Hi /lgbt/
As my subjects has stated, I'm currently dating an mtf transgender. We have been dating for 3 years now but I only told my family and friends about it around a year ago. Needless to say they were all shocked. I've gotten mostly negative comments. Some of my friends already left me and branded me as gay but I don't mind it. However, my parents and sibling have already disowned me. I don't live in the west and where I live this is a big deal for me. Lately I talked with them and said I love ny girlfriend and I'm willing to fight my love for her.bShe's the best girl I've ever had mainly because she cares and loves me.
Now, my family wanted a compromise. They at least want me to have a kid. A kid that is really my child and not adopted. They want me to have an heir. This is because I am my parents only hope to have grandchildren. I have an older brother but he died years ago. My older sister can't bear any children.
When I finally have a child, my parents said they will finally accept my girlfriend and I can already marry her.
I talked with my girlfriend and she says it's fine for me to have a kid and she says she would treat the child as her own Should I start looking for a willing mother now? Will this work finally?
Anyways thanks in advance and hope you can help us.
>>5888381
tell your family to kindly fuck off
>>5888381
What's the term for this... a surrogate mother? Yeah, that's the term.
A woman who agrees to carry the baby to term and be absolved of all legal rights is artificially inseminated by your sperm.
It would be half yours genetically, half the biological mother and your girlfriend's adopted child. It's literally exactly what you want and totally happens for people who are just barren or for biological reasons can't conceive, not just transwomen. Probably for people in your exact situation: it -needs- to be biologically related to them for some stupid reason so straight ol' adoption is out of the question.
I don't know what the cost or formality of this is though. I guess informally you could just get someone to agree to it and adopt the child but I'm sure there's a very good, clean legal way to do this. I'm sure the biological mother needs to be compensated for this obviously.
Maybe you could even get an egg donor from her family so it's biologically related to her. I don't know. Look into it OP, what you two want and what your jerk family wants is very possible.
>>5888394
not helpful trans-moon
>>5888428
it's the most helpful advice you can get
you will never be happy if you let them control your life
Surrogacy can be tough. Advise researching best ways to go about it - be thorough!
That said, your gf will want some reassurance. Probably, she will be treating them as her own child by a couple weeks in. Do see if she wants to breastfeed. It would take a little prep work.
>>5888402
Isn't surrogacy usually taking the females egg, fertilizing it with her mans sperm, and implanting it into the womb of the surrogate? Generally the baby has no genetic material from the surrogate. At least that's how I though it worked. You can't ask a woman to have a baby that's half hers and then just give it up, that's the only reason surrogacy is an actual option. If I'm wrong, enlighten me, I just see a big problem with that.
>>5888381
>Dating a tranny
Here's your sign
Just impregnate your transfu
>>5888443
It depends. There are two types of surrogacy:
Traditional surrogacy like I described where the surrogate mother is the biological mother.
And gestational surrogacy like you described.
Gestational is less controversial because it's genetically the parents and the "birth" mother is carrying it to term.
Traditional surrogacy is a bit controversial but the only people that know are the people you let know. And if they need to know, someone can just explain the child isn't biologically related to her, that she couldn't conceive or something.
Plenty of women just might not have eggs to donate to this procedure because of a hysterectomy or something.
If you and your GF are fine with it and are ready to have a child, go for it. Get your family to pay all the costs for an extra sweet deal. However, they're bargaining for love and acceptance they should be giving you anyway, so watch out. And make sure you set it up legally/contractually/whatever so they can't back out or hold it over your head in any way in the future.
>>5888394
>>5888429
I get your point. That's exactly what I said before to them but in the end, they are still my parents and I owe a lot to them.
I would also want them to accept my gf. There have been cases in the past when an aunt of mine went to our place and she slapped my gf and kept on saying she's an ugly fag or some sort even though she's really pretty, cute and takes care of herself.
Anyhow I will look into this surrogate mother thing tomorrow as it is already way past midnight here. Thanks for the replies.
