my partner and I are in a long distance relationship. they are non binary and their best friend is a transman. We just spent a wonderful week together, absolutely wonderful. I was able to pick them up in my arms and pull them close, keep them warm and safe and most importantly loved. When it came time for me to leave we loaded their things into their best friends car and i kissed them goodbye and said I love them. They didn't reply just got in his car and drove off.
On my drive home I pulled over several times to talk to them firstly bringing up how them not responding hurt me. they apologized but they were going to his house and there is coincidentally no cell reception there. They didnt tell me about the reception issue until I had spent well over an hour texting and calling them to no reply. Once they left his house they called me and I explained why I was hurt and pretty jealous. He has, on his blog, made posts about how he wishes his relationship with my partner included sex. I went looking for that post this morning but He deleted it.
While pulled over, crying in a Sunoco parking lot somewhere, my partner assured me that I had nothing to fear, they had zero romantic feelings for him and asked me to call them when I got home to say good night. I accepted it and finished my drive home and called them. However after our conversation I noticed that they had only used phrases like "nothing romantic between us" but never mentioned anything physical. When I got home I brought this up saying " I know I'm reading too much into things but I'll sleep a lot easier knowing there's nothing physical as well"
Then they told me that they have had sex with him in the past. I asked if they would again in the future. They didn't answer me until I started noticeably panicking and promised it hasn't happened during our relationship and wouldn't happen again.
thats the background but more in next post
I just feel so hurt. I do my best to make sure they feel loved and the thought of lying to my partner hurts me so much that while walking through the city holding hands I had remembered an embarrassing moment and squeezed their hand on instinct. I told them the truth straight away. Honesty is the most important thing to me.
I just feel like the trust is gone. I can't trust that they won't slip up and fuck their best friend again. I've been in relationships with the "friend who's just a friend until they aren't" and I am so scared of it happening again.
They tried to comfort me, going so far as to show me texts to him saying that there is never going to be a sexual relationship again but how can I trust them?
They've hidden the truth from me before what's to stop them from doing it again?
I can't ask them to stop hanging out with him, he's their best friend. Even if I did I know they'd resent me till the end of our relationship.
How am I supposed to be ok with them being alone with this guy when their favorite activity is to smoke weed together.
can someone tell me I'm not being crazy here? I'm doing my best to accept that they're not going to fuck him again but everytime I close my eyes I'm sitting alone in my car watching them drive off with a man they've fucked.
>>6225295
Hey, OP. You're not going crazy at all, it's a situation that'd be difficult for anybody. At the end of the day they've hurt your trust and I think the thing you need to ask now is to what extent can you be happy in this relationship and have the trust you need to not feel constant anxiety?
That's a question only you can answer, but if you do not feel comfortable and feel like you'll always be anxious you need to end it.
I'll lurk for a while on this thread if you wanted to post more.
pic related...
>>6225335
give them an ultimatum, to at least be more honest about their (potential) cheating or leave. if they are consistently cheating on you and dont show any signs of regret or apology, you need to dump them. it will only end up worse in the long run.
>>6225376
thank you
>>6225365
I don't want to lose them they mean the world to me. I've looked up to them for a long time before we started dating, they're my hero.
I don't want to constantly have anxiety over this but I don't want to lose them either. The past week with them has been maybe the best of my life. My family even said they haven't seen me this happy in years.
A part of me says I need to end it. The only way I could not be anxious in this relationship is if they stopped hanging out with him but I won't ask for that. I can't.
I worked so hard to make this work I had to beg for money to fund this and I've got such a complex about asking for help I once broke my leg at work and kept working until my shift was over. I hate saying that it seems like I'm owed something but I worked so hard and it's all blown up in my face.
>>6225376
This right here.
You deserve so much better, OP.
>>6225295
My main advice is this: never do long distance relationships. They always, ALWAYS without fail go like this or worse.
It is very clear that they are not being fully honest and open with you. You might want to look out, they may simply be using you. It happens a lot. People can be pretty evil. I honestly suggest breaking it off. They aren't treating you like a romantic partner should, ever - and that is usually how it goes with long distance relationships.
You deserve better - someone who actually cares about you and values you more than whatever stupid friends they have. When someone actually loves you, they don't do any of that shit that your LDR partner is doing right now.
>>6225423
>A part of me says I need to end it. The only way I could not be anxious in this relationship is if they stopped hanging out with him but I won't ask for that. I can't.
If you can't ask for them to never see him again, then they don't love you. A true lover would cut contact with any of their friends for you, because they would value you more than their friends. This isn't a healthy relationship that you're in, OP. This is a very unhealthy thing, and you are being used. No offense, I'm not wanting you to feel hurt, but they don't seem to care much about you.
