>Tfw you're mtf.
>Tfw at the age of 9-12 years you start to differentiate between male and female behaviour.
>Tfw your body language is female at first.
>Tfw in early years of puberty you eventually start to overwrite your natural body language and try to imitate the boys in order to net get beaten up.
>Tfw thinking you're autistic, because you fake so many things.
>Tfw you drown yourself in nerdy stuff in order to avoid social life.
>Tfw you want to wear womans clothes/shoes and go stealing from your sisters closet.
>Tfw you start to dress in female clothes and use make-up.
>Tfw guilt comes up because of it.
>Tfw you're rather successful academically, because you spend your time alone wisely.
>Tfw you come out to your family and they don't agree with you being trans at first, but keep their mouth shut, because you've a lot of respect because of your achievements.
>Tfw you start transition.
>Tfw you can pass.
>Tfw you're highly attractive.
>Tfw even ciswoman envy you.
>Tfw you are still lonely as fuck, because you can't relate to other people, and post this shit on 4chan.
pic not related
>Tfw delusional
>>6350239
Fuck You
>>6350287
kek
>tfw you're an unpassing ugly stoner tranny with no job
>but still have a lot of friends and am in a good relationship despite being a despicable pieces of shit
Maybe you are an autist lmao
>>6350239
I was right with you up until the passing
Of course, I never had a sister but otherwise pretty much on point
>>6350239
>Tfw you're mtf.
>Tfw at the age of 56 years you start to differentiate between male and female behaviour.
>Tfw your body language is female and your parents beat you for it
>Tfw in early years of puberty you eventually start to overwrite your natural body language and try to imitate the boys in order to not get hit by your father
>Tfw thinking you're autistic, because youe entire life is fake
>Tfw become the best jock in the entire school
>Tfw you drown yourself in sports stuff in order to ignore the crushing weight of this fake life
>Tfw you become mentally ill around 13
>Tfw you want to wear womans clothes/shoes and steal some of your mom's and crossdress
>Tfw you look in the mirror and have a fucking mental breakdown because you look like a transvestite
>Tfw daily suicide attempts loading a pistol and shoving it in your mouth
>Tfw you will never come out to your family because they spend every single day ridiculing gay people and saying how disgusting they are
>Tfw you start transition.
>Tfw you can sorta pass.
>Tfw you're struggling to hide your female mannerisms
>Tfw everyone is starting to point out that you sound like a faggot when you talk now
>Tfw you are still lonely as fuck, because nobody else seems to be like you
>Tfw everyone is apparently transtrender now and doesnt relate to your suffering at all
>Tfw just shit around doing nothing gave up on life and just smoke weed
>Tfw cant ever find a bf since they all just want to top me as some sort of craigslist tranny fetish and they make it awkward as fuck
>>6350741
oops forgot the - between 5 and 6.
>>6350743
well that changes everything
>>6350239
So what's the issue, you pass and are also sexy on top of that? How sad.
>>6350239
A... are... are you me?
>>6350891
>A... are... are you me?
I... I am your soulmate, anon. We should have met another way, but this... was the only way I could think of.
>>6350498
>Maybe you are an autist lmao
Aspergers, I guess.
>>6350881
>So what's the issue, you pass and are also sexy on top of that? How sad.
Implying that the story of a mtf has to be sad all over.
>>6350741
>>Tfw become the best jock in the entire school
Was beaten up by jocks at school. Now they chase me, I am lesbian though.
>>6351177
Yes, I know... that would be the solution. Thank you! It's hard to find a transbian though. Maybe I should use some dating site or something..
>>6351115
The same jocks or just jocks in general?
>>6351292
Jocks in general. I don't know, what happened to the jocks at school. Having zero contact to anyone from that time.
>>6351115
Nobody ever beat me up. I was pretty faggy I guess so I had to make up for it by being hypermasculine. I had to put a few males in their place here and there but mostly I didnt have to because I just demolished everyone in everything physical wise so I didnt have to be mean or bully anyone. I could just say something like: "Yeah nice .200 batting average faggot. Did you like my grand slam last weekend? Maybe I'll write a story about you in the newspaper where you barely passed history." But I never really had too. Id just smile at them and they knew and they didnt say shit to me.'
>>6351306
Yeah, sounds to me that you were able to imitate an "alpha guy".
I was always a skinny and tall weakling, kind hearted and reluctant to use physical violence.
