This is a thread for all of us severely mentally ill trannies with psychosis, personality disorders, anxiety, depression, mania, etc etc to post about it and about the crazy shit we've done.
>tfw I've proposed marriage to women a week into dating several times
>>6147797
>tfw I've proposed marriage to women a week into dating several times
That's literally cis lesbian behavior.
>>6147797
>This is a thread for all of us severely mentally ill trannies with psychosis, personality disorders, anxiety, depression, mania, etc etc to post about it and about the crazy shit we've done
we already have one of those
>>6147797
R u allowed if if you're Femgen with bpd?
>>6147812
please do not post off topic
>if someone who holds any degree of influence over me criticizes me, my mind goes numbingly blank in fear and I become limp, afraid, with low mental function and only the ability to respond to simple commands
>>6147820
Sure you are!
I've been abused by three bpd people in my life so far. You guys are wonderful <3
>>6147823
no, no. Too much of the dependent subtype to directly abuse, would rather be abused.
Worst I'll do is borrow your credit card and raid your hormones knowing you'll give me permission after the fact and then cry about it when you get mad.
>>6147797
I lit myself on fire because I thought people would think it was an accident.
as soon as it started burning my legs I freaked out and couldn't get it out because they were soaked in gas. so i tried to pull off my pants but the got stuck on my boots. so basically I was rolling around my driveway with my pants down and my panties showing
>>6147844
I wouldn't get mad at you dummy. I'd force you to get your own hormones.
>>6147856
But u aren't supposed to have those if you're a boy with BPD
>>6147869
if my bf wants hrt he'll get it. period.
>>6147872
10/10 would mooch till you get sick
>>6147854
wat
>>6147797
what about if i'm a severely depressed, anxious fetishist? can i post here?
>>6147892
no. no cis people.
>>6147886
tl;dr I tried to end my suffering without putting any shame on myself or family, but i just ended up a flamer with my pants down and my panties showing
>>6147797
I'm embarrassed to say that despite having a large collection of non-trans related brain problems (depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive stuff, Tourette's syndrome...) I don't really have any interesting stories to tell. Probably because I am unhealthily avoidant about things that make me uncomfortable or are at all uncertain, so I haven't done many of the things that could lead to interesting stories. (That's also why I waited so long between realizing that I was trans and needed to transition and actually doing anything to get started with that, regretfully. I still have problems with that since despite being on HRT for a year I'm too scared to come out to anyone aside from my parents and doctors or try presenting myself as female, ugh... I really hope that I won't still be in the same situation a year from now, but I'm not too hopeful.)
>>6147899
>dying in your panties
>somehow this wouldn't shame your family
A+ logic, anon. You're the best student in the class.
>>6147917
idk... i guess i thought they'd burn away?
i believed in a magical 20th level wizard in the sky who could hie to kolob in the twinkling of an eye.... this was hardly a low for me
>>6147823
Oh good. /femgen/ with AvPD representing.
>>6147797
My partner was suicidal so I tried to convince them to kill themselves so I'd be able to too without feeling guilty about leaving them alone.
>>6148103
Too normal, Femboy. You need to think of something reckless like getting Srs, do it and then cry about how you want to take it back.
>>6147822
what is this called? i have it too, and all i can think about is what a worthless fuckup i am, and it ruins my whole day.
>>6147899
>>6147854
oh my god my fucking sides
>>6147854
What type of panties?
Anyone have a guide for diy srs?
>>6147797
>go on a two day binge on xanax
>consumed about 12+mg of it during
>remeber only small parts of it
>this happened during school days
aand now my mother and all friends hate me and think im a junkie. It was my first time taking anything other than weed. Now im left alone, way to fuck up because of a decision made whilst manic :)
>>6156079
yes
http://pastebin.com/raw/WXkDWMZZ
>>6147797
I'm repressed. Please tell me in just crazy and not trans
>>6156200
Fuck you.
>>6156202
Link?
>>6156229
http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=3885
>>6147797
borderline personality disorder :D
>get sent to psych ward for accusing my doctor of committing trans genocide for not giving me hormones
>all of these scars are a result of my training.
>fucked the psychiatrist :D
>get him to rx adderall and benz
>hook up with this suicidal femboy, get the psych to give him hormones too.
>steal my chart says "danger of flirting with patients", this pleases me!
>meet a white power prison gang president who's in psych ward for a meth rage
>celebrate our psych ward release with a bunch of White Power's cocaine!
I loved those filler serpent servants, if I could have something like that after dying I would had killed myself years ago.
>>6147797
I score "extremely high probability" for screeners of *all* the cluster-B personality disorders and I'm being sent to a psych at the end of the month, plus I have an emotional intelligence score not much higher than a pet dog, does that count?
Not sure if mental illness or I'm just a horrible person.
>had several beta orbiter 'boyfriends' that I would basically exploit for cash and gifts
>would go to trans support group meetings, dating sites, anywhere I might find other trans girls
>would pick the QTs but with obvious self esteem issues and neg them and bully them into a friends with benefits type thing
>basically have a harem of needy and crazy trans girls that I use for sex
Yeah I'm just an ass.
>>6156545
Poo on toast...
>>6156202
>I'm repressed.
Sure why not, if we're anything alike you're probably not trans, just BPD... Too bad body and gender issues go along with it so you'll either end up starving yourself to hospitalization or sucking estrogen.
Sorry anon, it won't get better. You'd probably have been better off if you were just trans.
>>6156462
>get the psych to give him hormones too
Plx talk to my doctor too.
>>6156079
>Not reverse engineering SRS from the pictures you see online and the videos on YouTube
>Not kidnapping the neighbor's dog to practice on
You are not trutrans.
>>6156605
you could always try the old traditional, just say something like "there's this black guy at the trailer park who says he knows some trannies... im thinking about buying some hrt from him, but it feels really unsafe, can you just give me some scripts?"
and if he says no, just accuse him of genocide.
