Okay, well I was going to post this in Trans Help General, but I figured I might get more replies if I made it its own thread (fingers crossed). Sorry about that and about the lengthy post. :/
TLDR: I'm wondering what your thought processes were before and after starting HRT.
I'm crazy conflicted at the moment:
Some reasons why I worry about transitioning:
> What if I don't pass?
> What if my family disowns/hates me?
> What if I start to feel like I'm not actually trans after I start transitioning and it's too late?
Some reasons why I worry about not transitioning:
> What if my feelings of depression and fear just get worse with time?
> What if by the time I realize I should have transitioned I've entered hondom?
> I enjoy dressing up in women's clothing, acting feminine, looking feminine, and so on. What if by not transitioning I'm actually just neglecting and ignoring an important part of me? (I know that this is similar to the first point - I just figured I'd throw it in. In a lot of ways, I feel like if I just tried to go full boymode every day it'd be like cutting off a limb.)
I guess I'm just wondering if these worries are normal. Did any of you have doubts about going through with it? Did you worry about not being serious enough about it? Did you agonize over the fact that nobody could make the decision except you, but you felt like it was too big of a decision to make on your own? After the fact, did you feel like everything became a lot clearer shortly after starting hormones, or did you still get doubts (assuming you had them before - or maybe they never cropped up until after you started)?
Please let me know. Some days I'm on the verge of wanting to end it all just because it seems like it would be the easiest way out. (For the record, not actually going to, I know it isn't. It just feels like it sometimes.)
>>5881334
Just commenting to let you know you're not alone, I'm the exact same. Pls halp.
Literally everyone has felt that way.
>>5881334
Pretty much in your situation. I'm losing weight while I think about what to do. What kind of facial characteristics help for passing?
>>5881439
>>5881540
Well, it's certainly good to know I'm not alone at least. :)
>>5881617
Well, when I went to see a therapist, he told me that my chin was pretty feminine, and it's kind of rounded - not really square or really sticky-outy (that's a word now...). Also, he said my brow ridge wasn't prominent at all which is apparently a plus.
Pretty normal to have such doubts, honestly I think most people do. Everyone is a little different but I can at least comment from my own experience but bear in mind this comes from a person with very strong dysphoria.
HRT is scary, transition is a huge change and you'd be pretty crazy not to be nervous about it, but if you are unhappy then big change is good. For me just knowing testosterone was no longer making me less and less what I wanted to be and the small slow changes that come with the therapy really improved how I felt just generally. Having hope is really nice and I find it so much easier to live with myself even if I have not changed how I present at all. That's kinda the next thing I want to say, if you don't pass you can literally just keep presenting as male and live a relatively normal life. You may look a bit weird but most people aren't going to care, the hardest thing to hide is probably boobs and you can bind or just ignore it and let people think what they will; most are too polite to comment and probably just think you're fat or have some medical thing. HRT doesn't make you get a mad desire to wear dresses and run around calling people 'honey'.
TL;DR : If you have dysphoria HRT will help you feel better even if you don't pass, you won't become a 'tranny freak' unless you go out of your way to show that you are trans.
>>5881334
anon is absolutely right with >>5882422
I was kinda at the same point you are now and had a lot of doubts but once i started HRT everything became a lot easier. I'm actually a lot happier then I was before and am more "okay" with myself. the worry you might not pass is always there but it's not all about passing but to make yourself feel better.
but with the things your therapist said, I think you'll pass just fine :)
Have a nice day
>>5882422
>>5882587
Again, thank you to the people who have responded so far - it's actually a huge relief to hear that I'm normal for having doubts and fears. I keep subconsciously using them as an excuse to say that maybe I'm not trans - that "real" trans people know exactly what they want and when they want it (i.e. Hormones, and now.).
Hi I'm from the help general ( >>5889593 ) thanks for your help. All your questions and worries resonate deeply with me. I'm so confused, like you said, only we can decide for ourselves. I think I should be a girl but the stigma against transgirls scares me to death. Transitioning is easily the scariest thing I've ever contemplated. What if all the times I'm not feeling dysphoric as a man, I start to feel dysphoric as a transgirl? Or what if I'm not Trans at all and it's something else like a hormonal imbalance or BDD or both?When I look at the statistics of how rare it is to be trans it reinforces the thought that it could be something else.
>>5881334
>What if my family disowns me
Happened to me recently, it's hell at first, especially if you had good relations, but then it gets better, just gotta get past the initial struggle. The hardest bit of this is if your family starts abusing you verbally or insulting you in any way, you just gotta shut off and ignore it, pretend to not listen.
>what if i don't pass
99% of this board doesn't pass, you need at least full laser hair removal and tracheal shave and voice training in order to pass. It's a goal to strive towards, but really nobody will just give a shit.
>just get worse with time
they kind of do, but as a girl you will be more accepting of yourself and be able to find more distractions so i'd suggest at least trying
>what if .... hondom?
You can never really be a hon if you try hard enough, really, i'm a genetical fucking failure and i look like a piece of shit but aslong as you try really hard, it shouldn't be a problem. Beauty's skin deep anyway, and it won't last long.
Hope that answered your questions
>>5881334
> What if I don't pass?