I had a big mouth, but that didn't help in most cases. My instincts told me how to hurt every single male individual using words.. this one time a boy wrang a sponge out right over my head, making my hair all wet, while I was sitting and not expecting anything. I stood up immediately and called him "a fucking stupid Lilliputian" - he was very small and did not well at school. I remember his face, it hurt him. Well, he punched me in the face for that one.
*munches on popcorn*
;//////;
>tfw you are mtf, but have not really much interest in many "feminine" hobbies.
>have mtf roommate, both met eachother before coming out, were in "gay" relationship.
>too fucking neurotic about failed former relationship to look for anyone new.
>still pining for roommate.
>too poor to afford razors or meds.
>work all the time to hide my feelings from myself.
>Could pass without meds if not for massive football shoulders and neaderthal browline.
>Could pass without meds if had anything other than typical repressionwear. (cargo shorts, massive hoodies, etc.)
It only hurts when I stop moving, so I smoke weed when I can and work for the rest of it.
>tfw you repress and deny
>tfw you go through your adolescence trying to be something you are not
>tfw when you hear stories about young kids who come before they are teens
>tfw you fucked your childhood away
why do so many of fall into repression and denial? i started transitioning at 18, im 24 now and i pass and have a bf im am planning on marrying, a steady job, and plans for the future...basically living the dream i guess.
but im just filled with so much self hatred. I knew i was trans when i was a kid, but i never said anything. and i cant forgive myself for not comming out earlier, it just depresses me so much sometimes. anyone else feel like this?
>>6353372
I knew it when I was 15, before it I didn't even knew about transitioning.
Now I am 18 and I can seek a therapist on my own and much other stuff that I couldn't do legally.
>>6351363
You sound exactly like me.
>>6350239
>>tfw when none of this happened
roleplaying again, OP?
>>6350239
You're lonely because people can sniff out your agp leanings
>>6350239
Heh, I know this person IRL. Super jelly about her FFS. IMO Spiegel's results run the gamut from complete shit to amazing and she definitely lucked out.
>>6353372
I started at 20 and I'm 23 now and don't pass :( . You should be happy. At least you made it through the fire
>>6354410
His results are predictable. She had a female framed face with male features. Those are the easiest to transform
I'm >>6350239.
>>6353039
That doesn't sound very optimistic. But you write that you could pass. A "neaderthal" browline is "treatable" (ffs). So only "football shoulders" would be left - and I know a lot of woman, beautiful woman, who have broad shoulders.
>It only hurts when I stop moving, so I smoke weed when I can and work for the rest of it.
Maybe you manage to afford a therapist? This would be the first step. Maybe you could make yourself some extra money somehow to get the things you need (for example for buying "anything other than typical repressionwear"). Maybe you know a female, who would be open to help you out? You can find good clothing for low prices online or at peddlers markets, too. I bought second hand clothes myself, when I started transitioning. And I still do today.
>>6353372
>why do so many of fall into repression and denial?
I think it's a coping mechanism, that creates a life of its own. We had to denial it in order to survive. It's that easy.
>i started transitioning at 18, im 24 now and i pass and have a bf im am planning on marrying, a steady job, and plans for the future...basically living the dream i guess.
Yes, sounds beautiful! You should be proud of yourself.
>but im just filled with so much self hatred. I knew i was trans when i was a kid, but i never said anything. and i cant forgive myself for not comming out earlier, it just depresses me so much sometimes. anyone else feel like this?
I don't get you here, because in my country (germany) you are not allowed to start transition before the age of 18. So you did the earliest transition possible (in relation to german standards). Maybe in your country things are different, but I wouldn't beat myself up because of it. Coming out at 18 is quite early!
>>6353472
You're welcome.
>>6353986
>roleplaying again, OP?
Yes. I do. It's all fake, anon. How did you know?
>>6354334
>You're lonely because people can sniff out your agp leanings
Agp's overrated.
>>6356181
i thought it was you couldnt get get SRS in germany if you were under 18.
i also thought you could start HRT in your teens there aswell.
here in america if s kid comes out and their parents are on board then they are put on blockers untill their early teens to stave off puberty, then at like age 14 they are given their respective hormones for transitioning. the recommended age is 16 for hrt and 18 for srs. but there are workarounds. Imo ages 12-13 should really be the starting point to coincide with a more average age of puberty. 18 seems like a logical age for SRS.
