Anyone else have a hard time accepting being gay? It's something that has been really hard for me to come to terms with. I don't act like a queen and nobody can tell I like guys, but I've gone to therapy and it's still so hard for me to just accept myself.
It doesn't help that when you go to gay clubs there are so many weirdos there that it makes you feel even worse because of how promiscuous everyone is, but I guess that can be said about any club really.
>>5829607
Have you tried just accepting it?
>>5829610
Yes, but then why do I still have feelings for women? Not sexual, but I fall in love with them and then beat myself up because I can't take things further sexually, especially when they want to.
Maybe I'm just delusional. I love women for their personalities and how loving they can be, while with men I see them more sexually. Every gay guy I've met though seemed to have serious psychological problems, so I never developed feelings for any other men because they pissed me off.
>>5829622
Everybody has loads of psychological bullshit--some just stash it better than others.
Your dick probably isn't mistaken though.
captcha: select all steak
>>5829634
yeah you're right...it's just I never felt like I belonged in the whole 'lgbt community'. I've met so many gay dudes who begin to fall into the stereotype
>lisp
>loves girly shows
>acts obnoxious/same sense of humor
and I became depressed because that simply isn't me. on top of that, anyone I've ever 'come out' to, thinks I've been hiding acting like that and will start treating me different. I become so depressed because I feel so alone and like this is more of a mental illness than something beyond my control. sorry if that sounds harsh but that's how I honestly feel..
>>5829650
Ever see the movie "Queen's Logic"? (refers to the NYC borough) You might identify with John Malkovich in that movie. He's gruff, imposing and kinda malignant about his situation sexually but he has support from his friends all the same. 6/10 movie with a Tom Waits cameo.
>>5829650
Meant to post pic; he's the robot lookin' motherfucker.
>>5829679
thanks maybe I'll check that out...I just hate how sexual the community is. I mean i guess it makes sense since a lot has been repressed as we grow older and on top of that, straight people are extremely sexual as well.
I guess I'm just kind of innocent and I don't want an STD or to do anything promiscuous. I just want to find a nice guy and be happy, but I'm very distrusting of people because I've been stabbed in the back so many times. I don't know I'm very self-destructive about being gay..I never chose it and I feel like my life would be so much easier if I were just straight.
>>5829691
Don't choose the easy way.
Life is so much sweeter at the end of a fight. The soul is hardier.
Good luck m8
>>5829607
last bump. has nobody else had this problem? is it really easy to just accept being gay?
>>5829781
I think your problem is not so much about accepting yourself, and more about you don't approving the lifestyle choices other people made (don't get me wrong, you don't have to), and since those people just happen to share one common trait with you (being gay) you hate the idea of being paired with them.
It's pretty shitty when you're not into the gay scene, because it'll make meeting like minded gays more difficult, and you will feel left out overall. But again, if you don't like it, you don't, and that's ok.
My advice is to try and stop caring about what other gay guys do, and take that energy into becoming the person you want to be. You won't become straight, but you can become someone else than your sexuality.
>>5829803
thanks for the reply. but then it becomes difficult in finding a guy I want to be with. on top of that, it fucking SUCKS ever telling people because they all expect me to be this sassy dude then. I'm not. I have suppressed a lot though and I don't know how to work on just letting go and being me. I have a problem where I suppress so much until it boils over and I either explode in anger or drink.
>>5829816
>they all expect me to be this sassy dude then
Well, but that will always happen because there is a stereotype. It's like when someone says he's from Africa, everyone will expect them to be black.
You just keep acting the way you do and they'll realize not all gays are like that. Some will find it weird because you will be challenging their ideas of what a gay man is like, so they might suggest that you are hiding it or something like that.
If/when that happens, just don't take it seriously. 99% of the times they aren't being assholes, they're just trying to understand you.
Meeting a guy you want to be with will probably be difficult, but it's not impossible. One thing that you might find yourself doing is waiting to find someone who's perfect for you, and that could never happen. So if you like someone but he still has some flaws, it could be a good idea to give him a chance. You never know.
>>5829860
thank you. that helped a lot...I think what weirds me out even more though is how SO MANY gay guys act that way. I mean I think they even expect you to act that way when you let them know you're also gay. it makes me wonder.."is this an act subconsciously? do they act that way naturally or is it to an extent put on?" I don't know. but it makes me sad and weirded out. I just don't understand how a sexual orientation can naturally make someone act a certain way.
>>5829872
>I just don't understand how a sexual orientation can naturally make someone act a certain way
It has little to do with being gay itself, and more about the repercutions it has for the person who's gay, especially socially.
Lots of gays finds themselves having a hard time relating to other boys when they're growing up, especially during puberty. So they tend to socialize more with girls, even if they're still in the closet to them. Almost inevitably, a gay boy surrounded by girls will start assimilating more feminine mannerisms and since it's around the time they are building their personality, those might get stuck for a long while, or even for ever.
