How many of you became aware of your not straight sexuality later than childhood or teenage years?
How did it happen? How was your love life before you came out to yourself?
If one has been romantically attracted to opposite-sex people for most of his life but at some point stopped finding them attractive and switched, what does it make that person? Slow and horrible bisexual, lesbian/gay, pathetic lonely poseur, crazy radical misandrist/misogynist or else?
I need all the answers, so share your experience with me, kind anons. (And sorry for the messed up grammar)
I was in complete denial about being gay. I guess if you repeat a lie enough it pseudo becomes the truth. 10 years of replying 'no' to 'are you gay' made me actually think I wasnt gay. Even though I had been masterbating to gay porn and boys every other night since I was 12. The first time I had sex with a girl, when I was 18, i couldnt get hard. I thought "i didnt come this far not to lose my virginity" and i ended up pulling up a half-chub or something and ended up ploughing her until my fat ass became tired and we went to sleep, lol. That was the start of 2015, i turned 19 that year, by the end of that year I came out out to my best friend. I couldnt not accept it after that, i knew i wasnt enjoying sex as much as I should have. I'm 20 now, out to about 5 friends, still got 2 more close friends to come out to (my closest friends) why is it so hard to come out to your closest friends? is it because I think i value those relationships the most and I dont want them to change? I'm still yet to kiss a boy, i think im putting a lot of emphasis on it being 'special' that it might take longer than it should. Not sure when i'll lose my gay virginity.
I didn't realise it until I was 20 or so. I remember accidentally downloading a couple gay porn videos/pictures from Kazaa when I was 13 or so and keeping them, but I always rationalised it, 'it's just hentai', or 'he's so petite he basically looks like a girl'. I truly, honestly believed I was into women only... I don't know why I was so oblivious to something so obvious. I didn't know any gay/bi people until my late teens tho so maybe it was just that I didn't know it was possible for guys to be attracted to guys...
I've still never been with a woman, and I didn't start dating until I was 24 (my first/current bf). When guys started hitting on me, I think that forced me to really question my sexuality because I not only didn't hate it, I liked them hitting on me and felt they were qt.
I was never attracted to men as a kid. I still am not really; more attracted to the power dynamic of a strong man "dominating" a weaker, effeminate boy.
This fetish/attraction was all new to me when I got older (e.g. 17 or 18+).
I think porn shaped these feelings though obviously it's possible they were always there, I just didn't have an outlet for them.
I'd wager that for a lot of people who didnt "feel gay/different" as a kid, porn probably shaped a lot of sexual tastes for millennials growing up
I kinda came out late. At least relatively at 21.
Throughout high school I'd dated a few guys. But very low level dating. It went like this.
>dude asks me out
>hmmm....I guess?
>i mean I'm single right now so why not
>don't wanna kiss
>make them wait months just to slip them the tongue
>and even then very "this feels weird, girls like this?"
>no feeling up, nothing even slightly sexual
>frankly don't like my hand being held either
>after a few months dudes get tired of my shit and break up
>no emotions over it
>hmmm
>is this weird of me?
>nope not me it's just that ALL THESE HIGH SCHOOL DUDES ARE WHACK
>COLLEGE WILL BE WHERE I SEXUALLY FUCK DUDES AND SHITT
>college happens
>lol first year gotta focus on studies
>engineering is very hard ok
>damn these dudes kinda ugly anyway
>wow that hot girl is dating that ugly dude ugh why
>dudes hitting on me at a party
>ugh so fucking annoying
>keeps trying to make out
>go sit talking with other girl friend
>she's shocked I wouldn't fuck him
>cause he's super hot apparently
>she's telling me my standards are too high
>can't even figure what my standards for guys are
>other party slutty girl friend wants to make out with me
>suddenly blushing horrible and pit in my stomach
>nope out and go home thinking fuckno I'm not gay dammit I'm not some dyke shit remember those guys you kissed that's so goddamn straight
>GONNA WATCH SOME LEWD STRAIGHT PORN
>get stuck on pussy eating
>goddammit maybe bi?
>end up dating another out gay girl in my classes
>we were friends before
>she told me she was gay
>sudden absolute jealousy at the thought of her dating another girl
>SHE SHOULD DATE ME
>WAIT SHE CAN DATE ME
tbc
>>6065493
Kinda realized I was just full blown gay with her. I really should have realized it earlier. I mean I had crushes and sex dreams about dating other girls in high school but I thought it was just me admiring her so much. Hell one girl friend jokingly felt me up and I masturbated so goddamn much from that alone and just wrote it off as "oh I just like my boobs being touched is all" but boy tried it and I went all "ew stop what kinda slut you think I am. no".
Hell even as early as middle school I remember looking up little soft core yuri shit without knowing what it was. I just thought that blue haired girl kissing that red haired girl was some appealing shit. Then I thought "ugh no this is too weird and it's gonna make me thinkI'm bi like all those stupid emo kids". I was maybe 12 or 13?
