Reposting my question from the last thread:


Does anyone here have the experience of feeling like they're making it up; like you're just latching on to the idea of being trans because you're depressed/seriously mentally ill/whatever as opposed to being ____ because you're trans, which is honestly more likely....
How did you deal with this feeling?

>>5933705
so much for my break. i even took them again last night, "fuck it, i can figure that shit out later and quit whenever"

>>5937176
ask them to pound your asshole

>>5937344
pluck that shit. so satisfying

>>5937777
>Does anyone here have the experience of feeling like they're making it up; like you're just latching on to the idea of being trans because you're depressed/seriously mentally ill/whatever as opposed to being ____ because you're trans, which is honestly more likely....
Absolutely I do
>How did you deal with this feeling?
Absolutely I don't

>>5938800
So are you transitioning? Did you manage to just make the leap past the doubts and concerns or did you really need to put them out of your mind?
Do they start to go away or do we all have to pretend we were 100% confident since we were born so normies don't label us faggot perverts...

>>5938835
That depends on how you want to define "transitioning." I don't know what I'm doing. I'm taking hormones because .... ? It's kind of happened, I've stopped a couple times but not for a few months. I almost did again last night. I don't know what I'm doing. I've dispelled with this fiction that somehow I'm going to just know what I'm supposed to do. If some day it ends up being that everyone starts calling me miss despite not trying, then would I transition? Maybe I guess. But that won't happen, because of my body and age. I don't really want to be a tranny either. I don't really know if I want to be a girl, or for that matter a guy. I don't know anything anymore.
I don't really have plans for the generalized future. It's going to be an interesting summer given that I'm starting to have tits now. If it comes to the point where I'm unbearably a freak and just want to be a dude I can always get gyno surgery. I never wanted kids anyway so being sterile is no thang, or even a plus. But yeah I'm kind of hoping for a day that everything's fine and I can just forget about all this stuff.

>>5938975
Everybody moves at different paces, and just because it didn't work out last time doesn't mean it never will.
If you think now is the time then the only thing holding you back is yourself... Go for it bb!

I find I cannot come out to people without listening to a specific song/artist mostly to distract me from the fear and also it just makes me feel good. Do any of you also have specific rituals that you do or did before coming out to someone?

>>5939208
What song? Something like GLOSS or Against Me! to get you all riled up to say like 'Fuck you I'm trans'? I'm not out yet but I feel like whenever I do I think we'd have to be drinking...


Does anyone know what the process for getting on hormones in Australia? All the results i get for hrt australia are about menopause...

Is it normal to feel envious from women?

>>5939575
Do you mean envious of women?
If so, no thats not normal, but it is typical of someone with gender dysphoria; which by getting here you've probably already figured out

>>5939575
It's not normal for men to feel jealousy towards women, no.

>>5939590
>>5939598
Ok,I will have to explain better,I didnt earlier because Im shit with English.
What I mean,is Im envious from them in a certain way because they are women and Im not,I think its a bit complicated to explain...

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tfw when coming to terms that I have dysphoria

Looking up a therapist in my city. Moving in a few weeks so that kind of sucks.

Came out to my friend last night. Genie's out of the bottle now. I never asked for this.

>>5939608
I get that. It is normal in your situation.

If had to go off HRT for a while and your breasts lost some growth and the sore nipple buds went away before you could get back on would it damage your overall breast development?

How to deal with wide shoulders and are they a complete barrier to passing.

What if I'm not actually trans and I just think I am because I hate myself and I want to be someone else

I'm moving and then coming out as trans. What are some things I need to do to make the switch easier? How to I confront employers and my landlord, do I upfront use my preferred name even if I don't pass yet? Found a trans clinic near me, going to go there soon, might they have resources for me? How often should I correct pronouns?

Just because I'm trans..is my life anyways going to be an uphill battle? Is they're a way or a point I can reach that's not full of uncertainty? I feel like starting over is such a monumental task. I'm really afraid.

>>5941513
Are you 100% okay with your physical body and/or your social/gender role? If you are, you're probably not trans.

>>5938586
I do not have much advice but I understand how you feel. I think where I'm at..I'm not happy with it but it's what it is...I think about having to live my life as my biological gender and that disgusts me enough that I'm pretty sure about my choice. I just wish I wasn't.

Does anyone know if getting on HRT while in neckbeard tier health will damage the potential of the feminization HRT will have on me?

Should I wait until I'm in athlete tier health to transition? Or should I do it while I'm in the process of fixing myself?

Does it matter if I transition and then achieve peak health some time after all the changes or done?

I have a feeling it's best to do it when you're already in prime shape.... But it'd be cool if I could do it while I'm fixing my health and nutrition and not lose any potential changes and passability. Thanks girls.

>>5939477
Firstly no it is just a random song that I like (wheels of the machine - the darkness)

Secondly to get hormones I would see a gp first and from there they should help you either by putting you on hormones or more likely referring you to people who specialise in it. As an Australian myself I understand it is shit here for info. I started self meding but now seeing specialist and hoping to get on the mones legit by june

>>5942588
Nice, thanks for the help, I've been seeing a therapist for like a year so maybe if I work through it with her some more I can get a referral for mones soonish too...
I'm seeing my gp friday to try and get a finasteride hookup, she won't have to refer me for that would she?

>>5942617
I can only speak from my experience in Melbourne, so if you are from another state I don't know if it is the same. As you said Australia has little to no resources on being trans

>>5942633
Yeah I'm in Sydney... Thanks for the help anyway, I guess I'll find out Friday if I have to keep watching my hair fall out :(

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How can I be sure if "being female" would make me happy? What can I do to reassure myself that it will?

>>5943881
it wont make you happy, it will make you not hate a facet of yourself as much. from there you have to try and be happy like a normal person. transitioning just makes trying to do that possible

>>5941974
Please, anyone?

>>5941974
>>5944060
I don't see how it would hurt to go ahead and start HRT. Stopping testosterone masculinization would probably help more than getting in shape first would. I'm no doc though.

Also, it could be months before you actually see many changes due to HRT. Plenty of time to get a head start on your health.

>>5939979
Anyone? The paranoia is insane.

I have little to no genital dysphoria but feel guilty because of it since it doesn't fit into this idea of a "perfect trans narrative."

Is it just me?

In the last thread someone posted a link to a really great series of youtube videos about trying to figure out if you're trans; does anybody else know any resources for those who are discovering/exploring/trying to figure out their gender? I've been looking online but theres so much of it to dig through and I don't know if I've found the right ones....
I really like Kristins Trans Life vlogs I guess if that helps...

>>5944753
I feel guilty/scared/confused because of this as well, but im starting to get that to understand if you really are trans you kinda have to forget everything you know about trans people, as this has all been sort of simplified/metaphored to death in order to help cis people understand (Looking at you, woman trapped in a mans body...)
I don't know if i suffer true dysphoria, but i do know that whenever i look in the mirror i'm always surprised and confused because it doesn't match whatever i feel I am inside, and often feels like Im wearing like a mask or prosthetics...

Whoops I misread genital dysphoria for gender dysphoria...
(Ill leave that In, someone might find it useful...)

But there are a lot of non-op people out there, I may be one of them I'm not sure yet, but ultimately it doesn't matter,, because the people you see every day, apart from your SO, are gonna have no idea what you're packing down there, and the perception of others is probably what feeds your dysphoria...
Again, trans is what you make of it


Jesus I'm full of shit, begging for help and giving advice, sorry homies im just really spooked...

