Does anyone feel like being transgender has slowly turned them into a sociopath.
I don't know if it's the collective trauma of years of repression and forced behavior that stopped me from having authentic relationships with other human beings, being kicked out of home by my parents as a teenager, or widespread transphobia, but something inside me has definitely been irreparably broken.
I can function like a normie in most situations but beneath the facade there's an unending ocean of directionless hatred and rage. I feel completely disconnected from the rest of humanity.
I never intend to do so unless it's a life or death situation, but I could probably murder/torture someone without remorse (inb4 nothin personell kid). I have a strong moral compass, but on an emotional level there's just nothing.
For what it's worth I was very extroverted and loving as a child.
>her compassion, empathy and trust in humanity, gone.
Is anybody else like this?
>>6211192
Im repressed and I laugh everyday
>>6211219
Not repressed, but two years on hormones and still closeted. Hons tell me I pass but what do they know. Either way I'm probably going to wait until FFS even though it's agony.
>>6211192
>I can function like a normie in most situations but beneath the facade there's an unending ocean of directionless hatred and rage. I feel completely disconnected from the rest of humanity.
hello me
>tfw still human because I didn't mutilate myself
Repression keeps you human. Woke up dancing this morning while I did my workout
>>6211246
wait till it all crashes down, it always does
all it takes is one small thing to trigger your dysphoria to the point you can never find it in you to repress again
>>6211192
I kind of feel you OP
I just feel as if I may break but other than that not really
>>6211257
I trigger myself as often as I can. I make sure to look upon my Naked body and my dick everyday.
It's pretty fun to Dom cis women and love through them
I've forged an attachment to my male form and now dysphoria is nothing but a tiny thought at the back of my mind.
Whatever triggered you. I've probably faced and beaten 10 times
>>6211192
Feeling buyers remorse after becoming trans does that to you.
>For what it's worth I was very extroverted and loving as a child.
you went against biology and nature and you pay the price
>>6211276
>and now dysphoria is nothing but a tiny thought at the back of my mind
and that thought is?
>>6211286
>mfw repressed the urge to transition 3 years ago
>tfw things got better
Feels good to beat tranny propaganda
>>6211298
just shut up, I did the same fucking thing as you did on here, swearing I was cured, that manning up fixed my broken mind, it even worked for years but it all came unraveled.
>>6211286
>becoming trans
I wish faggot, if I could turn this nightmare off I would do it in a heartbeat.
>>6211295
"You will never be a girl, but goddamn you are one beautiful man, look at than Greek Perfection"
Today is self worship day. Dysphoria fades away when I look at my perfect self "who the hell would give this up"
>>6211307
I'm betting you never actually cured yourself though self love though did you
You did it through self hate.
Self acceptance overpowers all dysphoria.
>>6211312
HAHA I said the same thing. I lifted daily for all of 2014. I swore my body was my temple and that I was above all the freaks and faggots. Guess what, once hiding your gender inside becomes a full time job like that, its all down hill. Real men don't need to convince themselves they are men every second, they never even think about their gender.
>>6211192
Most of the trannies on /lgbt/ are just like you. Everything is just about them and what they want, they couldn't care less about anyone else. They put up a facade of emotion but they're calculating their options. I don't think they're smart because most of the time they're really obvious with their inconsistent behavior. They don't care who they hurt or what they do to get the things they want. They're quick to forgive themself for being a dick and quick to find new victims. Whether it's friendship or relationships you should avoid trannies of /lgbt/ even if you are trans yourself, especially if you're trans.
>>6211349
>cold
>calculating
>selfish
hey just like real women
>>6211332
Real women don't post their miss cock on /b/ in pantyhose.
>>6211355
Keep trying to convince yourself of that. I know you all love to think that you're just like highschool girls.
>>6211332
you pretty much threw away a good thing. Pretty shameful. And for what?
Your shut in existsnce? Have fun lol
>>6211363
I had no choice. You still never described even what your gender issue is. I doubt you have any issues if it means so little to your daily life.
>>6211349
>projecting this hard
who hurt you.
I'm not a mean person. I treat others like I want to be treated, and I make a concerted effort never to overburden my friends with my emotional distress.
I don't like feeling like this.
>>6211409
Sociopaths are such good liars and manipulators that they even convince themselves.
>>6211406
We always have a choice.
>>6211454
Not with dysphoria this bad. Only choice for me was transition or death
>>6211519
Reminds of the time where I almost commuted suicide.
I refused both death and transition
>>6211537
So then what kind of gender stuff do you feel still? Tell me if repression is working out so well tell me if there is any want to be a girl left in your mind?