but the reason i feel so much self loathing is because my family were on my side when i came out they diddnt hate me or disown me like i feared they would. So im just left think "what if"
what if i came out when i was a kid. get to socially transition, and live my childhood like a normal girl, rather than just putting on an act and internalizing and repressing all my feelings. coz honestly all of those years i spent in denial seriously fucked me up. I never had any friends. I never really learned how to socialize well with other people. I just became an introvert that bottled everything up untill the point where i was suicidal. Therapy has helped me alot, be i still have bad social anxiety, and i catch myself internalizing feelings rather than expressing them, because thats the way i learned to cope with things.
so yea thats the reason for my self loathing, an why i am incapable of forgiving myself
I'm>>6350239 >>6351115 >>6351275 >>6351302 >>6351363 >>6356181
>>6357633
You can get antiandrogens before the age of 18 in germany. Before you get hormones you have to go to psychotherapy and you must have lived as a full-time-woman for at least 3 months. There is left free play for the doctors. So you don't always have to fulfill all requirements. Usually the docs are very, very careful.
>then at like age 14 they are given their respective hormones for transitioning
Personally I do not agree with giving hormons so early. I think it's best to block puberty until you are 18 and then start wird hormones. At 14 there is still a chance, that you are in "a phase". That chance might not be big, some individuals might be absolutely certain that they are trans, but I wouldn't risk it.
>18 seems like a logical age for SRS.
It's the youngest age for SRS, Imho. Waiting until you are older is not illogical per se.
What you are writing about your family really resonates with my experiences. Many times I dream how it could have been, if I transitioned earlier or were born as a "normal" girl. You transitioned earlier than I did. I would be so glad, if I had started transitioning at your age! But your view on your missing childhood experiences are making me more sensible about how serious it is to me that I've missed these things, too. Even if I had started transition at your age, I'd not be "normal"...
But how bad is it? Maybe wisdom comes with it and we are now able to experience our present and our future even more, because we can value these things others may hold for granted.
>>6357694
i just disagree with holding off on hrt untill 18 while going on blockers to block androgen receptors. your body needs hormones to like going like 6 or so years with supressed hormone levels just seems unhealthy. your body needs hormones. plus your peoples bodies are pretty much done growing at age 18. and depending on what hormones are in your system will determine what secondary sex characteristics develop. Thats why i support the idea for HRT ages 12-13 have them actually start puberty at a more age appropriate time so their body can develop a full range of secondary sex characteristics. I dont buy into the "its just a phase" logic, especially if the kid feels so strongly about it and a psychologist gives the tumbs up. i feel teens and young adults from getting hormones is a bad thing to do, especially when there is the problem of self medding from hormones bought online which is risky.
i also did mean 18 being the youngest logical age for SRS as well, srry if i wasnt clear.
>>6354410
Did she go to (((Spiegel)))? I thought she went to Zukowski? Does her forhead and nose area look kind of uncanny in real life, or is it just the pictures?
>>6357886
>your body needs hormones to like going like 6 or so years with supressed hormone levels just seems unhealthy. your body needs hormones. plus your peoples bodies are pretty much done growing at age 18.
You are overestimating the effects of antiandrogens. It doesn't deplete your body of all hormones, but it reduces testosterone greatly (not completely, though).
>I dont buy into the "its just a phase" logic, especially if the kid feels so strongly about it and a psychologist gives the tumbs up.
Neither do I! Oh god, no. For transsexuals it was never a phase and will never be. We are born that way.
> i support the idea for HRT ages 12-13 have them actually start puberty at a more age appropriate time so their body can develop a full range of secondary sex characteristics.
I don't. Here is the reason why: We both cannot assume that all kids, who don't express comfort with their assigned gender (awkward way of expressing this issue, but you know what I mean), are transsexuals. There are indeed cases, in which the gender non-conform behaviour really turned out as a phase. We have to discover methods - brain scanning, psychological methods or whatever - to differentiate as early as possible.
I once saw a youtube video. A lesbian woman was giving a speech (she's an fotographer/artist, who is acting a little bit like a butch). She lived as a boy almost her whole childhood and suddenly was hyperfeminine, when she was around 12-14. It was a journey for her. Well, I believed her and so I believe these kind of people exist... I don't want to get anyone of them hurt by a false diagnosis (that was false because it was too early). This woman said, that she would have got on HRT, if she had been a kid today - and that would have been quite contrary to her true self.
It's a extremely difficult topic. On the one hand you have to meet the needs of people, who are born transsexual. On the other hand you have to keep other kids and youngsters like this woman safe.
>>6357942
I don't think if looks uncanny. She went to spiegel
>>6357942
I thought there was a bit of uncanny-ness too, but i reckon it might just be the blurring of the picture