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>>5944779
Was it this series?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ_Esfxavow

The second video around the 4:15 mark is what got me to make an appointment with a therapist.
>If you're watching this video for yourself, or researching transgenderism online, you're probably transgender. Cisgendered people don't ask themselves this question.

I was like, psh, just because I do X, Y and Z doesn't mean I'm trans.

But why am I watching this then? Then all the dumb dysphoric shit I've done over my life comes rushing in and I've had a headache for two days now as I come to a realization.

JUST

>>5944925
Yeah that was it, I guess I've come to the realization I might be trans, and I'm looking for something to confirm or deny it i think...
I guess it's all come crashing down on me over the last few months to the point now where it's on my mind every waking hour, and I just want some certainty, or some guidance, or maybe just someone to understand and give me a hug and tell me it will be ok ;_;

>>5944925
>>5944951
Oh I should add that I'm already seeing a therapist, but my obsession has gotten to the point where immediately following a session I'm counting down the days to the next...

I guess I do have the thing people who repressed have where everything in their past starts to make sense, but I still can't shake the feeling that it's a phase, or a delusion, or a plea for attention and compassion...
And that all stems from this really fucked up feeling that I kind of want to be trans, deep down inside...

I should probably save this for my therapist, but she isn't answering my texts...

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>>5944951
>I guess it's all come crashing down on me over the last few months to the point now where it's on my mind every waking hour, and I just want some certainty, or some guidance, or maybe just someone to understand and give me a hug and tell me it will be ok ;_;

iktfb

I told a friend that night about how I was feeling. She was like "do you want to be trans" and I'm like "not really, but I don't think I get a choice."

Unfortunately I'm getting a new job soon on the other side of the country so I will probably only get 1-2 sessions with this therapist. But I need to talk with someone.

>I guess I do have the thing people who repressed have where everything in their past starts to make sense, but I still can't shake the feeling that it's a phase, or a delusion, or a plea for attention and compassion...
And that all stems from this really fucked up feeling that I kind of want to be trans, deep down inside...

It's like you're me.

If you wanna talk I'm game. I'm just going to be working at home lurking this thread and I could also use someone to talk to/listen to.

I have Kik, Hangouts, Messenger, Slack, WeChat and GroupMe. If not I understand. Thanks for your posts though, they made me feel a bit better.

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>>5944962
>>5944951
I think the thing that bothers me most is why would this make me happy? It doesn't make rational sense and I'm a very rational person. I already don't conform to societal norms very much and it's hard to believe that changing how I dress and taking hormones could/would/should make me feel better. But the thoughts never go away. I'm secretly happy when I'm misgendered or get to wear girl clothes in a socially acceptable manner. It doesn't make any sense and I don't like that. I don't see how it will actually change anything, yet I feel like I can't not do it any longer.

~__~

>>5944970
Hit me up on kik senpai, I'd love someone to talk to too, finding stories like ours is hard because they're mostly written by transitioning or post-transitioning trans after theyve sort of rationalised, and to be totally honest rewrote, this shit in order to perpetuate the narrative.
Only thing is im in Australia and it sounds like you're not so we might get fugged on the timezones
kik: slaminblam

>>5944995
As much as I think the 'man trapped inside a womans body' thing is ultimately pretty harmful to pre-transition trans, I do think when broken down it has some sort of merit.
The other night, maybe in the last thread, I told an anecdote how I was walking at night and frightened an old lady, and how much it distressed me for her to recognise me as someone completely different from who I am internally (Even if i don't know who that is), so its pretty rational to think that if you are recognized in a way that conforms to your internal self whilst in a life of [I dont really know what you'd call it, is it dysphoria? misgendered recognition?] that the change would make you naturally happy by comparison, as the feeling of the external recognition, although negative, has been so constant it is now the base

I've been getting muscle soreness as of late, is this related to muscle atrophy or am I just sleeping weird?

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>>5944753

I'm pre-everything and visiting a therapist, because I'm really sure I'm trans. Yet I don't have much genital dysphoria either, and this also seems to be why my therapist isn't totally convinced.

So it's good to know I'm not alone with this I guess.

>>5944925

I've read the "If you're researching this, you are probably trans" argument a lot, and I'm basically in the same situation as you. The realization hit me hard lately, because I realized there really seems to be some merit to the argument.

>>5944951

Aww fuck I know that feeling so well. I feel like I just stumbled into all of this and even posting here is giving me anxiety for some reason.

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>>5945195
>I'm pre-everything and visiting a therapist, because I'm really sure I'm trans. Yet I don't have much genital dysphoria either, and this also seems to be why my therapist isn't totally convinced.

I don't have genital dysphoria either. Although a few weeks ago I considered the benefits of castration so maybe that's changing.

>I've read the "If you're researching this, you are probably trans" argument a lot, and I'm basically in the same situation as you. The realization hit me hard lately, because I realized there really seems to be some merit to the argument.

It made a lot of sense to me. I mean, cis gendered people do not google 'Am I transgender' and read and watch videos about it. If they look it up it's more like "what is transgenderism' and not "am i transgender.'

My friend was like "That doesn't mean your trans" and I agreed that that alone doesn't but it made me see my past actions and feelings under a new framework. I also asked her if she ever asked herself this and she said 'no' so...

>Aww fuck I know that feeling so well. I feel like I just stumbled into all of this and even posting here is giving me anxiety for some reason.

The posts are making me feel better because it makes me feel less crazy. Still have a lot of stress over all of this though.

>>5945195
Hey don't tell me about anxiety, I'm basically a regular here now and still browse in an incognito window ;)

>>5945214
>>5945195
It would be nice to ask people who are pretty confident about not having genital dysphoria what it's like...
I've never really felt uncomfortable with mine, but it's always felt kind of tacked on, not really like a growth but just like an addition I guess, sort of tacked on. It's always sort've been an annoyance, kind of numb most of the time, I only really get any pleasure out of it when I cum, and ive never really seen it as my 'manhood' or 'best friend' or 'little anon'...
Is this mild genital dysphoria, or does everyone feel this way...

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>>5945263
>Is this mild genital dysphoria, or does everyone feel this way...

Probably can't help you answer this since I don't think I'm cis but I like my penis but I've never been particularly attached to it. It I woke up and it was swapped I don't think I'd cry about it.

That said a few months ago I realized how much I hate my libido. No idea if that has anything to do with dysphoria. But if a side effect of hormones is less libido then that's just a bonus.

>>5945282
Yeah I'm realizing I hate the anger and angst and libido that come with boy hormones, I hate feeling like im losing control
Im getting on finasteride for my hairloss soon so hopefully that'll help but idk

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>>5945214
>My friend was like "That doesn't mean your trans" and I agreed that that alone doesn't but it made me see my past actions and feelings under a new framework. I also asked her if she ever asked herself this and she said 'no' so...

I think that is about right imo. It's the seriously researching it because you feel there might be something to it, plus so many past actions making sense in this framework.
Personally I've done so many weird and dysphoric things, in hindsight I don't even know what else it could be.

>The posts are making me feel better because it makes me feel less crazy. Still have a lot of stress over all of this though.

It at least makes me feel like I'm not the only person in the world feeling like that.
But it's so strange. I don't want any of this, but I feel like I don't even have a choice in the matter nor that I ever had one.

