I posted this >>5958386 and it made me start thinking about how other people dealt with similar situations. Pic related, is me.
pretty
>>5958837
Thanks. Did you try and repress?
>>5958801
was it my transsexual summer?
>>5958865
Not for long, I was just not very dysphoric about things for a long while.
And I had a long term relationship that I poured my life into. When I finally realized I was trans it went fairly quickly.
>>5958898
Nope, that came later. I must have been about 12 so around 2003 give or take. Scared the shit out of me. No one wants to walk down the street being spat at.
>>5958908
I know what you mean. If you've got something or someone to focus on completely it gets so much easier to ignore.
>>5958924
I was blessed with a fairly androgyne stick body and VERY thick long hair from a young age and my parents were never strict about masculine/femenine things so I grew up sort of happily unaware of most dysphoria.
first signs sort of came when I was a teenager and saw guys 1-2 years younger than me that looked way more masculine and I thought to myself: "Whew, glad I didn't grow up to look like Them"
It got worse of course, but it took until I was 27 to realize that I was trans.
>>5958982
Did you accept it immediately? Do you think that your maturity at that age helped you cope with the realisation? Do you think you'd have come out if you realized earlier?
>didn't have to come out to my mom because she had known since I was 3
>she sends me to christian 'straight conversion' therapy places as I'm growing up which are basically psychological torture camps
>raped by dad when he finds me dressing like a girl at 11 then he kill himselfs
>thrown out of the house at 15 by mom because she gave up on trying to 'fix' me
>things have only gotten worse since
>therapist didn't believe me until I showed my dad's suicide note
>been working minimum wage for years and still unable to get electrolysis and hormones consistently, forced to stay in guy mode to w ork
>every time I advance financially i get hit with a major setback
the ride never fucking ends
>>5959039
Shit. That's fucking horrendous. I'm guessing you're in the US by the whole conversion camp thing?
I want to tell you that it'll get better soon, but no one can predict that. All I can say is that people around the world go through stuff like this all the time and that you're not alone.
Chin up anon, you never know.
>>5959039
>kept your dads suicide note
"rape"
>>5959039
Do you mind transcribing the suicide note? Wow, your father must have been a real head case.
>>5959020
I didn't realize there was well- adjusted transwomen until I was well into my twenties.
When I finally did I grew jealous and the feelings grew stronger.
before that I sunk much of my time into playing WoW(played female chars), my relationship (wanted my GF to dress in clothes that I ultimately wanted to wear) and secretly wished to have been born female.
It feels like I never grew up really until I hit 25, like I was still 14 until that. Never able to understand my peers.
>>5959039
Fight it anon! Don't give up! You will succeed eventually.
>>5959101
It's about him forgiving everyone in his life that ever abused and hurt him (he was raped by his own dad and his grandfather), as well as thanking those that believed in him and helped him to be successful (he was a captain in the army). Then he apologizes to me and says that I was always the only reason he had for living and that he would have done it a lot sooner if it wasn't for me
Pic related
>>5959199
That is fucked.
Ftm here and I was a regular man-hating uber feminist as a teenager. All the shit women do to themselves, I blamed men for, despite EVERY bit of sexism I ever experienced in my life being perpetrated by women, not men.
Feminists bitch about the rigid gender roles but it's women who buy magazines with the unnaturally thin models, it's women who wear makeup and dress like sluts. It's my mom and the female staff at my school who CONSTANTLY bitched at me for hanging out with male friends and not dressing how they thought I should or not shaving my legs. My dad and male friends never once criticized how I was. I never wore makeup or revealing clothing once in my life despite the so-called pressure of the media. Anyways, I digress.
When I was about 17, realized I was trans thanks to the internet, did a complete 180 and pretty happily shrugged off my female identity and now I don't give a single fuck about women and their bullshit problems.
It's been eerie navigating mixed spaces/relationships as a man. I offended a girl I know with a "sexist" comment, and it's like, oh yeah, men have to talk to women like they're babies.
>>5959646
>oh yeah, men have to talk to women like they're babies.
>>5959646
Feminists should be allies to Gay men, but I'm aware the two blocs don't get along.
>>5959646
I wish I knew real trans dudes. All the ones I know won't ever start HRT and will stop saying they're trans in a year.
Is it common for mtfs to have a period where they try to overcompensate with masculine activities?
When I was in HS and still depressed I took to lifting because that's what any guy is supposed to be doing to improve himself. I even joined the rugby team and tried my best to be one of the guys even though I thought that's what I'm supposed to do even though I want enjoying it at all. Eventually found out about trans people and transitioning and realized how much better I'd prefer that to my current male life.
Luckily I'm young enough to have been able to do research about trans stuff online but I don't doubt that if I was born 20 years ago I would've been stuck overcompensating and being depressed for much longer.
That feel when someone "Hon"s you and doesn't realize what they are saying... or maybe they do...
This just happened haha.
>>5960821
Why would your aunt not know your birth gender?
>>5960873
She's wondering if her aunt knows what "hon" means among trans people.
>>5960885
Oh I see. Unlikely unless she is a very mean aunt.
>>5959068
>I'm guessing you're in the US by the whole conversion camp thing?
I never understood why 'Muricans don't just jet to an actually civilized country. It can't possibly be anywhere near as expensive as transition in the land of Capitalism Healthcare.
>>5959646
Almost every trans guy I've ever observed has not only been a hardcore feminist but they're usually the most hardcore among the community. Weird.
>>5960885
This.
