pizza edition was last thread so I guess this is feels edition
▶Informed consent providers:https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/932389/Trans/Stepping%20Forward%20-%20Informed%20Consent%20Clinics.pdf
▶Trans Info Dump:http://pastebin.com/h1vLPxyV
▶Beginner makeup resources:http://masterposter.tumblr.com/post/116605714860
▶Size charts:http://www.americanapparel.net/sizing/default.asp?chart=womens.pantse_conversion_chart.php
▶Transition timelines:http://imgur.com/a/qWpxv
▶Voice Training:http://pastebin.com/dgipdsge
▶HRT info:https://web.archive.rg/web/0000000000000http://taimapedia.org/index.php?title=Hormones
▶Voice Help:
http://webjedi.net/projects/lgbtq/speech-therapy/
▶IRC:https://www.rizon.net/chat#mtfg
▶Zeemaps:https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1843968
Old Thread: >>6109883
Let's do our best, girls!
i want to die.
>>6110994
Same
Amen
Stop making threads you fat sack of shit.
my computers too slow pls stop posting
First for graphz
>>6110977
Yeah, it's not super difficult to make sushi rolls, and the ingredients for California rolls aren't that expensive, assuming you use the fake crab.
Also, daily fluctuations are frustrating, they make progress hard to see until you have a few data points. ;~;
>>6110973
That doesn't mean a lot when you're also exercising and likely sweating a large amount. It helps when you get your weight under consistent conditions, I do mine in the morning right after peeing.
>>6110991
Asking for the recipe is usually considered a compliment to the chef. They might decline because they want you to stay a customer, but I doubt they'd be offended.
I need to kill myself. I can't take this anymore
i guess ill kill myself too if everyone else is doing it
Is it weird that I've spent most of today wanting to kill myself? Like, I come here and even in the last thread more people than usual wanted to kill themselves...
>>6111017
Hey, it's the same reason most of us are trans too right?
>>6111011
i know who you are
>>6110992
im too lonely and lost...
i only have my mom and she is odd with me
nobody likes me
i have nobody
i just want a person to hold me and tell me im not a human piece of garbage
but i dont have anythign like that
i try but people say rude things
attack me
or assault me irl...
i have no hope anymore
i hate the people of this world-
they hate me and i hate them
>>6110998
lets make a pact...
im in california
>>6111015
come with me..
travel to california and we can do it together
its better that way
at least we can be friends in death...
>>6111017
i can give you a location in california and we can make a pact together
>>6111022
i have too but
i really want to die.
it will feel good
>>6111005
I'm sorry, I'm hoping this cold I have turns into pneumonia tho
>>6111014
oh, I'll ask next time then
>>6111031
what's my social security number
>>6111032
I'm tempted
>>6111032
>lets make a pact...
I'm in Florida want to meet in the middle maybe on top of a mountain or something like that?
So I did my bra size as per instructions from a bra that fits and it says I am a 36 C but that can't be right.
>>6111032
>i have too but
>i really want to die.
Same, but it's not that normal for me. It's just like, weird that today it hit me like this, when you do too. Usually I'm able to push it aside and focus on other things but I can't even bring myself to nicepost today. Maybe I'm just scared of the future or something, idk.
>>6111035
your trip i mean
>>6111012
I might try to find sushi-grade salmon if I can, but avocado/cucumber is pretty good imo.
>daily fluctuations are frustrating
Try weighing yourself when you wake up, after going to the bathroom.
>>6111033
If the chef has any pride in their job, it's like asking an artist if you can buy their work. Huge compliment.
>mfw nobody's asked to buy my music :(
>>6111032
You can't feel anything if you're dead.
You're not fixing anything by dying, just running away from the problems.
>>6111046
Well all you have to do is go buy a balconette bra in that size like the guide suggests.
The guide said I was a 32 C, I thought it was crazy but it turns out that size fits me perfectly.
>>6111032
i may be wrong but from what you said it sounds like your mom is just worried about you but expressed that worry in an inappropriate way
and that's not true because i like you. and a lot of other people like you too.
my email is [email protected]
like i said i have to study for finals so i cant really talk until monday night. im pretty sure i live kinda close to you, although i dont know if im brave enough to meet someone from the internet in person.
>Chime in
>Almost half the posts talking about suicide
Ahaha, what nice weather, right guys?
>>6111053
what is it and how do you know
>>6111068
I just dont want to hurt and be hurt anymore
>>6111072
>how do you know
secret
>>6111068
yeah, I love the rain
>>6111078
ok that's fine but what's my trip
>>6111040
i dont have the money to go there...
im sorry
>>6111038
we can give each other a hug then die...
>>6111049
my future is over
there is nothing left
nobody will even talk to me irl
all i have left is hoping this person who stole shit from me in the past is willing to let me get super fucking high
i really think i want to die
no doubts about it
>>6111063
fucking good.
im tired of trying to deal with them only resulting in failure.
if i can be selfish and run away by committing suicide then its all the better.