>>5945282
> I like my penis but I've never been particularly attached to it. It I woke up and it was swapped I don't think I'd cry about it.

I feel about the same actually. I can deal with it and it's ok, but I'd swap it out without regret instantaneously.

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>>5945401
>But it's so strange. I don't want any of this, but I feel like I don't even have a choice in the matter nor that I ever had one.

This is the worst part.
>I told a friend that night about how I was feeling. She was like "do you want to be trans" and I'm like "not really, but I don't think I get a choice."

feels fucking bad man

i_never_asked_for_this.gaypeg

How does the process for getting FFS work? Do I need a letter from a GIC or what? I've been referred to the Leeds clinic, worst luck, so it's gonna be years before I even get my first appointment with them, and I don't have the money to go private right now. Do you just email the website of the surgeon or what?

>>5941417

bump for this question

Is cyproterone really that much better than spiro? I need to order more meds soon and was wondering if switching from spiro to cypro was actually worth the higher price. Also what kind of dosage would I be looking at for cypro? Would it be 200mg a day like Spiro or less?

>>5945768

The UK offers free government FFS or am I reading this wrong?

>>5945831
I want to go to Bart van de Ven, the NHS's FFS leaves a lot to be desired from all the anecdotes I've heard on here, especially bone work

>>5945829
cypro being good is a meme dude.

>>5945829
25 to 50mg
no more or you'll fuck up your liver

Is it normal to start questioning myself right when I start HRT? I started yesterday after like 3 years of fighting for it, but instead of the relief or whatever most trans people feel when starting I've just been questioning if this is what I want for two days.

>>5945962
>is it normal to question myself when undertaking large, life-altering decisions?

Some people will feel better soon after starting HRT, some will feel worse, some won't feel much different; likely you'll have some factors making you feel worse and some making you feel better at the same time. There are plenty of reasons for anxiety and insecurity to make you feel worse, even if you feel better from the physiological effects and such, and there's no guarantee that anything will happen immediately. There are no statistics out there on this that I know of, so I wouldn't say that "most" trans people feel like you're suggesting; certainly some people have said that, and many others haven't (as well as many being like you and coming here to ask for advice about it).

How many trans people do you know of who aren't anxious or unsure in some way over transitioning (even when it may be really obvious that they're trans and they're consciously aware of that).

>>5945195
I saw a sex therapist who told me that 99.99% of trans folk don't dislike their genitals. She even joked about how much this black girl loved her cock. Dunno where she got those numbers.

>>5946345
That seems kind of high. Almost all of them like their genitals?

Might be related to seeing... older transitioners. The type who might not do HRT because it messes with their libido.

>>5945768
Schedule a consultation. Sometimes it's free. You can ask the doctor directly.

>>5943881
You cant be sure. It will or it wont. you just have to figure out if its what you want, and if you want to take leap of faith to find out if you were right.

>>5945195 I've read the "If you're researching this, you are probably trans" argument a lot
yeah I agree with that I mean you dont find a lot of cisgender folks looking into this stuff alot of the time, unless someone close to them is trnas and they want a better understanding

>>5946345 Well I'd be in that 99.99% then. I dont hate mine I know that for sure, I just have trouble hiding mine, its not small. some people are into pre-op some arent. and those are just the folks that are ok or into dating trans. I dont know the % on that but I imagine its not very high, but thats also out of billions of people in the world.

i want to look like a cute girl 24/7 but i also want my dick to be big and strong, what do?

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Does anyone know where I can order micronised progesterone, that ships to Canada?

QHI doesn't have progesterone, ADC and IHP don't ship here. Is there anywhere else online that isn't fake?

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My endo asked me if I planned on going full-time anytime soon. I told him no, I gave up on that as a goal because I look like a man, hormones haven't worked for me, etc. but I'd still like to stay on hrt. He said my hormone levels are finally normalized, and that since the last visit I've definitely gotten more androgynous, my face and body don't give me away in and of themselves, and that if I worked on my voice I could pull it off. Do all doctors just blow smoke up our asses? What are the odds that he might really believe that? He doesn't strike me as the SJW type, or like the out of touch type.

What should I do, anons? Should I really try again? Voice, hair, the whole thing. I think I look like a freak, I've seen myself in pictures, and I hate false hope.

>>5946816
Do what you're comfortable doing. If that means going full-time, then great. Appease yourself, not your doctor.

>>5946826
He wasn't really pushing me. It just sounded as if he really was being honest. If I could believe him I would try it.

I just don't want to be a giant hon and find out later that everyone has been laughing at me behind my back.

I might have to move to Canada for a while (Halifax, Nova Scotia), but I'm receiving HRT on Mexico at the moment, is there some way to continue HRT without having to wait too much?

>>5946871
You mean you're getting it from Mexico without a prescription? QHI will deliver to Canada and I've never had one of their packages seized.

If you have a prescription, just go to any clinic and explain your situation and you'll have a prescription right then.

>>5946891
I have a prescription and everything, and how would I go about getting an endo? Because I will be there for about 2-3 years.

Do you have to go to the same IC clinic once you get your first visit done or can you go to others and explain you just need your medicine or whatever
I'm out of state and I'm 2 hours from a clinic but back home I'm 8 hours from one in my own state. I dunno if I should go here while I can since it's nearby (I'm here for another 2 weeks) or just wait until I go back to my home state. Even when I get home though, it could be another few weeks til I get to make the 8 hour trip.

What do?

Is seeing a therapist necessary? I really don't want to if it's not absolutely necessary with going to an informed consent clinic. Bad experiences in the past and I have speech problems and it's given them the wrong ideas before, but also just had some creepy fucks make me wanna die.

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So, im currently self medding and about a month into e, but am currently still living with an unsupportive family that will most like get violent if they learn about my transness. How can I hide effects until summer 2017? That is when I will graduate high school. I go to a tiny christian school in the midwest so i doubt any support could come from there. Should I just gtfo before shit happens and hope for the best? im seriously doubting if I'll be able to take living here another year desu.

Ive been toying with the idea of just getting a bus to ticket to some more liberal part of the country but I know its really stupid without any connections.

What the hell do I do? I'm kind of at a loss and freaking out.

sorry if I'm not organizing my thoughts or presenting the situation very effectively, if you want more info just ask.

thanks

what's the point of getting a letter from a therapist? like, what does it do for me? and what kind of therapist do i see? what order do i do everything in? im pre everything and trying to get to a IC clinic. what is the next step after IC?

i should point out i have no insurance too

>>5947069
An FFS or SRS surgeon may require a letter of recommendation from a therapist. You might be better off getting it taken care of now rather than later. Depending on your insurance, they might also require therapy for certain coverage.

>>5946959
I moved from the US to Canada, so I think Mexico to Canada should be similar.

To make it easiest on your new doctor, make sure to hold onto your pill bottles. Go into any clinic, explain your situation, show him your old prescription, and he'll give you a new prescription until he can get you on with an endo. He'll refer you to one taking patients in your area, if there is one. If there isn't one, he'll try to find one in a nearby city or province.

Once you have your referral, you'll be ok.

Warning: Until you get on your province's insurance plan, HRT will be really fucking expensive. ~$100/month or so.

>>5947084
More often than not, doctors want a second opinion from a professional in the form of a letter before giving you treatment. This is because doctors are legally responsible for your care if they give you treatment. SRS, FFS, and HRT is a life-changing decision. A letter shows the very important seriousness of your circumstances.