Also the media does it share too, promoting that image, and since usually gay people will felt left out for a good part of their lives, adquiring those traits helps to make them finally feel like they belong somewhere.
>>5829893
damn. you just answered it perfectly and that makes sense. it also makes sense why I didn't, because I had a different time growing up and had very few friends.
So...do you think it's really okay to be gay? I struggle because I grew up Catholic and very sheltered...but maybe it is okay. I guess before I just had this idea of ultra-promiscuous people, hence the reason such a large percentage have AIDs compared to straight folks. I guess I had this idea of it being really hedonistic.
>>5829899
>So...do you think it's really okay to be gay?
Yes, I do. Simply because being gay only means that you are attracted to people of the same gender.
All the negative things about it have little to do with being gay, but with context. Yes, it's true there's a lot of promiscuous gay people, but it is also true that open gay relationships (open as in not secret, not in the sense of non monogamous) have only recently started to become accepted and valid by society. Before this, having sex with random guys in the shadows was pretty much the only way of expressing your sexuality if you were gay.
The sad thing is this is happening on the era where having casual sex is easier than it has ever been before, so naturally more people, gay or not, will do it. It is also true that it's a lot easier to get a man to have sex with you, since they are not expected to be innocent and pure, unlike women.
I've also noticed that the double standard of "guy fucks 10 girls and he's a hero, girl fucks 10 guys and she's a whore" applies as here well.
Also, repression. Finding an outlet to the desires you have bottled up for a long time can make you lose control of it.
That said, I'm not saying it's ok to be promiscuous, but I can understand why it happens.
>>5829931
Yeah I believe in that too, I think repression is the main reason.
>>5829931
thanks anon. your answers have been so clear compared to any counselors I've gone to.
just one last question...what about with women I want to fuck but cant? What I mean is...I do fall in love with women still, but it's more their personalities, but it gets to a point I want to make love to them but simply can't. It's like it doesn't turn me on sexually, just deeply emotionally, then I beat myself up because I know they want to with me (and thus they feel like they're ugly or there is something wrong with them). It hurts really bad. I want to be straight to be honest.
I've tried just not fapping to see if I want to fuck vagina and it sort of works but my thoughts eventually boil over into guys.
I guess what I'm asking is, is it as possible to have deep, loving relationships with men as with women? Women have something I can't describe, but they are different and have a sense I don't believe men have. It makes me feel complete. I've never been with another man but I don't think that feeling will be there, thus the confusion if this is okay.
>>5829962
Well, that's a really personal question so I can't give you an objective answer, but I can tell you what I've learnt from my own experiences.
First of all, you are right. Men and women are different, and therefore the relationship you can have with either will most likely be different as well. But it is completely possible to have a deep, loving relationship with a man. Gay or not, they are still men, and women have those kinds of relationships with men all the time.
I myself had a relationship like that. My ex and I were together for almost four years (which is a lot considering we were both teens when we met). Eventually we did break up because of life stuff, but I can assure you that we cared deeply for each other while we were together.
Why you feel romantic but not sexual attraction to women, I really have no idea, because that's never been my case. I just can't see women as anything more than friends for me.
If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say that you feel like you can't get this kind of connection with a man either because you haven't met one you could do it with, or because your own issues about being gay are stopping you from it.
>>5829962
Men usually feel more comfortable expressing emotions to women, rather than other men. And women are better listeners in general. I understand what you mean, I've gotten "crushes" on girls even though I'm not physically attracted to them, but those have never been on the same level as my relationships with guys (even though it might take a bit longer to get close to them).
>>5829962
Hey anon. Being able to have romantic but not sexual feelings for a gender, or vice versa, is not all that uncommon. It doesn't mean you're fucked up in the head. The phrase I've seen to describe it is being heteroromantic.
>>5829990
Yeah you're spot on. I guess I'm just not sure where to go from here in regards to hating myself. It's like an automatic switch that never turns off...Any advice on loving yourself?
Sorry for all the questions, but I've tried asking this to tons of people and your answers have been the only that really resonated with me.
>>5829650
>lisp
Damn, I hate this one so much.
As a guy who actually has a lisp and has been working throughout his life to try and minimise it (now to the point where you can't tell unless I point it out), I get mad that these arseholes force them thinking that it's somehow "hip" or "fabulous" to sound like that. I wonder if these people realise that they're openly mocking people with speech impediments.
I don't want to sound tumblr-y, but I personally draw a line at making other people's disabilities/impediments into fashion statements.
>>5830016
>>5830016
you don't sound tumblry and I wish that trend would start in the LGBT movement to get rid of the stereotype. it makes it so much harder for people in the closet to come out because they're afraid they will be associated as hiding a lisp, acting flamboyant, etc.
my co-worker for example is gay and I've noticed he literally cranks it up a notch when other gay dudes from the office are around. He legit makes his lisp more out there and will do shit with his hands, to the point I seriously think he's 'competing' with these other gay dudes in how gay he is. I swear it's the most pathetic retarded shit I've seen in my life and it's shit like that that makes gay people not want to come out.