>tfw so paranoid about my partners potentially cheating on me even though they tell me they never will
>cheat on them before "they can cheat on me"
>at one point have 3 separate relationships
>told one of them that i was cheating on her
>ofc she's pissed and eventually broke up
>the second was like "found this guy now bye"
>third broke all contact even though he didn't find out
also
>cant be friends with ex cus i get too jealous if my ex does anything with anyone, or even hints towards it
bpd general
>>6157100
the people that worry the most about cheating are the ones that tend to cheat the most.
why would you have 3 steady relationships? how did you get enough time to live your life?
>>6147854
>started laughing out hard, then suddenly stopped because felt so much pitty for you.
wow, congrats anon. I don't think I've ever experienced that weird combo of emotion before.
>>6147854
that's what you get for trying to die like a man.
>>6147897
>no cis people.
this would mean that Lalalily would think that she doesn't need to post here when she obviously does.
>>6157128
long distance relationships
this helped me stay in touch online, and not always having to meet up with them (england, germany)
also i didnt live my life. i was completely absorbed in telling lies and writing down the lies I told. I started "living more" after this ordeal happened (which is to say, no relationships, just fucking about). If i had more of a spine back then, I'd probably end up much less remorseful about it all.
(it also didn't help that these relationships were with other unstable people)
also, afterwards:
>meet mtf online, shes cute but I do not want a relationship (see previous post)
>bang a few time, she wants a relationship
>mightaswelltry.jpeg
>lasts 3 weeks and waters down
>suddenly no more sex or kisses
>doesnt remember us being in a relationship
>moved out of city
>still have her on facebook and other social media
>every time i see an image of her i get super stressed out
cant get over any of the relationships ive had, no matter how short or meaningless they were.
>>6157178
>>doesnt remember us being in a relationship
i kek'd a little, but that sounds rough.
I'm trans and have a metric fuckton of BPD symptoms; as bad as being trans is if I could change one thing about me I would easily without hesitation lose the borderline behavior any day. I can't take another day of sobbing my eyes out having my second mental breakdown in 12 hours, ruining my skin by cutting, giving myself alcohol poisoning and abusing klonopin, threatening to break up with my partner three times a week, wanting to die almost daily. It's just too much. I also have a lot of anxiety and I'm autistic and have a bunch of tics that are annoying, painful, and probably stupid looking to other people that make me even more self-conscious. I don't know how to talk to people and it's a miracle I'm dating someone at all. Got dealt a really shit hand by the cosmic dice I guess.
>>6157218
>don't have any metal disorders
>people tell me I'm cute
>people often remark about how sane I seem for a trans girl
>still can't get a date
What is wrong with me? Maybe I am crazy.
>>6157235
people like crazy girls because they are easy and seem exiting at first.
no one wants a kuudere ;__;
>>6157178
one more:
>dating cis girl a few months after all that relationship dilemma
>she's cute, sweet and unlike any of my previous partners
>kinda feel in love, despite being bitter and cynical
>turns out she's more fucked up than me
>cuts, alcohol + benzos, talks about suicide
>cant talk to her about personal stuff, or anything for that matter
>every time I'm with her she cries and tells me she cant be around me for longer than a day
>eventually mutually agree to break up, to lessen her stress
>starts dating her ex
>same shit; breaks up
>meet up with her a few times, for sex n drugs
>says that im a freak tranny and doesn't understand how i have so many "privileges" such as insured facial laser out of NOWHERE
>starts dating another different ex
>cuts contact with me
dont believe ive ever had a normal relationship lmao
>>6157240
i keep telling myself that I'm attracted to crazies/eccentric people cus I'm eccentric myself
but its also because I think that I might get bored of them? For some reason I seek out horrible relationships as I subconsciously require people to subjugate me, and that I want to take care of someone else so that my own issues aren't as visible ("At least I'm helping someone get better...")
I have assburgers am I welcome here?
>>6157100
first three lines are all of my relationships
>>6157331
just dont abuse me.
Announcement to everyone in this thread:
You're not really trans, just mentally ill. Stop making all us real trans people look like shit and have a good day.
apparently im the evil side of cluster b
can i join too? or will you all lynch me?
>>6157831
only if you don't greentext
>was juggling four relationships at once before breaking up with three of them without ceremony
>fall in love with anyone
>no inbuilt sense of right and wrong, I avoid doing bad things but I don't judge someone for doing them, people being evil and insane actually feels attractive
>hypersexual
>no real emotional reaction to anything, faked breakdowns, every single emotion is faked, pretend to be upbeat and cheerful and nice and bubbly but it feels retarded
>try to adapt myself to be whoever I'm talking to's perfect person
>lost virginity at 13, both kinds, voluntary
>people I get in relationships with have invariably fallen in love with me and said I'm perfect but two months into it say I 'changed' and that I suck despite the fact that I don't feel any difference. some friends have too but it seems the idealization stays if we don't date.
>no inherent problem with cheating or anything bad in general, but scared of getting caught
>insanely scared of developing a sense of guilt, so I avoid doing bad things preemptively to stay in amoral bliss
Can I come in and what the hell am I? My country doesn't follow DSM-V so I can't really get diagnosed with anything.
>>6158111
Oh and I'm obsessed with staying pretty no matter what. If I didn't look good I'd have killed myself long ago. If I notice someone is attracted, I do my best to tease the shit out of them regardless if I like them back or not.
I feel powerless if I'm not cute, like it's the only thing I can do or something.
drug soa elvoely drygs drugs drugs YUMMY YMMY
>>6158111
u psycho
>>6158249
No, I don't do psycho shit. I'm benign-to-benevolent. I actually help people discover themselves and feel better and shit.