>>6211569
It's just a want. Not a need like it used to be. I feel no need to persue it. And it can't be persued
>>6211604
Kek
>>6211604
January 1st 2015 I put a loaded smith and wesson to my temple and pulled the trigger. The round was a dud and I ordered hrt that day. Me transitioning is to please no one, its to make my body try to mach what I am inside so I can feel normal for one god damn time in my life.
>>6211579
describe the want please, is it there daily?
>>6211618
It is very faint. Daily and I forget about it a lot
>>6211640
Yeah, that's going to eat at your insides like a cancer. Stop punishing yourself and give hrt a trial run at least and see how you feel.
>>6211618
Kala we have been over this bullshit thousands of times. The stuff that goes on in your head isn't reality. You always have to be so extravagant even with your depressions and yet all of it is a pack of lies. Not once can you just be a normal fucking tranny you always have to draw attention.
>>6211669
You know nothing about me.
>>6211663
Can't. It would compromise my mental will and I won't pass
>>6211703
>and I won't pass
pics?
>>6211683
You publish every detail about your shitty life every day like a stuck fucking record. Considering this is what you do with your life it's not that hard to know Kayla. Bizarre and filled to the brim with bullshit.
>>6211725
I'm semi famous on youtube. Someone would recognise me
>>6211742
>inb4 arin transon
>>6211298
That worked for me...until I noticed my hairline beginning to recede, and chest hairs popping up like crazy, and my formerly girlish looking wrists started to become hairy and muscly
>>6211801
Good thing I already have all that and shave myself bald regularly. Buzzcut is as far as I let it go
And chest is already hairy
>>6211742
MillenialWoes? Is that why you quit the alt-right?
>>6211192
Any kind of prolongued anguish or slow-burn trauma can illicit this sort of reaction. That's sort of why I feel a weird sort of kin-ship with people I talk to from 4chan on Skype or something because there's a mutual understanding over that sort of thing.
I can't talk for what transexuals experience, but I can say that those sorts of feelings and reactions are very relatable.
>>6211886
>illicit
herp derp I can't even words. Produce or prompt, you know what I mean. Polite sage.
>>6211742
peter day is that you
Yea there is something more scary . Not being legally allowed to hit you faggots in the fAce with a shovel. You can't choose your gender CLOSET FAGGOTS
>>6211618
You're a faggot
>>6211192
>her
>>6211192
>Does anyone feeling like being transgenders leads to worsening mental health
Holy shit, you don't say? The DSM had that pinned down decades ago before it was forced to change due to PCfags.
>>6212310
>muh console
fuck off
>>6212344
political correctness not personal computer you degenerate
>>6212350
nice damage control
nah... i'm in a shit position, but honestly it's just made me feel compelled to reach out to people in shit situations who i feel like have more hope than i'll ever have so that they can pull themselves together and move forward
besides there's plenty of worthwhile people out there... shitty people don't prevent good ones from existing
>>6211902
Elicit
No. I've gained more empathy since transitioning.
>>6212359
That's the one, knew I was close to it. Thanks.
>>6211192
I have a feeling this is exactly what's becoming of me, too. I suppose it is inevitable. The combination of hatred expressed towards you and the constant need to lie about your true feelings and self cannot lead to another path. A person is shaped by their surroundings and environment and if there are edges at every direction, there's no other way but for you too to become sharp.
>>6211742
It's OK Erin we all support you
>>6212368
Do you mean empathy vis life experience, or via hormones? I noticed is a lot easier to cry about someone's suffering since starting estrogen. Like I was able to before, but male puberty took that away.
Sometimes I wanna stop transition, but I also don't want to become in-human again.
I used to be a chill happy kid. Every now, I'm on the edge of my seat and full of hatred. I feel like just ripping into someone's neck when they talk to me. I wish hundreds of times a day that some crazy unnatural force throws me against a wall and rips me apart, just so I can be broken open and released of tension once before I die.
I haven't been disowned by my parents, I live in a relatively accepting area, I've had lovers, I've had friends, I've had random cis people genuinely accept me for who I am. I've been misgendered a handful of times, had experience with subtle transphobia, and had about two encounters with outright transphobia,
I haven't been hurt enough to shut down my emotions to cope. I definitely feel anger at the world and anger at my situation, but I still feel empathy and love for people. I still feel childlike wonder for the world. It's dulling but I think that's just me getting jaded and grown up.
>>6223590
This. I fantasize daily about being in a situation where it would be socially acceptable to physically hurt someone. Like being robbed or randomly assaulted. I'd probably get my ass kicked/killed because I've been on hormones for like two years and my strength is completely gone, but at least it would be cathartic.