>>6111067
my email is [email protected]
and okay... try to enjoy your studying
thank you for being so nice to me...
thank you so much anon...
>>6111066
>go buy a balconette bra
thank you for giving me the style name, this is so confusing lol, I used to order custom pistons and that seemed easier than buying a fucking bra. I know like when I first got hrt I bought a shit tier push up but it was an impulse buy and doesn't fit at all anymore.
>>6111068
Suicide is fun :)
>>6111081
you haven't posted it in the thread yet
>>6111068
i dont want to hurt anyone and i dont want to hurt anymore.
im sorry about posting like this im just veyr sad and i dont want to live anymore
>>6111092
just tell me my trip ya jerk
>>6111089
>confirmed trans
That link says the exact opposite...
holy shit
suicide is the worst option..if you think there's even a chance of things getting better, please don't! there are people out there who love you
if you are depressed, exercise, get outside, get a pet, whatever helps take care of the dysphoria
>>6111063
Do you have any Asian supermarkets in your area? They tend to have a lot of sushi grade stuff in their fish departments.
Also, yeah that's what I started doing, the numbers got a lot more consistent after that although they still fluctuate a bit. Thank goodness I don't poop anymore or they'd vary even more.
someone pick out a balconette bra for me on amazon. I am lost here.
>tfw work has probably been about to fire somebody for a week or two
>be lazy piece of shit this month because stress and no energy (and the two weeks I had tonsilitis and had allergic reaction to lidocaine)
>everyone gets hours cut but me the most
>20 HOURS
>Y
>miss a mandatory meeting that was mentioned to me once off hand bc I forgot when I went to bed last night
>probably close to being fired
Okay now I seriously need to start applying places
>>6111104
Suicide is my life goal for when I find out passing isn't possible.
>>6111084
Please don't kill yourself, there's always a way to make things better. Build a better future, find new friends, force a smile and fake it 'till you make it! Even if you feel like you want to die, think about happy future you who'll never get a chance to live if you die now. Seriously, please don't kill yourself, okay?
>>6111089
fuck off,
arin hanson is disgusting, fat, hairy ugly and he's almost 30 now. and will never pass.
just like edgar.
>>6111107
it feels bad.....
im going to leave for a bit.
>>6111104
better than breathing another day.
I exercise.
When I go outside people either attack me emotionally or physically.
I have a pet but she hates me even though I feed her.
Nothing resolves my pain
>>6111121
i cant find friends..
people in my area hate trannies and i cant legally move out.
i dont care if I can get a happy future, i only care about wanting to die now
>>6111114
incredible get
http://www.amazon.com/Lily-France-Womens-Smooth-2111541/dp/B000YGH3DM
http://www.amazon.com/fruitVogue-Balconette-Underwire-Lightly-SL_561_80D/dp/B0196Z79BC/
>>6111123
M8 if you go after a celebrity you are gonna be arrested and have millions of her fans come after you.
>>6111116
You can't get fired. I would have to track you down all over again.
>>6111127
Stay safe
>>6111105
The mac n cheese is great. Come over and I'll share
>>6111131
most of his fans baked cookies for the audience then lost their obsession after making a video about it reflecting his thoughts about why he was a fan in the first place
>>6111128
aren't those a little too frilly?
>>6111105
I'm not sure, but I have a Wegman's and asian friends who could tell me.
>don't poop anymore
How? Tell me your secrets!
>>6111118
Why no FFS?
>>6111116
I applied for a repair tech at sears because I was bored, want money and hate office jobs, and even though I have no qualifications aside from passing Physics 2, they still want to hire me. I dun get it.
>>6111128
>-Underwire-
I thought those were supposed to hurt?
>>6111147
>I thought those were supposed to hurt?
I think they support better with less material?
>>6111116
Good luck finding someplace better/improving your work performance gem! You can do it, I believe in you!
>>6111127
Why can't you legally move out? And find friends online then. maybe Portland friends or friends who wouldn't mind moving to Portland with you and make a life plan for moving forward as soon as whatever's holding you back fucks off.
>>6111140
F-find one yourself then! ;_;
>>6111147
grafghfahgdjk go get a sports bra then!
>>6111147
>just get ffs
Kill yourself my man.
>>6111163
>my man
>>6111156
idk, maybe. I don't have boobies yet
>>6111157
you know what, maybe I will!
>>6111163
no
>>6111012
So when do you plan on losing weight?
Getting SRS seven days from now. Feeling beautiful when I look in the mirror. Being in love with a wonderful woman. Good feels all around. Something really wrong is bound to happen to me to balance that...