You really should stop caring about them and not let them use you and mistreat you like this. I've seen this a million times, it's even happened to me. I know how you're feeling right now. The right path is to get angry at the things they are doing to you and put your foot down. End it. You will feel so relieved, no longer having this huge anxiety. It might also hurt, losing them, but trust me, I have been there, and it is such a huge relief to not have the anxiety that comes with being in a long distance relationship with someone who doesn't equally love you back.
i know I should just end it. But I have to at least try. They're worth fighting for. I just can't think of anyway to make it work
>>6225423
OP, it's going to be a difficult decision to make, but I think the other anons in the thread have hit the nail on the head. Seriously think about things and consider what we've said.
You'll always have 4chan, anon <3
>>6225442
>I just can't think of anyway to make it work
I am sorry, but there is no way for it to work. Long distance always fails, it's not just a meme. You're not going to be that 1 person in 10,000,000 who manages to pull it off, it's already clear that that's not the case.
Right now the chemicals in your brain are making you do stupid shit and holding you hostage. You have to end it or you're just going to get hurt more, I promise you that. They aren't worth fighting for, they won't even say they love you back to you. They won't even be honest when you talk to them about their friend that they're probably fucking on the side. Have they even had sex with you?
When you did shit, was it mostly you paying? Are you the one that had to travel to meet them? Don't subject yourself to this torture any longer. It's not going to work out. Nobody treats their partner like they're treating you and has a nice long lasting normal relationship after. Nope.
This is reality speaking to you, OP. This asshole is not worth fighting for. They won't even treat you like a lover should. The only thing keeping you attached is the love chemicals floating around in your brain making you lose your proper sense of judgement and reasoning. It's making you behave illogically. I know it hurts to go against the chemicals but you HAVE to do it.
Nobody who gives a shit about their partner treats their partner like they are treating you.
>>6225442
>>6225464
going to continue here.
For fucks sake man, they're spending their time WITH SOMEONE WHO THEY HAVE FUCKED BEFORE. TRUST ME THEY ARE FUCKING DUDE, DON'T BE STUPID. THEY ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER.
I'm sure their cell reception is totally fine at their house, too. They clearly do not give a FUCK about you and your story reminds me so much of the situations I've been in before I learned better, that it makes me feel fucking sick. I want to grab that slut and bash their fucking skull in. Dump the fucking whore. Do it now. They _ARE_ fucking them. That's an undeniable fact. They _WILL_ fuck them again.
Don't be stupid. Don't be naive. Don't let your brain chemicals fool you. I have been in your exact situation, you are being strung along and you are being cucked massively. TRUST ME PLEASE for your own sake.
>>6225423
Just find someone else. She/he already cheated once, that's your cue to leave. The way you make it sound, you are only happy in this relationship because you get to be with someone. Not because this person is particularly loving (lying, cheater). There's plenty of people out there. Stop trying to cling to this person so pathetically.
There is a reason everyone is saying you should leave them, OP.
They're all right, you know. You should leave them, it is painfully obvious how much you are being fucked over. You don't even get physical companionship out of them.
OP, please take our advice. We are all giving the same advice for a very good reason. It's very obviously going to get you hurt to stay. RUN. Break it off with them. You'll find someone else, you'll get over them. You'll even feel so relieved without all the anxiety and stress that being in such a "relationship" brings. You'll feel free. I've been there OP. You need to get out of that shit, and NEVER let it happen again.
This is why you never get close to someone that calls themselves "non-binary" it's only a warning sign. These people have no morals or commitment to anyone.
>>6225295
>>6225311
>>6225325
>>6225335
You are not at all being crazy. This person is treating you very poorly. Of course you're not okay with your SO ditching you for a "best friend" they've fucked. What the hell even is that?
I wouldn't trust this person, especially with the nonresponse thing going on.
>>6225295
Jealousy will only make your life miserable.
If you can't help feeling jealous, do yourself a favour and just disengage from those people.
NOTHING is worth the pangs of jealousy. If you can't conquer jealousy, simply remove yourself from the source.
>>6225295
Trannies tend to be sociopaths in relationships and they don't care who they hurt even if it's another tranny.
>>6225295
............................what the fuck am i your partner?
california?
>>6225295
Tell your partner that you need to take a brake. Until you are confident about their commitment, I think that would be the best thing you could do right now.
But what do I know? I'm just the lvl 7 wizard in the group.
>>6229859
If you are you're horrible and should feel bad.
>>6229859
>non-binary
I must ask you, as an actual non-binary eunuch, have you at least raped your endocrine system into submission, forcing your body to truly have traits of both genders/lacking traits from both?
So I guess you guys deserve an update.
I got in contact with the friend in this scenario, the one I was convinced was still in love with my partner. They told me the truth. My partner led their friends to believe I wasn't their boyfriend. I was just some guy that they were seeing and that's why their friends treated me like shit. They thought I was acting out of line, getting too attached in a casual relationship. I respect their friends for first being honest with me but also for being a great friend to my partner. My partner was afraid because I am not trans. Because I am a cis man, my partner was afraid of me. Didnt tell their friends about me because I am cis. They were ashamed of themselves for not dating someone gayer.
