I got stories of love, lust, and loss. I really don't know where to go now. Anything would help. This isn't bait or whatever, I just think you all have the most realistic point of view.
>has an amazing gf who would die for me
>super closet bi
>women and her are still attractive
>cheats on her with anons on CL
>imworthlessscum.jpg
>pondering death
>this isnt the first time
>logs onto 4chan
lol scumbag
You don't have to come out, but def break up with her, NOW!
I read a story about a bi curious guy who hooked up with a guy once and gave his wife a STD. No one deserves that. You can stay in the closet, but you can't stay in that relationship bro.
>>6138275
She would fucking be destroyed in either case. Should I end it with her and end all of the life we've built? I afraid she wouldn't know what to do. I don't want to get into all of the details but we are pretty intertwined at this time in life. This is were my guilt and logic come to an impasse, and the only thing that makes sense is to go swim out into the ocean and just not stop ever.
>>6138285
Look man I'm just a 4chan loser so don't take my advice too seriously, but I feel you must either come clean or break up, that shit is gross.
How do you think she will react?
>>6138299
She has so much emotional baggage and has invested alot into me and our relationship. Subsequently, I have too.
Idk, desu she might forgive me but you know like any relationship is based off of trust and I have just fucked that trust in what could be considered quite the worst way possible.
Needless to say, she flip her shit. And there is no way her and I could work it out quietly, because she is in need of attention 24/7. Which would mean all of the relationships Ive developed with her senpai would go polar opposite on me in 2 seconds flat.
Sorry, but the REAL issue here is about your thoughts about suicide. You need to contact a suicide prevention hotline NOW and talk to a professional.
There isn't ANY reason to kill yourself, and you shouldn't be pondering death!
As for the issue about being bi, some people are gay, some people are straight, and some people are bi. Either way, that's okay.
But the first thing you need to do is to go speak with someone about the suicidal thoughts.
>>6138299
She has so much emotional baggage and has invested alot into me and our relationship. Subsequently, I have too.
Idk, desu she might forgive me but you know like any relationship is based off of trust and I have just fucked that trust in what could be considered quite the worst way possible.
Needless to say, she flip her shit. And there is no way her and I could work it out quietly, because she is in need of attention 24/7. Which would mean all of the relationships Ive developed with her senpai and her friends (shit my senpai and friends too) would go polar opposite on me in 2 seconds flat.
>>6138311
I get that. I might talk to someone. I just can't see this playing out in any way that I want to live through. Figuratively and literally.
Apparently the word (f)a(m) = senpai. Funny
how about instead of killing yourself you try working out your problem with cheating. You obviously realize its not okay, so just start building yourself as a person so as to make sure shit like this never happens again. You dumbass.
"I have an issue so I'm just gonna kill myself waaahh"
Literally retarded
>>6138340
this
don't kill yourself senpai it'd be a waste of life, even if you don't value it others do and you don't have the right take it from them
>>6138340
I see where you are coming from. But the thing is, I don't feel guilty about cheating really. I feel guilty because I don't feel guilty. I'm like a sociopath or something. I don't feel a fucking ounce of remorse and it just doesn't feel human.
On top of all the other things I said ^ it just compounds into this giant ball of fuck that has been following me for 2.5 years now.
I just feel empty and fake
>>6138347
then work on that you idiot. You know there are people who literally study for YEARS to help people like you? They're called therapists. Talk to one
>>6138346
Do I really not have the right though? People have been condemned for far less and have gone to greater lengths.
No one will truly understand how much i struggle with this (myself really).
>inb4 no one understands me meme
I just can't see a light at the end. And I dont feel like giving up really. I dont think thats at all what I'm trying to do. It just feels like the right direction.
>>6138356
What would that mean though for me. Live an existence for everyone else and what they think is best for me? Try and put myself back together and pretend for the rest of my life?