>>6158252
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy#Atypical_response
>>6158279
go take that online assburger test thing
>been addicted to meth, heroin, cocaine, weed, and dxm at different points of my life (started meth at 15)
>cutter for all of my life, scars everywhere
>two suicide attempts
>two psyche hospitalizations
>severe disassociation, people all feel plastic and fake, but also grotesque
>hypersexual, i like being slapped, cut, hit with belts, and made to cry while being fucked
>haven't had sex with anyone for 3 years though, because of self-disgust/misanthropy
>kind of an eating disorder, but more because i want to look like ghoul
>random episodes of rage where i destroy things (electronics, furniture, walls), or break down into a sobbing self-harming puddle of despair
>everything is so fucking grotesque i just want to revel in it with violence and sex and end things with a romantic double suicide
hey boys ;)
>>6158516
quite resilient
>>6156797
I honestly don't want to do that. If I tell him I'm taking them through illegitimate means he might try and call the cops on me or something, especially if I refuse to go cold turkey or something - never mind that it isn't safe to do so- and refuse to dress like a girl or act like one.
I don't trust these people one bit. The more I tell them the more they'll try to use against me. I won't call myself something they aren't or act like a disgusting stereotype for their pleasure. I'd sooner everyone just avoid them and watch them go out of business.
>>6158516
It's like you're me only I've never tried meth or heroin. Also I'm just too apathetic at this point to really care anymore so its been awhile since I landed in ICU.
>>6159444
aww ):
planned parenthood?
>>6159704
They're probably hypocritical authoritarians. Will hand out xenoestrogen contraceptives out without question but won't let boys pay for the same thing.
Everything is rotten. I just want to get by in peace.
>>6157166
ahem, lalalilly IS cis though
>>6147820
are you sure you arent just dysphoric?
I am killing myself in the morning
>>6157100
i don't understand how people can get this many relationships with people
>>6159758
I was looking for things I didn't find in the other relationship(s) I had. The first relationship was with a mtf sperg whom I had to ask if I could kiss or hug her. rarely any sex cus of dysphoria. I was sexually frustrated, but too scared to break up (the whole I'll-kill-myself-if-you-break-up thing) so, spineless me, befriended and eventually dated another person in the mean time. And because I felt all guilty by having 2 relationships, I had another one. Counter-intuitive, I know!
>dating first girl (mtf)
>went to her place by plane
>she lived with her mom in a super messy house with cats
>dinner time
>potatoes and bread
>whatever.jpeg
>make the "mistake" of putting the bread in the oven first instead of the potatoes
>she freaks out and shouts at me what the fuck I'm doing
>she puts the potatoes in first and gradually calms down over a period of 15 min
>didn't see this as a sign to get the fuck out of that relationship
also didn't help that I met these people online.
protip: do not date people online
>>6160352
well, the bread would had burned and it was like 50% of the whole meal.
>>6160363
bread had lower temps
baked separately
>>6160371
i'm not really imagining the oven, but i'll take your word.
how did she hide her living conditions up to that point? did she do anything to make it look better or did she sloth it up? was she chris chan?
>>6160376
she was fairly chubby due to her monotonous eating habits and allergies. the house was all messy but her room was pretty neat (basically just one big 2 person bed anyway, couldn't walk around).
every time we went outside she would straighten her hair and put on mascara (this is all pre-hrt for her). She looked androgynous and cute, although a little bit sleazy. Eventually we didn't go outside at all anymore (this was in London) and we just stayed in her room for almost 2 weeks. I made up excuses to go to the store for snacks so I could be alone and outside for a bit.
>>6160352
....no i mean literally have this many relationships
like how do you even first of all meet these people, second get to a position where you could have sex or date them, third MULTIPLE AT ONCE
wtf
>>6160395
did she eat bread and potatos every day? I really want to know more about her, she sounds fascinating at a distance.
>>6160412
1) internet/forums/dating websites such as okcupid and badoo
2) i was a fit and good looking guy, which I never really saw until i started dating and heard these things
3) by having long distance relationships online and just not telling them stuff about it. i could just open a chat with one and chat with the other at the same time. if i met up with one of them, i'd tell the others i'm on holiday or something.
meet up with one and hang out n fuck, dont tell the others, then go and meet up with another one, hang n fuck etc etc
>>6160416
she was interesting to say the least. i remember her telling me stories about her as a kiddo, when she would grab a knife at night and stand in the door opening of her parents bedroom, contemplating whether or not she wanted to kill them
she also had to wake up VERY CAREFULLY. any noise made her wide-awake and sit-upright. she had a light alarm (the ones that emit light when the alarm goes off and increases in brightness) which still made her flutter and wide-awake. she told me that if there was a loud noise while she was asleep, she'd freak out and scream (never experienced this).
amongst other things. she was a sweet gal and she loved me dearly. during the later part of the relationship she would cry and hold me tight whenever i had to leave back to my country. only i was stoic and felt nothing. I'm p sure if I was friends with her and never dated her, we would still talk.
>>6160416
oh and food wise she ate canned food, as fresh food made her allergies appear. she mostly ate bread, fries, snacks such as potato chips and sweets as far as I can remember.
>ask a qt butch trans girl out, like very tomboy looking but pulled it off (I'm mtf as well)
>she says yes and we go on a date
>all seems well, we're talking about dumb shit and having a good time making each other laugh
>get a little kiss at the end
>feel great and want to see her again, give her my number (oh boy)
>that night she attempts suicide and wants me to drive her to the hospital
>turns out she has PTSD from a rape and also BPD
>blowing up my phone with messages about if I don't come over she'll kill herself
>holy sheeeet
>block number because I can't be doing with this
How did that go from one of my best nights of my life to an absolute nightmare. She seemed so fun and normal.
>>6160572
jesus
>>6160497
wait so you're not a tranny?
>>6160596
i was pre-everything back then. this was about 3 years ago. I was a guy, now I'm a tranny
>>6160572
whoa, im sorry anon. desu I would've driven her to the hospital but what you did was probably the better thing to do. Can't normalize a person with bpd, even though I am one as well :)
Anxiety disorder and BPD, I feel you crazy fucks.
Probably also some degree of ptsd, I've forced myself to more or less forget a couple years of my life as a result and still wake up in panics all the time from an ex I lived with who abused the shit out of me.
>>6159586
Wanna hook up?
Now, I'm convinced that being trans is some kind of mental ilness, holy fuck.