>>5888478
Cases? Plural? They know they're no longer welcome at your home, right? Like, criminal charges not welcome?
I am literally shocked right now.
I mean look, I am a trans girl and I was extremely shocked that my parents were very supportive about it, and they keep trying to help me through the hard phases and the upcoming transition and HRT.
But jesus christ, thank god I didn't have your parents, I would have literally died on the spot. This is extremely disturbing to see that your parents reacted much more extremely to mine when in your situation, you just happened to fall in love with one lol
Anyway, this is not their fucking problem, OP. This is your gf's life and yours, and whether you get children or not, or even how, is not your family's business. If they want to disown you, kick you out, never talk to you again, it's fine, because at that time, they won't be able to talk to you like shit for legitimately loving someone.
Seriously, live your life OP, and do not ask yourself too many questions because you have a family stuck in the 40s, and for the love of god, do not ask for a surrogate or adopt if you don't feel like having a child, this is going to end bad. Best of luck to you!
>>5888478
>There have been cases in the past when an aunt of mine went to our place and she slapped my gf and kept on saying she's an ugly fag
And you let this happen? How are you such a little fucking bitch? Why would you even care what your family thinks when they treat the person you supposedly love this way?
>>5888504
He has no backbone, I guess. Just like most chasers.
>>5888381
>They want me to have an heir.
>"muh heirs"
People are fucking weird about this.
I understand people want to biologically influence their kids so they're "theirs" but it truly is selfish the extent people feel about this.
People also have a crazy obsession about their family line.
Every parents wants grandkids. I kind of get this. But grandkids are what, 1/4 genetically "you"?
Your great grandkids will be 1/8th you.
Blood is diluted with other blood so god damn much after a few generations it's ridiculous to get so god damn hung up over it.
There is so much MORE to pass on to people than just their god damn genetics. Family stories, shared experiences, family culture and traditions. Teaching someone to be a good, compassionate human being. And all of that shit is way more influential on someone's life than their genetics and is way more a part of you and your family than some stupid chromosomes.
Have the child, but please cut them off from ever seeing it, they sound like horrible tyrants.
Chuck the degenerate and marry a real woman.
>>5888478
>I owe a lot to them.
What exactly?
>inb4 they created and raised me
you don't owe them that. That was their responsibility for making a baby. They weren't doing you a favor, they were doing their job.
Thinking you 'owe' them something because they basically allowed you to live is the same as putting as trying to put a price to your life. And life is priceless. You would never be able to pay them back.
Unless you still live with them (assuming you are not underage) you owe them literally nothing. And if you do live there with them, then gtfo already
>>5888565
>is the same as putting as trying to put a price to your life
that 'as putting' doesn't go there.
I should erase everything before I keep on typing.
>>5888381
>I talked with my girlfriend and she says it's fine for me to have a kid and she says she would treat the child as her own Should I start looking for a willing mother now? Will this work finally?
Sure, there's nothing wrong with surrogacy. And it's not like transgirls haven't thought about this stuff beforehand, it does cross our minds. Personally so long as the surrogate mother met my personal standards for physical health, decent genetics and mental health I'd have 0 reservations. Go for it OP, it's your best action.
>>5888381
>Should I start looking for a willing mother now?
They're called surrogates, and sure, but it's quite expensive.
>>5888565
Some parents feel their children "owe" them grandchildren because they raised them.
It's kind of fucked up but when people measure the worth of their life by leaving behind something (their children) they get really paranoid that it's all a waste or they failed as parents if their children have no interest in doing the same. Or they feel like their children are wasting their lives and by extent their lives for "wasting it" on raising children who don't want children.
It's hard to find meaning in life and most people do it with children.
>>5888620
Adoption is also absurdly expensive. Paying more for some biological relation could be worth it for OP.
>>5888381
the question is, do you and her want children? Because as >>5888394 said, you should live life for you (not to mention, are they ever going to truly approve if you appease them?)
does she have a sister who's willing to donate a(n) egg(s)? you could then find a surrogate and do IVF to make a child for you and a niece/nephew for her.
prepare your wallet though
>>5888649
Not OP but the other person who bruoght up traditional surrogacy.