>>5947084
See a Gender Therapist if you can. The next best thing is a Sex Therapist. If neither of these are available, look for a therapist or psychologist with many years of experience and/or who has a master's degree as that is recommended by WPATH.

>>5947113
Also: A therapist's diagnosis of gender dysphoria is a good sign to a doctor that you do not suffer from some other mental illness, like schizophrenia, body dysmorphic disorder, cognitive disassociation, depression, etc. which is sometimes confused by patients with gender dysphoria.

>>5947097
I have no insurance. So.... that will probably present problems yes?

>>5947113
>>5947141
okay, thank both of you.
i'm a bit.. intimidated of the idea of going to a therapist though. ive heard some horror stories from friends of mine who arent transtrenders being labeled as such by shitty therapists and, i dont even know how id deal with that.
transportation and money are a very big issue for me so id feel lucky to get to anyone at all, but then come the fears of being referred to some bottom-of-the-barrel asshole thatll just extend the hell im in.

>>5947172
HRT can cost up to $1,000 a year even with the cheaper medications. Add on top of that the regular blood work you're going to need, the multiple endocrinologist specialist appointments, and therapy... It adds up. Insurance usually covers all of this.

>>5947184
You can screen a therapist with questions before seeing/paying them.

Check if there's a local trans support group in your area to see what services they offer. Some places have therapists that operate on a sliding scale for low-income people.

If I had already used Lupron shots like 6 months ago, and I start using them again, will the rise on testosterone last the same? Does taking 50 mg of Spiro do anything if there is a rise?

I have an appointment with a very incompetent and inexperienced doctor. I need to convince them that Luprolide and Bicalutamide is my preferred anti-androgen medication because I experience severe side-effects to Spironolactone. Assuming they know about nothing about HRT, what can I do to convince them that this medication is right for me?

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Video chatting with my pseudo gf tonight. I feel like I should say something but I don't really understand it myself.

Should I wait until I see my therapist about it before chatting? I feel like I won't be able to explain it properly. I even feel retarded when I try to understand it myself. On the other hand I'm dying and I have to talk to someone.

Fuck this gay earth.

Any of you MtFs that like women feel super down sometimes when thinking about lesbian relationships? Like, one of my favorite movies is Imagine Me & You because virtually everything about it is what I want in a romantic, feel-good movie, but after the movie is over I feel super shitty because I know I can't really have that. Stuff like that. It's also that I'll never be pretty enough for someone else who is gorgeous to think I'm beautiful, and I'll never be comfortable enough with myself to really let go and be free, if that makes any sense. I dunno, I guess this is one of the only doubts I have left about all of this, whether or not I'm some autistic, effeminate faggot that's just going through severe tfwnogf or has some repulsive fetishization of lesbian relationships.

>>5947308
> whether or not I'm some autistic, effeminate faggot that's just going through severe tfwnogf or has some repulsive fetishization of lesbian relationships.
the million dollar question

>>5947327
Hence my seeking advice lol

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>>5947336
Well, I'm in the same boat as you sort of. I was talking with someone in the thread earlier about how not everyone feels literally like a woman trapped in a mans body, and that's probably just a gross oversimplification.

I wouldn't say I feel that way. I've had the similar doubts as you're feeling now. I'm going to a therapist this weekend to help me understand.

If you're here in this thread, I would strongly consider talk to a professional too.

Take everything I said with a grain of salt. I am just coming to terms with my dysphoria this week.

If you want to talk more you can hit me up on Kik, just reply with your username.

>>5947354
If this particular thing ends up being something I can't figure out on my own, I'll probably go see one, but as things are right now I'd rather not because money is tight, and I've been able to figure out most of this stuff so far. It really is pretty much this last thing. Thanks though, anon. Best of luck to ya.

>>5946844
You'd benefit from hearing more people's opinions then. You could post in the passing thread (or wherever else is appropriate if there isn't one up now).

If you don't feel a pressing need to go fulltime then there's no need to rush.

as someone who is self medding. currently taking daily 200mg of Spiro, 2mg of Finesteride, and 4mg of Estradiol. without getting bloodwork, how can i tell if my hormones are leveling off or if I need to up the dosage? Im just curious, I can definetly tell they are working I just would like to know how well.

In all honestly I will probly be going to my doctor in the near future, and finally tell him, and request bloodwork for my hormones as well as otherthings.

>>5947081
As far as hiding things go, it's what you'd expect really: hide your meds, don't wear thin clothing that'll reveal your breasts, consider letting your facial hair grow (and keeping your hair short/masculine, not plucking your eyebrows, etc.) to compensate for/hide looking more feminine; that kind of thing. Be thorough, considering that they only have to notice once before you're screwed. Keep important possessions safe and accessible if you need to leave in a hurry. Carry cash on you.

You're going to be on HRT for quite a while, so your face will probably change visibly. You can't really hide that. Maybe because they see you all the time and it's gradual you can hope they won't notice, but honestly, over 12 months on HRT at your age is likely going to be pretty obvious.

Look for LGBT shelters or support groups near you. Contact friends who could house you or otherwise help if you can. If your parents end up physically hurting you then you can get the police involved, and I'm pretty sure they can be arrested for trying to kick you out if you're younger than 18.

Do you have plans for where you plan on moving to after you're done with school? Do you have money to afford to live independently?

>>5947482
You can't. If they aren't working or you're getting side effects from overdosing then you could tell, but not really much in-between without actual tests.

>>5947542

its all up in the wind desu, im hoping I can go to school but that may well not be an option. Im considering either staying here (northern Indiana), going to chicago, or pacific northwest.

I have a part-time job currently and about $700 in savings, and I'm trying to put as much as I can into that because idk when shit will happen.

Do you think totally relocating to a new area is feasible? I'm trying to make as many connections as I can rn and hopefully if shit happens someone can put me up. But ive also been thinking about finding a roommate on craigslist or something and living on savings and camming until I can find a job.

I have one friend here who might be able to put me up but her parents are also super religious so idk.

I've never had any experience with this kind of thing and don't know where I should be starting tbqh.

thanks for the advice btw!

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>>5947308
I do. I think lesbian relationships generally make me feel worse than straight relationships (or male-male ones) because:
>I'm more attracted to women so I'd feel more emotionally invested in women's relationships.
>twice the amount of women means twice the amount of people to be jealous of for being women.
>somehow a lesbian relationship feels like it implies more acceptance of the partner for being a woman specifically, or maybe just draws more attention to the fact that they're a woman.
>media which portrays it is often more fluffy and overtly feminine than media which portrays straight relationships (or perhaps I'm just focusing on yuri manga).
>A lesbian definitely wouldn't be attracted to you if you were a man, so a relationship with them validates your femininity.
>I know a woman I could definitely have a lesbian relationship with in real life if I were female, except I'm male (and closeted and too insecure/jealous to interact with her, and most likely too masculine to be satisfactory as a woman to her if I were to transition even presuming she even accepts me as a woman at all after that) so I can't.

>whether or not I'm some autistic, effeminate faggot that's just going through severe tfwnogf or has some repulsive fetishization of lesbian relationships.
I worry about the same thing.

