getting angry about the speed I was driving (the speed limit), or the guy who was an asshole to me in the drive-thru that took too long (even though there's obviously nothing I can do about it), I didn't even care about the people at the corner staring at me like I was some sort of weird alien. It was beautiful, if I could feel only learn to feel like that I would never think twice about this again...
you all are just in a phase, i was there last year.
protip: just continue your transition
>>6402408
And if we don't we're not trans, huh?
>>6402408
n-no I'm just a temporary deluded normal straight man ;___;
>>6395503
>that image.jpg
Need to fuck, fuck to need