>tfw go andromode to Mark Kermode talk & Silent Running screening
>goes good, talk to him afterwards, his hands really are as big as they say omg
>go shopping
>keep checking reflection in different windows etc.,
brain alternating between
>"huh wow I actually pass okay compared to some uk women, maybe I'm fine"
>I'm going to kill myself when I get home, I'm fucking repulsive, look how thick my body is, look at that fucking profile, oh my god"
>"maybe I don't pass but that's not the be all and end all, and anyway I'm still slowly making progress"
>"you're a gigantic faggot and you have tits and beard stubble, you're a freak, kill yourself edgar you raging hon"
fuck's sake, how do I figure out which one is correct when none of them come from an unbiased state of mind?
oh and then
>go to GBK after done shopping
>everyone's totally friendly and okay as normal
>half the people who work there are obvious tumblrinas anyway
>order food, sit down
>family of 6, all adults, keep glancing over me
>by the time my food comes I'm really pissed off
>look up and see big bearded hard dude in a tartan shirt staring again and mumbling to his wife
>make eye contact back
>turns to a look of disgust and anger
>rush to toilets to try and figure out what's making them realise I'm a freak of nature
>look in mirror
>obvious hormone-softened tranny face with brow bossing and humongous, angular, cleft chin
>realise I'm wearing a t-shirt with nothing over the top again, obvious tits, unmistakable, not moobs, round, womens' tits and w/ my big ribcage and then the shirt over them they look even bigger than they actually are
>am remembered of the fact that literally everyone who's not already too used to me to see the changes can tell at a glance I'm a disgusting unpassing hon tranny now even if I dress guyish
>shrink as far back into my seat as possible when I get back and hunch over and try not to look at their table again
I'm so ashamed of being trans.
>>6111163
>tfw I got ffs and still the manliest man ever
>>6111157
>F-find one yourself then! ;_;
I mean they are cute but if I bought it I would feel like I am misappropriating femininity and then people will look at me like a creep. I already have problems still trying to accept myself acting more feminine.
>>6111180
FFS is just a meme, it doesn't fix a man skull anyway.
I could only pass if I wore burka at all times and never spoke.
oh and also my parents rang and they're coming to visit on Monday and they haven't seen me in a couple of months now and it's so obvious now and OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
>go out in girlmode
>talk to people and not one person gives me a strange look
D-do I pass? Or were they being polite?
>>6111177
>Getting SRS seven days from now.
Who are you getting it with? And congrats!
>>6111179
You can't stay in between forever. Few people can pull that off. Time to wear bras and fix that face with makeup. Not passing as male is a sign you're headed in the right direction.
>>6111180
every single day you whine about it
just as i said you would
glad you proved me right
>>6111191
Depends who they were to be honest.
>>6111191
Chett. Only got good feedback about him from the post-op women I know IRL, so I'm not worried at all about the surgery. A bit more about airport security...
>>6111189
My dad hasn't noticed anything in 3 years hrt, probably not my mom either but she knows im a degenerate tranny.
>tfw look literally the same as before hrt except long hair and stuff
are they big enough to merit wearing a bra even?
https://unsee.
cc/bagupeti/
I am too cool to transition
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUSI44zHthg
>>6111179
your obsession with one specific restaurant as a routine and complete lack of awareness over yourself and your body, down to the clothes you wear honestly is so hardcore autistic it makes me cringe.
>>6111189
run away
>tfw 140 at 5'6
>tfw fat belly
i hate myself.
>>6111184
Wonderbra full effect or VS bombshell. You can find them with no frills at all, barely visible if your top matches and they really do their job.
>>6111202
>A bit more about airport security...
thai airport doesnt give a fuck
I forgot where youre from tho, that might be a problem
>>6111189
>tfw won't see my parents again for ~3 months
>paranoid of them noticing changes
iktf
plus I gotta get my meds refilled while I'm staying with them for a month then, guess I gotta come out to my friend that's still in town and has a car
Here's a feel. Who here /daddyissues/? My dad died when I was 4. I think that's the reason I like being fucked and degraded
>>6111219
probably politeness..
>>6111220
France, I'll have a short stopover in Germany.
>>6111225
germany didnt care, and I was travelling with male documents.
france wont be a problem either.
UAE didnt check my stuff cause transit
>>6111223
My dad abused me all my childhood until I was 16 and my parents seperated
>tfw he didnt die yet
>not telling your parents youre trans
wtf if you are an independent person what's the problem
>>6111220
Were you chett or suporn?
>>6111238
>independent person
good joke
>>6111191
Yep, that's passing! Congrats.
>tfw people call you a girl then immediately correct themselves and apologise
See, that, that isn't passing.
>>6111223
I hate my dad, he disgusts me. I think he has autism. I don't know how my mom married him.
>>6111238
>being a dumb wagie
>>6111216
It's feels different today. Like my something has been unblocked in my mind. Like the repression is no longer repression. But just the passive existence of my psyche.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snVhi74Q3vk
Spartan might just yet survive.