Of all the things I expected being hurt because of something I cannot change just hurts so much. I wish I could go to my usual tumblr blog about this but my partner is very big on tumblr and I know I'd just get hated for not being gayer.
I did everything I could in our relationship to let them know they could speak to me without fear or worry but they still hid me from from their friends because of something I can't control. And let their friends believe I'm some fucking monster getting too attached to someone I met online. Their friends were just protecting my partner and I am so proud of them for doing that. I just wish I had meant more to my partner for the truth to be a thing.
>>6238273
Dude, seriously, end this shit. You sound like a decent genuine motherfucking person op, people like you shouldn't get shat on but they do, but sometimes they find someone who will treat them right, or even another person like themselves. I know you've seemed to put so much effort into this ship but it sunk a long time ago senpai. Treat yourself right or wallow in misery that your partner will choose their friends and how they view them, over you.
>>6238356
thank you, I'm quite high and sad so I believe thats why I forgot to mention this in the post. I broke up with them.
The truth came out last night, I was on the phone with my partner when it became apparent to them that their lies ruined our relationship and their friendship with their best friend. They were going to kill themselves. I had to talk them down. I had to get the best friend to call the police because I didn't know my partners address. another red flag i know.
I had to talk them down. I had to show compassion to the person who broke my heart. I'm not a vengeful person but after a relationship I need to let myself be angry for a period. I feel like I've been robbed of my mourning period and forced into their lives. I had to talk them out of suicide. I cannot let myself be angry at them if that anger could kill them.
But if anything this has taught me that I am a good person.
I'm rolling spliffs like they showed me
listening to music you showed me
and you're out there smoking cigarettes i bought you
>>6225295
>promised it hasn't happened during our relationship and wouldn't happen again.
not much you can do except hope they aren't lying. just comes down to how much you trust them. don't do anything drastic, that won't help either way.
I hate to ask but coud I get some reassurance that I'm not wrong in this?
My trans partner lied to me and their friends about me because they were ashamed I was not trans. The hypocrisy is driving me insane and I can't talk to them about their actions without fear they'll try and kill themselves again. My partner is huge in the trans community, getting stopped in the streets huge, and I just feel so abused but nothing was physical so i feel like I can't talk to anyone non anonymously about it.
>>6240420
You were totally in the right, and you definitely made the right choices. Do not concern yourself with them. They acted in an extremely selfish manner. Just don't be there for them, they do not deserve you. You just need to move on in your life, and find someone better who actually deserves you. I'd advise not doing long distance stuff again, to be honest.
>>6240435
Trust me I'm done with long distance. I don't know about any other relationships but long distance is over.
Thank you, friend.
My relationship was ruined by my gender. Because I'm not transgender my partner lied to me and about me. They were afraid because, just like their past abuser, I am a cis male. I did nothing wrong. This is so fucking unfair. I did everything I could to make them feel safe and they were afraid that because I am cis our relationship would clearly be one of abuse. So they didn't tell their friends about me, except that they're "seeing a cis man", so when our relationship inevitably blew up they wouldn't have to explain to their friends. Then when they realized I'm not the big bad cis devil, they never told their friends because they were ashamed of loving a cis. Because I'm not gay enough some how.
>>6240621
So you said they were non-binary, what were they born as? Also, had they even taken any hormones or anything to bring their body more in line with what they wanted to be? Were they actually intersex or anything like that?
>>6241125
they were born female and never taken anything to transition. They wore a binder though
>>6241197
Oh, I'd still consider them fully cis then, myself. As a true physical non-binary person, their shit pisses me off. I don't even go around claiming to be non-binary, partially because people like that have ruined the identity with their fake shit. Because of them it's a laughing stock. They were phony and full of shit anyway man. It's a good thing you left them, I assure you they're nothing but bad news, obsessing about their fake ass "identity" in that way.
I did some research and found that my relationship with them was definition abuse. I made a post on my personal tumblr about it and within minutes one of their friends messaged me saying i need to take it down because being called an abuser would push my ex over the edge and start this suicide drama all over.
I never put it in their face mind you I made a post saying " so that was was an abusive relationship." and the tumblr defense squad marched into action.
>>6243558
Don't take it down, let your abuser be exposed for the fucking pile of shit they are.
Odds are they aren't going to off themselves, and if they do, you shouldn't feel guilty at all.
You need to expose that stupid cunt, she shouldn't be allowed to get away with being such a piece of shit. She's a fake non-binary, she just wants attention, and her phony suicidal shit is just more of her attention-getting bullshit.
>>6243621
I'd love to but I feel so guilty. I all ready blame myself for other people dying and I don't want to go through it again.