This is something you mostly just have to come to terms with. You will look more feminine, and if you work on your posture and voice and mannerisms until they're perfect then you will pass, even if as an ugly dyke girl. The fact is you will have to work very hard to pass and most pretty girls actually work just as hard to make sure they look good all the time.
> What if my family disowns/hates me?
My family hates me and hasn't legally disowned me but I know I've been written out of my parent's will and my siblings no longer acknowledge me. It happens. My therapist told me when I first started that everybody I know would probably abandon me and she was right. That's another thing you have to accept, that it could happen and you need to be prepared for the worst. It's terrible but that's just the way it is.
> What if I start to feel like I'm not actually trans after I start transitioning and it's too late?
Hormones are almost completely reversible. It's only once you start surgery that you're really fucked. At the worst you might end up with some puffy nipples but unless you get something cut off or put in then you can always detransition.
>>5881334
> What if my feelings of depression and fear just get worse with time?
If you're depressed and scared now if you don't address these issues they'll just get worse over time. Though you might want to consider looking at not trans related things, if you're lonely or fat or unhealthy then transitioning will not fix these issues and may just add more. You will have to work harder at most everything once you transition to look as good.
> What if by the time I realize I should have transitioned I've entered hondom?
This just ties into everything else. If you look like shit you'll look like shit. Even older transitioners can look okay (as in not disgusting/offensive) with well applied makeup, grooming, hair, and voice and posture work. But even considering that this is something you want to address as early as you can, so prioritize and don't try to run away from looking at how you feel.
> I enjoy dressing up in women's clothing, acting feminine, looking feminine, and so on. What if by not transitioning I'm actually just neglecting and ignoring an important part of me? (I know that this is similar to the first point - I just figured I'd throw it in. In a lot of ways, I feel like if I just tried to go full boymode every day it'd be like cutting off a limb.)
If you like something you should do it. If you feel like you need something then you should do it even more, and put as much effort into it as you can. People need passions, and if looking good and dressing cute and acting like a girl is your passion then that's actually very good. Most good looking girls spend ungodly amounts of time on themselves, it is a hobby and a passion and a lifestyle even to look as good as possible.
pre-hrt:
- Fear that I wont pass. Decide to start anyway because #yolo I have nothing to lose.
- Fear that nobody will want to date me or have sex with me anymore.
- Decide that if I can't pass, I'm okay with being an androgynous genderfuck faggot.
- Fear that I'll regret it and have to get my tranny tits cut off one day.
- Realization that if I lose some friends, they are the kind of people I would rather not be friends with even if I detransition.
- Fear that I won't lose body hair at all and I'll be a sasquatch with breasts.
- Fear that I'll look awful with my male pattern baldness, because I was balding at the time, and essentially took a gamble on praying that it would grow back.
post-hrt
- I pass and I'm attractive.
- Obviously some people dont fuck trannies, but for the most part I still date and get laid without many problems.
- I did lose friends and I'm better off without them, and every one of them had the worst personalities out of all my friends.
- I lost a looott of body hair, but not all of it. What little remaining is easily plucked and epilated away. Legs are easier to shave too.
- My hair grew back, and I'm no longer balding.
- Anxiety and depression symptoms are much improved, and life is good now.
- My ass is waayyy better...
>>5881334
I can’t think of a single trans person who hasn’t asked me these same questions, and I asked them myself. I have now been on HRT 5 years and I look and feel great, though I look nothing like what I expected I look like me.
>What if I don’t pass?
In my experience most trans folks don’t “pass” before they start HRT. Without HRT we are usually visably queer in some way. The only way to not be visibly trans off HRT is to work to pass as your assigned sex, and that is a lot of work for a lot of misery.
> What if my family disowns/hates me?
It is possible. When I came out my family disowned me. They ultimately came around and are now really supportive. However, when I first came out I was in college and their lack of support meant I had to drop out of school for some time. I did complete college but it was a LOT more work putting myself through it. Try to make sure you are in a stable place before coming out to them.
> What if I start to feel like I'm not actually trans after I start transitioning and it's too late?
I worried about this a lot. It hurts because it isn’t only a fear of the future it also managed to invalidate your experience at the same time. Being trans is hard. If you aren’t some rich billionaire with money to burn and way too much free time on your hands I doubt you are going through all this trouble and not trans.
>>5881334
>>5890118
Some reasons why I worry about not transitioning:
> What if my feelings of depression and fear just get worse with time?
For me they did. Especially after realizing I was trans. I couldn’t go back. There was no way. If you feel this way then refer to the question above about your worry about not being trans.
> What if by the time I realize I should have transitioned I've entered hondom?
The problem with comparing yourself to the “hons” is that the hons are usually older and have usually lived very very hard lives. Often they have waged a life long war against their bodies. I doubt you are in this camp.
> I enjoy dressing up in women's clothing, acting feminine, looking feminine, and so on. What if by not transitioning I'm actually just neglecting and ignoring an important part of me? (I know that this is similar to the first point - I just figured I'd throw it in. In a lot of ways, I feel like if I just tried to go full boymode every day it'd be like cutting off a limb.)
Start HRT
