Discussion: Do straight people act differently around you after finding out you're gay?
OP here.
I've recently come to terms with being a gay male, and I found this new group of friends (all of whom i've known since highschool, we're 20, but i've only started hanging out in their group recently)
I've told some of them i'm gay, they accepted it. They said they literally don't care and they're happy they told me. I told them my biggest worry about coming out is that they would treat me differently, for better or for worse, or boil my whole personality down to my sexuality. Like, i'm the 'gay kid' in the group and nothing more.
They said they didnt care, and that it wouldnt change the way they see me. Bullshit.
Every straight person will treat you differently after finding out you're gay, and i'm trying to rationalise it as not a bad thing. It's just how heteronormative our society is, it's not a 'bad' thing, they don't 'hate me for being gay' but to say that they wouldnt treat me differently for being gay is a lie.
last night me and these new friends were smoking weed, some time through one of them was just playing himself, having a little fiddle in his pants, i sort of see this out of the corner of my eye, and im telling a story at this time and i dont want to be looking at the one person this whole time im telling, so i look over and look at the guy playing with himself in the eyes for 1 second, and then look back to the original person im talking to. Out of the corner of my eye i see him instantly take his hands out of his pants and sit upright. I get that we were all fucking high and i shouldnt take what they do for granted, but i've just realised that its little things like this that make them change what they think about me. Like if i was straight would he have not realized i was looking at him and stopped?
I'd rather be the gay kid than the public masturbator. What the hell is wrong is people.
>>5924881
he wasnt masterbating. its just straight guy stuff which im trying to keep up with because i dont want to be different. You've never had to rearange your junk in public? But he was down there for a while, i think nothing of it. I want them to think nothing of it. But now im scared that like every little thing they do is with me in consideration 'aw lets not he might like it'
>>5924877
It's unfortunate, anon, but yes it's impossible for anyone (not just your straight male friends) to think of you and behave around you in exactly the same way as before.
It's generally harmless little things like you describe but it bums me out too from time to time. It's just one of those things you'll have to accept. Don't hold it against them, it's not their fault.
>>5924887
>This story is so gay
>>5924897
yep. i have. I just accept it as a thing in life, a burden, just because im born gay this is what i have to deal with but its okay because it doesnt mean they hate me, its literally just something embedded into their brains because of the society we live in and the way they perceive it. Maybe 1 in every 10,000 people will *ACTUALLY* not have a problem with it, but the majority of people will, and I either have to tell myself would i rather have no friends and be sad or have friends but they secretly deep down always will care. Just something i have to accept and try not to get too caught up about, just something that always will be. fuck my life.
>>5924929
>born gay
>he didn't choose
Might as well just blame your mother
Yes, just get new gay friends.
>>5924976
why
why do i have to be the stereotypical gay guy who is only friends with women and other gay guys because 'they're the only ones that get me'
i've only told like 5 people im gay, and i never want to be some girls 'gay best friend' because i dont want to stereotype myself in that way. I still want to kick it with the boys and have straight guy friends and be 'one of the guys'
I really want them to forget about me being gay but like i said earlier they are trying to 'make it my thing' like im the gay guy in the group and thats my whole ish.
>>5925023
Same reason women are uncomfortable around men. All men are rapists. You better hope you're a bottom. No straight men want to be around any rapey tops.
>>5925028
ive already copped it. Straight guys will always deep down care that im gay, always have something in mind that will reflect onto me and then i have to act. How do i get to that stage where I dont care that I myself am gay so they shouldnt either? Like last night they were like 'lets wrestle on the bed and we can only do grapples to pin eachother down' wrestling. And then one of the guys took their pants off, i pretended to be on my phone and then leave the room, like what, im supposed to watch that? or what.
How do i make myself forget about it and 'not care'
>>5924838
Meet them first, give your first impression of yourself, then tell them you're gay in your second or third encounter
It makes sure that they know YOU before they know the GAY GUY
And to answer the question, usually, but not unless you're flamboyant or a cunt
possibly, but i give no fucks about straight people so...