I wish I'd transitioned but I have the shittiest genes in the world and I went bald before I was 20
I'm just an awkward bald guy with identity problems who likes feminine things now
>used to cut all the time because addicted to endorphins like heroin
>carved for 4 hour sessions sometimes cutting over 700 different places
>basically just used as a sex slave by ex fiance and other women because im bpd and deserve this
>punish myself all the time for shit that isnt even my fault
>feel like im a sociopath
>used to swallow mouthfuls of 99 proof alcohol constantly drunk
>would punch brick walls a lot and broke my hand many times
>put a gun in my mouth daily
>sex slave mistress person married someone
>kept fucking her anyways behind her marine husband's back
>cant go outside cause people stare at me and judge me and will try and hurt me
>I get extremely tired in public because I walk really fast and weird
>tend to fold my arms on my chest and drum my fingers intensely
>people think im extremely pissed off or something but im fighting the urge to sway back and forth and moan because im so uncomfortable
>sleeping disorder just woke up at 3am and went to sleep at 4pm YAY
>constant voice in my head telling me im worthless and stupid and people are just going to betray me
>always waiting for people to leap out and be like "Ha you think I actually care about you? I was just setting you up for this the whole time!"
>im constantly exhausted and everything i make is awful and I feel like a burden to everyone I interact with
>I havent had a real life friend in over 10 years
>when im manic become the complete opposite person thinking im brad pitt on cocaine
>pass everyone on the highway flooring car to maximum speeds
>pretty much play rape/choke them with my cock/creampie anyone who gets even close to me
>scream constantly like light yagami
>preach it brother beavis
>one time it was really bad and I walked like 7 miles laughing hysterically the whole way to the hospital
>nurse there threatened to stick this giant needle in my asshole if I didnt calm the fuck down
>get sent to psych ward
>trick the drs into releasing me by acting normal
>xir wouldnt hurt a fly
>>6161120
what keeps you going
I got diagnosed BPD at 17 but I'm not sure if even have it. Childhood and teenage years were pretty fucked up and all but now that I'm 25 I'm not sure if I actually have it? Like really after I gtfo my family's house, out of relationships with other really emotionally unstable and violent people and got a pretty ok job, I haven't really showed or felt anything 'BPD' since I was a teenager. On top of that I never physically hurt anyone, threatened to kill myself, never blew up on people, never hurt an animal, had any desire to hurt someone, etc. Out of that crazy shit I was in, I'm a pretty functional adult with the exception I'm mostly a hermit and have difficulties with intimacy(despite having friends, I just 'ghost' a lot and have trouble giving a shit about more than two people at a time). I also got hit with a PTSD, anxiety and depression diagnosis on and off. I haven't been medicated for anything aside from my anxiety since I was 19(and even then it was pretty much taking a xanax once or twice a month if i really felt like i couldn't handle it).
Did I just 'learn' to cope with my bullshit or what? I don't want to see psychs anymore because all the meds I've been on has fucked me up for months even after stopping them and it felt like I just got handed diagnosises after less than a minute of talking. I feel like my behaviors were just a product of what was happening then and there.
>>6157100
>she
>he
Biscum are cheaters? I had no idea.
>>6161159
Nothing really. I guess I just live to make other people happy and jump from person to person once they get bored of me or betray me. I gave up and applied for disability 3 months ago and Im just waiting now. Ive been living in a garage for the past 5 years or so, which is a step up from living in that meth trailer. Getting on mones helped and being high constantly helped. Two more weeks and I can blaze it 24/7 again and at least sort of function. Honestly I gave up. None of this matters anymore.
>>6161160
And to add some history, pre-20 years old
>tons of physical abuse as as child and witnessed a lot of first hand animal cruelty from my father and peers
>mom is completely fucked up so she ignored everything
>panic attacks and outbursts since 5 almost every day on the bus going home because i was terrified of going home
>started cutting and burning myself at 8
>molested by brother and cousins
>hypersexual preteens-early teens, throw drugs and older men in there
>sexually assaulted by female teacher who had been grooming the fuck out of me for years
>expelled from 1st grade, 8th grade and some vocational school for fighting
>hospitalized for suicide attempt and self harm at 13
>on/off relationships with very emotional abusive people(ex gf stabbing herself in the fucking cervix, having to walk 6 miles at midnight to her when she was bugging out, she was a schizo) and some physical ones(got punched, choked out and threatened at knifepoint)
>didn't have electricity+water for most years, food was scarce
>hardly was allowed inside until i was a teenager
>alley raped at 18
>tried prostitution at 19, few guys but they were nice, polite, etc so no ill feelings - i just couldn't fake being into it very well.
>on/off drug abuse with painkillers, coke and E
>covered in literally hundreds of scars, have nerve and muscle damage in some places
>two overdoses that put me in ICU
>constant panic attacks
>no sleep for days, and when i did sleep it was only an hour or two because of night terrors and sleep paralysis
>lost home
>drunk constantly
cont
>>6161220
Post-20 its like nothing. Panic attacks rarely happen but if I do get overwhelmed(like waiting in the ER for being sick or something) I pace really bad and can do it for hours, repetitive movements and whatnot but I'm still 'there' but even then that can happen less than once a year. I just can't sit still and have zero ability to stay focused on anything for more than half a minute.
Sleeping still sucks. I still think about self harm, fantasies about being mutilated/gored in some sort of way nonstop but there is no intent or 'bad' feelings about it but I think that highly ties in with not being able to focus so I'm constantly spacing out. It's just sort of ingrained into my head. I don't 'feel' depressed or anything.
I never can know whether my mental problems are the result of being a tranny and would go away if I took hormones and transitioned successfully
or whether I'm just mentally ill and being a tranny is another mental illness.
>>6161302
i believe most mental disorders came to be in ones youth (pre-puberty)
personally i see being transgender also as a mental disorder, but that's an unpopular opinion to have (mtf here)
>>6161329
I had trans feeling before I had any other mental illness so maybe it's just the tranny stuff that caused them
>>6161220
You might not be BPD now but basically everything you did before you were 20 screams it. It can wear off with age, it can also be very situational. Outside of a relationship my symptoms are somewhat more muted but when I'm around my partner I'm a near constant wreck.
