Hey /lgbt/, I had homosexual thoughts/emotions as a kid, and blocked it out for a long time. In the past few years they have been coming back pretty hardcore and I dont know why. The problem is I'm a /pol/ack and so is pretty much my entire social circle. Every time a daydream about falling in love, it's always with another guy though. Like someone cute, I can take care of and support, and sleep next to and, be my little spoon and all that stuff. Then my chest hurts because it will never happen, and I'm afraid that I may deserve it. I think now that I'm getting older, I'm looking back at everything I fucked up, and I'm realizing everything I hated and everyone I hurt never changed anything. After I got back from the war (Iraq back in '08) I just seemed to hate society, and slowly hated myself, and how I seemed to no longer serve a purpose.
I was wondering, since a lot of you are obviously gay. Is there a way you can mentally block it out? Like it doesn't exist, and never did.
I can't believe these feelings are coming back. I feel so...degenerate. It does not feel good.
I have PTSD and Panic attacks too...Just adds to the fun.
If you have an issue, use a tissue.
>>6152889
think of the 80s
You can try.But it's always going to constantly be..."there" The best you can really do is embrace it and learn to love yourself.Internalized homophobia is a hell of a downer.
>>6153005
But gays are so repugnant. I mean, if it's not multiple sex partners (disgusting) it's drugs or acting like animals at "pride" events. It makes me want to stomp their heads into a fucking curb.
>>6153037
>if it's not multiple sex partners (disgusting) it's drugs or acting like animals at "pride" events
that's a minority and all those actions aren't related to their sexuality. If anything it's a result of being forced to supress their feelings for too long and not dealing with that in their teens like straight people do. You get the teenage cringe later and even longer.
You don't have to be with mutliple guys, take drugs or parade just because you want to pound a femenin male ass.
>>6152889
do you honestly think it would be immoral for you to marry a cute husband
>>6153037
>I mean, if it's not multiple sex partners (disgusting) it's drugs or acting like animals at "pride" events
Not every guy wants a train ran on them and not every fag enjoys being obnoxious at a Pride event
Look for a bf for at least one time and be sure to learn if you really are gay. All it takes is a few intimate moments to know if you truly are gay
Your looking at stereotypes and over generalizing.Being gay doesn't mean being a total fag.For alot of people at the end of the day it's simply about liking men.That..."culture" isn't nessesary at all to be happy.Just finding a like minded person who thinks like you do should be enough.
>>6153128
Another person who thinks like me? I'm not even sure a person like that exists...
>>6153132
I wont tell you that your ideology is bullshit (I'm a nihilist so that's my opinion of politics entirely) but there are people willing to look past differences, and a friend of mine is gay and NatSoc. If you honestly find it immoral and beyond considering then I have no advice as to how to how you would suppress your feelings.
>I'll be 30 in 2 years as well
why is this relevant
You probably can block it but I wouldn't recommend it. Life ain't fair some people are gay and some are disabled. I'm not trying to pressure you to "be gay" but if you constantly try to block something you desire so much it's not going to make you happier especially when you already have mental issues. Just try finding a guy you can watch a movie and cuddle with, or something...
These self-loathing gay guys who try to please some certain social circle are a mess. I met one, he was clearly experienced at acting certain role to please those people. But when he was drunk and wanted me to go for a smoke with him, he was more his "true" self. And he was so bitter and miserable, he said he doesn't care about love but wanted to come to my place just so we could sleep together one night. And I did it out of pity, but next morning he was awkward and left and probably continues his usual lifestyle. Is that good life, you might end up replacing the lack of love with something else like alcoholism or drugs.
>>6153132
>Really, man?
just playing on the camp of the board, no need to be too serious. whatever you like you like, you deal with it by trying it in real life. it's not hard, how can I take you seriously when your only issue is with yourself?
