Venting thread, vent your issues
>TFW will never fully transition
>TFW I can't even if I wanted to so I could please a God that may or may not even exist based on things he may or may not of even said
>TFW I can't fucking pass
Why am I still going? What is even the point of living, I'll never be fully haply even on hormones because my dick I never will be able to remove
>TFW I never will truly be Natalie
Pic unrelated
>>5929982
>Tfw my bf doesn't want an open relationship
Just my fucking luck. I found the only monogamous faggot
>>5929999
Good quads
>spend my time either depressed or angry
>can't tell if transition is the answer
>no confidence to take the risk
>too emotionally retarded to understand own needs
>get more and more pissed at my own bullshit as time goes on
>on and off whormones
>Autist with mental illness
>cant function in day to day life,
>hate almost all of my life and everyone in it except family who i am only a disappointment
>total failure who is being held up by a relationship with someone who is obsessed with me and who i do not like but without i would be homeless again
>Every day i hold on enough to not smash my head into a wall
>Self destruction is my nature
H̶̨̳͇̣̫̪̙̳̣͇͐̔ͥ͐͊̔̈̌̄̇ͭ̈́ƹ̃̃͛͑̎ͥ̑͜͏̸͚͈͎̖̭Lͥ̋͛ͭͮͮͭ̊͑̍̏̽̔͐̐̎͊ͮ͏̵̢̥̪͙͔̙̞̰͈͇͙̙͚̜̕Վ̴̖̲̦͇͙͉̠̬̱̱̼̰̥̬̎͒ͧ̓͗͛ͤ͆̊̑͂ͪ͋͜֍̧̯͓̺̱͎͉͍̯̙͕̣̣̥̦̭͎̪̭̣ͣ̐̎͆ͫͦ̅ͧ̕͢͞ ͬ͗̒͋́̆̈́ͮ̑̎̂̽̄͋̒͊͘҉͉̱͉̠Ɍ̴̡̘͉͖͖͚̯̖̠̫͚̜̫̜̝͍̗̜̍͑ͫ͊ͪ̄͛̚͢͟͞Ⱥ̡̼̗̱̗̲͇̯̙̳̳ͭ̽ͣ̄ͬ͗̍̇͂̉ͥͩ̿̉͒̾͋͜͝Ϯ̴͚͈̫̞̬̝̬͛̑͊̿̃̇̏̄̚O̶͕̦̟̦̦̯͍̗̱ͩ͊ͣ̾̏ͯ̆͒͑̌̃͗͌͋́̿́̅̀̚͘͘
>>5930303
No one cares or is impressed by your Zalgoo text
>Will never have a functioning relationship
>Growing older by the day.
>People telling me how hot/cute you I am
>ALways having to settle for 4/10s
>almost 20, really want to transition
>soon I feel like it's going to be too late
>know that I should see a therapist but I don't want them to know how disgusting I am
>am so used to feeling depressed that the thought of not feeling that way anymore legitimately frightens me
>want to convert to conservative/orthodox jew when it's all done and over with and this is the only thing keeping me going at this point
>mfw no rabbi in his right mind is going to accept me
>>5930437
Damn sorry to hear, on the bright side the Jew version of hell is purgatory so that is at least a good thought
>>5930322
I am
>>5930655
I thought it was just oblivion?
>>5930437
why do you want to convert to judaism anyway? unless you have chosen ancestors and want to go back to your roots, that shit is hard as fuck mane
>homeless in under a week because I can't find work
>couldn't see my person of interest this weekend
+normal mtf problems
>>5932306
>>homeless in under a week because I can't find work
There's always camming bby.
But seriously good luck, I hope you don't end up homeless sis.
>>5932128
Yeah pretty much. I'm a filthy jew by lineage but nothing else, was always interested in it though.
I'm not too sure how it would work if I even tried to convert after I was done transitioning, honestly. Even if I was accepted, I don't really think it's possible to circumcise a fake cock.
I heard that Reform jews are very accepting of LGBT converts, and I could do that as a last resort but I'd really prefer to be as close to "tru joo" as I could.