You have to admit that sounds far-fetched
>>6138368
Look, here's how it is plain and simple: You fucked up. Badly. From this point you can either prove to yourself that you really are a weak-minded, weak-willed, worthless piece of shit at your core by ending your life OR You can take everything thats happened at base value, realize that you are not yet good enough for this person, remove yourself from their life, and start helping yourself become a better person. You know what you did is bad. That's good. It shows that you're not evil scum, whether you think so or not. The reason you're being so dramatic about it is because this isn't some story, this is your life. Big problems like this scare everybody when it happens to them. Just get your shit together senpai, don't kill yourself. Please
>>6138396
Become someone you can respect
>>6138396
I just can't even imagine her being able to look at me the same way ever again.
You know the more I think about it, the more I feel like this is some selfish masquerade. But then i think about the actual real implications of what would happened if I confessed my sins to her and it makes me want to stop feeling. And I think that is where my mind goes.
I see your point, and I agree that it's fucking scary. I just cant shake the thoughts. It just makes so much sense
>>6138412
You fucked over someone you love, of course you feel shitty about it. So, because you love her, you're gonna tell her what happened, and she's gonna hate you for it. Shes gonna have every right to feel that way. What happens from there isn't something i can say for sure, but if it turns out for the worse, then you at least owe it to her by leaving her alone and letting her recover. Like I said, you don't deserve her right now. But killing yourself is just throwing all the time and good memories you gave her down the drain, and even is she ends up hating you for what you did, she'll never forgive you for killing yourself. Like I said, just get your shit together and see a psychiatrist for your problem
>>6138444
Goes without saying that it's easier said than done.
It just feels like I'm dead already, you know (probably not)? I have to actively think to myself, like " What would a human reaction be in this situation?"
It's exhausting
>>6138459
So is killing yourself.
If nothing else, think on it for a few days. If you REALLY feel like killing yourself by then then go ahead and do it. Idgaf I don't know you. I'm just some nigga giving you advice on the internet because I feel for your situation and know for a fucking fact thats its not something someone should end a life over
>>6138476
That was more endearing than you think actually. Well, I came here for advice and I got it. I appreciate your emotional effort and time Anon and other anons. If I feel compelled to come back and say I didn't do anything I will do so.
Thank you all for listening, I think I've said all I can.
>>6138264
You cheat on your partner, and instead of facing your issues like a grown up you want to just off yoaurself? I think you might be the most selfish and infantile human being ever.
>>6138285
Don't act like you give a shit about her and her feelings. You wouldn't have cheated or threaten to kill yourself selfishly scumshit.
>>6138493
Goodnight anon, sleep tight and wake up in the morning.
>>6138521
Its not as much the fear of facing my issues. It's the void that it would fall into. Its the void that's been consuming me. It's the pointlessness of facing issues that would just cause me and other people more drama and frustration and upset than it needs to be.
And I totally am scumshit. I am scumshitvoidblacknessmuktrash. Though besides your tactful comment, I do care for her and her feelings. In fact, I may care for her more than anyone in this universe. Which is what bothers me the most about myself. Like you said, it's pretty selfish.
I am sure that my drive to do homosexual acts sprouts from my youth (long story) and I'm probably scarred from that shit (not to deflect).
>>6138264
Dude, therapy now. Seriously get some help with your relationship and your life. If you cheated it means you have a problem in your relationship and you shouldn't be thinking about killing yourself over it tho. Talk with someone about this shit don't keep it bottled up.
>>6139381
I feel like that's why I came here first
>>6139559
This place isn't therapy, talk to a professional or someone who cares about you. If you care about her talk to her, if your scared about telling her talk to freind or family member, if you can go talk to an actual therapist. The idiots here usually say it doesn't work but it does. Talking to us won't help you the only that will is talking to the people your problems involve.
>>6138264
Don't tell her about the cheating and never do it again, admit to her about being bi
>>6138264
Hey, [spoiler]Ian[/spoiler].
It's gonna be alright mate. Just try talking to her, if she doesn't understand it's her loss.
But do try and cut out the cheating thing. Neither guys nor gals like that sort of thing.
>>6139632
how would i tell her that I discovered my tendencies to being a little gay? That crushes women normally? (op)
