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Sempaitachi gotta help me out on this one. I thought being aware that my interest in gay shit is just a compulsion/ delusion would be enough to make me a productive and confident straight person.

Don't matter that I was a bit into gay shit as a kid since those tendencies disappeared or something. And since gay people don't just realize their gay at my age, I'm realistically not gay, and getting
fucked by guys on grindr would be irresponsible and very destructive.

Has anyone got a clue what I zhould do/ pursue?

>inb4 le "every post on this board belongs here since everything on here is related to mental illness" j0ke [ex dee].

Look, you exist somewhere on the Kinsey scale. You might be bi leaning straight, or the middle, or leaning gay but denying it. Just do know that being attracted to guys doesn't mean you have to participate in stereotypes. You're free to be your own person.

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Jus b urself OP

>>5844617
bananas? Don't use a fucking banana you'll get an infection one of these days. Certain plastics/organic substances shouldn't really be used to toy yourself. Get a silicone or glass toy ffs. Also that's a waste of a perfectly good banana desu.

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>>5844627
>>5844649
I have to ramble incoherently now.

I get these pretty violent fantasies about literally killing gay people at pride parades and shit. It's like I absolutely hate gay people and stuff, yet I have these fucked up inclinations and whatnot...

I had a really bad relationship with my father, and when I was 11-12 I had a crush on a boy my age (we played soccer, but since I wasn't attracted to the coach and the other guys particularly, I can't say I was into guys, just this one guy, in other words not gay). At the time I started thinking about getting anally penetrated, and how good it could feel.

I think it was the combination of an at first workaholic dad turned alcoholic and spending time showering with guys and exposing myself to girly television shows like Ugly Betty and shit that made me think I might've been gay/ given me gay traits like not seeking girlfriends and not constantly thinking about getting girlfriends. I hate how I act like a gay son to my mother, by hugging her all the time and other shit. It's like I can't help it.

But, I don't believe that I can be/ am sexually confused, because I know that I must be straight, that I am straight.

If I didn't hate alcohol, I'd drink all the time. If I knew someone who sold weed, I'd smoke it every day and isolate myself and just escape from society, not having to interact.

>>5844677
I've even fucking planned on buying a purple dildo and stuff... I feel ashamed... I feel like being gay/ everything that's gay is unnatural and detrimental to my soul.

I've started to look into quotes on Sodom and shit, and I think I might be a highly perverted and deranged person. I've been thinking about killing myself as well.

>>5844690
Wew lad
>I'm not attracted to every guy I see therefore I'm straight
No one is, are straight guys attracted to every girl they see? No. Straight guys love to point out every chick they see because boobs and stuff, but fuckin a mate everyone likes boobs even gay men and straight women.
>I want to violantly kill gay people
I'm not going to touch this more than, this mayy be a defense mechanism for you because you're in denial.
>Dad sucks and I love my mom
Don't we all...plenty of people fall into this trope, it has nothing to do with sexuality. Hug your mother.
>addictive personality
I too, tend to drink and smoke and be a shut in. It's a shifty way of life. At least 6 months out of the year I don't leave my house but to get groceries/alcohol/pot.
Don't fall into this, I'm just starting to get out of it. It's a good way to cover up your true feelings but it replaces them with much darker ones.
Just remember the Kinsey scale. You're not going to be attracted to every guy ever, and same with girls. You may have a preference one way or another, but it doesn't matter! Gay, straight, no, these are just stupid labels. Don't live your life based on a label someone made up a long time ago. Follow your feelings.

>>5844720
With attraction, I mean I don't feel sexually aroused by and shit by everyone I see. I don't see most males as potential sexual partners, which is something the majority does, the same goes for straight people.

I don't totally buy the idea that homosexuality is more complex than heterosexuality. A straight guy wouldn't say no to fuck a girl if she asked him, and a gay wouldn't say reject a guy if he asked him to have sex with. After all, sex is the most primal form of pleasure.

>>5844737
>A straight guy wouldn't say no to fuck a girl if she asked him, and a gay wouldn't say reject a guy if he asked him to have sex with.

bull
As a gay guy I've said no to the two people that wanted to have sex with me, because the thought of having sex with them made my skin crawl.

>>5844699
The only one that can make the call on what is good or evil in your soul is you. Unless you are directly harming/interfering with another human beings experience. It's up to you

>>5844617

OP, stop trying so hard, just do what feels good and stop all the self-hating.

I'm guessing, based on your upside down mexican question mark, that you're some kind of latino and are trying to live up to the latino homo-hating values you grew up with, but that's all superstitious irrational garbage for poor stupid people.

Much like religion in general, you need to ditch that retarded garbage and understand that all that matters is compassion.
We've all got to come together and work together, God isn't angry at us for sucking dick, there is no god, just people being dicks to each other.

>>5844737
>A straight guy wouldn't say no to fuck a girl if she asked him, and a gay wouldn't say reject a guy if he asked him to have sex with.

What? Have you never been hit on by a fat chick?

Anyway dude, you're a confused bisexual; which by the way, doesn't mean hungry for everything, it means receptive to love on a case by case basis regardless of gender.