>>5925055
Sounds pretty gay, they probably wanted you to watch if not join in.
>>5925084
Maybe i just shouldnt pay attention to how people act while high, because while its your realest real, it also isnt because you cant control yourself
Sounds more like they just don't know how to react to the whole thing. If they don't know how to react, they'll revert to the stereotypes that they do know, so it's up to you to talk and joke about it to make them feel more comfortable.
You can't escape stereotyping, you've already done it yourself in this thread. You just need to show that you're aware of them and they'll eventually die down.
>>5925138
yeah guess so.
that was the first time hanging out with a group while being 'out' to all of them, so i expcted this. Not sure whether its a thing that'll better with time or if literally this is just something I have to accept which im leaning towards, deep down every straight guy is going to have these things they are caught up with.
>>5924838
Yeah. Straight people will always treat you different, be it better or worse, even if slightly, when they learn you are gay.
But unless they start hating you or become really uncomfortable around you, then it is not that serious. They are just reacting to something they can't fully understand because they aren't gay themselves.
However, as time passes by this will start becoming more subtle, either because they grow used to the idea or because you grow into the person that fits with them.
>>5925349
thanks anon, it helps.
I know its really little shit, but it kinda fucked me up last night. I knew 100% if i hadnt told them i was gay and i looked at him for half a second while he was fiddling with himself downstairs rearranging whatever and i wasnt gay, he wouldn't have reacted. But i guess its just the big stuff i need to be worried about, like mentioning it every 5 minutes or making a big deal about it. honestly all i want is just to forget its even a big thing, just accept that its me but it doesnt change my whole personality and im not gonna make things weird like oggling them or acting like a fairy or talk about sucking dicks, and we are only 20, how am i to expect them to act maturely. Just kinda surprised when they said they didn't care but they actually fucking do.
>>5924838
>Do straight people act differently around you after finding out you're gay?
Always.
>>5924877
that's pretty fucking weird, even if he's high. he probably just got embarrassed, and if not, i wouldn't worry about what he thinks.
i do agree with you in a general sense, though.
>>5926134
>>5924838
Straight guy here. Yes we do. But what can we do? This is a pretty big aspect of your life and so it will alter our approach to you. I don't really have a problem with gays as long as they act like regular people. But I will treat you differently because there's always the possibility you're attracted to me, which is not something we're used to.
Plus it's always weird for us to think that a man can be attracted to other men, we physically cannot imagine what that's like so we can't exactly put ourselves in your shoes. We just assume you see us the way we see women, which is again, something we're not used to.
>>5926153
>I don't really have a problem with gays as long as they act like regular people.
Oh just fuck off. What are you even doing on this board?
>But I will treat you differently because there's always the possibility you're attracted to me, which is not something we're used to.
Who said anything about me being a gay man?
>Plus it's always weird for us to think that a man can be attracted to other men, we physically cannot imagine what that's like so we can't exactly put ourselves in your shoes.
>I will always think you people are weird. Deal with it.
Oh just fuck off.
>We just assume you see us the way we see women
Which is why when straight men find out I am gay they just fetishize me, and is gross as fuck. Just fuck off.
I wish there were two islands, one for gay men and one for lesbians, and everyone who is gay or lez can tell the straight world to just fuck off so we could live there in peace. Inb4 durr aids and women can't do anything cause they can't life lol. Go fuck yourself breeder, this board isn't for you.
>>5926194
>I wish there were two islands, one for gay men and one for lesbians, and everyone who is gay or lez can tell the straight world to just fuck off so we could live there in peace.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_and_Lesbian_Kingdom_of_the_Coral_Sea_Islands
>>5926194
>makes a thread about straight people's opinions towards gays
>has a stereotype bitch fit when he sees a straight persons opinion
Really breaking down those barriers m8, you're a credit to the community you massive faggot
>>5926194
>women can't do anything cause they can't life lol
b..but its true
I'd rather like to live together, without judging each other too much. Maybe one day..
