Hey /lgbt/,
For the past 2 1/2 years I've been convinced I was a woman and had to transition. I was jerking off to AGP porno on AD/HD meds and these feelings just came flowing out causing me intense mental anguish and neurological pain in my head. Since that time I sometimes embraced it and at other times I tried to run away from it, suppress it or "change" myself. But for the longest time, these feelings have hung over me like a storm cloud accompanied by intense headsplitting headaches which have acted like a constant reminder of my situation. Now I feel different. My dysphoria has started to wax and wane more and more as my headaches had slowly but surely subside. At times I'm still convinced I have to transition and had even recently committed myself to it, but I'm not so sure anymore. I like my male behavior and I don't want to supress it to be more "feminine." I've considered SRS for a very long time because it was a huge part of my AGP, but have slowly realized that I actually don't want it. My very slight facial hair sometimes causes me discomfort but I think I would miss it if I lasered it off. I'm feeling that way about my leg hair too. I've wanted to shave it for a while . I also think about myself as female that misses being male. Sissy porn doesn't do what it used to for me. I kind of like the idea of being more muscly and feel more "intersex" and truly bi-gender than ever before. In terms of not having to transition, I feel like I can just be a dude and that it will all be okay.
It all started after I began to introspect and realize that I'll never be woman completely, that I'm truly different from a woman and most important of all that all of this is okay. The urge to dress up and "look pretty" is still kind of there, but greatly reduced I haven't worn a women's garment in 5 months. I also don't really care for makeup and don't want to act or truly be "girly" in any way shape or form.
What the hell is happening to me /lgbt/? Pic unrelated.
>>6089312
>that I'm truly different from a woman and most important of all that all of this is okay... Feel more "intersex" than ever before. In terms of not having to transition, I feel like I can just be a dude and that it will all be okay.
Femgen fag here, I kinda understood the part above. Wanting to be cute doesn't mean you have to become a girl. Getting meds shouldn't mean you have to scrub out your personality. Don't like cross dressing either.
> The urge to "look pretty" is still kind of there, but greatly reduced I. I also don't want to act or truly be "girly" in any way shape or form.
Dunn get that bit though, I don't understand how you're cool with becoming some hairy grown man. Is it just cause it was more fet than eating disorder for you?
Sounds honestly weird to me desu
>>6089524
>Sounds honestly weird to me desu
My hair and body used to give me dysphoria at varying points. Now I'm like meh which is very wierd. I kind of wax and wane about breasts too. On one hand I like the idea of erect nipples and sensitive breasts, on the other I kind of am like nah and want to work on my pecs and get a six pack. I have slight gynemastia and it used to give me distress before I 'figured out' I was trans.
I loved that little blanket
But always felt really bad for him too?
Kind of like piglet on poo bear :(
>>6089568
Don't get the wanting bulk.
Were you girly at all to begin with? I mean I kinda had ana and dreaded getting to big, nearly starved self to death on the idea of being cute desu. pretty sure whatever gender issues I've had were just symptoms of that. The part about being okay with being large and masculine I can't understand.
ambivailent on tits though, I used antiandrogens alone for the longest time cause I dreaded them. Thought you couldn't be a boy once you grew them and would just become something else. It wasn't that bad honestly, they're just part of my body in the end, do think about trying SERM every now and then but don't know if worth it.
That toaster wasn't as brave as he'd like you to think
>>6089625
>dreaded getting to big
It comes in waves and this is just a new wave I guess. By and large I haven't worked out because I've FEARED being too masculine. It's weird because I feel alienated from my dysphoria and that is strange. I am also on vyvanse for what its worth.
>>6089312
its almost as if all you fags are just crazy and eventually realize it!
WOW who KNEW?
certainly not these people telling you to stop mutilating yourself permanently and irreversibly before your stupid finally blows over and you kill yourself with permanent regret.
But its ok, listen to the enablers. They know how to ruin lives real good.
>>6089859
>stop mutilating yourself
Sorry /pol/
Might just be a depraved boy on drugs but I see no reason why I should quit something that ensures I'll stay cute far longer.
And let's be honest, let's compare the estrogen habit to the ana I had before it. Crazy pills are way less damaging than starvation.
Keep trying to save us though, your concern is cute.
>>6089925
You're not cute and never have been. Sorry, kid. Don't let your mental growth be stunted just because you choose to act like a child.
>>6089940
honestly isn't what I'd been told. Society seems to tear you diff if you seem very young or look like a female, childishness seems accepted. Don't see why I can't game that if it's something I'm comfortable with.
I'm not useless to society either.
God, I fucking love the Brave Little Toaster.
>>6089963
yea people treat mentally handicapped children a special way. you're absolutely correct.
i agree, you aren't useless. dumb fuckholes have their place in society too. no one is disputing that.
>>6089859
Kek, yeah because every tranny on this board fits OP's description right? You're an idiot. I knew I was the wrong gender before I even understood what sex was.
Just because one person is a fetishist doesn't mean everybody is.
>>6089312
>feel more "intersex"
Intersex isn't a something you can fucking CHOOSE based on your mental illness you dense fuck. It's a physical condition present at birth. Fuck off.
>>6093765
butthurt XXY detected
>>6089312
>what the hell is happening to me?
its like you said, youre getting over a fetish, and youre learning to deal with the harsh pressures of "but u have to be feminine or masculine!!!! no inbetween!!!!" and becoming truly comfortable with the shit you should be comfortable with. good job. youre a good role model
>>6093765
neither is your sex ;^)
>>6093818
Samefag here, are you saying this "goes away?" I've always wondered if this was possible. For example, if one can be a late onset transexual, why can't one go the other way.
In sum, I feel:
-Ok being fundamentally different from a cis-female
-Ok with my male skeleton and increasingly my male hairiness (but not completely yet).
-If I transition, I feel like I'll be "pretending to be a girl" (example: cross dressing is fun, but idk if I can do it full time)
-I have this anxiety about people invalidating my masculinity after I transition, such as "oh I guess you were such a pussy because you were never a real man anyway")
-Increasingly feeling more "authentic" as a male.
-Anxious about losing my male strength.
As I said, it ebbs and flows, but these feelings are just as genuine as others I've felt which made me think I wanted to be a woman. When I take my vyvanse, dysphoric feelings subside further only to come back when the meds wear off.
To be clear though, I still feel dysphoric, but instead of being a constant, it ebbs and flows muh more than before and I no longer have headaches.
