So i need your advice on some shit.
1/?
>few weeks ago
>go with cousin to her bfs, his roomate is rly gay
>hes a pretty nice guy and shit, has the lisp.
>nothing happens the first time im there, but when i go home the next time he asks me if i am bi. i say... yeah.. on the downlow i am.
>end up flirting a bit, go back there again the next week. end up cuddling and making out on drugs on his sofa after cousin and bf go to bed.
>start to feel like i might be liking him a little bit
>know cousin and her bf probably wouldnt care but i still hate myself and i dont want them to know. and i have anxiety about relationships and intamacy in general. even though i have a strong feeling they are trying to hook us up together.
>anxiety tripple threat. not to sound like a stupid neckbeard but-
1.) i am around normies when around him, i am a fucking loser. i feel like i dont belong there. even though they are ok people. and i just feel like i want to die and im just so useless and ugly and retarded when there. normally id just sit alone in my room playing vidya and watching anime. but i got invited along.
2.)
i am not sure if i really am pysicially/emotionally attracted to him.. sure we did stuff. but... naturally my confidence is super low.so i dont know if i just feel the butterflies from the fact that somebody actually thinks im cute. and is being sweet to me.
>>6322349
Awww come on just roll with it :"3
What's wrong with butterflies and buzzes from someone liking you?
>>6322349
Cont.
Pretty much. as i was saying i dont know if i am attracted to him and my brain is still trying to keep me pent up. or if i am not really gay and i just feel good because someone actually cares about me.
anyway
>fastforeward to a day or two ago
>drinking with cousin
>she admits shes trying to set us up
>im drunk so like a fucking fool i admit that we cuddled and that he wants to go out.
>have heart to heart with cousin. feels liberating
>sober up the next day... hate self.
>feel like dodging all of them and cutting them all out of my life now because they know... even though they dont care i feel like i cant show my face around them anymore and im embaressed and fucking awkward. now they are going to put me on the spot, and are all going to talk about how fucking gay i am behind my back.
>get invited to come out to their house again on monday, he will be there....cant just lowkey cuddle him in his room anymore. theres a huge fucking elephant in the room
>riddled with crippling anxiety about it.
so...should i try to come out of me shell
or should i do what i probably should do
and cut them all out of my life and push them away.
.....im so confused
what do i even do man
i know most people wouldnt care but i know what "dont care" means
it means "i think its fucking disgusting... and you are a gross fucking degenerate" but ill let you do your thing.
i dont want anyone to think ill of me.....
and i dont want to lead him on....hes seriously so fucking sweet to me. even though im always a nervous wreck p much
>>6322383
But OP. Were you happy while cuddeling?
>>6322395
y-yes
but no
i dont know man.
it felt good but i dont know if i am actually physically attracted to guys
>>6322383
I don't really understand what your problem is? Can you try to formulate it down to one issue?
>>6322395
This
>>6322383
Don't cut them off, d00d. They have done nothing bad to you.
That guy is their friend, and if they they thought homo is bad they wouldn't have tried to hook you two up.
When people try to hook other people together is because they think they'd make a cute couple/click together.
>cant just lowkey cuddle him in his room anymore. theres a huge fucking elephant in the room
Of course you can't. You don't have to be all corny lovey-dovey syrupy in front of the others. Just be kind and nice to him and leave the cuddling/cuddling+++ for when you're alone together
It really doesn't sound like they're trying to make fun out of any of you, if they do, jokingly tell them they're envious or grab the guy and french kiss him in front of the rest so they'll shut up.
Being liked by people is a very important part of sexuality.
The couple guys I've hit on didn't bite, when I had a real crush I confessed but didn't follow through because I felt like I'd be ruining friendship, half-crushes have been entirely out of the question. I have better "success" rates with girls but still low - because I'm frickin' weird.
You can count yourself lucky that you and that guy kinda click at least physically and that there are people trying to help you into it, even if it feels awkward.
Also, people trying to hook other people together always feels awkwards, nevermind if it's girl-boy, girl-girl or boy-boy. It feels awkward even when they're right.
>>6322445
>Of course you can't.
I meant "of course you can" ;__; soz
>>6322424
Why not try it out and see where the road leads you. Its not like you cant go back if you dont like it.
>>6322424
It's not like gay guys are physically attracted to ALL guys or het guys physically attracted to ALL gals.
Also, being attracted to unavailable people is an entirely moot point.
This guy is available and likes you. How often do you like other guys or not is irrelevant.
>>6322429
To put it short.
i dont know what to do
i think i actually kinda like him
but im anxiety ridden as fuck... and its my first time ever trying anything with a guy.
and im scared of intimacy and relationships. because im damaged as fuck from dating girls.
and i dont wanna get halfway into something and then cut it off because i realized it isnt for me and hurt his feelings.. the last thing i wanna do is make someone super sweet feel sad and rejected... because, hes really sweet. and like kind of more to himself kinda like me but not close to as bad. and i can tell he actually values me and shit. like when they went to bed he invited me in his room to watch animu and shit with me and i did. and i was just standing there fucking my words up. and he just outta nowhere tackle hugged me and said my awkwardness was "cute"
i know i probably sound like a whiny tumblr chick
"le omg i liek am treated lik a princessss x3"
but no
....it feels good to have someone care about you after your whole life was pretty much being disrespected by significant others. and treated like an ugly expendable pawn.
i just feel anxious like a scared little animal when it comes to public affection with males. or adressing it, and not just keeping it an elephant in the room ordeal.
does that bit even make sense?
idk
heres the short version of the short version.
i have literally no confidence, and im confused as fuck about what my actual sexuality is because i have never been able to express it irl.
and i dont want to lead anyone on.. and i even told him that im fucking weird about shit.
and hes been really fucking patient with me too... jfc. i would have lost patience in myself by this point
im rambling tho lol
>>6322349
OP, you're a faggot and you're making a big deal out of nothing. You've got a pretty fucking sweet situation going on right now and you're being a complete fag about it.
Get with the guy
Don't think so fucking much about it
Simple. Now stop being such an attention whore and swallow your pride, you fucking queen.
>>6322497
Maybe try explaining all this to him?
>i just feel anxious like a scared little animal when it comes to public affection with males
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
That's so cute, but you've gotta sort it out.
>>6322552
Harsh but valid.
>>6322497
Tell him what you just told us, he seems like he would understand.
>>6322349
Did you ever had a best friend, I mean male best friend ...? It's a great instrument if you want to get used to touching cuddling etc. I had similar problem as you - I wasnt able to express my feelings, I loved someone but I wasnt able to express it by hugs and those natural touches. Then I found a best bro (no homo) and he really started hugging me etc. I felt awkward at first but slowly it started to feel natural and now I hug people that I love (not sexually, but I love them as friends, family members etc.) withouth any awkwardness.
So yeah get some best friend that you will enjoy time with, hangout and chill. I hope it was atleast a bit understandable and I wish you best luck :-)