>>6111204
I mean, do they poke through a t-shirt?
>>6111211
>5'11", 120 lbs
I mean, wearing arm warmers to hide the fact that your forearms are thinner than your wrists isn't ideal either.
>>6111223
i have those...
my dad abused me a lot
>>6111228
I'm definitely not going to dress as an anime nazi, though, I'm sure I wouldn't make it past security. Going to wear a floor length red trench coat and a red hat, just for the lulz.
>>6111140
>you will never kiss kaylas frilly cupped breasts
worst feeling
>>6111254
m'lady
>>6110954
What a bad feel picture.
>>6111247
>implying you have to be a wagie to not live with your parents
>>6111223
I must be the only one here who has Dethroned their father as the alpha male
>>6111244
>tfw people call you a girl then immediately correct themselves and apologise
Oh gosh, I hate when that happens!
>oh hey miss, what can I - Oh sorry man, what can I do for you?
;_;
>>6111228
>UAE
Kek I bet that's like a system so unpassing hons get killed on the way there
My phone is broken so in the space between going to bed and falling asleep I'm left alone with the reality of my body.
I might legitimately kill myself if this goes on.
>>6111263
UAE is fine.
>>6111079
I love rain, clouds, "bad" weather in general, it's so comfy.
>>6111241
suporn graduate spring 2014
>>6111254
>I'm definitely not going to dress as an anime nazi,
awwwwwwwwww
and here I was about to suggest new styles ;_;
but yeah, you dont need to worry about the transstatus in western europe. maybe a male will search you if they clock you while checking in, but otherwise its really unlikely that anything will happen
>>6111263
but I survived.
>>6111269
Sandniggers are sandniggers
>local butchers is called Bowers
>award winning sausages
hmmm
>>6111274
idgi.
>>6111273
Turkey was fine.
>>6111187
This
>>6111198
I'm just fishing really.
I like to give the bantz :)
anyway, I'm going to go back to not posting... trying to limit my time here
but the plan is to try to lose 1kg a week so that get under 100kg(220lbs) by new years and then to lose another 32kg at a rate of 1kg a week in 2017 to get down to 68kg(150lbs) and that would mean I'd be at my goal weight
>>6111257
I'm sorry, have a replacement
>>6111277
Bowers is a SRS surgeon and isn't very good
>tfw drunk
>tfw no bf to push me against a wall and fuck me
>>6111195
>You can't stay in between forever.
It's inadvisable, and I don't want to, but that doesn't mean I can avoid it if I never reach passing.
>Time to wear bras and fix that face with makeup.
kek I was wearing concealer to hide the worst of the stubble, doesn't change the fact I have a truly AWFUL bone structure for transition with the one possible exception of my cheekbones
>tfw facial hair so coarse and thick laser costs £200 a session for me
>/mommyissues/
my mom would beat the shit out of me in front of friends until I was twelve and told me that all of my injuries and illnesses were either made up or overblown (she told me that my sprained ankle was "my fault" so we didn't have to go to the doctor, and forced me to limp around on it for 6 months while it failed to heal). Now she complains about how terrible of a kid I was and how much she hated "raising" me.
>>6111270
It puts my dysphoria at ease :)
>>6111280
don't believe you
you have a good life and still find ways to complain
We're all clear here that I only complain for fishing purposes most of the time, right?
>>6111209
>so hardcore autistic
wow, fuck, I wonder why that could be
senpai I'm literally a diagnosed spastic, autist and generally neurologically-impaired person
>>6111287
Mind if I kill her?
>>6111288
I would rate my life 5/10
>>6111223
My dad is such a total psycho and non-parent-figure and made me so sexually repressed that as a result I constantly long for a boyfriend who can be my substitute father too
>>6111293
I can't commit to being trans or repressing because I am bipolar
>>6111298
I would kill for a 5/10.
At some points I even thought I had a 5/10, but I had been too jaded, some people are actually OK with existing.
>>6111298
compared to?
you are a normie and should be happy
living the dream
you have no legitimate complaints
>>6111285
Your cheekbones aren't feminine
i lost weight.
>>6111287
>/mommyissues/
My mom has been a drunk for most of my life. She's spent so many years drinking her life away. My dad divorced her, she's lost multiple jobs, lost her home, got kicked out of my grandparents house after that, wont leave her abusive boyfriend, was supposed to meet up with me like 3 times now but something always happens so we can't. She's coming into town to do something with my sister but she's even a few hours late for that.
My daddy issues are just him not being very close or empathetic to me but that's no big deal.
who here ships kayla and maddie?
>>6111308
some people say different, I did throw 'possible' in there
>>6111303
You should really just beat up your dad. Worked for me.
i wonder who im shipped with....
>>6111315
Some people are retarded.