>>6161302
Basically do you think you have these mental disorders because of the distress dysphoria causes you? Are you depressed because you hate your body, are you anxious because you are self-conscious about your appearance in public? Then they might go away with hormones. If they're rooted in trauma of some kind or anything unrelated to being trans then it's unlikely.
>trans gf threatening suicide again if I leave her
>just another day
How do you deal with this shit? It's almost abusive for her to be doing this to me.
>>6161329
what? dysphoria is a mental disorder, we all know that.
disorder =/= disease, just a deviation from the norm
>>6162224
if you have the time you could form a support group around her, make her go to lgbt groups until she finds one that works or make her start a hobby that will make her interact with more people. meanwhile you can slowly see her less and less until you disapear from her life, or just do that.
>have self diagnosed BPD
>message friend/partner
>seen at xx:xx
>they don't reply
BRB KILLING MYSELF
>>6161971
I had the trans feelings first so maybe that's it.
As a kid I was really scared of the dark and being alone but I sort of grew out of that. At 5-10 I always daydreamed and dreamed about waking up as a girl, and always though that after praying to god before I went to sleep I would wake up as a girl. And then at 13~ I figured out it wasn't normal to wish I was a girl and guys didn't want to be girls. And around 14~ is when the other mental illnesses started.
>>6161217
Dont you think you should have tried to fix yourself before getting hormones? Seriously youre fucking up man. Good luck tho
>>6162224
https://www.bpdcentral.com/help-for-families/bpd-articles/?What-to-do-when-feeling-manipulated-by-suicide-threats-10
http://www.wikihow.com/Break-Up-With-Someone-Who-Is-Threatening-Suicide
These might help in at least letting you know that your girlfriend is definitely being manipulative and you don’t deserve that if you want to get out of it.
I had an ex that threatened suicide whenever I didn’t come online (long-distance relationship) and the way I ended the relationship was acting really shitty and distant to him until he got sick of it and broke up with me himself. It definitely wasn’t a nice thing to do, but it worked!
>>6164069
Maybe this sounds dumb but I sent a message to a trans girl on a dating site. All I said I'd that she seems really cute.
Next thing you know she sends me this multiple paragraph response about how I made her day and she was thinking about killing herself but now because of my message she has hope and all this shit about her abusive ex gf and how she hopes to become a sex worker.
Basically the most crazy shit I've read.
My question is do I have any responsibility to do anything? Like my gut is to just block and ignore her cuz I literally sent her a few words.
>>6165318
if she's actually cute, fuck then fade
>>6164055
Getting on mones was really the only thing that ever helped me.
>PTSD from sexual assault @ 13
>less than a block from my house
>fairly severe brain damage from hitting my head on the pavement
>develop anorexia, depression, agoraphobia, and severe anxiety over the next couple years
>possibly schizo too, considering the hallucinations and voices
>self-harm near daily
>dropped out of 10th grade
>more suicide attempts than i can count
>"loving" parents, too self absorbed and personally broken to notice AT ALL
>almost 24, have spent the last 7 years leaving the house less than once every 3 months or so
i coulda been good, man. genetically blessed, super smart kid. now my brain is broken and i only manage to cope by smoking a ton of weed and zoning out on vidya. at least my body's turning out nice from all this estrogen im guzzling. maybe i can find a sugar daddy who'll put up with my daily panic attacks.
>>6164069
>taking advices from wikihow for anything besides fixing your pants
why?
>>6165318
send her something like
>dude, calm down
post pics.
>>6165318
If she’s volatile enough to send such a personal message to someone she’s barely spoken to, it’s a good sign of what’s to come if you want to continue pursuing anything with her. (Clinginess, idealisation which could flip-flop to devaluation if she’s REALLY crazy, etc)
You don’t have to reply anymore unless you’re still interested, you don’t owe her anything. The thing that sucks about crazy people is that you should pursue them with the knowledge that.. they might never get better. In many cases they literally will never get better. A person might improve, but some people have mental illnesses for life. If you’re the kind of person who can’t deal with that, it’s better to cut your losses before it gets serious and even harder to cut off.
(Saying this as someone with BPD)
>>6165643
That’s why I said “these might help in at least letting you know that your girlfriend is definitely being manipulative and you don’t deserve that if you want to get out of it,” if the person wants to follow the advice I guess that’s fine for them? It was more to show that they shouldn’t feel responsible or feel pressured to stay in a relationship they no longer want to be in. Dealing with suicidal people fucking sucks and there’s no bonafide way to sort it out, especially without feeling guilty that you might be letting them down or feeling pressured to continue the relationship.
>>6156200
Aww. I was hoping for some gore.
>>6161120
>>pretty much play rape/choke them with my cock/creampie anyone who gets even close to me
Yeah, you can write it like it was "play" but I'm pretty sure you've just admitted you're a rapist. kys
>>6171380
A "rape victim" doesnt usually pretend to escape and pretend to fight back and beg for your dick during and kiss you and snuggle with you afterwards.
Schizophrenic autistic FtM. Is this my thread?
>>6165637
I'm in a very similar situation to you, anon. Brain damage (born with it, degenerative), anorexia, depression, schizo, agoraphobia, dropped out of school. I was also a "super smart kid", was offered the chance to join Mensa but turned it down out of nerves, but by 11 or so I was fucked.
>tfw no crazy tranny gf
>>6172412
just out of curiosity, what's the condition, if you don't mind?
>>6147908
oh man, same here
i literally cannot handle even the slightest amount of embarassment, and i get embarassed ridiculously easily. like i'm decent about not showing it on the outside when i'm around people, but i'll obsess over stuff for weeks and go to ridiculous lengths to avoid anything that reminds me of stupid things ive said/done. coming out is near inconceivable and i'm probably just going to cut off my family/few friends entirely if i ever work up the nerve to transition.
>>6172462
The brain damage one? It's rare and pretty much personally identifiable.
>>6172489
ah, okay. that sucks. what kinds of things does it cause?