>>6153141
>i'm supper dupper special, no one else is like me in the whole wide world
get out of your ass
>>6153165
I've gone without love for this long, and I'm alive. I don't get why all this is happening to me now. And sleeping next to someone would be nice. Someone I'd let sleep on my chest and pet their hair. Doubt that will ever happen. A person I felt affectionate toward told me they'd be afraid to sleep by me, because I may hurt them or something (due to the violence and all that). I didn't know people saw me as that bad, but I suppose it makes sense...
>>6153160
It's relevant just because I'm getting old. Seems like everything's coming to an end I suppose.
>>6153222
>I've gone without love for this long, and I'm alive. I don't get why all this is happening to me now.
it's happening now because it's been building up for too long.
>>6153234
If it "built up", that means I can re-seal the bottle though right? I dont like this feeling.
Those gay thoughts will ALWAYS be with you, fampai :)
*does drugs* *jizzes rainbows* *pretends to be an animal at pride parade* *has sex with literally everyone*
>>6153249
repressing is a bad idea for your health, but whatever man
do what you feel is right and then live with the consequences
>>6153249
don't take the metaphor too literally, this isn't a cheap sci-fi movie.
you need to work your way out. take time to think about this, imagine scenarios and try to see what you'd really want (not fapping, ideally smiling) and act to see how reality is.
none of your worries are real, you're just making excuses. don't be a chicken shit.
>>6153249
You could reseal it but it's just going to feed your self-hate. First of all you need to stop letting other people and media to tell you how gay people act. You might not get to choose your desires but you can choose your lifestyle. And you can choose not to act on those desires but they're still there.
It's just very unnatural for a human being to completely block all kinds of affection. Schizoid people seem to be fine with that kind of life, but that's very rare condition.
>>6153298
I'm sure /pol/ is full of twinks that think they like the extreme right because they lack any kind of historical perspective. Some of them must come out of the house at some point.
You coul try meeting people in places where racists and antijew would meet and look around.
>>6153298
You could always try a /k/ meet up. They're pretty /pol/ over there, and there's usually a few gay hookups at each meet up.
>>6153369
Dude. I've been NatSoc for a long, long time. I've extremely knowledgeable on history, and I also know for a fact waaaay less gays exist in the NS society as you guys seem to think. Besides, I'm not into the macho type.
>>6153376
I'm an alpha male type of guy, I like more...soft males. You know, effeminate... /k/ are fat neckbearded hunters and 1 step away from joining the KKK like the ignorant, drunken retards they are.
>>6153339
But really, wtf else if there to do?
>>6153298
>Even if I found someone like that, they'd likely be some mundane anti-racist fuck.
wait. are you saying here that if you found someone that made you happy emotionally, and I assume this means that they accept your beliefs, that you wouldnt then accept theirs?
>>6153417
I can't...
>>6153403
I like reading about war, don't love the mechanical aspects as much as /k/ does but I'm really into strategies and developments. The times I've visited /k/ found it a pretty comfy place and I lurk when I'm in the mood.
I'm a pretty effeminate guy, skinny and childfaced. You shouldn't assume things about anons.
>>6153448
Why wouldnt I assume things? What is your name?
>>6152889
>The problem is I'm a /pol/ack and so is pretty much my entire social circle.
You can be politically conservative and gay. Social conservativism is mostly nonsense, so good luck getting around that bit. We're all just fuckin animals. Get to a therapist, learn to accept who you are. You and I both know homosexual thoughts and acts arent immoral, unnatural, or bad, so why bother believing it?
>>6153468
I hate my therapist. He tries to load me up with pills every time Im forced to see him. I'm not taking that shit...
>>6153431
its maybe beneficial to any prospective partners that your beliefs prohibit you in that way if you refuse to put differences aside
>...
do you type with the ellipses on /pol/ as well?
using them is in that category with emoticons when it comes to 4chan etiquette
>>6153467
I'm anon, and you shouldn't assume things because without enough intel you'll jump to wrong conclusions and get people killed.
>>6153500
Well I just asked you more info. Now tell me about yourself, how else am I supposed to know?
>>6153517
Pills for anxiety and panic attacks. Prozak. And fuck Texas, that state pisses me off. Was stationed there for a while.