There's (presumably) obviously more to your being trans than just wanting to be in a lesbian relationship; you'd have to have a serious lack of grasp on reality to experience severe enough gender dysphoria to want to transition just because of really wanting a girlfriend. Also, it's normal to be jealous of others, and in particular it's normal for trans people to be jealous of women and of women in relationships.

Two things:
>how much can hrt fuck up my mindset/cognition?

>can hormones do anything about facial hair?

Which is the better way to come out to parents?
>I am/I think I'm trans
>I'm a girl

>>5947728
Yeah that all makes a good deal of sense.

>There's (presumably) obviously more to your being trans than just wanting to be in a lesbian relationship
Yeah. It's mostly body-related, not so much on the gender role. Honestly aside from this, I'm reasonably certain I'm, to some degree, trans. This is pretty much my last major hang-up, at least until I come up with some other thing to cast doubt on the whole situation.
>you'd have to have a serious lack of grasp on reality to experience severe enough gender dysphoria to want to transition just because of really wanting a girlfriend
Lol yeah probably. When you put it that way, it sounds stupid to even consider it being a possibility.

Also
>media which portrays it is often more fluffy and overtly feminine than media which portrays straight relationships (or perhaps I'm just focusing on yuri manga).
I've just noticed more of a focus on emotional interactions and the development of mutual feelings, which is nice. Anyway, thanks anon. I feel a bit better now. Hope your day goes well.

>>5947843
If I remember correctly, there's something to help with your situation in the OP. Offhand though, I think it would probably be a better idea to say you're trans and try to explain what exactly it/your situation is. Don't take my word for it though; it's not something I've done, nor do I know anyone who has done it.

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>>5947292
I couldn't bring it up. Head hurts so bad ffffuuuccckk

>>5948147
Maybe try just chat messaging her? I know it sounds retarded but I feel like it's easier for me to type to people when I am talking about sensitive or personal stuff.

>>5947843
this is good question got me thinking.
>>5948007
which is better for coming out to friends?

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>>5948226
I'd really like to say it in person/video chat. It gives a chance for dialogue, lets me gauge her reaction and adds sincerity that I'm not just pulling her leg.

She just started talking to me about how she got off the phone with her aunt about anxiety issues at work and how happy seeing me was making her. I didn't want to be like, hey, I'm trans. No for real. So chew on that.

Idk, probably just too scared. I'll tell her after talking to the therapist for sure.

So is it 1mg Finasteride daily + HRT or 5mg to try to help with hairlines?

>>5948327
1mg for mpb

>>5948332
Ok cool, thanks. I saw 5 somewhere and wanted to double check 'cause I've been using 1.

>>5947277
Exactly that.
A doctor that prescribes medication that is known to cause an allergic reaction to the patient is basically saying "I hope you die"

>>5947442
I asked my mom about it this afternoon since she saw me recently. She didn't text back. I'm gonna take that as she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Back to normal, I guess.

I just hate when doctors plant that seed of hope and oh, you can do this, when no, it's all beyond fucked and they know it. Fuckers. If I look like a freak, I would rather know about it so I can not waste my energy on a lost cause.

>>5948360
What if they don't know about alternative medications to Spironolactone? What if it takes them two months to look into it? That's what I don't want happening.

>>5939633

i know that feeling. feels like slipping off a cliff. like it's just inevitable

>>5938529

Does not sleeping for a full 8 hours most nights and at a standard time fuck up your breast growth? Am I fucked if my sleep schedule has been completely fucked for the first 7 months on HRT?

>>5948516
It might. Your endogenous growth hormone production works while you sleep. So, if you aren't sleeping enough, then maybe you aren't maximizing your potential for boobs, and hips and such.

Lack of sleep can also fuck up your cortisol, and blood glucose levels.

>>5948284
Oh man it sucks to hear that, but i really think it's probably better to wait till after the therapist anyway, just to figure out what you want to say, especially with someone that you're intimate with...

I really want to tell someone too, I feel like letting the genie out of the bottle could really help, it's just the doubt thats killing me, it would be hard to go back on that, so i guess i gotta just shut my mouth until my psych...

Its nb btw...

I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow who may be willing to prescribe HRT depending on whether they think I'm a good candidate for it.

I have two options:
>Option 1: Dress as humanly normal as possible.
>Option 2: Present as female as possible. Unfortunately, this means looking like an autogynephilic transvestite fetishist.

Wat do? Both options make it difficult to take me seriously.

>>5949009
Dress normally.
If the dr asks why say you find it really distressing to wear the clthes when you dont have the body- that it makes you feel more masc

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question


do I have to see a therapist first for hormones or can I iust make and appointment with a doctor to see if I can just get them to be like "ok yea sure here's the prescription"?

I have no desire to be questioned by some therapist because I'm already confident in what I want and have been making strides to gain it.

Also, what kind of appointment do I schedule when on the phone? A physical? Another thing...which type of drug should I opt for if given a choice? I want the best stuff, my new health insurance covers meds completely so I'm aiming high.

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I just got my blood results back, this was two weeks on 50mg cypro and 2mg prog. My doctor is refusing to give an opinion since I'm self medding. Can someone give me some advice?

I'm on four weeks now and the day after the bloods I moved up to 4mg.

>>5949284
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reference_ranges_for_blood_tests

Compare to female ranges. Be careful to use the correct units.

>>5949314 (me)
Also did you have the blood sample taken (just) before your next dose ?

And with cypro it's normal to have low FSH/LH.

>>5948232
>I am/I think I'm trans
is always better

>>5949317
I had it taken at 10am about twelve hours after my last dose, and after the test that night i moved up to 4mg prog

I compared to there already and From what I can tell it's pretty good for two weeks low dose. But I've got nothing to measure against in terms of time and normal levels at this stage

>>5949210
>I'm already confident in what I want and have been making strides to gain it.

Cool. Now prove you're not suffering from any variety of mental illnesses, as the doctor may be seriously concerned about that. If you have a way of proving it that doesn't involve an extensive evaluation with a therapist, lemme know.

>>5949363
>>5949210
Yeah, and just to add on to that point, maybe see a therapist anyway, because from what I've read that level of certainty without any professional help is pretty uncommon...

Hey does anyone know what happened to the AGP general? It just got deleted...
I don't think we were doing anything wrong were we...

>>5949436
yeah wtf. i was about to post about it too

>>5949436
anyway going to sleep but i hope there's another one when i wake up....
i don't get it. it was becoming a very helpful thread

I have a question for people here about being trans. I am like 80% sure I am trans. I want to be a girl, I feel like I should be a girl. I even take hormones and have been for like 8 months. However, I haven't done anything to change my appearance. I feel a lack of motivation. I feel like it will solidify all of this and I will never have a place in society. Have any of you ever gone through anything like this, or is this just agp fetishist stuff. I am so lost.


If you have gone through this how did you even learn girl stuff :/

I think i'm gonna go change my name later this year depending on how i look. hair length feminine face and figure, breat growth... etc.

Whats the best and easiest way to change my name? I have alot in my name: a car, firearms bank accounts, credit cards. How much paperwork is that going to involve?

I've heard of people getting their passport and/or drivers license changed. I'm still living as male for now with everything in my male name
I'm not sure What I can do,

>>5949537
That's probably why they deleted it lol, we were having an interesting conversation of self realization and they realized they were gonna run out of confused perverts to but japanese schoolgirl outfits on J-list...