I really do like the idea of a genetic donation from her family. As long as her sister or whoever isn't too weirded out by the idea ("but then it'd be my child~") it would also mean her some of genes get passed down, indirectly. The child would also be considered genetically part of her family.
It's great and it's kind of cheating, but we're talking about trans people here. You kind of have to cheat nature to survive.
>>5888535
This. They'll have the heir, but the heir won't have them.
>>5888632
>Some parents feel their children "owe" them grandchildren because they raised them.
That's clearly the case here, but that's their problem, not OP. They are basically punishing him because his brother died and his sister is sterile or something.
>>5888381
what a fucking cuck
you'd literally consider having a child because your family wants you to? holy shit
>>5888504
>>5888497
Of course it happened when I'm not at home. I know I would get comments like these. It's not easy fighting my family. As I said here where I live family is really important.
My parents told me that they have given me everything I wanted in life. They sent me to an outstanding university, raised me up well etc. They are pretty well off and growing up I mostly get everything I wanted. So they said they only wanted one thing in return and that is for me to marry a real woman who can bear children.
Of course I stood my ground and said I love my gf. I lost friends as well. I got treated harshly as well. Some doesn't want to hang out with me because they think I like them as well since I am already gay. Even my ex gf contacted me and said she's sorry for the excuse I got to replace her. Then there are religious fanatics who keep on stating I will go to hell. I bear through all of thwm because I love her so much.
>>5888498
Actually I like children. I enjoy spending time with the children of my cousins. However I don't spend much time with them anymore because their parents doesn't want them to become gay as well.
I know I live in a society much different from you guys. It's weird because there are a lot of gay guys here but even some of them don't accept transgenders. My gf gets bullied by gays who are not transgenders back in college. They make comments like "even though she wears skirts and takes hormones she's still a man". They also flirted with me while in front of her. Maybe they are just jealous because she looks like a woman and they are not.
My parents are both traditional. They are active in our church and in the community. My father is a councilor as well. So yeah as a politician it is bad publicity that his only surviving son is dating a transgender. I believe that at their church they get insulted as well when people talk behind their backs because they are probably failed parents because their oldest son is dead and this is my situation. It's not as easy as it looks like.
>>5890339
......Has anyone told you that you're an outstanding human being? Also, it sounds like you live in japan or something
>All these subhuman trannies going "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCK YOU MOM/DAD"
OP don't take these counter-culture warriors seriously.
>>5890339
>As I said here where I live family is really important.
Even if you are not married yet, your girlfriend is your family, too. And I'm sure that unlike the other part of your family she doesn't try to guilt you into marrying someone else than the person you love and give them grandchildren.
>I believe that at their church they get insulted as well when people talk behind their backs because they are probably failed parents because their oldest son is dead and this is my situation
Again, that's their problem, not yours. Yeah, it must suck for them but that doesn't give them the right to control your life.
I'm just telling you this because I've heard many stories like yours. Do you know what will most likely happen if you give them what they want? They will ask for more.
They won't accept your girlfriend because of that. They'll say she's not a real mother and never will be, and they'll try to convince you to take your kid away from her.
And in a couple of years, they will start asking for another child. And so on.
I'm really sorry you're going through this shit situation, but really the best you can do is to stand your ground and tell them you won't let them control your life. And if it's possible, start working on getting out of your country.
>>5888381
If you have the money, find a suitable surrogate. Problem's pretty easy to solve.
Any pics of gf? Just out of curiosity.
>>5888381
Straight guy here.
My mother did a surrogate pregnancy for a close family friend. It's as >>5888443
says, Their mother had vagina cancer or something, and couldn't get pregnant. They took her egg fertilized with her husband's sperm and put it in my mom's womb.
Obviously, your girl can't do that much with current medical science. Just make sure you have everything squared away and guaranteed with a lawyer.