WHY WONT HE REPLY. I know he started work at 6 so he should be on his break and all I want is to be loved. Fucking asshole I bet he's with a coworker. Just love me...
If I txt him any more I'll seem crazy.
testosterone makes me feel very evil
why is everyone so crazy
>>6174820
Probably something to do with weird brain biology and then the environmental factor of being tortured and denied self-actualization for 20 some years of their life which exacerbates any condition.
>>6162224
it's not "almost abusive",
it's straight up one of the features of emotional abuse to threaten self-harm or suicide as a way to manipulate a partner
>>6172830
even when you love someone you might want to have alone time. if you don't get some form of control over your own time you'll start disliking your partner and seeing him/her as a warden.
>>6172830
Master's cum made it all better (:
>>6147869
I have avoidant personality. I'm laying outsife at my parents suburban back yard. It's now 8pm I started this, with apparently no bathroom break or food now that I just think about it, at noon....
Everyday is like this. I used to be somebody but age 23 the crisis started and now at age 24.5 I figured it out and I'm hiding and avoiding life. I start HRT soon but I can't like 'hatch from the egg' around my parents yet here I am... Living with them. Because I'm broken inside. Fml.
Had a girl with schizophrenia that I fell in love with. She fucked me up bad. She called me a faggot cuz I moan like a girl during sex and I cum really fast like sorry I couldn't be a better lover but then she tried to ruin my life and stuff. Long story involving psychotic stuff.
>>6165637
I'm in the exact boat. Wanna start a new family? My family is exactly the same way. Self absorbed. They always tell me to get on corproate anti depressants, one of which fucked up my hearing at age 13 when they put me on it. Age 11 was high doses of behavior mod drugs for "adhd" that made me a zombie so my zionists Hebrew school "teachers" didn't have to cope with me never wanting to be there. Now I cannot concentrate, but I have a brilliant mind for some things. Others are so vividly broken.
I cut myself for along time, and somehow hid that. I almost wish I hadn't. Dropped out in 10th and get "support" through college and then now I feel like I survived childhood and boyhood and oh whoops I was supposed to be a hot young successful woman. Instead I'm a suicidal wreck of apathy and despondent angst.
I'm better when I'm not alone I'm legit starting my own family to travel with this year at festivals and such.
are we still counting dysphoria as a mental disorder or not? idk if i belong here
>>6183532
Its a biological brain birth defect.
The problem is that 99.99% of people who claim to be transexual arent and are just degenerates wanting acceptance. You know unless like 10% of the population is apparently transexual. WHICH ITS NOT
>>6183569
i just want to be normal and happy and not suicidally depressed
>>6147797
>tfw you're autistic and have a deeply rooted inferiority complex and used to be severely depressed so i didnt try and get on hormones until five years after I came out
>could have easily started transitioning in high school if i wasnt retarded about it
JUST
>>6183569
>I hate my reality so much I have to try to deny others theirs.
8th grade called.
I am trans and pretty much hate ALL mtfs including myself so I am pretty self-destructive and unpredictable. Also a bit histrionic and masochistic.
Phew, how did I go on the fucked up tranny scale?
>>6183644
I know that feel. I was called a faggot in high school so much but I never let it get to me because I'm not gay. Then now I wish I had let it get to me. My false ego stripped, I'm finally out of high school but now I'm 25 :l
>>6173580
I go from frail weak dying white girl laying on a floor crying to shark hacker stalker psychotic rape monster (not actually) it feels like. The lesbian dungeons of my brain are where I'm locked when it cycles like I don't want to have body sex and it demands it ugh fml
>>6147797
Guys! I heard of a teacher at my lil bros school who called trans people "It" saying Kaitlin Jenner didn't deserve to be woman of the year, because she is an "It" And that "Bruce won those medals." Who wants to fuck up his life and complain to the school system?
>>6183671
I didnt start until 22 and i dont even pass without makeup because of it
sometimes i used to pass on long hair alone prehormones, until I was 19 or 20
the regret kills me sometimes
>>6183721
Nah, I don't care what regime peasants are doing. I'm out of the system fuck the kids. I'll make a trans documentary for future parents someday titled "why you should not have kids and kill yourself instead"
>>6183729
Yes but its a chance to ruin a dudes life who said trans aren't people. Lets see if it makes it to the news?
>>6183649
How do you look yourself in the mirror everyday and convince yourself that youre not an abomination? Is it because you don't look in the mirror? Is it because you say brave words and what you want people to think of you, when in reality youre just hanging onto the last little tiny thread of hope that transitioning will somehow fill the void in your empty life? Is it because youre jealous of us and see how happy it makes us to transition that you invent some fallacy to try to live vicariously through our life when in reality you feel nothing and everyone makes fun of you nonstop because of how much of a fucking freak you are? Does it hurt that Im not gonna hugbox you because youre a monster and should be treated by one and youre incredibly fucking sick and desperate for attention that youd chemically castrate yourself just to try and fit in? I hope you think of me when you blow your brains out because you realize youre not actually transexual and it brought you nothing but misery and shame in your life. Make sure to hug your dollies and put on a cute dwessie so you can leave a pretty corpse for your adopted fetlife family.
>>6183747
Fuck off white knight faggot. Hons arent people.
Theyre sick fetishists.
I bet you suck dicks to live "le trutrans laura experience" to afford to pay for your $10 estrogen pills.
>>6183725
I was just raised in a system that always said 'you could just a male like a non musculine man its okay. :)' and for 4 years longer I accepted it and now my window is rapidly closing to even look female by age 30. I look about 21 but I can feel and see how fast I'm growing now it's what is causing my gridlock. I can't work I feel literally such a degenerate. I panic at every mirror. I'm just in a state of panic like I can't even imagine how the honest fuck I'll even learn makeup. Like I can hardly get out of bed now I have to relearn culture. I might as well move to Japan now and get it over with and start totally new like totally 100% new but I fear I'll be raped and killed.