>>6111318
literally who? Sorry, it's been years since my mind stopped retaining new names in these generals. And honestly I've probably forgotten most of the oldies too
>>6111318
M-me maybe? *hopeful glance*
>>6111293
doesn't mean you can't learn to have some self awareness instead of expecting everyone to understand and not stare, because obviously it bothers you. why not do something about it? develop a routine where you actually see what you're wearing before you go outside, or try out other restaurants and have a 'today can be gbk day' idk senpai, you end up distressing yourself constantly but you don't do anything
>>6111287
Your mother sounds like a bitch. She doesn't deserve the least amount of your time.
>>6111308
agreed, they look like mine.
>>6111310
post a current non angled pic with hair in full view so it proves to the spergs that post your super old picture that you arent bald anymore
>>6111330
ok here i am :)
>>6111329
its debatable, some say high check bones are attractive, its probably the bone structure that matters
>>6111334
hey isla
i know you said no greasey foods
but im really tempted to order a pizza
heeeeeeelp
>>6111318
Ill put you on my ship and we can cuddle and travel around the world. lots of headpats.
great, now I have the word "hypochondriac" echoing in my head... feel like I'm making everything up, and I've just convinced myself I want to be a girl; that this is normal.
I hate this. I hate everything.
>>6111297
nope, she's an awful person
>>6111270
there's nothing more wonderful than the crack of thunder in the night, piercing the soft patter of a rainstorm :D
>>6111311
That's really rough. :(
My dad just doesn't have the conviction to say that she's wrong about anything she does, so as a kid, I just thought he agreed I was worthless. They've been angry at each other, living a distant, volatile marriage for the past 10 years, in the same way that they're refusing to disown me.
>>6111336
I thought you were a boogyman who wasn't allowed here
>>6111334
>idk who you are anon ._.
>tfw Isla forgot me
Good thing this is feels edition...
Alright, I want to get serious about practicing my voice now but I'm too retarded to just go by how it sounds through my head.
I'm awful at keeping mic headsets from breaking and the only standing microphone I'm familiar with is the Blue Yeti which was used in an old podcast group I was in. The mic and speaker on my phone is shit so that's out too.
Should I just drop the $100 on the Blue Yeti because I'm familiar with it? I'm considering dropping down to another product of theirs and going with their "Snowball" microphone instead.
This wouldn't necessarily just be for voice practicing though. I am trying to be more active and social and the podcast group might relaunch some day in some other fashion. Or also for gayming.
Basically: anyone swear by some other stand alone mics?
I'm not -too- concerned about the price, I just always, always put off any "non-essential" purchase to make sure I really want to get it. I put off buying a $8 bathroom scale for two weeks.
>>6111351
it isn't, give up and become a used camel salesman.
>>6111354
I'm serious, please ;_;
Lol, people cant handle being told to shut the fuck up.
>>6111351
im not much in the mood since im super sad rn...
are you cute?
>>6111342
>feel like I'm making everything up, and I've just convinced myself I want to be a girl
But why though? Why would you convince yourself of that? Especially knowing how hard and shitty this life is?
>there's nothing more wonderful than the crack of thunder in the night, piercing the soft patter of a rainstorm :D
No kidding, it's the one reason I hate living in the basement, I don't hear it as well as if I went upstairs.
>That's really rough. :(
meh, I'm detached from it and since she has no home I don't have to live with her while she's drinking and my dad would bail me out anyway if she was.
I hope your dad can get his shit together, he needs to stand up to your mom, divorce her if need be, and repair things with you.
>>6111348
>you can order it but run a paper towel over it before eating it
I might. I also have these like cheese filled pasta shell things I might bake, they're probably healthier and taste good but pizzaaaaa...
>>6111357
mmr?
>>6111358
rawr is the best and on her way to great things in life
>>6111348
>run a paper towel over it before eating it
use this tutorial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2A1qYpp4HA
>>6111357
which game?
please dont tell me youre playing mobas senpai.
>>6111316
I have a condition that makes my muscles and joints so weak I've been told not even to jog for exercise. My dad is a brown belt in karate and once punched a hole through a solid wooden bathroom door because my mum forgot to complete an invoice for him.
>>6111365
2700
>>6111357
There should be harsher penalties for frivolous reports.
>>6111358
I'm sorry, I hope you feel better soon <3
The only thing arguably cute about me is my behavior at times, but I'm physically not cute at all >~<
I'm hoping HRT will help fix that, but really if it makes me less depressed that would be more than enough.
>>6111367
You're a mean person, don't talk to me anymore.
>>6111373
Dont worry i dont play moba seriously, im the shitstain handicapping his team and trashtalking them every game. Been on a str8 downward streak sine 3400MMR lel
>>6111357
It's almost as though you were an obnoxious cunt...
>>6111376
i really don't pass, sorry.
>>6111366
i dont understand...
>>6111370
oh its just what i do
>>6111361
you can do that!!
>>6111376
oh well you can email me if you want
[email protected]
:3
>>6111380
I need to antagonize someone, if I didnt id be venting here again.