As an aside, I don't understand the whole "grandkids" thing. Or the great-grandkids thing. I told my grandparents that my german shepherd is as close as they're getting to a great-grandkid from me, so you better start hounding my sister to get knocked up. My dad couldn't care less if I have a kid.
>>5888401
Are you in the right place?
>>5890444
It's a common phase for in-denial /pol/ trannies.
Let's hope and pray she comes out of it soon.
>>5890339
>I bear through all of thwm because I love her so much.
You're a real sweetheart, huh?
>>5890423
The biggest lie capitalist society instilled on the world is that the nuclear family is good and your parents know what's right for you.
Both are wrong, and both are perpetuated as an ideology by exactly the kind of people who prove it wrong. It's like assholes reminding you the customer is always right when they're about to be assholes.
>>5888519
>People are fucking weird about this.
>I understand people want to biologically influence their kids so they're "theirs" but it truly is selfish the extent people feel about this.
>People also have a crazy obsession about their family line.
Almost as if there were some sort of evolutionary advantage for being so.
That being said, OP, while you may feel some sort of obligation to continue the family line that produced you, nothing your parents can amount to a right to tell you how to live your life. If you feel the need to pass on your genes and perpetuate the family line, do so, but do it for the familial ideal and for the sake of what’s important to you personally, not to satiate the two very flawed human beings who happen to be your individual parents. And be sure to disentangle very carefully in your head what it is YOU want from what it is THEY want. Maybe this is such a difficult decision because there’s some overlap? But if you do this you have to do this for the right reasons, because YOU want it, not because THEY do. For your future peace of mind it really will make all the difference in the world.
>>5890552
>Almost as if there were some sort of evolutionary advantage for being so.
Evolution happens to species, not to individuals, tard.
>>5888381
Post pics of gf please
Where do you live, OP?
Look. if you have to buy your parents acceptance they are not worth your time. its obvious they don actually love you if they are asking this.
>>5888519
OP already stated their not from the West. Family lines are still extremely important in places like China.
>>5888498
It is their problem. He does whatever the fuck makes him happy but they're still entitled to grandchildren. If he doesn't have children he's also erasing their DNA from the human genome forever, and that's their fucking buisiness. Of course they can't force him to do anything, but they're not intolerant assholes just because they don't want their family lineage to come to an end.
Your parents aren't your slaves, yet they've fed and sheltered you for a huge part of your life. Imagine all the time and money they've spent on you. What have you done for them?
They don't owe it to him to accept his life choices unconditionally, and he fucking owes them a grandchild.
>>5888519
Assume that I have have 10 children, and each of my children have on avarage 10 children, and so on. In just 10 generations I would be the common ancestor of 10 billion people ready to make children, and my genes couldn't be diluted because everyone would have them. Even assuming no interbreeding up until that point, they'd still carry millions and millions of my genes.
There is a lot of genetic material shared by all humans, it's what makes us a species. For each of those genes there is just one individual that first mutated that gene, and then had so much sex that soon he became a common ancestor for the entire species.
The good news is that an avarage of three children is plenty enough to get some of your genes into the hall of fame. Basically, as long as you and your offspring have more children than avarage you will make it, because that's how evolution works: Everything above avarage is kept, everything below avarage is sorted out. Nothing is random on the larger scale.
>OP never said where the fuck they live
Sigh
>>5888649
>the question is, do you and her want children? Because as >>5888394 said, you should live life for you (not to mention, are they ever going to truly approve if you appease them?)
I have to admit that I want to have a child. But my love for my gf exceeds my need to have a kid. This means that if I have to choose between having a kid and being with another woman and staying with my gf and not having a child, I would choose the latter.
>>5888535
>Have the child, but please cut them off from ever seeing it, they sound like horrible tyrants.
My parents told me that if I have a child they would finally accept my gf as their own daughter. Based on me knowing them, I do think they would finally accept her.
>>5891208
Does it matter?
>>5890409
>......Has anyone told you that you're an outstanding human being?