>>5949552
I really can't help you, but I doubt you're an agp fetishist (which im not even sure exist anymore but w/e), even if one made it as far as you they would be having different doubts, and their appearance would probably have a high priority of their appearance because it gets them off...

As for learning that shit, just ask a girl friend. They've been told their entire lives that stuff is useless shit so I'm sure they would jump at the possibility to use it to legitimately help someone improve their life in a quantifiable way.

>>5949590
*buy japanese schoolgirl

>>5949590
>As for learning that shit, just ask a girl friend.
>girl friend
>friend
Oh not to be a drama queen but I don't have any of those things. Thanks for at least reassuring me that I was at least semi okay as far as transitioning goes.

>>5949363
>answering my question with a question
sigh
>>5949367
I'm not a little kid, I don't need someone else to tell me what I'd like to do with my life....just looking to see if it's doable, not looking for suggestions on if I should do it or not.

>>5949552
Yes I go through that thought process once in a while. Your further along than me in hrt though. I lost motivation for a while too, but I remind myself why i started. For me part of it was being on hormones took way some of dysphoria that was with me for so long, it felt like something was missing. when I started noticing results from the hormones it kind of resparked my motivation.

I bought myself a few girly things, underwear and some beauty products. that helped too.

as far as learning, Alot of stuff I picked up from GF's and friends over the years and subconciously stored them in my memory. but the OP may have something on teaching some girly things

>>5949600
All good senpai I really don't have any either desu, at least none im close enough to talk about this shit with

I think there are some links to makeup tutorials in the mtfg op, and there's a tonne of guides specifically for trans women online (because of the different face shapes)

Also, if you start presenting female and don't look like an autist they will flock to you homie ;)
We just gotta get out of the house sometimes ;_;

>>5949604
>answering my question with a question
>sigh
Jesus christ maybe you should see a therapist, because you obviously can't understand sarcasm and nuance...

As for your question, you can try going straight to your doctor, but if it were me I wouldn't prescribe shit without a referral from a therapist.
If you're as sure as you say it shouldn't take them more than a session or two to agree provided you're of fit state of mind
Seriously good luck, I hope it goes well for you...

>>5949608
>they will flock to you
Not the same anon, but you mean girls? Who want to be our friends?

>>5949615
>provided your of fit state of mind

This shit pisses me off. Do cancer patients have to prove they're of fit state of mind before getting treatment? What about jobs, do you have to get a referral from a therapist to prove you're allowed to hold a job? Do straight people have to get the O.K. before they're given their straight license?

>>5949619
Yeah dude 100% it has to be at least as desirable as a gay best friend...

They might not see you as a real woman at first, but hey you gotta take what you can get...

>>5949606
>>5949608
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I suppose it is just something I need to force myself into despite my fears of other people. I guess it would be better to not have people like me and be happy with myself than the other way around. I'll check out the op and maybe look at some other online stuff but jeez, I wish it was just a tiny bit second nature.

>>5949623
Hey I kinda agree with you there, but that's just how it is unfortunately, and until we get better at helping trans people, and more socially accepting of them, that's probably the way it should to be, because this shit is confusing, and can make you a big target.

I sincerely hope it goes well for you anon, you got moxy ;)

>>5949631
Wanna know a secret? There is no second nature.
Everything girls do that seems to be instincual is socially taught, so you can learn it too.

And if you're anything like me, you've been learning it all your life without even realizing it. It's in there somewhere anon, you just have to find it...

Oh fuck >>5949632 was meant for >>5949621

Sorry homies

How can you tell the difference between normal banter and people trying to hint that they know you're on hormones? I've been trying to act more masculine as a cover. I'm not sure that it's working though, and it's uncomfortable af.

>>5949645
Do you ever get over feeling like an ogre doing it?

>>5949623
I wouldn't totally mind that. I need help with learning girl stuff, and I'm pretty much sick of my guy friends.

>>5949645
That post that you directed at >>5949621 literally has nothing to do with it. Are you retarded?

>>5949615
>naunce jokes etc

yea, not the greatest at curating for what is or isn't sarcasm on a meme imageboard. that's a sure sign i need therapy. :^)

>if it was me i wouldn't give you shit

t-thanks doc

I want to skip the therapy session partly because it would be going way out of my way to do it. Trying to save money here; Mainly because of previously stated reasons.

>>5949621
Thanks for getting me here. Not looking for conflict but being told I need to be handheld through personal decisions is a huge pet peeve

Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but can someone reccomend an androgynous hairstyle for an mtf?
I've got blonde hair just past my shoulders and have no idea how to have it cut (it's pretty messy at the moment).

Coming out to my mother in an hour or two after we have lunch. Around the same time, I have an appointment with a doctor for HRT.

Any quick advice?

>>5950711
Good luck. I can't really give advice on the comming out thing other than just do it and then you can figure out what needs to be done.

So after coming out to my aunt she went and talked to her son who brought up this org called zebrayouth.org and thetrevorproject.org
The very thing they mentioned was putting me through to a therapist to see if "i picked this up somewhere", no talk of informed consent which is the one thing I feel like I really need right now because T is driving me crazy.
does anyone have experience with either organization?

I am absolutely terrified of getting fucked by gatekeeping thanks to all the stories I've heard from friends, and I guess I was dumb for confiding in normies. I know seeing a therapist is a generally good idea but I just want someone to take me to a fucking clinic so i can buy my pills.
Anyone have experience with either website?

>>5950788
That there's a picture of a hon from a tweet on the front page doesn't instill a lot of confidence either

Does HRT make your neck smalller?

>>5950825

I've been told it does by letting the muscles in your neck atrophy, but I haven't seen anything dramatic 7 months in.

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is this a rip off?

>>5950643
bump?

>>5950643
>>5951202
Do you think you could get a feminine style and just tie it in a manbun while in boymode?

>>5950788
>>5950801
Anyone? I'm terrified mainly because my family is ignoring what I told them and just throwing me into therapy. I acknowledge the purpose of therapy but they don't care about my current goal. I need to get on HRT ASAP and my aunt said 'dont even THINK about all that'
Fuck

Is there a way to get a little strength back? It's a lot of effort to lift up my fucking blanket.

>>5951510
Lift weights.

>>5951047
Hell yes it is. My derm only charges $150 for the entire face, mustache, under the chin and all.

>>5952039
for 1 session?
how many sessions does someone need?

>>5952121
Yup for 1 session. The amount varies, typically 5 but its very very possible to go higher up to say 9-10 depending.

I don't see any point in trying to transition because I'm already 19 without moans and I'm an ugly ass dude with facial hair and arm hair and shit.

even when I shave, because I have pale skin it still kinda shows, even tho nobody else notices it I feel like I do and it upsets me.

kill me family what do I do

>>5952167
Hair isn't a good reason not to transition. That can all be dealt with, plus HRT eventually lightens body hair for most people.

>>5950643
It's basically impossible to rec hair styles without some reference to go by.

At any rate, you should get a good haircare routine if you don't have one. That tends to be the real problem when someone says "messy".

>>5952167
>r9k
I'm 24 and I'm going to take HRT. It would be great to be a qt grill but desu senpai I just want nicer tits and to feel the good juices flowing through me. Fuck everyone else.

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>>5952186
idk why
>r9k
got added

probably the extension ~__~

>>5952176
>>5952186
>>5952191

i wish you nerds were here before I cancelled my psych appointment earlier ;_;

oh well, next time!