>>6111326
I do look before I go out, occasionally I even post my outfits on here before I go out to see whether I get any worthwhile responses inc. criticism. The problem is my memory's so bad I forget, so I may go out wearing a hoodie but I'll take it off without remembering why I shouldn't. You've gotta understand senpai, my memory's so fucked that I'll put something down, turn around to do something else, and instantly start hunting high and low for said object because I've already forgotten I was holding it seconds before. All the time. A dozen or more times a day.
>>6111345
Blue Yeti is best.
>>6111382
I don't mean to be rude but are you bald?
>>6111357
>cartman will never carry you in dota
>>6111382
>I don't pass
;)
>>6111393
yes.
>>6111382
There's no reason to apologize to me silly, don't worry about it, sorry for bothering you with my stupid pointless requests.
>>6111383
Thanks but I don't want to bother people by emailing them or anything I'm not a good person to talk to and I don't like forcing people to weigh wanting to be polite against wanting me to fuck off.
apparently at least other people think im cute
thats about all i have going for me
I don't know why my parents insist on hanging things up to dry inside, they always end up feeling rough and sticky. Just put it in the dryer, my clothes literally never shrink and they always feel so nice and soft afterwards as opposed to sticky cardboard.
>>6111383
my dad said he didnt want either so we're just gonna go out and get sandwiches :s
How's Hearthstone going?
>>6111376
Nicenon right? How are you doing today?
>>6111374
Fine I'll beat him up. I'm 6 foot 5 and 200lbs
>>6111402
smarts go a long way Isla..
>>6111394
I could probably do it if sober but im always baked so dont count on it.
>>6111412
Säg nej till droger :(
We could talk about boys.
>>6111386
>posts anime girls in a tranny thread
>claims not to be a tran
>>6111401
i feel the exact same
i want to talk to you
email me
or let me email you
[email protected]
>>6111403
its enjoyable since im finally talking to someone and ive stopped crying so thats good
thank you for talking to me and asking
>>6111409
i am not really smart...
i wish i was
im kinda dumb
>>6111420
i think my entire existence is gross and weird :(
>>6111433
practice eberyday! XD
>>6111426
>talking about boys in agp general
Why is the only thing to do anymore feel like sleep x.x. Fuck I probably should get a new script of my antidepressants =\
>>6111434
so.. Dicks, what's up with those, amirite?
>>6111437
I won't let the agp win.
kill me
>>6111439
sleep helps with depression or whatever..
>>6111447
It actually doesn't though and makes it worse, it's a symptom of it x.x
>>6111345
The yeti blue is amazingly versatile for entry-level stuff. You can do anything with it. Have one myself, and love it to death.
The snowball is a cardiod (iirc), so you can only (effectively) record one person at a time with it. I'm not familiar with it though, so you should ask someone else too.
>>6111351
If I really wanted it done, I'd do it myself.
>>6111357
>97%
lmao, I'm impressed
>>6111361
>making it up
I felt like I was being torn in half, because of how much I had heard, "oh, if you don't have a fever, it doesn't matter how shitty you feel, you're not sick, so you can't stay home". It made me feel like all of my pain was being invalidated. On top of that, my sisters were quickly dismissed as sick just because they didn't get out of bed. I was just told to quit being a bitch and go to school. The only way I could get them to realize that I was actually sick was when I got really fucking mad about it, and that was great for my mental health. Just great. I can't even trust my own judgement, because nobody corrected anything. I even had higher grade standards than either of my sisters. I got grounded, computer/guitar/phone (literally everything I had to cope with dysphoria and depression) taken away (to my mom's office, just for good measure) for Bs, and they're both chilling out with Ds at the exact same time like it's perfectly normal. What the fuck??? Apparently, I'm special, and I'm "going to do great things one day", so I have too much potential to be wasting my time playing games, writing music and enjoying my fucking life.
>I don't have to live with her while she's drinking
my dad's a drunk too, so now I feel like I have a really good reason to a) not drink, and b) get as far away from here as possible
>basement
I think the best night sleep I ever had was when I was house-sitting for my friend. His bed was in a loft, and it was a really rainy week.
>pizza
>mfw I live in the middle of nowhere so I can't get it delivered
>>6111436
practice what?
>>6111446
i seriously want to be killed family.
>>6111442
im starting to only like those when they are on a certain person...
feelsbad
>>6111442
Is there a way I can force myself to be attracted to boys to feel less agp?
>>6111437
>agp
>still like boys
I don't see the problem
>>6111408
Is this true. Have you fuckers been lying about repression?
>>6111455
Yes, go to a christian anti-gay conversion facility
>>6111451
well I guess thats why I've been sleeping in a lot
>>6111439
My antidepressants are supposed to help me sleep. Thing is, they don't do a thing for my nightmares. Maybe if I somehow managed to free myself from survivor's guilt, I'd sleep better. Feels unlikely, though.