No one has told me that before. Though I won't believe that I am. I haven't made any significant contribution for the betterment of the human society so I am in no way outstanding. I'm just an ordinary dude who happen to fall in love with a transgender. Anyhow thanks a lot.
>>5888469
>Traditional surrogacy like I described where the surrogate mother is the biological mother.
I believe this is my only choice as a surrogacy wherein implanting my semen into the womb is not proven much where I live.
My gf doesn't have a sister who can be a mother since she is adopted. Looking for a mother will be tough then.
>>5890428
>Even if you are not married yet, your girlfriend is your family, too. And I'm sure that unlike the other part of your family she doesn't try to guilt you into marrying someone else than the person you love and give them grandchildren.
Yeah you have a point that my gf is family too. I do am troubled still that even if my parents were to accept her, what about my friends and other relatives. I don't think they will.
>I'm just telling you this because I've heard many stories like yours. Do you know what will most likely happen if you give them what they want? They will ask for more.
As I have known them, they haven't asked anything from me. Or maybe because I grow up to be a normal adult who didn't get addicted to drugs, finished college on time, didn't get into financial problems etc.
>I'm really sorry you're going through this shit situation, but really the best you can do is to stand your ground and tell them you won't let them control your life. And if it's possible, start working on getting out of your country.
Getting into another country with just her is great but still I have deep rooted fears of going out of the country. Here where I live, I am much comfortable because even though I fail financially I can still go back and ask help from my family.
I know you will say that finances is not a big deal if there is love between couples but I had a relationship before that fall apart because I lost a job. She left me because I lost my job. I know I shouldn't be affected by the past and I won't let it affect me. However, it is hard not to and I feel as well that if I fail at life eventually in the future like lose my job etc., that even my current gf will leave me for a better guy. I couldn't bear that anymore.
>>5890442
>Any pics of gf? Just out of curiosity.
Does what she looks like a big deal and posting it help me in my current problem? Anyhow, I would post but I'm posting this on a tablet and we don't have pics here.
>>5890443
>As an aside, I don't understand the whole "grandkids" thing. Or the great-grandkids thing. I told my grandparents that my german shepherd is as close as they're getting to a great-grandkid from me, so you better start hounding my sister to get knocked up. My dad couldn't care less if I have a kid.
Well in the society I live in, kids a re a big thing. Even my colleagues at work said I should have a kid because they said my genes will be wasted and no one will take care of me when I get old. They told stories of when they took care of their parents when they are dying and would want their children to take care of them as well. Unlike in the west, we don't have elderly care homes here.
>>5890464
>You're a real sweetheart, huh?
I'm just loving my girlfriend the best way I know how. I love her and I enjoy doing things like that to her. Thanks for your message. I do hope you have someone who is sweet as well.
(Sorry if its been suggested already but it's worth repeating)
Just get some of your splooge, some o' her splooge, and make a surrogate babby when you two are good and ready to have one. People act like a child is the be all end all for a succesful relationship but a lot of people end up raising fucked up kids because they diddle without a condom and fuck up or bring a kid into the world that they can't care for yet. If your parents give you shit, just say you guys don't feel ready to have a little ankle-biting shithead yet.
Or don't have a kid. Whatever. Perpetuating your genes isn't actually as important as people think, unless they legit think without our pasty useless whitey genes the Human gene pool will suddenly collapse on itself and doom mankind. Our individual genetic make-up is worthless to mankind, all that actually matters is making a world incrementally less shitty for our offspring to live in.
>>5890536
You are an idiot. Every culture that doesn't value family is awful. Just look at black Americans and the cucked Western European society that is about to be replaced by Africans and arabs
>>5892044
Same thing is gonna happen to those societies when they reach a certain development level.
OP are you in South America or Asia?
Also look up traditional surrogacy- where you donate your sperm to a mom to bring a kid to term- it is way less expensive than IVF and not nearly as complicated
>>5892044
>implying nuclear family is the only family
Neck yourself
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