My mental health got worse after I figured out I was a tranny.
I was a normal kid except for praying to god and wishing and dreaming about waking up as a girl. And then at 12/13 I realized it wasn't normal and I was the weird one for wanting to be a girl and my mental health has been in decline since then.
>>6223728
>I've been on hormones for like two years and my strength is completely gone
This is my fetish. I'm a repressed tranny and I love thinking about how much physically weaker I'd be on estrogen.
I would have such a hard time stopping a guy if he tried to do something to me...
>>6224541
What does it say about me that I also prayed to God to make me a girl, but then when I thought it might actually happen I started crying and begged him not to do it?
>>6224593
it says you are very religious
>>6224603
Well I was then but I'm an atheist now.
>>6224593
Why did you not want him to actually do it?
>>6224641
idk. I think I was afraid that I would regret it or that it would be permanent (I specified in my prayer that I wanted a "trial period" to figure out if I liked being a girl or not).
>>6224593
After a while praying to god didn't work and I prayed to satan. still didn't work ;_;
>>6224585
I imagine being pinned down and overpowered by someone you like would be pretty nice, but it's way less arousing when you consider that (almost) anyone could do it.
>>6211192
>I don't know if it's the collective trauma of years of repression and forced behavior that stopped me from having authentic relationships with other human beings, being kicked out of home by my parents as a teenager, or widespread transphobia, but something inside me has definitely been irreparably broken.
Don't have any trauma, feel the same.
>I never intend to do so unless it's a life or death situation, but I could probably murder/torture someone without remorse (inb4 nothin personell kid). I have a strong moral compass, but on an emotional level there's just nothing.
Same.
>For what it's worth I was very extroverted and loving as a child.
Same. Now cold and calculating unless I fake bubbliness. Another trans friend I have reported exactly the same things in other words before.
Might be something comorbid. Might be something we don't know about, since trans people are so few in society and most of us make a point of hiding things anyway.
I'm >>6224745, just adding onto something.
When I say I 'didn't have any trauma' I mean society literally catered me through every step of life. My treatment was entirely funded by parents, I've been in a loving and affluent family since I was born, and I have a bright future ahead of me in an easy 2 hour a day job through connections.
All of that didn't prevent me from basically hating almost everything that slightly goes against me, being ready to kill anyone who even tried to harm me physically in a minor way, and having to fake liking most people
The people I don't have to fake with end up close friends or relationships, like my current boyfriend. I have genuine empathy for those. Most other people seem like even their existence is pointless.
>>6211604
>>6211669
didn't know kayla's mom posted here
>>6224757
>All of that didn't prevent me from basically hating almost everything that slightly goes against me, being ready to kill anyone who even tried to harm me physically in a minor way, and having to fake liking most people
>The people I don't have to fake with end up close friends or relationships, like my current boyfriend. I have genuine empathy for those.
This and this.
>Most other people seem like even their existence is pointless.
Not so much this. Other's peoples lives do have just as much meaning as mine, but I struggle to care.
Ladies, ladies. Calm down, you're both pretty!
Jesus christ.
Showing up to echo the sentiment. I was like this before starting transitioning though. It's slightly lessened, like it's easier to try to be warm but ultimately it's all just nothing.
Something's broken and I don't care about people. Nor do I care to fix it. I've taught myself to force facial expressions and inflection/tone to stop putting people off. It seems like being inhuman, an outsider, robotlike.
>>6228037
Addendum: Sometimes, in a social situation where I'm allowed to fade into the background I slip up and people ask me what's wrong with me.
It's nothing, I tell them nothing and that is truth. But it apparently does not look like it.
>>6211192
I don't really think it's made me a sociopath. I used to be a quiet and jaded teenager, and I would've likely stayed that way if I didn't embrace my own faggotry. Now that I'm much more comfortable with myself, I'm still somewhat socially reserved, but that's totally fine with me. I have very few friends and a loving partner, and I feel that it is entirely enough social interaction for me.
I do think I am under-emotional though, I used to never cry when I was younger and I thought that HRT is gonna make me into a more emotional person. It did affect my emotions to a certain degree (being more happy and less anxious) but it hasn't really made a significant impact on how extreme my emotions get. I've only cried once in the past few years and that was after like 3 months on estrogen
>>6228037
I can relate a lot to this, I know a fair amount about body language and voice so I often manipulate how I present myself to improve the situation at hand, I think it's just a very practical thing to do, but it's not really that I naturally feel compelled to act that way.