>>6111459
>agp
>still like boys
not a thing.
>>6111459
youre the least agp person I know (except myself)
>>6111466
>tfw had horrific, gory, vomit-inducing, hours-long nightmares every single night from as early as I can remember til about mid-way through puberty
>tfw didn't even have a series of horrific life events to precipitate them like CFH, just fucked up in the head
>>6111461
What do you mean
>>6111472
B-but I ironically claim to be agp because it's such a ridiculous meme ;~;
>>6111471
Agps can't like boys at all?
>>6111426
>tfw only chance of getting bf any time soon is to get some desperate guy in my apartment complex while i'm doing my internship because I don't want anyone at my dorm knowing
one day I won't be hideous
>>6111446
mtfg suicide pact when
>>6111472
>having anime girls saved on your pc
>not agp
>>6111461
It's true. I didn't fit in since elementary. Some people thought I was gay before I knew what gay was because I didn't fit the stereotype.
>>6111433
L-let me consider it and I'll email you later maybe, I'm not very comfortable doing that kind of thing so sorry if I'm being too reluctant or something. I'm really shy sorry :c
Your existence isn't gross or weird, you're super cute and you seem like a great person! Don't bully yourself!
>>6111452
>If I really wanted it done, I'd do it myself.
Well, if you ever change your mind and don't want to get caught by the police, lemme know. Like strangers on a train, except I don't know anybody I'd want killed except myself lmao
>>6111466
>>6111481
Aww, I'm sorry you two :c
Here's hoping you have exclusively sweet dreams from now on <3
>>6111493
not my fault, cartman made me
>>6111451
>>6111361 (continued)
>"such a waste of potential"
I've heard it all my fucking life. I wish I was just stupid so people wouldn't pity me and complain about me wanting to be happy so fucking much. I wish I had been born a girl so I could at least be successful without dealing with this bullshit. I wish people had realized that something was wrong when I was a walking zombie for 3 years, instead of just looking at my grades and test scores, saying "oh, this boy is perfect". I wish I was actually worthless, because then I'd be ok with killing myself. I wish I was dead.
I wish I was treated like a fucking human.
That's all I want. That's all I ask, and I wish it wasn't too much for the cunts that raised me, because now I'm completely fucked up. I can't even trust that someone loves me when they say they do. I have to ask myself if they're just trying to get something from me by playing with my emotions.
I can't even breathe. I want it to end, and while I know that I can make everything better through sheer willpower, I have to stop and ask, "maybe I'm just kidding myself. Maybe what I have is something I can live with."
I hate it.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I'm in so much pain every single day and I want it to stop, and I know how to, but there's a voice in the back of my head telling me that nothing needs to change because I'm just making it up, and I FUCKING HATE IT.
i don't know what's wrong with me. i don't think i have any real friends left. the person who i loved most in the world and who i spoke with for hours every day left me without warning and told me she hated me.
i'm slowly starting to hate the one person i know in real life.
so many of the things i liked now make me hurt a little
>legend of galactic heroes, which we'd just started watching together
>a couple of memes which we memed at each other with
>portal 2, which she wanted me to get so we could socialize together
>little verbal tics i picked up from her and still unwittingly use
>the remnants of little jokes we made together, like a little java program i made as a dick joke
i don't know what to do. she's probably forgotten about me already.
>>6111500
Whenever I think of Germany these days I think of the tranny eating cornflakes and piss from a toilet.
i wonder if she did it because someone spoke with her, but even so i can't even begin to blame them. she must have seen pieces of what they said in what i was, and put the dots together.
i don't know. i don't know. i thought i'd gotten over it a couple of days ago, but it hurts so much and i don't know what to do.
>>6111451
post butt
>>6111499
We will kill each other during the cage match
she would probably laugh if she heard that i'd done something bad to myself, now. her voice was so wonderful and perfect that i can't even imagine it contorted in schadenfreude, but she did it anyway. it hurts a lot more than it should and i wish i was a good enough person to have noticed that something was bothering her.
>you will never have a friend
>>6111530
not that bad of a feel imo desu some of us are meant to be alone
Sorry for complaining and crying uncontrollably about being praised as a child. I'm obviously don't deserve to live, being such an ungrateful cunt.
>>6111530
>>6111530
>>6111530
>>6111530
same
>tfw one of my old coworkers points out how long my hair is now and that i've got a pink phone case
I wonder what he'll say when I start wearing makeup and girlclothes :^)
>>6111420
>How did you know it was me!? o.o
I just know these things.
>I'm not really doing that well
What's wrong dear?
>How about you?
I'm pretty okay I guess!
>>6111433
Of course Isla <3
I'm really glad to hear someone's talking to you and you're feeling better
>>6111530
Wanna watch Strike Witches together?