>>6065127
It happens sometimes to women because their sexuality is so psychological and flexible. Only men are completely set in their sexuality.
>>6065551
I think it happens more with women because girls do some super gay shit but it's all written of as just straight girl shit.
Girls can make out and eat pussy and still giggle after saying it's just straight girl bff shit. Imagine being a gaybutnotaware girl with that shit and I get the denial.
Straight guys won't ever get as cuddly or touchy or gay with each other. Hell they compliment each other a little too much and say "no homo" after.
>early teens - unexplained crushes on guys
>middle teens - mild bicuriosity
>20's-50's - married and straight
>50+ - bicuriosity turns into sexual urges
>53 - sex with a guy
So I'd say around 50 I went from curious to "yeah, I'm way more than curious." I can even remember when... I was watching porn and spent the entire time focusing on the guy.
>>6065531
Finally, a girl's story. I don't know, I sorta envy you.
>>6065703
...Are you still married?
>>6066073
I wish I'd just realized later. Could've dated maybe. Been less awkward. And I had a lot of annoyance toward guys. Had guy friends but man was I often just sort of annoyed with them. Now I'm so cool with dudes. In my mind at the time it was this constant "goddammit what do girls see in this guy that I don't god it's bugging me" and now it's "oh I'm gay no stress let's look at some titties lowkey".
Also those everyday moments of "oh what guy do you have a crush on?" or mom asking me if I had a boyfriend or whatever. It was always this inner turmoil of "dammit am I missing something? should I have a crush? what's wrong with me"
>Age 11
>"Hm, guys seem quite hot..."
>Age 14
>"Wow, guys are actually a lot hotter than girls."
>"I guess that means I'm gay, or at least bi leaning towards gay..."
>Age 18 (Having known for 4 years)
>"WHAT THE BLOODY CRAP?! I'M NOT STRAIGHT!"
And that is how I found out I was not a heterosexual.
Even though I started discovering it when I was around 15/16, which isn't really late, it still felt quite like it when I started doing some research on the whole thing after I started getting doubts, and I saw people would generally already know it (or at least suspect it) in their childhood, or no later than the beginning of puberty. For the huge difference in mental maturity there is between the ages of 11-12 and 16, it does seem a bit late for me.
I guess it didn't help that I grew up in a conservative society that made me be a bit homophobic. In fact, the only reason I started questioning myself was after I met someone really nice with whom I became pretty close friends. For some reason I can't recall anymore, the topic of sexuality came up some time after, and he had no trouble admitting he was gay. Just that small thing caused all my notions of homosexuality to completely shatter, I stopped being so close-minded about the whole thing, and eventually it brought the question of "What if...?" to myself. For all I know, I'd still think I am straight to this day if it hadn't been for him.
>unironically fantasizing about boys from school completely dominating me, pulling my hair and shit
>masturbated with friends often
>asked them to grab their dicks often
>"are you gay"
>"no"
>I actually thought I was straight back then
>ended up transitioning
Holy kek, I was such a fucking idiot lmao.
>>6066439
>>masturbated with friends often
>>asked them to grab their dicks often
>>"are you gay"
hMM, something just doesn't add up.
>>6065174
I guess that was how I felt about it to. But it actually was never porn that did it for me. Sex dominantly on me was predominantly a way to get off.
But I remember in middle school I kept avoiding this one guy I thought it was because he seemed cool or smart but I didn't realize until highschool that I was attracted to him or some other guys.
Sex is one thing but
>tfw only one girl's story
>>6066378
why did it have to be so personal people admit they are gay everyday??
I liked boys since early childhood (first time "fell in love" at 4 or 5) and had several boy crushes (one lasted for 5 freaking years). However, I haven't dated anyone and was super upset about it (back then I thought girls are only worthy if guys like them). Even tried to lose virginity once, when I was 15, with a guy I had just met online, but we only got to the third base.
6 years later I got over it and quit being sad about life without bf (and stopped being misogynistic piece of shit) but still was interested in male characters from gaems, cartoons etc. And 2 more years later SUDDENLY I lost all possible interest in males, even my daydream boyfriend became girlfriend, and realised that girls are so amazing and hot. And subscribed to about 70 semi-erotic instagrams.
I have no idea if it makes me a really slow bisexual or just plain dumb.
>>6066724
Why do you want more? Do you feel lonely? I'm a girl but I knew around 12. I don't consider that late.
>>6066807
Why would it be any other way? If you are homophobic with a skewed thought of what homosexuality is and how homosexuals are like, and suddenly you meet someone who falls completely outside of that, it's going to be much more meaningful than some random fucks I've never met.
>>6065127
>be an idiot with low sex drive
>date an idiot with high sex drive
>don't like it, maybe I'm gay
>date as a gay
>still feels wrong
>realize I just derailed my sexual maturation and will never have a healthy connection to anyone
Committing sodoku soon
>>6066835
Because it's more relatable.
Yeah, 12 is totally ok, I wish I was that quick.