>>5830010
Sorry, I had to go out for a while.
>Any advice on loving yourself?
Well, I wish I knew how to deal with that. I have some self esteem issues, unrelated to me being gay but they're still there.
One thing that works for me sometimes is to do the things I'm scared to do because of that. For example, dating always scares me for some reason, but lately I've been trying to force me to go out with guys, just to prove myself that I can do it. It kinda works. The dates were all pretty bad so far, but I'm proud of myself for daring to at least go to them.
So, maybe trying to find precise things you don't like about yourself, and trying to fix / challenge them?
>>5829607
>It's something that has been really hard for me to come to terms with.
Why?
>>5829607
Eh, I still think of myself as straight despite masturbating to cocks daily. I know it makes no sense but doing anything else feels incredibly weird. Personally, I'm planning to just stay single for life. So you're doing better than me, I suppose.
>>5829607
>Anyone else have a hard time accepting being gay?
Yes, I've known for a long time. But have repressed it for years. About 6 months ago I really realized that I am gay. It's been a crazy time. Full of remembering faggy stuff I've done in the past and pushed away. I still haven't told anyone in real life, that just seems too big of a leap, since I actually have never had a boyfriend. I want to know what it's like first, but Grindr and other meat market apps are not my style at all. I just want a nice guy to be with. Not slut around.
I've also gone through phases of feeling like it's a bad choice and evil and morally wrong, but I always come back to the fact that why should it matter who you're intimate with?
I'm definitely still struggling. I find myself in public seeing hot guys and wanting them to talk to me but know they are probably too straight and I'm too much of a pussy to go make friends with them.
Yeah I'm hoping it's a phase
Having a socially unacceptable fetish made me much more comfortable about being gay. When your first sexual feelings are to fucking diapers then you're happy to be attracted to any human being
I remember being very young and being told it was ok to be gay by the media and shit.
So I just fapped to gay shit.
I didn't realize the consequences until it was too late
I honestly wish I could just go "hard gay"
I've tried so hard to kill my feelings for women...
But they won't go away
>>5831451
>>5829691
Being same sex attracted, by itself, is a hard cross to bear. Finding trust, care, and love with a committed partner is a whole other game. It often takes suffering through the dry times. It sucks, but once you find the right man to share yourself with, the bond will be so powerful you be inseparable.
I have been promiscuous, and it is not worth it. I find that self pity and self hatred is key in the cycle of promiscuity. We need to find stable ways of getting and giving love in nonsexual ways before we can have a mature, sexual bonding experience.
One other thing that I know some people here probably hate to hear: the anus and rectum is not a sex organ. It is not meant to be penetrated and is the easiest way to transmit disease.
A big part of my history with promiscuity was receiving anal penetration. It became the only way I could get off with another man. And I am lucky to be disease free today. I know that countless unfortunate others are out there.
Despite the desire I still have to do anal penetration, I know there are other ways to have sex with men that is mutual and life-affirming. Anal "sex" is the complete opposite and is literally killing the gay community's chance of survival.
>>5832189
>the anus and rectum is not a sex organ
I hate to agree with you because fuck don't I love topping a guy.
But I don't think anal sex is what is killing it, it's the fact that since in a way we're saying that having sex with the same gender is ok, we are inevitably paired with the sexual liberation movement, according to which having as much sex as you can is somehow 'empowering' and 'liberating' even when everybody knows it tends to have bad results.
If monogamy sold as much as sex does, stds wouldn't be as much of an issue even if every gay couple had anal sex.
>>5829607
Leviticus 18:22 - Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination.
‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.
>>5829607
Every gay guy has a problem, some find ways of dealing with them, others don't and just have to accept they will live alone.
>>5829607
I struggle with internalized homophobia on the daily. It is to the point where I am literally only attracted to straight men exclusively. It is even so bad that if I meet a hot guy who I originally thought was straight, and he turns out to be gay, he is automatically less attractive. Also, I spend a large amount of time adjusting my voice and mannerisms to seem less gay. (I've actually gotten pretty good at it, and it is starting to come naturally.)
>>5829607
Don't beat yourself up. You make choices and you live with them, and you can't be blamed for what turns you on.
The gay community is pretty stupid, and we aren't all a bunch of effeminate weirdos. Distance yourself from that stereotype and just do whatever the hell you want. It doesn't sound like you want anything to do with them.
Good luck, man.
>>5832189
>I have been promiscuous, and it is not worth it. I find that self pity and self hatred is key in the cycle of promiscuity.
Couldn't agree more. I went through a slutty phase and looking back, it's frankly disturbing. I was doing tons of drugs. I was dressing differently than I normally do, acting differently. I was truly wearing a costume and was a ball of self hatred underneath.
>>5830070
Except straight people evolutionary do the same thing; women increase their voice pitch and men decrease theirs under similar contexts.
>>5831332
You know many gay guys go through that phase...others are lucky enough to develop more properly and accept it earlier
