I have gender dysphora. I've wanted to be a girl since I was 3. I told my teacher in kindergarden that I wanted to be a girl when I grew up. I've been to therapists for this nightmare for over 10 years.
I hate the transgender movement. I hate tumblr, I hate the shitty webcomics, the die cis scum, I hate other transgender people, I hate how people see transgender people, I hate the narcissism, I hate literally everything about it. I want no part of the 'culture' of this. I don't want to be a mentally ill freak who can't accept the way they were born but after struggling with it for 20 years I realized that it's who I am. I don't think I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body or have a girl's soul or anything like that. I just think that I have something physically wrong with the wiring in my brain that compels me to feel that my male body is wrong, that compels me to want to be female despite the fact that being female would bring me no logical benefit. I don't care about getting attention, I don't care about being pretty, I just want to have XX chromosomes and live my fucking life without this hellfire burning in me. I want to be able to work on the shitty parts of my life, to be able to improve myself and work towards my goals without the eternal fucking nightmarish shackles of gender dysphoria seeping into every second of every day. I just want to be on the same fucking playing field as the rest of the world.
Is there anyone here who feels this way? I don't even want to post this on /lgbt/ but I know /r9k/ would just shit all over me. God I fucking hate this
>>5742016
nope, didnt have gender disphoria until high school
>>5742016
Learn to let go.
>I just want to be on the same fucking playing field as the rest of the world
Okay, total 100% honesty.
There is no way whatsoever for you to be cis. You will never be cis. Literally the only way for you to benefit from a level playing field is for the rights and cultural acceptance of trans people to improve.
Your only alternative is to postpone transition and cash in on a lifetime of male privilege as an old hon. And then the self-hatred will only grow deeper.
>>5742016
I feel literally the exact same way. I hate everybody.
>>5742016
When did you start going to therapists? Were they all transphobes who tried to cure you? Because I don't see how someone who transitioned early with the help of therapists could be so upset.
>>5742016
Welcome to being transsexual.
There's a difference.
It sucks even more.
>>5742089
She doesn't sound like she transitioned.
>>5742101
That's why I'm asking. She really doesn't sound like she did. This level of bitterness is too much to be from someone who handled their shit early.
>>5742103
I want to be opposite sex, not opposite gender, you freak.
Unfortunately, puberty denied me that
>>5742016
i feel you.
i think really the only "low maintenance," sort of, solution is to just be a femboy.
>>5742239
>femboys are low maintenance
Best joke ever
>>5742444
if you're equating femboys with flamboyant queen twinks, then ok
>>5742463
Sure, FIDF
>>5742171
If you want to be the opposite sex, it was more than just puberty that denied you that.
>>5742477
no one can see my chromosomes you retard
>>5742480(you)
..hell, even I cant see them
therefore, they dont bother me..
or were you talking about dick?
I'm not bothered by such a TINY DETAIL...im more bothered by my huge ribcage desu senpai
>>5742016
Fuck trans culture. Just be the person you want to be. No one has to participate in any subculture they don't want to. The only benefit is support.
I'm curious how you managed to see therapists for 10 years and not transition. Were they super Christian therapists trying to pray the gay away? If I had the guts to say shit like you did maybe I would have done something sooner.
>>5742485
Given after ten years OP is still stuck at the "I don't want to be a woman I want to be female" phase either they weren't very competent shrinks or OP just flounced out of their offices each time they tried to discuss actual reality.
>>5742502
>"I don't want to be a woman I want to be female"
Can you explain the difference trying to be made by that phrase? Out of curiosity.
Just take HRT and stop being a fuck. You don't have to be anything like other trans people.
>>5742515
It implies that a person cares more about transitioning physically/biologically then crossdressing and acting like a fag.
>>5742480
I'm just being accurate here, senpai. Not even talking about your chromosomes. I'm talking about your primary sex characteristics: your genitals, including your gonads.
