Good tidings to you, citizens of /lgbt/. I trekked across the vast countryside to your little hamlet to offer you hope.
Not four moons prior, I had received a message from a friend via pigeon, that this odd little settlement was in need of medical treatment.
So, commoners, farmers and slaves alike, please, tell me what ails you, and I will propose to you one of my many proven alchemical and surgical solutions.
Well, I guess my offer goes untaken. I'll let the thread die and then make the trek back across the countryside then.
I hope you can find peace in these dark times
and i'll herp and i'll derp and i'll blow your house down
Cure my raging faggotry, Jerry.
>>5874087
As a man of faith and medicine, I do not think I can find a cure for a blown-down house.
Though, if you could describe the symptoms of your "herping" and "derping", I may be able to find some sort of alchemical mixture that could reduce those symptoms.
>>5874095
Well, I never saw homosexuality (or whatever it is you are deeming "raging faggotry" as an ailment, but if you insist, I could diagnose visits to the local temple for cures of faith.
Can you cure our world of the plague currently ravaging it?
The one called Jews?
>>5874163
Sadly my treatments are only effective per-individual.
>>5874196
I get random butt spasms, what do?
>>5873279
Bow down to your master, Lehnsherr Schnabel.
>>5874265
>>5874208
I will have to determine the source of these spasms. It could be an issue regarding nerves.
I will give you some leeches and a few ounces of toads blood, to start. If those don't fix it, you may need to have it removed entirely.
my tonsils are all swollen and i'm kind of lightheaded, what do you think? maybe some newts tails and monkey blood?
>>5874421
>newts tails and monkey blood
No no, I wouldn't recommend anything THAT harsh...
No, I think you'll need to be bled a little, to cure the lightheadedness, then I'll have to take a look at your tonsils myself.
I may either remove them altogether, or possibly have it leeched (after you have recovered from the bleeding, of course).
If all else fails, I guess we could go with the monkey's blood, but the newts tails are out of the question.
H-how do I cure my embarrassingly high cocklust?
Doctor! My female body and persona sicken me to my bones, what can you do before I tear off my own flesh?
>>5874446
That, I'm afraid, may not be curable. Though, I would assume you could quell the cravings by indulging yourself in them.
As far as I am aware though, there isn't a medical or alchemical product I could provide that can cure, or even subdue urges such as yours.
>>5874453
Well, I could remove the more extreme aspects of your female figure, such as the breasts.
Although I am not as qualified for that sort of treatment, I could recommend you to a local herbalist and surgeon who can work on changing your features to a more masculine form.
If they cannot aid you, we could see if a light bleeding will quell the feelings you have, but I doubt it will do much.
>>5874476
Herbalism and surgery, eh? I did hope you would recommend something simpler like drinking the blood of a man to gain his power. But, you have the mask so I suppose you are the expert.
Help, I have a girlfriend that lives 3000 miles away, and need something to satiate my lesbian desires until we can once more meet again!
>>5874499
>drinking the blood of a man to gain his power
I do not condone cannibalism, or any acts of the like. I am not aware of any alchemical treatments I can offer that cure the need to shed your original form, which is why I recommended it be altered instead.
>>5874500
Hmmm, this is a tricky one. As I said to the individual with the "cocklust", as they put it, insatiable sexual desire isn't so easily cured.
Of course, your aim is to NOT indulge yourself in such acts...I may recommend self-pleasure, but I'm not sure how well it would work.
If it becomes too difficult, you could try to dissuade your urges by lightly dabbing a Stinging Nettle leaf to the area.
Can you send me money to help pay for my transition, that would help cure my ills.
>>5874659
I'm afraid I cannot pay for such treatment, as the cost of my travels and equipment leave me just enough left to stay fed
>>5873279
I greeteth thou with the warmest hospitalities, fellow Doct'r! I hopeth to be seeing thou staye resilient against the fowl pestilences of our current days, but backe to the topic at hande, I doth marry hast a questioneth f'r thou, albeit p'rsonal, I wishe to asketh how much girth doth thoust to thy cock. It will helpe in my research, fellow Doct'r...
How do I cure my aids?
>>5875146
Although I appreciate the greetings, fellow curer of ailments, but I must question the intent of your research. I simply cannot see why you would need to measure the girth of my most favorite rooster. I raised this rooster myself, back on the farmland from which I came.
>>5875170
I would highly recommend either a leeching or a bleeding, and I would possibly also recommend ingesting a mixture of ground maggots and toadstool if your symptoms persist.
>>5873279
Make my dick bigger.
>>5875203
That, I'm afraid, I cannot do. I would recommend you see a local herbalist, and if that doesn't help, maybe a surgeon.
Treatments for depression and asthma/allergies?
>>5875229
For the sadness, I would prescribe faith. For asthma or allergies, I could only tell you to avoid contact with anything that would trigger your symptoms.
For temporary relief of your asthmatic symptoms, I would recommend you ingest a ground mixture of Lungwort and Plantain Leaves.
How do I cure the belief that I am a plague doctor?
>>5875197
I hast been bewitch'd by a harpy, fellow doct'r! The hag told me the only way to lift the beshrew lies within mine fellow maneth's. . . tools, mine cater-cousin. I asketh f'r helpe and 'tis helpeth that us doct'rs doth.
>>5875269
My 'tools', you say? You need to borrow my mortar and pestle, perhaps? Or maybe a few mixing vials? I can give you those, perhaps, but I cannot give you any of my ingredient pouches, I worked hard to collect those.
>>5875264
If you are aware of your erroneous belief, than you have already been cured
>>5875292
I go around pretending I am a plague doctor. How do I stop this?
>>5875307
well, if you are asking for assistance on the matter, then I must assume it isn't by your own volition.
Please describe what urges you to do this? If we can pinpoint a symptom or source, I may be able to treat it.
>>5875323
I post on a Mongolian throat singer assembly pretending to be a plague doctor, I want to know what would make such a person disappear
>>5875292
Doct'r. . . I am talking about thy genitals. The beshrew is getting w'rse the longeth'r I dally, so mine apologies if I am being blunt, but I wilt wot this inf'rmation yarely, 'r I shall succumb to the most. . . unpleasant of deaths
>>5875337
That doesn't answer my question. I'm afraid that if you cannot pinpoint whether it's a voluntary action or not, and if it isn't, what is causing said involuntary action, than I cannot aid you.
>>5875350
I must say, I haven't heard of any such ailment... and you say you need to know the dimensions of a fellow Doctor's reproductive organs? I could try to aid you in your search for a willing participant, but I, for one, am not.
You see, I have a family back at home, and to betray my beloved by revealing such intimate information is far beyond my abilities.