>>5924838
The only time I've ever been treated differently was from the backwards ass immigrants from african/ middle eastern countries who think gays are some kind of bogey man. One of the guys at work asks me all the same crap he asks the other straight guys there, who'd you sleep with, asked for stories of conquests, how's my boyfriend doing, etc. If your personality is your sexuality then you will just annoy people, but if you are a well rounded human being with a sexuality as just a sliver of your over all personality then no one is going to care.
The only time you'll experience change is with homophobes or people who are insecure. I have a nudist roommate and he still carries on even after I came out to him.
I've had women act differently, they've tried to turn me into their "gay best friend", they want someone to agree with them and complain to about guys.
>>5926253
>judges in the same comment he wishes for a nonjudgmental world
laughing
>>5926253
All the lesbians I know build and fix their own shit. Which makes me think that if women don't do stuff it's because they know their bfs want that egostroke of having a co-dependent girlfriend who relies on them to do all the "guy stuff".
>>5926653
>>5926653
>>5926653
>>5926289
>I've had women act differently, they've tried to turn me into their "gay best friend", they want someone to agree with them and complain to about guys.
this
I'm a straight-acting bi guy. I have a boyfriend and none of my straight male friends treat me differently
but all of the sudden my female friends want to turn me into their gay drinking buddy to dish about men. I don't mind it since I actually do like talking about men (something I can't do with my straight male friends) but they're definitely the only ones I've noticed who treat me any different
>>5926917
Bet that judge was male, anon-kun.
>>5926943
>civic life
It's pretty evident they cannot handle real equality.
Pic related
>>5926988
It isn't about women being 50/50 in everything, stupid anon, it's about power.
And desu, men haven't handled things so well as of this moment in history, may as well try something different. I say we sit back and give the women the reigns for 30 or 40 years.
>>5927026
>men haven't handled things so well
The fact that you exist and have access to a computer, quality healthcare and limitless information at your fingertips suggest otherwise. Every great empire, every great battle, every old master of art and every nation was built and forged by men.
We gave women a share of the power and now we have PC epidemic that is plaguing the western world, white birthrates are in freefall and the genders have been pitted against each other.
Women cannot rule. We have had our roles for millions of years, they have gotten us this far, they exist for a reason.
Men are the providers, men are built to face the ugliness of the world and women are meant to the one beautiful thing that you can home to that makes it all worth it.
Allowing women to vote has been a fucking disaster, they all vote left, have little regard for civil rights (unless it's for killing babies) and would rather the state take care of them than have personal freedom.
>>5927096
Because women are pampered and are given special treatment left, right and centre
>>5925055
That sounds strange for straight guys to do that? unless they're those 'white' straight guys that prank each other in awkward ways.
I'm a straight, and i hung out with this cool older guy in a college class, i didn't know that he was gay and i didn't really care till he told me. Talking about how attractive women are is way guys bond together from a common enemy, bachelor hygiene, casual gay joke insults. Are things that straight guys do with friends,
That genital adjustment/light masterbation is usually just ignored when i give them the expression that it's obviously but they just laugh it off.
There are straight friends that don't do these things and you're better off having the, be considerate of you.
people at my last job found out. some were cool, some were uncomfortable around me. couple straight guys asked me to my face if id have sex, and got really nasty to me after i said no. kept getting fucked up emails, it guy wouldnt do anything. left that job a few weeks after.
>>5926943
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zb_WYGtZ7K4
im closeted to most of my friends. out to one.
if im at the urinal, my friend (who i am in the closet to) will come up to the urinal right next to mine, take a leak, and even talk to me.
if im at the urinal, my friend (who knows im gay) will awkwardly pretend like he doesnt have to go to the bathroom anymore and just wash his hands and leave. in his defense, we only ever met because i asked him out on a date.
but its just a bit reminscient of when i was in highschool and my friends would put one seat between me and them at the movies. even my best friend who lived on my floor the entire summer, sleeping one foot away from me would sit with one seat between us at the movies.