My life is a multidirectional wreck, like a 4 way car crash:
>used to be extremely fat, lost weight and got tall during puberty
>put on weight again, this time less but still weight
>constant anxiety and depression
>don't want to go to psychologist because it would be too big of a bother for just a diagnosis
>extreme romantic loneliness and feeling of an impending social doom
>slowly declining academically
wat do.
>>5931664
Holy shit hi me
>>5932368
If you see someone for that stuff you could get meds. Pretty much everyone I know who had issues like that (severe anxiety and depression) told me that when they started taking medication they were able to start working through those issues and function again.
I definitely feel you though. I'm going through some very similar stuff and it definitely just feels like everything is falling around you and you're just standing there unable to do anything about it. You gotta take the first step to fixing it though, then the rest will (hopefully) follow. The longer you wait until you get help, the more you will regret it.
>>5931664
Where are you? And how would your family react to something like this?
>19, last year in middle school
>homophobic, very conservative classmate and friend, call him K
>knows about me being bi
>at some point we joke around and someone starts shipping us
>this makes him super uncomfortable
>funny as shit though
>sometimes went even a bit too far, but noone told him because of the quality keks
>he legit believed I'm into him (went on for a week or so)
>another classmate who was not part of this was talking with me about some random stuff and this was brought up
>"So you are into K?"
>"What? Oh, you know about that. Nah. It was the idea of [name] and I just kinda went with it"
>"Uhm... K told me this and he seemed like he's even afraid of you, he was flipped out quite badly."
nigga_wat.mp3
>Another classmate told me that when they got drunk he was asking some mindlessly weird shit like "Dude, when did you decide that you are hetero?"
>also tells me he grow a paranoia/phobia over gays and thinks they will want to fuck him
nigga_wat_[uncut].flac
I think I broke my classmate, and I will have to have a fucking awkward talk with him. I feel like shit now...
>>5934730
>middle school
>19
either your schools are fucked or mine were because that doesnt add up
>>5934744
>end of last year
>born in march
I have 3 more 19 year old classmates too...
>>5934764
Was your middle school from ~14-18 years old or was there some severe tardness going around?
>>5934798
Oh, forgot to say, it has 13th year in language classes, it was my severe tardness in this second
>be male
>Aspergers with Depression
>Never knew father
>No motivation to do school work
>No motivation to work on my art
>No motivation to play video games
>Sleep 12 hours a day on the weekend and 5 hours a day on weekdays
>don't know what to do with my life
>hate having to hear other people yet hate being alone
>almost no human interaction
>feel like shit 24/7
>afraid to talk to anyone about my problems because my problems seem small compared to theirs
>everything that comes out of my mouth doesn't mean what I'm trying to say
>mfw I will never be a beautiful girl rather than a "strong" man
>mfw I will never be free from my incompetence
>mfw the suicidal thoughts and mental screaming won't stop
I need a hug
>>5939099
I want to know if someone will acknowledge me and my issues, please anyone. Anyone please save me from myself. Please.
>>5939103
I'm still here, waiting for someone to respond.
>>5939099
Internet hug.
Hey anon-chan.
>>5939099
): I'm not MtF, but I feel you anon. Please see a therapist or something. I can assure you it's not a waste of time or anything like that. If these problems are enough to prevent you from functioning then they're not too insignificant to get help for.
>>5929999
Then send him my way you ungrateful sack of shit - I'd kill THIS many infidels to have a bf who isn't a slut
>tfw started hrt too late
>tfw will always look like a lumbering man
>tfw poor
>tfw not a friend in the world
>tfw will never actually get to live
>tfw spend every waking moment in my room hiding from a world that wants me dead
>>5939099
Know what you are going thew
/Hug
got some similar stuff going on but know it can get better. in time with work, you are better than you think :)
>tfw I started at 28
>tfw I will never experience youth as your desired sex
>tfw obviously will never pass
>tfw FFS will make me somewhat tolerable to look at but not dateable
>tfw forever alone because no one is interested in old trannies
>tfw probably will never socially transition because who the fuck will see you as a woman?
>tfw die alone from liver failure with a shriveled up dick and the doctor will say 'deceased male'
>>5940961
At least you tried anon.