>>6066886
Did you already tell your story?
>>6067052
Oh a bisexual huh. Well good luck.
>>6065551
People actually believe this.
>>6067091
>bisexual
I guess it's still better than "crazy radical misandrist".
>>6066724
>always thought I was "normal", not gay
>when girls asked me what my type was I never knew
>masculine men are gross
>girls are pretty and I wouldn't mind kissing them, but I'm not gay
> catch myself fantasizing about a girl in class at 18"oh oops, well just once doesn't mean anything"
> fall really hard for her, completely changed the way I look at girls
> nothing was what it seemed
>>6065127
In hindsight it was obvious. I was never interested in boys and when I did have a "crush" it was forced and only because it was expected. There were several girls whom I really looked up to though and I believe some of them might have been crushes had I been older/met them more frequently etc. When I wrote stories most couples were lesbian and that was totally normal to me.
Sexuality didn't start to bother me or feel weird until I was in high school. I was interested in sexuality, reproduction and stuff and knew a lot of niche things, but I didn't want to do it myself. The discrepancy felt very strange. I had 80-90% male friends and liked their company but whenever guys were interested I went into panic mode.
I did have a boyfriend for some time around the end of high school but we never had sex and I wasn't bothered by that. I thought I was asexual. When we broke up I think the freedom of living alone in a new city and higher maturity led me to realise I was lesbian. I used to hate clubs but now I love gay ones. I've slept with girls and made out with even more.
I want to add that political lesbians and tumblr-equivalent bi girls as well as "women's sexuality is fluid" were contributing reasons to why I didn't realize earlier. I didn't believe homo-/bisexuality in women was real, that it was just preference and everyone could be straight. (So if I've never made a preference yet never found a man attractive, I'm asexual, right?)
>>6068920
>I want to add that political lesbians and tumblr-equivalent bi girls as well as "women's sexuality is fluid" were contributing reasons to why I didn't realize earlier. I didn't believe homo-/bisexuality in women was real, that it was just preference and everyone could be straight.
This, I was also convinced that maybe somehow maybe me being attracted to women was me subconciously trying to attract men. Also the tons of girls who'd say "Im bi" or "Ive kissed girls before, I'd fuck Mila Kunis teeheee ;)))" but then be like "Ew anon is a dyke" or "Ew, I heard she likes girls." It was like, oh I see what this is about now. It's fucked me up for a while and I have trouble discerning real attraction now.
Im not out to really anyone and I have a boyfriend (more of a close friend than anything) and desu I feel bad bc I don't feel much when we kiss, it just feels like flesh hitting flesh. He knows of my homosex tendencies, and he's even said I seem like I'm gay because of the way I've acted around girls. I feel I've compartmentalized the part of myself that feels attraction completely.
bump for more
>>6065127
Realized when I was 20. Until then I had dated girls (more out of social pressure of losing my v card than actually being attracted to them) and never thought any male classmates of my same age were hot so I thought I was straight...
...But I did have a huge crush on my gym teacher and would fap to the thought of him having sex with other women, because it's not gay if there's women involved right? So that's what all my fantasies boiled down to: older dude I found hot banging chicks- just don't think about it. I never watched porn out of fear of not liking the right kind.
Then I moved on to gay furshit (it's not gay either if it's a male TIGER in tight underwear, right?), which led me to download a gay furry visual novel, and at that retardedly late point everything clicked together. I knew all along, it just got impossible to ignore and convince myself it wasn't true when you're fantasizing about kissing and being held in another man's arms... even if he's a fictional animu bear.
>>6066083
>...Are you still married?
yes
Grew up attracted to women, never pursued it.
Attracted to all kinds of women too, older younger, tall, short, fat, thin.
Had a thing for huge tits, macromastia. For years.
Then after some time I think I developed an interest in anal. Soon after it was all i thought about, fucking women in the ass. I couldnt get off without thinking about it to an obsessive end.
Then lines started to blurr, a few times an ass would turn out to be a guys but i couldnt tell in the thumbnail and I wasn't entirely repulsed.
Then an interest in crossdressers developed and on the rare occasion I'd see one in real life more often than not I found them attractive.
One day I had a silent exchange with a slender looking man with a nice ass in a cafe across a few tables.
He looked at me, I raised my eyebrow. Then he winked and blew a kiss and I blushed. When he got up to leave he stroked my face and I was like stunned.
Anyway I beat myself up for not following but I didnt even know I could be aroused like that.
Now the porn I watch is near exclusively gay. I'm still deeply closeted around my usual company but I know I see guys and want to sex them.
Women too, I mean they're beautiful but I dont really get too aroused anymore unless they're really striking.
Its hella embarrassing. I've had close encounters with men now I'm in my 20's but havent actually gotten into dating or taken it further. I always hesitate I mean I so badly want someone to hold but shame has been keeping me from doing anything for a long time.
I've resolved to just giving it a good go once I go back to university. Roommates and friends be damned.