>>6153555
take prozac. it will save your life, dude. just fucking do it. doctors know more about this shit than you ever will. fucking anti-semite. you can be a polack and not hate jews you retard fuck
>>6154852
No way...I'm ot going to get hooked on some fucking pill. How would it save my life? And why wouldnt I hate Jews?
>>6153037
>I mean, if it's not multiple sex partners (disgusting) it's drugs or acting like animals at "pride" events.
>gives a list of reasons that applies to literally every sexuality and fetish one could think of.
Double standards ftw.
>>6155543
May be so, but that doesn't mean it's not a staple of the gay lifestyle.
I'm sure this will be an unpopular opinion here but if you want to stay in the closet, that's your right. Do what makes you happy, and if what makes you happy is repressing your feelings, then you're allowed to do that. And if you do want to come to terms with it, know that it will take time. Not everyone can come out to themselves and be 100% fine with it over night.
Do what I did op
run away
just drop it all behind move to a new city find a sexy ass dude and fucking make life your own again.
Another day i'd have gone mad, so i packed my shit took out my money and fled.
Things are 100% a okay now, getting degree, got a job got a place and got a bottom. <3
>>6155879
I was actually thinking about this. I want to move to Ireland. I hate it here in the US, in this fucking city...
I live alone here too. It's a nightmare.
>>6153132
>Not to mention, who's date a fucked up NatSoc?
I do. I had my own set of issues and got awkwardly approached, it's not like I was going to do any better. There are vapid shallow gays but there's also lot of guys who know the feeling of being an eternal outcast and are ready to give a chance.
>>6155940
I'm not sure if I could ever find that person.
>>6155978
Not the person you're replying to but I think you'd be surprised by how many gay people are more open to alternative (from the norm) political stances. If someone would throw you to the curb for a difference in political views, you probably wouldn't want to be with them anyways.
>>6156002
Is it odd that I have an extreme protective nature over effeminate guys, but I also beat them up in HS? Like, I couldn't stand it of OTHER guys hurt them. They were mine.
>>6156020
That's actually pretty common from some of the stuff I've read on here, although I don't have any personal experience. I was typically the one getting beaten up lol. If you look at siblings, particularly younger ones, this is also VERY common. I would be worried however if this continued on into adult life.
>>6156033
Well, back when I was in my skinhead days, I really only fucked with niggs and leftists. Gays weren't very common, or at least were smart enough to avoid me and the old crew. In our defense though, we never targeted random people. Only druggies and criminals, we didn't give a fuck about the rest.
Well, there was a time we fucked with an old sassy boon in a wheelchair but the bitch had it coming. Hahaha, good fun.
>>6156065
See, that's the thing that would make me hesitant about getting involved with a NatSoc. I don't care about what you've done but I'm half latino and I know that would be a deal breaker for some. Although, I do have my Northern European Dad's skin so no one has to know ;^)
>>6156097
I would know, but personally, I don't care about South Americans. they were a huge help to post war Germans fleeing Jewish revenge. I mean, I dunno if I'd DATE one, but you know...
>>6152889
>>6156205
Uhm...what?
>>6156154
you could try going to argentina, they got a ton of low level nazis and they insist that they are all white.
>>6156205
is pretty boy stoned out of his mind?
>>6156490
I'm Hungarian, German, French and Irish. Thats pretty fucking White.
Man this is really pathetic. Even when it's biting you in the ass in the most obvious way you can't see how nazi ideology is generally making your life worse.You want to be tough but you can't even bear the fear of leaving your shit group of friends that hate who you actually are. Don't you feel sad and useless wishing you could hold someone? No need to answer me, I want you to legitimately think about this for your own sake.
The reality is that you're going to have to change yourself to function with your underlying architecture, not the other way around. Let go of the hate etc. You've said yourself people don't want to be with you because of all this crap around you. Is it that unacceptable to be someone who can be loved, to be someone people feel safe with?