I am a fiction author, I wrote myself into too many fictions and never narrated my own life. My parents did it all. I never grew up.. They moved mountains to keep me moving straight on their path. :( I was always steered off mine or shamed. I want to die.
I'm going to moonrise fest this year on the east coast to meet a new family. Even if they are awful I will move on to a new family and so on until I have my own. I hate my existence.
>>6183751
Is this copy pasta? It got pretty Anime there I'm not going to lie I raised an eyebrow but you over buttered the roll on the "I hate you so much go die" narrative.
Tbh I'm drunk and don't feel I owe you a response....
>>6183747
No one is stopping you, but no one is helping you. Go to tumblr those straight girls love drama.
...
>>6183569
Spoken like a true college graduate(TM).
>>6183784
Good point, to tumblr it is
>>6183764
.... Seriously though, aren't we all escorts?
>>6183784
Are... you... on... your..... period.....
[period blood intensifies]
If I'm a sociopath and bipolar am I welcome here
>be me (mtf)
>dating guy
>things blowing up
>meet amazing trans girl
>actually talked for 8 hours straight the day I met her
>hurt to end it wanted to stay forever
>goes on for a couple months
>decide to be with her cause 'love'
>leaves that week
>says im too good for her
>gone for like a year in a single day
>'friends' now
>still romantic with her
It hurts so much that she won't ever let me close again and left me with a very real void inside me. I seem to always seek out and find people like this. If she lived by me I'd still be fighting to keep her but shes long gone. Does it makes me a weirdo if I specifically have an interest and love for people with BPD and the like? Just want someone to fight for mang..
>>6183953
Sure babe
>>6184239
It's not weird.. I'm borderline and people get addicted to me frequently
>>6184239
>Does it makes me a weirdo if I specifically have an interest and love for people with BPD and the like?
I mean, I'm not sure why anyone would love someone like me, so yeah I guess that makes you a weirdo. Do you get off on pain?
I'm CIS (I know, get out REEEEE) but I love crazy trannies, as long as they're not the SJW-crazy type. Normal people are boring
>>6186031
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EfsNB99Y_g
wanna start it
>>6184691
In what way? Like they wanna be around you a lot? That must get hard I have trouble being interested in more than 2-3 people at once.
>>6184986
>Do you get off on pain?
That's a hard one to answer. Fuck I feel like I can't express myself right now. I feel closer to someone when they push me away a bit? If that makes any fucking sense. Fuck im not able to explain this shit ive been looking at my phone for 15 min now. Really though i could put it in words this tine. Answer is yes I guess
>>6186892
>in what way?
I'm kind of like a drug. At first I'm amazing and I'm the best sex they've ever had and we have all the same interests and attitude and really get along. Because borderlines are good at taking bits of others identities and I guess we're hypersexual, so I wanna kiss every inch of his body and lovingly suck his dick and do everything for him.
Eventually I feel a combination of boredom and fear that they like me too much instead of hating me like they're supposed to.. So I move to someone new. and my old flame is like "... You were SO into me, and you just leave like that? ): why??"
>>6186971 cont..
It's not that my love for my old flame faded.. It's just that seeing them honestly love me scares me, and I can't fight my fear, I just need time away and with someone else... I feel horrible when I do it and blame myself for ruining another relationship because I can't seem to stay in love..if I knew they still loved me and would wait id probably come back in a few days..
Also I'm kinda insecure about myself.. So sometimes I like treating my partner really shitty to see if his love is strong enough to stay with me through all that.
>>6186971
>>6186985
Dear god. Marry me.
I feel like I've had all of these emotions myself, from the sex to especially the coming back in a few days. I've been on both sides and totally get it. I really love those days when my partner would go away or when they'd be a complete shit head. Even in the fighting and crying I felt an amazing subtext of just how much we really loved each other. I love that moment when I'm on the couch at their friends house and they finally come over and sit by me, kinda staring forward as if to say "I hate you but I do love you and I'm here, don't make me have to talk"
Sometimes I get a bit gross feeling if I get too close with someone and it scares me and I just pray for a day where theyd ignore me or be a jerk but they don't understand and I just go to the mall for a day to get the fuck away till I feel less freaked out. God dating normies is weird.
Wow this thread is me.
>tfw all the 'whats wrong with you faggot' tests eventually start scoring you high as fuck for everything
>they all say you have DID now
welp
fuck mang
>>6187196
Link plz?
>>6187157
You sound amazing. we probably shouldn't hook up. But I probably would anyways if you were close.
>crippling mental illness
>all these sad story people have it more handled than me even though my problems are not that bad.
>im the failure
>>6187261
Fuck. Everything you say is so right. I doubt you're close I live in Atlantic Canada. (Please be close)
>>6187363
Aww ):
Los Angeles..
>>6187566
Opposite ends of the continent huh
Anyone else constantly read the mean comments on trans related news articles to maybe get discouraged enough to go though with killing themselves?
>>6187679
This is why I stopped reading the comments. Spent a few days in the psych and when I got out I took a break from all the articles and shit an felt much happier
Fuck internet people
>>6188129
I should really stop. I think it is actually going to push me over the edge. Social media in general. God article after article these days. Every day seems like more hate.
>probably have bdd
>literally no confidence
>will never be able to get anywhere with my transition because of this
>can't trust people who say I pass
>can't trust anyone not even myself
>>6147797
I have some kind of schizophrenia if I still see my bff I lost on a car accident when I was 6 y/o?he just dissappears whenever I notice him. Appart from that I've been pretty sane
>implying you see fucking ghosts you crazy moron
I have BPD and have ended up being emotionally abusive and manipulating everyone I've dated. I'm getting therapy but I feel like it doesn't help and I just want to get a bf and be in a healthy relationship. How have you guys dealt with being borderline and overcoming it?
>>6187679
I don't do it for the purpose of making me want to kill myself. I can do that without external help. Does make me feel like shit since I often can't help but read the comments since I get curious
>>6188478
>tfw no abusive partner
People hate Trannies and Gay people...
because they hate Men who break their gender roles.
--
All homophobia, transphobia roots in Misandry.