>>5926153
Good post.
>>5924838
No.
>Do straight people act differently around you after finding out you're gay?
Sometimes. I've never introduced myself as gay, they just happened to ask the question or find out through implication in a conversation. The reaction is not always bad.
Some times there isn't much of a difference. In some cases they become more comfortable around me. I guess there are some emotions they're insecure expressing around other straight guys in fear of judgement on their masculinity, or something. I get that, and I don't mind it.
In other cases, some started to visibly and so obviously keep distance or even pretend they don't notice me and did things that actually make me feel uncomfortable being around them. I don't ever come onto straight guys or even say or do things that would imply I want them, and I never even talk about anything sexual; I'm dead silent every time they bring up sexual topics because sex is kind of weird for me to even talk about openly in the first place. So instead of constantly beating myself up over it, I just acknowledge they don't want me around them anymore and drop it the whole thing to move on.
Generally I've noticed everyone acts differently. Guys are a little more scared to befriend you, girls become annoyingly obsessed with you, and in general everyone treats you more like "the gay guy" rather than a human being. It's somewhat annoying but it's really just due to people's unfamiliarity with gay people, they're not necessarily doing it on purpose.
I've had mixed reactions. Girls usually want me to be their "gay boi bff", some guys are cool with it and some are not.
One of my male friends is currently trying to set me up with every gay male he comes across. The results have been disastrous.
>mfw I'm too emotionally stunted to be worthy of love anyway
Joke's on him.
>>5928342
It's weird how people think you can just shove any two gay guys together and they'll instantly love eachother.
>>5924877
straight guy here
the only thing that would change how i think of you is if you do the stereotypical gay shit, like flopping your wrists or saying "guuurrrl" or being a general obnoxious pansy. it makes me uncomfortable.
you have every right to act that way, and i support your right in that regard, but it would lead me to avoid you or simply cause me to think of you as a stereotype instead of a complete person. (which, be fair, if the attractive pump with a modest heel fits...)
>>5926209
aids and lesbian bed death ho, cap'n!
>>5928395
I mean, his heart is in the right place I guess. Two of the guys I had nothing in common with (one was annoying as fuck) and one shared some interests with me but was fucking weird.
>tfw you like a guy
>tfw he's technically on the rebound but sort of unavailable because the last person he dated cheated on him and dumped him and he's apparently still getting over it
>tfw even if he were available there's no way he'd like me
>>5925101
Who can't control themselves when they are baked? It's not like being drunk
one girl refused to talk to me any more, thought i wanted to rape her skinny flat ass or smth. but aside from that and a barrage of questions on lesbian sex, no difference. it's nice.
>Do straight people act differently around you after finding out you're gay?
I guess. I only came out to two people though. My female friend and I became closer, as she felt like she can be more relaxed with me now. My male friend was obviously uncomfortable and flustered at first, but eventually got over it to an extent. Though we do see each other a bit less than we used to. They both started to be a lot more concerned with my love life than they used to be. I think they just want to see fags kiss for the novelty of it.
I'm always embarrassed to come out because people seem to want to hang out with me more. I don't want it to be the focal point of who I am. Some people make it out to be.
>"Oh there goes that lesbian again. A real sapphic gay person, that's her alright."
Yeah, people keep pairing me up with terrible guys whuch is pretty offensive. They tried to get me to go on a date with this SJW circus freak faggot who wasn't my type at all, and I keep thinking is this how people see me now, a complete freak.
>>5924838
on my last job they just found out because I 'looked' gay. I heard them talking behind my back saying stuff like 'ew she's a lesbian'. They never really talked to me outside of work stuff and kept avoiding me. This shit destroyed my confidence. I felt really sad when I saw how they all were friends and never gave me a chance to get to know me personally. All this because I was wearing a fking flannel blouse at the first day.