>remember very very little of childhood
>get tested for Aspergers when i'm 12, just barely don't have it
>dad dies when i'm 14
>start long distance relationship with landwhale at 15
>make real friends for the first time
>discover faggothood around 16
>break up with whale to try and be with straight guy
>ruin almost all friendships
>grades go directly in the trash
>get kicked out for not coming to school enough
>get GED
>be 18
>fall in love with FtM on the other side of the world
>no idea what I like or am interested in anymore
>hate remaining family with a passion
>used to cut, usually out of apathy but sometimes out of edgy self-hate, thinking of doing it again
>tried hanging myself with a belt twice, pussied out both times
>feel unbelievably lost and alone
>mom doesn't approve of my gender/sexuality confusion
>legit kept up at night wondering if papa would have been the same way or not
>am tranny
>don't want to be
>try to ignore it best I can
>thoughts and feelings keep coming back
>only real option at this point is kill self so poeple don't know I'm a faggot
>tfw no friends
>tfw diet avoidant personality disorder
>tfw no bf/gf
>tfw afraid of getting older
>>5929982
HALO RATO!!!
>>5941015
I have ASD (includes criteria for what was formally called Aspergers, as well as other autistic disorders). Have you ever thought of undergoing re-diagnosis? If you're very close to the edge of the spectrum you may be considered autistic by a different psych, they may then be able to offer you some help for your problems. I also think it might be helpful for you to seek treatment for depression, from your description it seems likely you have the disorder.
On an unrelated note, I too remember very little of my childhood, before the age of twelve, specifically.
>>5943058
Yes, how does one make friends? You talk to them, and then they start to like you? Very bizarre.
>slightly harder to find a bf because of skin color
...that's kind of it.
>>5942965
Just transition, what's the worse that can happen?
>>5943284
>people will make fun of me
>people will think I'm weird and mentally ill(am lol)
>won't pass
>people just think I'm fucked in the head for no reason
>admitting I have something wrong with me
>Etc
Anal virgin, the guy I am seeing does not seem to be interested in it,. Have married guys that would in a heart beat, but I have morals. I hate my life.
>>5943343
Grammar of this is hard to parse.
>>5943156
>>5941015
yeah there's a very good chance you'd be qualified as what used to be called PDD-NOS
now that'd count as a type of Autism, as definitions have changed
>be really smart (smart, not wise, wisdom comes with age)
>come from a well to do family
>family is super religious and conservative though
>never received any support in my life to be anything aside from conservative businessman in the south
>any interest in anything other than this was met with hostility while growing up
>be a fucking tranny
>transitioning completely fucked my life up despite the physicality of it being a success for me (I would have an hero'd if I turned out to be an unpassable hon)
>had to drop out of school
>moved a few times
>always working menial jobs
>every gain I made in my life was fought against all forces in my life
>struggle with depression because I am watching all my potential being flushed down the toilet
Years go by.
>finally finishing college from a shitty school in a shitty town with a meaningless degree
>have literally 0 marketable skills
>looking for employment
>seeing tons of listings for well paying cool jobs in awesome cities
>not qualified for any of them
>0 friends and 0 love life because I'm never in my element
>so alone and miserable despite being funny, witty, smart, easy to talk to, and pretty (I get attention, but never from people I want anything to do with)
>always stuck in fucking hick towns where I hate the culture
>best case scenario for me is to move to another a shitty boring town I hate and work a shity boring job I hate and continue being alone
I know it's bratty and whiny to cry about mommy and daddy not supporting me, but having become a massive underachiever, and seeing all these young people working cool jobs and living fun lives because their parents supported them and encouraged them to explore different things with their education and their parents didn't treat them like abominations really fucking hurts me. I could have been one of those happy and successful people. But I'm not because I'm a fucking faggot, and I have nothing to show for all the years of my youth except for this pretty face.
>>5930112
same.