>>6152889
>>6153037
>>6153132
>>6153222
>I've gone without love for this long, and I'm alive. I don't get why all this is happening to me now. And sleeping next to someone would be nice.
>I'll be 30 in 2 years as well.
>>6153298
>Even if I found someone like that, they'd likely be some mundane anti-racist fuck.
>>6153403
>>6153431
OP I am also on /pol/ a lot. I'm a nationalist/republican. and didn't think I could find someone like you. Don't lose hope because I want to find you one day. I'm 21 now so 28 would be perfect.
I'm Living In Syracuse, NY
>>6156020
It means you were both gay and an asshole
>>6156665
>part potato nigger
lmao at your shit tier genetics fucking kill yourself you self loathing homo
>>6156715
Heh.
>>6156719
Are you implying that the Irish, being direct descendants of the Vikings, arent white?
>>6156683
New York huh? Had an ex from there once. Wanted to push the bitch down the stairs. I'm in west Michigan.
>>6156679
They could feel safe with me... People are just scared of me.
>>6156665
Why do you hold so much hate in your heart? It's not good for your health or state of mind. If someone is anti-racism they're a fuck? Hate Jews because why not? I know you're just going to read this and do your bitter reply: Fuck off, you don't know what you're talking about, You haven't been through the shit I've been through, You're a stupid little fag and I'd punch you in the face if I ever saw you. I don't care what it is.
Life is too short to live it with hatred. Assuming you're OP, yeah, you've been to war. I can't imagine the things people see when they do. I have friends that have come back all fucked up. But you have to release your hatred. Life is crazy, take some mushrooms or some LSD and realize how wonderful and fleeting our lives are. That the key to life and happiness is to leave behind our ego, our hatred, our prejudices. It's scary, people don't want to do it. Hell, we've always killed the people who said live peacefully, love one another and be good to your neighbor.
I used to hold a lot of hate. Grudges. Anger. But in the end it's so petty, it's not worth it. You can go through life being bitter, full of hate and fear and sorrow turned to rage. Or you can try to change your thoughts. Live life for not only yourself, but humanity. For everyone that has come before you and that will come after. You have been given a gift in this life. Don't squander it. When you are drawing your last breath, will you be happy? Can you let go of what restricts your thinking and your emotions? Or will you die angry, full of hate and regret. That will be up to you.
I hope you shed your hateful thoughts, but in any case, have a good day friend. I wish the best for you.
>>6156768
Fuck off hippie. Take your drugs with you.
>>6156766
I have "Live Free or Die" carved into my chest.
Never been violent or involved in anything serious, just opinionated.
The opinions that I have made my last relationship fail, and she couldn't fuck my ass how I wanted.
>>6156791
hatred is an animalistic emotional response
>>6156825
>What the fuck?
either tranny gf or strap on.
where do you think you are jaypeg, etc
>>6152889
same story as mine except when I got back from Afghanistan I cut my balls off one night in a rage and flushed them down the toilet. After a few suicide attempts and stays in the mental hospital I started my transition to female. Now I pass 100% and have a loving husband.
>>6156825
we reached maximum cuck when she used her dildo on me
>>6156838
I wish I hadn't said that, damn.
>>6155868
>Do what makes you happy, and if what makes you happy is repressing your feelings, then you're allowed to do that
The entire purpose of this thread seems to indicate that he's not happy doing that.
>>6156901
ex girlfriend, dude. I'm looking to be a submissive guy for a masculine nat-soc/republican guy.
I can not deny that I feel better when I'm being cared for, when I can feel useful.
>>6156940
Well, are you naturally submissive? If not, and it's some little twink fetish you have, your relationship wouldn't ever work out. What do you even look like?
Man being ironpilled seems to be the only thing that makes people unhappier than being religious extremists. I don't know why /pol/ people are so addicted to suffering, it's not like they're making other people's lives any better in the process.