And I know she doesn't know but tonight I was super self-conscious about how big my shoulders looked in this sweater that I wore all day to a trans-civil rights thing.. etc... So I was kind of like Fuck maybe Im just a Hon...
I mean a lot of the people there were worse off than I was. (mostly due to late transition) I wish I could help all transpeople. I really really wish there was some way to make us all cis women.
I'll post another picture without the sweater to show my shoulders aren't that goofy but it still bothers me. :/
>>5960885
Do people even use the term outside of 4chan? I remember when "brick" was the term but that was back in 2003 and I've not seen it once since then.
>>5960944
>pic related.
Um...
...there's always FFS, right?
>>5960944
Dat follow up. Yeah... I am 5.5 months in and have been feeling REALLY bad about myself lately. on 4 mg estrace, and 50 mg sprio a day. I just completed my last round of laser and still have facial hair.
I have been thinking of myself as just a monster or some shit. The weather has been shit here (constant rain down pour) and I have been home alone for the last 3 days so that hasn't helped.
If I stay up too late at night I end up picking at my face for no good reason because I am just so totally anal about everything. My family is falling apart and they are blaming me for it. Mom calls me frequently to tell me how I have stolen the joy from her life and other associated bullshit just because I am trans. If it weren't for my amazing girlfriend. (who unfortunately is living on the other side of the country) I would probably an hero. I think about suicide in a non committal way a lot these days.
Im living in a penthouse. (a shitty one from the 50's but still a penthouse over looking the water) and I have a reasonable job that pays 43 k and a 2014 mazada 3. Recently got a PRS McCarty 58 (something I have wanted since I started playing)
WTF Is wrong with me. How can I have these things and still hate me self enough to contemplate suicide.
I hate being transgender... Perhaps that is why I repressed it until I was 24 :(
Seriously. I should probably post on /adv/ or something.
>>5960997
Did you draw that Patrick? I can't stop looking at it.
You seem more feminine on this picture in comparison to the other, I guess it's your smile / angle.
Also I need a bigger picture of that Patrick.
>>5960997
When did you start? Like you look so great, inspirational to me if that means anything
>>5961025
I didn't draw the Patrick. I bought it at a local Sci-Fi Convention. I do draw. I did the one on the right about 5 years ago. I'm better now but that was the only other thing on the wall so that was easy haha.
>>5961094
Thanks it does mean something, and helps a bit! I just wish I could feel better about myself somehow.
I started October 14th 2015
Like my side profile is ok, but as soon as I turn to face something head on I am beyond broad.... I feel like a flounder/piece of paper or something. :s
(narrow from the side but wide af from the front.)
This is a pic of me a month ago now.
>>5961142
Both pictures are neat.
Did you use only pencil for that Elvis?
I'm always jelly when I see someone who can draw well.
I'm really sorry to tell you this but I will have to steal this picture and save it.
>>5961183
Elvis is digital. I am trying to do more traditional drawing. Im drinking tonight suggest something and I might draw it if you provide some reference images. I still don't have a great visual library so I need dat ref.
Also a non derp resolution for that side profile.
>>5961203
cute
you could try and work with clothes that don't accentuate your shoulders so much, sleeves are pretty good at dealing with it
>>5961203
>Elvis is digital.
From that picture I swear I thought you used pencil for it, I'm damn jelly of those shadows.
I had some drawing classes at uni when I was getting my degree (I work with some 3D stuff) anyways I was never able to get that stuff right, shadows are the bane of my existence.
>Im drinking tonight suggest something and I might draw it if you provide some reference images.
I really can't think of anything, what's the thing you like to draw most? People, Scenery, Objects?
Only thing that comes to my mind right now is this guitar because I'm listening to some black label society.
But don't feel like you need to draw anything like that, just draw something you like and post it here if you like the end result. Cheers.
>>5960291
Yes that is very common. Didnt happen to me, , but it happens to a lot of people.
>>5961228
I got bored more than half way through. But w.e I did the thing. There is actually a lot more detail to that photo than you might think haha. Gives you a decent idea what I can do in like 30 minutes. (aka not much)
>>5961396
For something made in 30 minutes while drunk you fucking rock, just saying.
If I had to draw that guitar, the bulls-eye alone would cost me 3 hours.
Gonna keep it close to my stolen Patrick.
>>5960885
I'm pretty sure 'hon' only means what I associate it to mean on 4chan.
Everywhere else it's meant to be affectionate and endearing.
>>5961420
Side note my taste in beers is changing so I was experimenting to find something decent now... Just nope.. So horrible. Its skanky old man slur. But cost more than standard mass market brands wtf!
>>5960941
I'm still a feminist in the sense that I believe in equality for everyone. But I don't think modern Western feminism is doing anything to help women, and are throwing men under the bus while they bitch about non-issues.
>>5960997
>and 50 mg sprio a day
Uh that doesn't do anything, the average grill is on 200mg of spiro a day unless you got health problems or something.
>>5961798
That was my opinion. But I have seen my blood test results. My testosterone is at 0.5 with that dosage.
Even pre HRT I was almost within female levels.
I have asked my doctor for more but they refuse to give it to me. Given how dried out I am and stuff skin wise and I am still drinking 6 L a day or more, I would be scared to have more sprio than I have.
Despite that fear, I still want anything more they will give me to help the process along!
>>5961798
My biggest concern is that I am only taking the 50 in the morning. Based on the research I have read, spiro has a half-life of about 12 hours. So that means that for over half of the 24 hour period I have no tester-one suppressant beyond the side effects of estrogen. I seriously believe I would be better off self medicating over all.