>tfw self-hate
>tfw extremely mentally ill and think about suicide every day, but can't get help for it because i live with people who do everything in their power to stop it
>tfw autistic and cant drive
>tfw extreme depression results in dysphoric-like thoughts so you start thinking you might be trans but you also start thinking that you might not even exist on this mortal coil
>tfw not sure if you're already dead and posting this from beyond the grave somehow
maximum edge, i'm sorry
>>5930112
Hi me how's it going?
>Be me
>21 going on 22 this summer
>Been questioning myself for over four years now out of high school
>In third semester of community college
>Been fighting depression since middle school
>Only getting more leveled in recent months
>Secretly been crossdressing with clothes borrowed from sister whenever home alone
>Afraid to come out for family is religious as fuck
>Only support is bf online known for three years now
>we talk regularly on skype and play games via steam
I have no idea what to do in life besides continue dragging along since I can't face things ever. I know this site is the worst place to talk about issues but honestly idc.
>>5939173
*hugs*
>>5943156
I don't really need to be diagnosed to know I have some kind of autism, getting diagnosed would only hurt
I saw a therapist for awhile, but only because the school forced me to. I took antidepressants during a lot of that time, and they worked half the time; the other half of the time I wanted to die constantly
I'm trying to start seeing one again, but it's not super easy. I'm trying, though
>>5943443
>PDD-NOS
I've never heard of this before, it's really interesting and makes sense
>On HRT as a guy but will never pass, but it still helps mentally and its slightly helped my looks
>Gay guys are turned off because I'm too feminine and they want more masculine traits
>Straight guys obviously aren't interested because I'm not a girl
>Forever an awkward middle ground stuck in the middle that offends every side
I hate my brain.
>>5934604
Hey. Scotland here too.
>>5944623
Just find and date other non passing/presenting trans girls.
>Be mtf, 22 years old
>Been transitioning for a little over 2 months earlier this year
>Dad died when I was 19, 3 years ago
>Sexually assaulted by roommate same year, several months later after dad's death, had to continue living with him for another year after that
>Following the sexual assault, entered a string of short-term relationships with women, all ended poorly
>Told brother about sexual assault, his words were "Well you're both guys, so it doesn't really matter" Kind of crushed me how earlier he blew it off
>One drained my bank account for drugs and alcohol, abused me everyday, and threatened to kill me, broke up with her when she did that
>Found out from liquor store owner she'd bring random guys in with her every single day, them buying alcohol
>Was very apathetic towards her anyway, never even liked women
>Fast forward to a few nights ago, have a mental breakdown scream-crying into my pillow remembering sexual assault and all the times I was forced to have sex with the women, in vivid detail
>Always hated penetrating women, or even getting blow jobs or having my chest touched
>Been only interested in getting a boyfriend for a while now, just worried my mental problems will fuck that up to. Along with me preferring my dick not be touched and having minimal contact with my chest, fine with getting penetrated though
I'm just worried I might be a bit too much of a burden whenever I get boyfriend.
>>5943388
SHIT, it's the Grammar Nazi.
I am an anal virgin. I am seeing a really nice guy, but he is uninterested in anal sex. I know two different married guys that have both expressed an interest in relieving me of said virginity. Unfortunately I was raised with morals that make this behavior wrong to me. I hate my life.
Better?
>>5944959
Ask the really nice guy if he could do it for you. Maybe he'll like it if he tries it with you.
> go to psych to deal with resentment issues against my mum cause of abuse
> receptionist is a qt, we do some light flirting
> realise she's probably just being nice for work and would never want me cause I'm a goddamn loony going to a psychologist.
>>5944712
You are god damn beautiful, my friend. Never let what scarred you keep you from loving another.
>tfw i hate myself
>I will never be a funny outgoing tough guy
>No dick
>I will never go through school again as a funny guy with loads of friends that i can piss about with
>>5945119
He already told me no!
>>5946074
Thank you. I'll try to not let it to. I'm just so worried that my natural awkwardness, mental issues, and absolute weirdness would be unattractive or burdensome to someone. And it's not "lel look at me so edgy" weird, either. I'd explain more in-depth but I'd rather not take away potential post count from people. If someone were interested I'd definitely explain it away, though. Thanks for the reply, really. It means a lot and made me smile like an idiot.