>>6156973
5'11"
145 lbs
off-white Eastern European
toned, not a string bean
>>6157011
>I don't know why /pol/ people are so addicted to suffering
they enjoy being victims
>>6157011
Thats what you dont understand. It's not myself that I hate, its the world. National Socialism isn't evil to me in the slightest. To me it is moral, and something I'd die for. The problem is people have some idea that of what we are, without even knowing us. This makes us bitter and angry, and that pulls in a lot of other negative people as well. We give up hope on the mundanes, we know we'll just be hated regardless, so why not hate back?
>>6157066
Well i'm sure it means nothing but I don't hate you.
>>6157111
Well....Eh, that actually makes me kinda....uncomfortable.
>>6157126
lmao. Nazis are just the same as edgy emo kids, you want to feel outcast because you're so uncomfortable in your own skin. Pathetic
>>6155978
You could start writing someone, when I didn't know my bf yet he started writing me letters and I always wrote back. In the end he became more comfortable to approach me irl.
>>6157156
I'm comfortable in my own skin, you self hating faggot.
>>6155797
It's a staple of every lifestyle.
The gay lifestyle just gets the most screentime.
>>6157066
>it's not our fault we're hated
You guys are not even trying.
You guys have never tried, constantly pulling the victim card but failing.
>>6157187
Again, I'm not a victim. And I never claimed to be.
>>6157206
You sure are acting like one.
There's a reason National Socialism leaves a bitter taste in the mouths of most people.
>>6157213
Because they don't understand it and they think Quinten Tarintino films are accurate.
>>6157226
>Because they don't understand
Because it quickly turned creepy and totalitarian and racked up a bodycount of quite a few millions in just a few years.
>m-muh communism caused more deaths and isn't hated
Communism is laughed at and ridiculed by everyone who functions even remotely in normal human society.
The only ones who take it serious are are unwashed college professors and their equally unwashed students who have their parents pay for all their expenses and thus don't know any better.
>>6157262
Deaths occur in every regime. What is your point?
>the problem is I'm a /pol/ack
You have far bigger problem that you should address, Anon. That toxic, meme ideology is ruining this website and its community.
>>6157306
>Deaths occur in every regime. What is your point?
Nazi Germany already scores pretty high for a "deaths occur in every regime"
What you are completely ignoring is the fact that it's not even 100 years ago, and a significant amount of people lost their relatives, and was pretty much the driving force behind the holocaust (although you'll probably deny that one. Something that doesn't really help your position).
It's hard to understand that someone doesn't see why people are repulsed by their ideology.
>>6157357
I think the holocaust was...exaggerated. But yes it did occur to some extent.
>>6157357
>nazis were a driving force for the holocaust
what? maybe you meant something else, but that sense it's pretty obvious.
>>6152889
Well, I'm sorta striaght to man. I've never been to a goverment war, but I've seen some things and done some stuff that would fuck up anyone. I even had the PTSD diagnosis for a while, I'm left with a deeply paranoid personality.
I've done my battles. And like a spartan warhero I went to the emperor and demanded myself one of them cute guys. Because I knew after all that I had been through ordinary pussy just didn't cut it. I had all my life to handle that pussy. No, I wanted that boipussy and I demanded it brought to my bath. And I stepped into the water, as the blood of slain enemies washed off me and tore his ass up in ways only a man who has seen the monster in humanity can. A real pretty blonde one too, emo, with no acne or beard. Only a pretty long blond hair.
Yeah you bet you son, I was balls deep into that. His dick was just hanging back in awe of my hips crushing into him. And when I came I roared, like Leonidas when he pierced the skin of God.
You've dragged you ass through hell and back. I think you're entitled to a warriors bath. Get that blood washed off you in a baptism of bucci.
>>6157870
God would have wanted it this way
>>6157870
I, uhm....wow man.....
>>6157870
Be careful with that edge
stop being racist and take some bbc
>>6157944
I ought to know my way around edges, I've lived on them all my life.
![patrick-sharp-from-2014-small[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/kn62Fl2.jpg "patrick-sharp-from-2014-small[1].jpg")
That's ok OP. More self-loving nationalist gay boys for me.
Pic very much related.
kys degen