>>6111545
>not having friends
>>6111550
>having friends
are you a normie or sth
>>6111507
> I wish I was actually worthless, because then I'd be ok with killing myself. I wish I was dead.
>but there's a voice in the back of my head telling me that nothing needs to change because I'm just making it up, and I FUCKING HATE IT.
I know that so well. For me thought it's out of feeling broken. It's like yes maybe parents were emotionally checked out and ignored you for most all of your childhood. My mom was always busy with work and dad was drinking. They weren't abusive outright though so I end up with all these feelings that it isn't as bad as it feels I should've just dealt with it, and that I'm broken for not being able to do that better.
But I mean we're here, we're doing something that we can to make it better, and that's more or less how I manage to get through is just remembering that like, at least I'm making some (if extremely slow) progress.
>>6111499
strongest willed/most determined forces the others to do it themselves at gunpoint. presto
>>6111530
I miss having friends and people to socialize with irl. I had one semester where I hung out with people, but that was because it was study abroad and it was the only way I could go to some places
>>6111550
>actually having friends
get out reeeee
>>6111545
midget kate marsh.jpg
>>6111545
You keep posting your pictures expecting compliments hon?
>>6111481
oh and
>mfw there are still people who are surprised I'm as fucked up as I am given everything I've said about my childhood and adolesence
>>6111565
yeesh you are bitter
she'd broken up with me once before and i was horribly afraid of her doing the same to me again. every other time she said we needed to have a chat in private, she had to assure me that she'd never break up with me again. i told her that i was terrified that i might say something that might make her disgusted with me enough to end it, and she always told me no, the only thing that could stop it would have been if i'd really done something evil. in the end, she didn't even have a chat with me when she did it.
someone told me that maybe she spoke to someone else and that that convinced her, but if someone else could convince her of something while i spoke with her for hours a day, she must have seen me in their words.
>>6111547
yeahhhh i am feeling better ^_^
well kinda....
its hard to explain
i still want to die but i have a distraction
>>6111550
i have 0 irl friends.
zilch unt nada.
i got into contact with someone who can get me drugs tomorrow though so thats good
>>6111555
im not too short though.
>>6111565
nope!
i post cuz i can
>>6111547
S-sure
>>6111554
I really miss having friends too, haven't had a real one in 7 years and i'll never pass so rip having a life ever.
>>6111568
i said
POST BUTT
>>6111564
I approve!
im eating salt and vinegar pringles and watching the transgeneration series (some doc series that came out in 2004/5 time) and its the worst shit ever, the ftms are all awful, the trans girls are all awful apart from one who is a friend of the main one
i like to think 'if only i'd transitioned in my early teens before the T thing happened' but honestly it'd have been hell. ;___;
>>6111578
>salt and vinegar
ma nigga
>>6111568
> leaving me in a room with a television.
my mom left me in a room with a math textbook when I was 7, expecting me to learn how to do long division and multiply so I'd look like the smartest kid in the 4th fucking grade.
>>6111507
I really, really wish I could do more to help you, I wish I knew what to say to comfort you... sorry that I'm so bad at this kind of thing. I honestly thought you were just messing with me yesterday with the trust stuff, didn't realize you were serious.
You're definitely cute though, and I seriously do think you'll become a passing girl in the future. I just hope somebody can help you feel better soon so that you're able to be happy about it when you transition instead of still being so sad :c
I love you like I love everybody here, and I've had a few interactions with you, and that's why I honestly don't want you to kill yourself, okay? So please stay alive, okay?
>>6111508
You don't need to say sorry or thank you to me, you've done nothing wrong and I've done nothing worth being thanked for. If anything, I should say sorry for being weird like I am and not just emailing you.
And I guess I can understand hating yourself, but from my point of view you really shouldn't. I don't think you deserve any bullying, not even a little bit of it - you should be treated kindly and befriend nice people who will make you feel happy. <3
>>6111511
I'm so sorry anon, that must be terrible. I hope you're able to figure out why she did that and I hope she stops hurting you or at least explains herself. It does really suck when stuff reminds you of an ex, but you can't let them take happiness away from you, you know? Happiness is a really finite resource, very precious, and not something you can let go of too easily.
I wish I could offer you better advice on what to do, but the only method I have lately is forcing myself to be happy by laughing at myself and the world, and that's probably just me being insane anyway. Still, try it anon, I'd rather you had *something* to make you happy than nothing, ya know?
>>6111544
Bad parents aren't something you should feel bad about complaining about, and you shouldn't feel bad about posting anything here, really, you're innocent.
>mom is ordering me pizza
its like she wants me to get fat, she also bought me teal nail polish but I am too much of a coward to put it on
>>6111578
look likes hot garbage
>>6111578
>tfw ptsd flashbacks of trying to hold the tears back during that Louis Theroux doc with the super-early-transitioners because my parents and sister were in the room, laughing or acting grossed out every couple of minutes