>>5742016
It's kinda sad that 4chan has convinced malleable trans women like yourself to hate literally everyone else like you and that a movement to give you more rights and protect you from systemic bigotry is somehow against your best interest.
It's called basic, run-of-the-mill self-loathing chick. You're not special. None of us are. This entire post is just the trans version of "look at me! I hate other girls! I'm not like them at all! Do you guys think I'm cool yet?" Get over yourself and grow up. You're acting like an edgy teenager.
>>5742559
This literally applies to half this board.
>>5742580
It does. This board is full of hopelessly self-obsessed edgy children. But this is the trans permutation. It doesn't get any less silly with different minority groups.
>>5742522
Isn't that good though? They don't want to act like a different person or get off to wearing female clothes; they just want to look different?
>>5742622
Except it's not so much wanting to look different as having a completely unattainable goal.
She's so self-loating that it's blocking her from transitioning and she can't see the irony of wanting more rights while hating the reason she would have rights at all as a tranny.
>>5742746
>Look at this person, she makes us all look bad, not how we assume that one shitty cis white male makes them all look bad
Seriously if it's that important maybe she could do something about it instead of whining how badly she's represented.
>>5742759
It's because she realizes she would be just as bad. Since she doesn't sound like she's even started HRT, she would just become another public hon figure in her mind that misrepresents what trans people are, in her own mind.
>>5742802
What I'm saying is ultimately nobody gives a shit about some repressing newbie's "omg my dysphoria is so much worse than everyone" whining, at least beyond trying to help them get past this point.
Nobody gives a shit about how much they hate the subculture or the activism if she won't even transition, thus being effectively unable to even be present.
Jenner isn't the only public trans woman and isn't even an activist.
What does 'being female' mean to you, specifically?
Does it mean simply having xx chromosomes? Or is it more to do with fashion, pronouns, make-up? Or is it to do with anatomy - having breasts or a vagina? Or is it to do with abilities - mensturating and bringing new life into the world, nursing young? or is it something else?
I ask because 'wanting to be female' can mean so many different things, and to so many different people. it means different things within and accross cultures, ages, races etc.
So I think it might help you to be very specific with what you actually want. Let's say a fairy appeared and it gave you one 'gender' wish to make your fantasy come true. The fairy as no concept of gender/sex so you have to describe very clearly what you want in terms of appearance/anatomy/how you want to be viewed by society/what sort of relationship you'll have/what sort of role in society/your future/as much as possible. What would you tell her?
If you can formulate an answer to this I think we, as well as yourself would be far better equipped at understanding, and ultimately helping you.
>>5742922
For me I would say anatomy and not having what high levels of testosterone does to somebody.
>>5742922
OP here.
Being female doesn't mean anything to me, the desire to be one is purely an illogical emotion with no rationale behind it. What I want is to simply live in congruence with my gender, to just accept it or not really think about it. Instead I can't look at myself without feeling like I'm being stabbed in the chest or stomach. I don't feel just envious of girls, I feel envious of guys for being able to just be guys, I feel envious of everyone. The only thing I feel is that my body feels wrong as a guy and I have this urge to be a girl.
Same thing pretty much, i'm taking pills in secret now
>>5742016
>delays transition and ruins life because of tumblr and webcomics
loooooool
Most trannies don't like or associate with that shit, dummy.
Also the "die cis scum" person was a cis-female tumblr-feminist who only identified as an ftm for a short while before deciding transition wasn't for them.
According to the doctors dysohoria is the actual mental illness so you're already a mentally ill freak and will stay so forever because you choose not to transition because other people you don't like decided too, it's like you're a hipster for gender-identity/life!
>I just think that I have something physically wrong with the wiring in my brain that compels me to feel that my male body is wrong, that compels me to want to be female despite the fact that being female would bring me no logical benefit
Yep that's pretty much what being a tranny is, fucked up brain-body mapping.