And it has driven you all crazy.
But you all aren't truly crazy.
>>6171946
Brah, I don't think you can really make broad sweeping statements like "No rape victim would really do this, therefore it wasn't rape!" because people's reactions vary wildly. But ok. I'm sure you feel crazy for it for very good reasons that have nothing to do with guilt.
>>6188566
>tfw tomgirl tranny and hate almost every guy because they are less of a man than I am and it triggers my dysphoria
>they are constantly apologize for everything
>they are constantly asking for permission like im their mommy or teacher and they want to go potty
>>6188583
poster related
>having rough sex with a fellow nympho in a play rape scenario is RAPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRIGGGEEERRRREED
>#whyineedfeminism #allmalesarerapists
>>6188608
I have literally no idea what you just said.
Sorry.
You might have to explain simpler.
I understood like 10% of that.
>>6188497
I'm gay and only like dick. Sorry Anon :(
>>6188566
Would you shut up
>>6188613
Women like rough sex.
Just because you are rough with someone doesnt mean youre raping them.
Sex isnt just missionary position.
You obviously have never had an SO if you arent aware of having a fight and you youre both just angry as fuck and you just hate fuck each other to get all of those emotions out and snuggle afterwards. Youll understand one day when youre not 16year old b8.
And its not just men doing it. Have you never seen lesbian porn? They practically light each others vaginas on fire with how much constant friction they put on their clits. Not to mention when youre having sex the endorphins increase your pain tolerance so much, that you can could slap a bitch across the face and it wouldnt even phase them.
Submissives want to be dominated not asking for permission. Nothing is a bigger turn off. When you and a submissive have an established relationship and connection, you know exactly how much you can push them and how far they need to be pushed. You know them entirely and they trust you and give you control of them. She might of been his wife but she was my submissive.
>tfw you will never experience the pleasure of gassing all the nutters in this thread
>>6188976
word
hey /ctg/ i am feeling sane as fuck and managing my borderline well (:
anyways, last night i went to this dive bar and was smoking a cigarette round the back when this skinhead squared off and called me a faggot. he was really scary and i thought... "shit i just have to fuck him".
"Yes, sir... i am a faggot." with shameful feminine voice.. he stares at me with hatred. "...can i please see your cock?" i ask. he just stares at me like a degenerate, unmoving.
"show me your tits, faggot."
long story short, fffffuck yes.
>>6188716
well im sad and drepressed now
>>6157805
TRANSlation, trans is a mental disorder, bad day.
>>6156701
>not being able to do thought experiments in your head to create a perfect SRS operation.
>>6157805
This one obviously has delusions of being a psychologist.
>>6158516
Sounds like a bad case of trauma poisoning.
>>6161160
>>6161220
Check out Complex-PTSD. You likely have it. It sucks...
>>6165637
>i coulda been good, man. genetically blessed, super smart kid. now my brain is broken
IKTF
my life got shattered by over 1600 ECT zaps over 18 months. My memory is so full of holes and errors I can't trust any knowledge I have.
>>6183569
>another one that has delusions of being a psychologist.
>>6187196
iktf...
I feel like I am the only normal trans girl with a single boyfriend who I make blueberry pancakes for <3
>>6191804
Since the Social Security Administration started in 1936, 135,367 people have changed their name to one of the opposite gender, and 30,006 also changed their sex accordingly, the study found. Of Americans who participated in the 2010 census, 89,667 had changed their names and 21,833 had also changed their sex.
So lets be conservative and we eliminate only 50% of them as fucking weirdo transvestites named Chandelier etc. Then keep the remaining 50% for all the people who are legit and not reported or blew their brains out.
We get 10,917 legit transexuals in the usa.
If its only 30% legit we get 6,550 trans people in the usa.
Fuck it lets say all 21,833 are not hons and are legit and lets triple it to 65,499 for all the unreported people.
That's 0.02053% of the population is trans.
0.020532% if youre right.
0.002053 if i'm right.
BOY GOLLY LOOK AT ALL THESE TRANSEXUALS
PRINCETON, N.J. -- The American public estimates on average that 23% of Americans are gay or lesbian, little changed from Americans' 25% estimate in 2011, and only slightly higher than separate 2002 estimates of the gay and lesbian population. These estimates are many times higher than the 3.8% of the adult population who identified themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender in Gallup Daily tracking in the first four months of this year.
Almost 4% of people in the usa are gay vs 0.0205% are transexual.
Man surely all these tens of thousands of suddenly transexual people are legit and not mentally ill.
>>6189375
>hey /ctg/ i am feeling sane as fuck and managing my borderline well (
How do you actually do that? I'm in DBT and that's great and all but it still fucks me up.
>>6191869
>0.020532% if youre right.
>0.002053 if i'm right.
Pre 2002 there had been at least 32,000 MtF sex change operations performed US citizens in the USA. That is a rate of 1:2500 for 18-60yo males who already underwent sex change as of that date. This is only those that had MtF sex change operations. It doesn't count all those who elected not to. It also doesn't count any FtMs.
source:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TSprevalence.html
Lynn goes through many methods and data sources, and surprise surprise they all come out similar. (see pic.)
Comparison to India
>For example, most rough estimates of the number of Hijra in India range around 1,000,000 in a country of about one billion population. Since there are about 375 million males over age 13 in India, the prevalence of Hijra there is roughly 1:375. Recent communications between Hijra gurus and western transsexual women suggest that a majority of those who undergo the primitive Hijra "sex change" surgery are early-onset intense transsexuals. Becoming Hijra involves a great loss of social status, and so there must be many TS's in India who do not become Hijra. Thus the value of 1:375 appears to be a reasonable lower bound on the intrinsic level of intense transsexualism in India.
That is 0.27% as a lower end estimate.
BTW: many more operations happen every year now than just 15 years ago when that study was done. The better surgeons all have over 1 year waiting lists, and some are over two years. I've heard rumors of three new US surgeons starting to do them in the past year.
>>6195960
only hons get srs because they feel MUH VAGINA makes them a real woman.