How can any of my friends look me in the eyes after they find out that I want to fuck crossdressers in the arse?
All those time's ive scoped them out will start flashing back into their minds like some kind of war vet's flashbacks
>Jack off imagining this girl with a dick
>Tell her beta bf
>He tells her
>That look she gave me the first time she saw me after finding out
She used to go through my tabs of dick girls and show my friends
I love it when girls know I'm gay now
I'm bisexual and my friends don't care, feels good. I've fucked some of my guy friends and we're still cool. That's just me I guess...
>>5928395
Straight people just don't understand love.
>>5929733
Yeah no. Nice memes though.
>>5929733
t. member of a sexuality where a person's humanity expires once they turn 30
>>5929704
this is a blue board buddy
>>5929779
Also a sexuality where "open relationships" are considered normal and you're "insecure" if you don't want your BF fucking other guys.
>>5924838
I've actually had some pretty good experiences with this nee group of friends. Although they already had a trans person in their group so I assumed they wouldn't have a problem with it. They were all really chill about it, sometimes when the guys wrestle each other I just watch though. They've never asked me to join them but they've also never acted like I couldn't. I remember when we all went to a Comic-Con and had to stay in a hotel everyone just picked a bed to share and they guy I was sleeping with said "Woohoo! That means I get to cuddle with Anon! Jealous now faggots?". The worst I can really say is that they make homophobic jokes but they also call the Jewish raised guy a kyke and the black girl a negress etc. So yeah, I feel pretty lucky.
>>5927096
Involuntary powerful desire to be the opposite sex. Intense hatred and discomfort with physical body due to it being male.
>>5929942
painfully obvious that an autistic tranny wrote this in respose to a sarcastic rhetoric comment
>>5924877
That's not treating you different. It's pretty creepy that you would look him in the eyes knowing he was jerking off. Granted, it was weird that he was sitting there wanking in the first place, but no one would feel comfortable playing with themselves knowing a friend was watching, straight or gay.
>>5924877
dude what
also what us straight people want is to not be told tht you want to put your cock in man ass
like seriously why would you tell anyone this?
keep your sexuality to yourself it's a private thing holy shit
like fukcing hell why is telling people the gender you like getting off with such a big thing for some people? why do they HAVE to do it?
it's just not something normal people share with eachother, keep it to yourself
>>5930192
because some people don't want assumptions made that can lead to awkward situations. you wouldn't get it cause everyone assumes right for you
and stating your sexuality is not saying you want to put your cock in man ass, you're jumping to that conclusion. you can say 'i have to go to the bathroom' without saying 'god i need to unload a monster shit from my rectum'
like really sometimes people excessively and unnecessarily come out but what is this recent flood of people telling gay people they're awful faggots for not staying closeted?
>>5929939
Your friends sound like trash
>>5930251
You sound like a whiny Tumblr tier bitch.
>>5930243
because it's none of anyone's business who you sleep with and this typical gay man need to let everyone know their sexuality is just attention whoring
gay men are complete sex addicted whores. they make everything about sex. to the point where it pains them so bad to just keep quiet about who they choose to fuck that there's even a term invented for not telling everyone you know you like homosexual practices
like why? why do you have this need to tell your new friends who you fuck? By the way guys I really like sucking cock and anuses but it's not big deal I just needed to tell you guys don't judge me k?
lol no you're a faggot. and no you're the one making assumptions about me. you just assume that everyone assumes everyone else is straight, when in reality most people literally don't even think about who other people fuck or want to fuck.
you really think straight people are walking around assume left right and center that everyone wants to fuck everyone else? typical faggot assumption, always thinking and making everything about sex.
>>5930314
...why are you even here?
for some people it's because they've repressed this part of themselves to an extent that it's harmful and they want to know that everyone is okay with it, and for some, acceptance means a lot. but let me guess, you're the type who whines about the gay agenda cause you saw two dudes kiss in public.