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>>5952202
Add me on Kik if you want to talk. This is my way of saying I want to talk and I'm willing to listen to help figure this shit out.

eric_hack is my Kik name

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>>5951285
Sorry that nobody with more knowledge than me has replied...
I mean, depending on the therapist, you could always explain your concerns to them and basically get them to prescribe you hormones. Your family couldn't exactly complain if the therapist they sent you to agreed with you.
For what it's worth, while there are gatekeeping "horror stories", there are plenty of really great therapists out there. The one I'm seeing right now seems willing to prescribe just about anyone hormones as long as he gets to know them for 3 months and they're not obviously an insane AGP fetishist or something.

I guess your other option would be to go to the appointments and (assuming your family isn't sitting in on them, which I don't think they can legally do), just tell them afterwards that the therapist highly recommends hormones. See if you can trick them into helping you find an informed consent clinic. :P

When did you know? Not like when you had an inkling, or started considering it, or though that it's probably the case, but when you punched threw the denial and doubt and repression and just knew.

>>5952445
>agp fetishist

people get gatekeept because faggits like you keep spouting this meme as if it has any clarity or should even be relevant to what a person decides to do with their body that doesn't affect anybody else

>>5953254
Hey buddy chill on Tenders, they're good people.

They were just saying that any good psych shouldn't try to gatekeep anyone, and just used 'insane agp fetishist' as shorthand for someone fucking crazy.

Go back and read their posts, Tenders is one of the good guys.

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>>5953265
Thank youuuu!
MFW

>Used 'insane agp fetishist as shorthand for someone f****** crazy.
Yep, that I did, lol.

So I just started hormones yesterday. I took my first dose and then I went to bed, and then I woke up in the middle of the night to the worst leg cramp I've ever felt in my life. What gives?

>>5953332
Obviously your male physiology rejecting the hormones :^)

Nah but seriously. How long did it last ? Are you self-medding ? What meds/dose are you on ?

>>5953339
It ended as quickly as it started, I guess. I was in a half-asleep haze for most of it, so I didn't really have a concept of time.

I got my scripts from my endo, who has me doing 2x2mg estradiol, 100mg spiro and 1mg finasteride because I'm 21 and going bald.

>>5953380
Probably nothing then. (There's always the risk of blood clot with edtrogen, but these do not dissapear quickly on their own.)

>>5953332
I would be concerned only if the problem persists.

>>5953432
I've kinda always had issues with leg cramps ever since I was little. They usually happen once every 6 months in one of my legs, but this one happened less than a month since my last one. I hope hormones isn't going to up the frequency of them, because that would suck.

I started on Estrace about a week ago, just 1mg a day, and my chest is hurting. Is that a side effect?

anyone here?

>>5953445
Anyone gonna help answer this?

>>5953819
It's just your boobs starting to grow.

>>5953857
So it's a normal thing to feel? I'm surprised I'd feel something this quickly though?

>>5953866
It does seem kinda fast, but if it feels like muscle soreness and is tender when you touch it, it's probably breast buds.

Does anyone have personal experience with finasteride & minoxidil? How well did they work?

>>5953883
This kind of thing has happened a couple times since I started on Spiro about a year ago. Maybe now that I'm on Estrace its just, like, moreso?

>>5953888
While you're at it, throw Biotin in there too. I was suggested it in addition to Finasteride and Rogaine. Haven't been on any of it long enough to say how well it works.

Oh my god this fucking layout.

Anyways, I bought some nair, both general purpose
and the bikini zone kind, and I just realized I forgot to get the face stuff.

Is it safe to use either of the ones I have on my face or should I just take my happy ass back down to walmart?

>>5953955
idk about the other two, but Biotin works.
It also makes your body hair and facial hair come in much thicker though, so use at your own risk.

>>5953888
>>5953955
I just got on Finasteride today, my doctor seemed pretty confident that it could help my hairline (it's receding quickly but im still quite young so I haven't lost that much)...
They use it for chemo patients in higher doses so it must do ok, the only thing is it takes more that 3 months to make a noticeable difference, and it's quite expensive...

Get it from walmart if you aren't already. The Hospital pharmacy where I got mine yesterday charged me 80 bucks for a 30 day supply, where it was just about that same price for a 90 day supply at the walmart pharmacy.

>>5953957
get on back to walmart, always better to be careful with your face

>>5953332

Yeah, I would say once is coincidence.

>>5952445
No, it's okay, I'm glad someone replied at all. I actually had more people respond to me in mtfg of all places than here, which surprised me

>I mean, depending on the therapist, you could always explain your concerns to them and basically get them to prescribe you hormones. Your family couldn't exactly complain if the therapist they sent you to agreed with you.

Is it that simple? I really would like to just ask for a prescription or something but I always have the fear they'll just say 'no' or something. I don't have insurance either, and, I don't think seeing the free counseling here in Orlando will do me much since I've got to go back to my home state in 2 weeks.

Even though no insurance, a prescription would be convenient for inhouse I imagine? I can still GET a prescription even if I'm uninsured though righ?

>tricking them
Yeah, this is what I've been considering for a while. I just might have to play the manipulation card since my family just seems to be wanting to hold me back.
I don't really know though.
Thanks though for the response <3

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whats the opinion on hydroxyprogesterone for trans girls? also whats the difference between algestone acetophenice and hydroxyprogesterone?

>>5954306
all insurance does is pay for medicine, and its not likely any insurance you had would pay for your hrt anyway. you can get a scrpit and see a psych without it. a therapist couldnt write your a prescription though, they only counsel people. but generally to start hrt with an endo you need a therapist to write you a letter about it, thats why a lot of sites have specific therapists they say to talk so since its something they have to have experience with usually to help you. you can either play the waiting game and try to get a therapist you know will help you, or you could trick them, or you could self med with alldaychemist and just get it delivered to a po box and lie.

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tfw she's known, she's always known

>>5954378
dif anon but whats an endo for?

>>5954531
An endocrinologist is a person who specializes in hormone balances and the endocrine system. They're who you want to talk to if you want hormones after you get a letter of recommendation.

Hey thg, I just had a quick question, for those of you that have had an orchi done, how much did it cost? I've heard that it costs about 2k before but figured I should try to get other sources, emailed a surgeon in my area but haven't gotten a reply, probably won't give an estimate unless if I'm there for a consultation. Any help would be appreciated, you're all awesome

>>5954757
Holy fuck 4chan, Olga? Really?

>>5954757
I got one for about 2k, ended up costing about 4k total though with all the visits, original consultation, blood work, pre visit check, more blood work, surgery, checkup, labwork, checkup. i dont know if other hospitals would have as many visits involved, its not something i ever see mentioned. either way, its good to keep in mind.