I'm posting this here because I just want someone to see how i am right now.
I express how hurt i am non anonymously and someone dies.
I'm talking to their best friend.
They're pretty decent. They're sorry for the way they treated me, however they will do what they can to stop me from hurting my ex even unintentionally.
I love how emotional and physical abuse victims are covering for an abuser.
I'm so fucking worthless the abused would rather defend an abuser than me.
>>6243747
Then make it widely known how she's abusive. Give no fucks about her, it's only your own fault if you're covering for her, block all communication with her and all of her stupid friends, and tell everyone how much of a stupid cunt that woman is.
>>6243784
what I want is a public apology from them. I want them to publicly own up to it. I could easily drag them through the mud and post all the sex tapes and everything. But I'm better than that. I want them to drag themselves. I want them to admit publicly that they lied to me and their friends because they were ashamed of me being cis.
I want their hypocrisy a matter of public record.
>>6244038
I told them I wanted them to admit they abused me in our relationship.
They truly believe all abusers must die. They ttried to kill themself. a bottle of wine and pills.
I kept them on the phone till the cops got there
>>6248199
You did the right thing, don't feel bad about it at all. They now can get the help they need, and you can move on with your life.
>>6248199
I've talked my abuser out of suicide twice now.
They're in the hospital now though
I won't have to do this again
I feel terrible. I tried to force them to admit the abuse and the guilt killed them if i hadnt stepped in.
it's strange i hate myself for the pride i get in saving them. I hate myself for what my feelings did to them
I can't believe I almost killed them last night
I'm so sorry I just want them to be ok
they hurt me but i still love them so much I didn't want this
I ruined their life. I made them realize they're an abuser and they can't live with themselves. When they get out of the hospital their entire life is over, how can they go back to that knowing what they are?
oh fuck me im so sorry i just wanted to feel validated. I just wanted them to admit this so I can move on I didn't want this I'm so sorry.
>>6248296
>>6251624
Dude please, quit worrying about it.
She was a backstabbing cunt.
She did so much bad shit to you, she was a genuinely bad person.
Why are you feeling guilty over her attention-seeking behavior? She's crazy. You shouldn't care about her at all. She doesn't deserve it.
You should be happy if their life is ruined. Odds are they're going to return right back to normal because they are likely just doing this for attention and so they don't look like the bad guy somehow. A sad, desperate attempt on her part.
You shouldn't feel bad at all, she's a wacko. I don't even think her suicide attempts were serious because if they were, she'd be dead right now.
I would know, I used to stand on a chair with a noose around my neck every day when I got home.
If she wasn't successful then it probably wasn't real. She's just abusing you even harder now, you realize that right? All her shit that she's doing is to manipulate you. Disregard it. See her actions for what they are: more abuse. She's a really shitty person.
You should feel glad that she's out of your life.
>>6251726
I just got off the phone with them in the hospital and I think you are right about their gender identity. They said, "[They] had a dream where I stole their belt that is covered in rainbows," and that they were afraid of looking like a hetero couple when together with me.
Why would I take their rainbow away? The rainbow being a clear symbol of homosexuality, they felt that being with me, a cis man, would make them lose their rainbow. Why would dating a cis man make you less gay unless you are a woman?
They still think of themselves as a woman deep down.
In other news I'm doing better, I've finally been able to master the magic word, "It's not my fault"
They lied about our relationship? Not my fault.
They tried to kill themselves after they realized our relationship was over? Not my fault.
They call me after killing themselves? Not my fault.
They call me now complaining about being stuck in a hospital? NOT MY FAULT.
>>6257162
>Why would dating a cis man make you less gay unless you are a woman?
>They still think of themselves as a woman deep down.
Bingo my friend, bingo. A true non-binary such as my self would never feel like their identity was threatened. In fact most wouldn't even care about being "in" with the LGBT crowd, instead it's just a side fact of our lives and we don't really care about whether we're perceived as part of the group or not.
Her even wanting to cling to homosexuality/lgbt stuff is another sign that she was just in it for attention.
>NOT MY FAULT.
That's the spirit. It's very good that you've come to this stage of things, now you can truly start to move on and be free of all of that drama and bullshit. None of it is your fault, and you did nothing wrong.
>>6257226
thanks for being here for me friend, it means a lot.
Their best friend is a trans man so I think maybe they were trying to make him feel more comfortable by being trans as well but instead of transitioning and being forced to commit, they picked agender and wouldn't have to transition. They said they wanted to get Top surgery but never took any steps towards that except for wearing a binder.
Also I am glad to have 4chan in my life because even though this website is a vile shithole, it is the only place i know of to discuss issues completely anonymously. I don't have to worry about them or their friends finding this, and no one here could trace this back to me it's a very relaxing thing. I can say what I feel here without worrying about keeping up the social contract.