>>5844759
I need to be realistic/ rational about this stuff.

I am sure I am just confused by not having enough friends/ living my life more or less as a shut-in. The gay thoughts are just a product of insecurities. However, I suppose I am envious of the people who at my age are confident enough to know what they are.

I need to change my attitude and convince myself that watching gay porn is just something I do to try to transform myself into being gay or something. I think I have a special-snowflake syndrome, and that I want to be gay mainly so people will think of me as unique. That's probably it(!)

>>5844790
I'm not latino, I'm Central/ Northern European - white. The question mark was just to style things up.

You make so many assumptions I almost pity you. I am not a bisexual, something that I thought I was when I was younger (more naive).

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>>5844790
I don't get turned on by this picture, or any pictures of males for that matter.

>>5844804
No shit, he's fucking gross.

>>5844804
what do you mean by 'get turned on' then? and in which situations do you 'get turned on'?

>>5844829
I don't even know anymore. It's so hard to describe and it doesn't make sense, obviously.

It might be best to just delete this thread and never go on here again/ stop involving myself with gay shit. At this age I should feel sexually secure, and I think it will come to me if I just stop. Just stop browsing the internet.

I'm abandoning thread, I hope you figure out what's bothering you and become happy OP

>>5844837
Have you heard from guys in real life and online that your dick should get hard whenever you see something you like, is this where your low-confidence comes from?

>>5844843
General impression of how (common) arousal works, I guess.

>>5844851
Yeah, see stop listening to other people and start discovering your own arousal patterns. To me personally I only get hard when I'm in bed with someone. I can sit and flirt with them, they can touch me and still nothing will be going on except for my wish to have sex with them. Outside of that I don't get hard from just seeing someone hot in a picture, or a woman sunbathing topless, a buff guy in shorts during summer. It doesn't happen. When I'm in bed with my partners, it does.

That's how my arousal works, and I don't really give a shit if it doesn't fit in with getting 'diamond hard' from someone just posting a picture on 4chan.

>>5844619
>Has anyone got a clue what I zhould do/ pursue?

Get pozzed and die.

>>5844617

Recognize
Accept
Investigate
Not judge

Simple, and will probably get shredded to bits. It's a tool I think you could use however as you seem to want definitive and solidified answers as to who and what you are.
Reality: it's Ok, everybody else is just as confused and filled with questions. It's the ones who feel supremely confident that they know exactly who they are and where they stand in Life that worry me the most.

You know Freud, you should learn about Kinsey. To the point the man made it blindingly apparent that, with regards to human sexuality, everything is completely normal.
Let that gel for a second.
No matter who you are, no matter what it is that attracts you, it's normal.

Caveats of course as things like jerking off publicly like on a subway train or something aren't considered acceptable by society. Still normal though.

Kinsey to pointed out that human sexuality is better to be considered as a spectrum instead of and 'on/off' black and white you are either gay or you are straight kindof thing.

The Kinsey scale has been represented a load of ways, my favorite of which is a Gaussian bell curve because of the beauty in its simplicity (google and image if you haven't seen one of these. it'll help).
To the extreme left are people who say they're completely straight, to the extreme right are folks who say they are completely gay. Most people are found to be floating somewhere in the middle, the fewest people at the extremes.

You are 19. Hormones and questions abound.
Try to relax and enjoy the ride. If possible try to let those thoughts where you try to rigidly define your sexuality go. In all regards let them go.

You are whoever you think you are. That's the truth, and it defies all of our attempts to label and conceptualize; the you that You are will never be able to be boxed in and defined in totality. At least not by any societal construct of gay/straight/other that we're conditioned to think that we should be trying to define ours

>>5844617
>>5845349

elves as. We are so much more than the limitations the labels ascribe.

I hope that you are able to find your peace. I can say from personal experience that the answers are there and that they will come.

You're knocking on your 20's; don;t be afraid to get out there and have some fun.
Drop Grindr. Seek legitimate human interaction instead.
If you think you like guys, well guys are great. I highly suggest you take a second look; my life has only been the better for it.

>>5844699
There is nothing in this universe that is unnatural.
It's all natural.
You and the things you do will always and forever be natural.

Only you can save yourself, Anon. If you kill yourself, you'll never know if you're really crazy or if you're just too scared to accept that you're not.

Btw Bible quotes will most likely only make it worse for you. Your Truth can only come from within. Not to say the Bible doesn't have anything to offer, quite on the contrary I think it's got a lot of wisdom nuggets. It was however written thousands of years ago and is the opinion of a very small number of voices. If you want to live your life by the words of some dead Middle Easterners from a millennia ago then by all means go for it. Maybe just maybe there's some fresh, non-Biblical ideas which would help you out just as much if not more than what you're selectively reading out of there.

Sodom? Fuck, why don't you read some of the 'God is Love' passages instead?

https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/homosexual-obsessions/

Read this. You should.

>>5844677
>that's a waste of a perfectly good banana desu.
You can still eat it afterwards, the peel protects the inside.

>>5849499
consider the large space between quarks. the quarks of the banana and the poo hole will touch regardless.