I love boys and I want to be a girl. I'm perfectly okay with being bisexual, but the fact that I might be transexual scares me so much. When I was eleven years old I discovered transexual porn, around the same time I was just discovering regular porn. It's completely tainted me ever since, and I went through my entire teenage years thinking that life would be better if I became a pretty girl. I used to masturbate to the idea of being one of my female friends, usually still with a penis.
But I want to have a wife, and kids. I'm sexually attracted to both men and women but I've only ever identified on a personal and romantic level with women. I don't ever want a husband. I want my parents to be proud of me, and I want to continue my family. I keep telling myself that will change, and that once I get a girlfriend that lasts more than a couple months, and once I start having sex with women, I'll lose all these desires. But it's still not happening, and I'm slowly reaching the point where I'll never be able to pass if I transition. (I'm 20 now and already missed my chance at truly passing.)
I'm so scared of living the rest of my life as somebody I'm not happy with. And I'm so scared of making a decision that I can't back out from, and denying myself the ability to have a "normal" family.
I don't know what kind of replies I am expecting to this, but I just wanted to rant and get it off my chest and somewhere public. I wish I had somebody to talk to about this that I was comfortable with. I could have, I had lots of friends who would have probably preferred me come out as transexual but I pushed them away and hid in the closet.
Anyway I just needed to make this post, I feel a little better right now.
>>5673742
>I love boys and I want to be a girl.
>But I want to have a wife, and kids.
That's fine, OP. Just get a wife and kids to make everyone accept you as normal while masturbating to thought of being a girl in private when you're alone at your workplace's bathroom or wherever. Works for me desu.
>>5673767
70 more years of that seems really scary and unpleasant. 70 more years of feeling like I'm doing everything wrong because I'm not doing it as a woman seems really scary and unpleasant.
When I read a book a voice in the back of my head says, "It would be better if I was reading this as a girl." When I go for a walk a voice in the back of my head says, "It would be better if I was walking as a girl."
The voice gets more frequent and louder every year it seems.
If that is just on a sexual level as I understand than doing what >>5673767 said would be somewhat enough I think.
>>5673783
Maybe if you just let me fuck you like a girly little slut real hard one time you'll get it out of your system.
Where you at, OP?
>>5673783
I mean, those are symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder, which also has no real cure. I know because I have it.
>>5673815
I'm not OP but
Would you think if a person who can easily get obsessed over anything for long periods of time, got obsessed with being a female he'd just be fooling himself?
Sorry about the english, I'm not even sure that sentence conveyed what I ment to say.
>>5673844
I think it's very plausible, especially if the person was a crossdresser to begin with and knew that many crossdressers go on to identify and love as women. I could see how obsessive compulsive disorder could be based around what one MAY or may not be. What are the fears based around? If you could explain what your anxiety and obsessive thoughts look like, I could better help you.
>>5673742
>But I want to have a wife, and kids.
It's 2016. Being a woman doesn't preclude marrying one.
As for kids, you could always adopt. Or freeze your sperm for later use, if having genetic children really means a lot to you. Not everyone who transitions becomes impotent either, I know a transgirl who got a woman pregnant after being on HRT for over 3 years.
Try suicide, OP.