I haven't been on this website in years because I realized it was hurting my psyche, but I need to get this off of my chest and I don't know where else to go. I can't find a psychiatrist or therapist who's taking new patients in my area and accepts my insurance. I used to be an addict. I let drugs and alcohol run my life. I lied, I cheated, I stole, and I manipulated people. I let substances warp my perception of reality and relax me into doing bad things. I hurt a lot of people, even ones I cared about. I've been clean and in transition for about two years (MtF), and I've changed significantly. I'm full-time, going to school, working towards a job where I can do something positive, I do my best to help the people around me, and I make a point of living my life with solid principles to fall back on so I don't fall back into my old habits. Still, I feel guilty every day. I've apologized to the people I can apologize to, but there are some people I can't get into contact with anymore (they've either moved on with their lives, stayed wrapped up in the things I used to do and been hurt themselves, moved far away, or otherwise dropped off the radar). I've been reading a lot about guilt recently because I've gotten to the point where I've made the apologies I can and I can't shake it. I don't know if my guilt is justified self-punishment, wallowing in misery, a shitty selfish attempt at congratulating myself on being a somewhat decent human being, or what. It exacerbates the depression I've dealt with all my life from being trans and having rough experiences and makes day-to-day life worse for me. Worst of all, I'm concerned that my guilt and depression may be hurting my current partner emotionally. She says it isn't, but I still worry. Does anyone here have any advice on forgiving yourself? I'm trying to find mental health care, but it's been a struggle. I just want to be a good person, a good girlfriend, and hopefully one day a good mother, but it feels so out of reach.

>>5954792
Fuck me ._. Was having enough trouble attempting to save up 2k...

>>5954589
You need insurance to see one, don't you?

>>5954891
Yes.

>>5954891
No, I saw one yesterday with no insurance.

>>5954794
it doesnt matter why you're feeling guilty anon, you sound like you've done what you can about it. Like you know and are working to be better, and that's the only thing that should matter. the past is dead, that you is gone, and now you just have to accept it. im sorry you can't find a psych, if you're going to school though they often have good resources for that on the cheap. try and talk to a counselor if they have one.

>>5954798
most hospitals have really forgiving payment plans, im still paying mine off actually.

>>5954891
you do not need insurance, most insurance wouldnt cover anything related to gender issues anyway

Have any of you gotten a rash on HRT? It could just be a heat rash, as it was really fucking hot last night, and that's what it seems like.

I'm looking to switch to IM injections since pills are kinda ehh. I'm DIY so i was wondering what dosages I should take?

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The whole time I thought I was just a femboy, but more and more I look at women and envy their body to the point that it makes me angry or depressed. It's been like that for a year or so. I'm 19 and live in a third world country (regarding lgbt rights). Is it the beginning of gender dysphoria? Aaaand there's also that crossdressing thing and I wish I had no bulge while wearing jeans.

>will i always be unsure about my gender idenitity?
>should i just yolo hrt and regret it later?
>i fear infertility because i really want to have kids

I'm rather feminine so I feel like if I jumped straight on HRT right now, or even at 20 I'd still be fine.

So is it normal to have absolutely no sex drive whatsoever after starting hormones?

>>5955387
Did it for me.

>>5954914
>>5954920
>>5954928
>yes, no, no
I'm confused
I'm an Amerifat, does that help?

Omg, so I start hrt on the 22nd. This is taking so long. It would of been next month but I told them I'm going to self med if it's not any sooner and it sort of worked. So tired of waiting, see you in therapedungeon..

How do I know if fin is making me lose hair? It seems like I'm shedding more lately, but that could be due to other things, or I could just be imagining it.

>>5955311
You can bank at a fertility clinic, thats what I plan to do.

>>5955758
finasteride should be keeping your hair not losing it.

>>5955826
Yeah but I thought one of the possible side effects was actually hair loss. I could swear I read that somewhere.

>>5955758
i think it's normal for shedding to increase when you begin taking fin, around 6-12 months you should see an improvement

>>5955843
Oh ok. That's a relief, thanks.

>>5955851
yeah its the same with rogaine.

>>5955649
you can see an endo without insurance, whoever said yes either conveyed this poorly or is retarded.

Hey I really want a fatter ass. Would this shit help?
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00IFBJBRY/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_a_it?qid=1459453306&sr=8-2&keywords=glute+boost&pi=SY200_QL40

If not, any advice other than squats n' shit?

>>5956060
lunges n shit

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>>5956060
>http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00IFBJBRY/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_a_it?qid=1459453306&sr=8-2&keywords=glute+boost&pi=SY200_QL40
That looks like is 100% snake oil to be honest with you famygdala

Would any of the kind people here have any suggestions on a decent and easy to replicate feminine hair style? I have just past shoulder length, curly, very dark brown hair.

And on a side note, thanks a ton for everything that you people have done for me. Everyone here is massively better than any support group that I've been to so far :)

I've (assumedly) been on mtf hrt for about 3 months now and have only just realised that most everyone here is taking at least double my dose. Is 100mg spiro and 1mg estradiol bad?

>>5956523
Its definitely on the lower end. The average dose is 200mg spiro and 4mg E a day, taken ideally 12 hours apart in doses of 100/2 with a meal.

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guys i know you probably get a thousand on these a day but im seriously questioning if im trans, its just a good majority of my time i want to look like a girl, like i want all the features of being a women but i dont actually hate my penis i would just prefer a vagina and i dont hate my male features, id just rather look like a girl, any advice?

>>5956551
Genderqueer with a feminine preference

>>5956533
Thx. Gonna go scold my endo later today

What is the Bicalutamide and Leuprolide equivalent of 100mg Spironolactone?

>>5956619
ok but like something that isnt made up

>>5956647
OK then just don't label yourself and go super andro

>>5956675
would i regret hormones or should i stay away from steff like that

>>5956684
I went super Andro mode for a while and took Spiro only. It's really just personal preference on how fem you want to look

>>5956684
>>5956700
My experience is also, like everyone else's, unique and you should take into consideration that we might have vastly different experiences

>>5955311
>Is it the beginning of gender dysphoria?
I would bet money on it, son.

This is drunk advice, but you bank that sperm, yolo that hrt for a few months and see how you feel at that time. Gender identity questions die hard, unless you take some action and see how the land lies then. If you do hrt and it's the "wrong" decision you have at least alleviated the doubt that might otherwise have followed you for years longer. If it's the "right" decision then you made it all the sooner, welcome to the fold.

>>5956713
i wish i could go andro mode but altho i have a feminine face, my physique is quite brawny and im about 6 foot so rip me

>>5953898
If you were already on spiro then it makes sense.

>>5956739
Sorry friend but that's the extent of my knowledge. If you find a cure for being tall be sure to let me know

>>5956752
ima cut my feet of brb

>>5956446
Depends on face shape.

Andro face with hulk physique. Why does life so hard.

How to do you do spiro ony and avoid osteoperosis

I'm glad this thread exists, because it reminds me I'm not the only one struggling with this decision.

Trying to get the ball moving is the hardest part for me at least so far. Not one therapist doubts that I have GID, but they all want me to wait and think about it, like I haven't already been doing that for the last 12 years.

It just makes me anxious, you know?

I'm going to be starting HRT soon and I was wondering, how common are serious complications?

>>5956641

I think you can go as low as 12.5 mg with bicalutamide, more common for 25mg, and you could also take it at 50mg. I think 3.75mg of lupron lasts a month.

>>5957061
low dose E is the only way I think. You need some sort of hormone

>>5957101

>they all think you have GID
>yet they all think you should wait for something

What, I wonder?

>>5954374
i've never heard of using that. is it supposed to be a replacement for progesterone?

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I got my prescription today; don't give up, people!

>>5955649
look, insurance is never a requirement for anything
the only thing insurance does is pay for stuff

>>5957212
How long did it take?

I've been struggling with my doctors for months.

>>5957122
So they can suck more shekels out of you first. Yes, goyim, you need to come back every week to make absolutely sure you want to be a woman.