/Ancient facebook post feels/
>Go to purge old pictures
>See how frickin girly I am all the way back to when I was 14 or so
>Posing with girls like I'm one of them
>Sitting with my legs up tucked against me/crossed
>Mirror selfies dressed kinda femmy
>Looking depressed as fuck in tagged photos
I'm embarassed it took me so long to realize I was sexually repressed.
>>5838047
I never made a Facebook account when it was becoming a big thing among us middle schoolers (at the time) because I didn't want anyone looking up my past history online after I transitioned. Too bad I was faaaaaaar too stupid to actually transition then.
Anyway, yeah, it's pretty surprising the indications you find of being a tranny all along in old photos (photo albums, in my case).
>>5838074
So you actually knew you would transition eventually? I knew I liked the idea of being a girl but didn't realize it was something I could even do. I was totally caught up in the "I'm a guy so I have to act manly" mindset.
>>5838085
Yeah, yet I was too dumb to do something, somehow. I just left it for some nondescript time sometime in the future. Maybe because I didn't know what would happen during puberty since I skipped that day in 5th grade sex ed, and then by the time puberty had started I was religious.
I think my first ever thought of planning to transition was when I was in 3rd grade (though my parents somehow recall me being 7 years old, which would put me in 2nd grade). The background was that I was discharged after being hospitalized for most of the school week because I had really labored breaths, fever, inability to concentrate, and headaches. My mother told me it was bronchitis then, but in the time since, asthma. Perhaps coincidentally, my parents took me to the same hospital where my mother gave birth to me. So anyway, I walked out of the hospital with my mother, and it was winter with snow around us, the same season I was born. And so I thought to myself that this might be my chance for a "rebirth." I asked my mother what I would have been named if I had been born a girl. Since I was already pretty afraid of my parents' potential reactions to finding out I want to be a girl, I decided to disguise the question by asking what my brothers would have been called too. I planned on remembering that name and using it after I transitioned, and I asked then because I thought when I did tell my parents my intention, I would already know the name they would have given me so they wouldn't be able to keep it from me. But somehow I didn't bother remembering it. Despite all of the effort I put in to learning long words and excelling in school, I really was a little retard where it counted.
I hope that was easy to understand. I feel I formatted it really badly.
>>5838257
Yes this makes sense, and it's really cute that you asked what you would've been named. Like really really cute. Have you since told your parents?
The earliest that I can remember was also around 3rd grade. I wanted to paint my nails. My mom actually let me, and I painted them for a while. She had me use a clear gloss I think so I wouldn't be bullied which was a good choice. It's stuff like that and things I'm sure that I don't remember that make me unsure if my parents already have suspicions. I haven't come out to anyone. I'm still coming to terms with myself, let alone anyone else.
>>5838293
Yeah, I told them in January. Nothing has changed though, for better or worse. My father thinks it's only some confusion caused by being molested even though I never have been and that it was spun into a mess by coming across unreliable and duplicitous influences. He tells me to go on like it doesn't matter, even though I basically told him I had already been doing that for so many years. It's a good thing I already started HRT by that point, since it seems I can't count on my parents. Why do you think that's cute though? I don't take that as an offense by the way, I'm just curious what's cute about it.
I'm glad your mother let you put nail polish on. My parents didn't let me grow my hair out and disapproved of males removing their unibrows, so I was the unibrowed kid for most of my school years. I hope your parents do react well if you come out.
>I'm still coming to terms with myself
Is that why you're getting rid of your old Facebook photos?
>>5838620
It's just a cute scenario to me
>mom what would my name be if I was a girl?
>"anon"
>then you feeling all giddy and excited on the inside trying to contain your identity
That's what I imagined anyway.
It sounds like your parents were very pushy for you to be masculine which is a shame, at least they didn't disown you when you came out, even if they don't fully believe it.
>is that why you're getting rid of your old Facebook photos?
Yea, basically. I'm trying to turn a new leaf. I don't really use Facebook, besides to rsvp to events and stuff. And seeing those photos on my profile brings back old bad feels. I felt the need to wipe the slate clean. Depression and anxiety have ruled my life for almost 7 years now. Its getting better as I've found the root of the problem a few months ago. but It's still a jumble for me, am I actually trans? Am I just gay and girly? I don't know, and I don't know anyone irl that I can talk to about this stuff.
>>5838984
>mom what would my name be if I was a girl?
>"anon"
>then you feeling all giddy and excited on the inside trying to contain your identity
I had forgotten that I actually was pretty happy at that moment. I guess it's a good thing that my parents didn't kick me out, since that huge blizzard came roaring through 10 days later. I'm surprised they didn't think I was at least gay though since I never talked about girls or even looked at them on the street.
Do you still have the photos for yourself at least? You might regret deleting them forever later on. Yeah, it's a shame how the depression, anxiety, and frustration become the norm and the theme for your life.
>>5838047
This never happened to me.
>>5841176
You don't have photos of yourself?
>>5841178
Not on facebook.
>>5838047
>tfw sitting alone, legs crossed above the knee
>tfw sitting with a bunch of men, legs crossed above the knee
>tfw sitting with a bunch of girls, only one with legs crossed above the knee. o.O
Yeah, my early photos are littered with girlish things done by me.
>>5841306
Maybe that's something only you do then.
>>5841411
Yeah, only me and Emma.
>>5841489
I'm not sure if you think you're making a point here, senpai. It seems to me Emma is crossing her legs that way to make sure no one can see up her dress since it's so short. Your female friends didn't cross their legs because they had no reason to. You just crossed your legs.
>>5842018
I have many friends who still cross their legs despite being in floor length dresses.
>>5841489
Ugh, that stupid feminist.
>>5842018
actually the reason women either cross their legs or keep them really close together is because a woman having her legs spread is a sign of arousal. it's like a big "please fuck me" sign so in general across cultures and throughout history women tend to keep their legs closed outside of sex. there are a number of closed-leg positions to sit in, and one of them is being cross-legged
>>5838257
>by the time puberty had started I was religious.
Are you still? I'm often surprised by the fairly high number of religious trans girls, given the state of the culture wars at present.
>>5845308
>>5845308
Well, I stopped being religious some time ago, but I started railing against religion only about a week ago. My last attempt at anything religious was when I got myself a blessed medal of St. Benedict probably a year ago. But I'm not sure how I feel about religion as a whole anymore after this thread (pic related). This thread popped up the day after or two days after I became embittered about religion. Someone made an anti-LGBT thread with religion as the justification, so I decided to make a sarcastic post in response (my posts are in purple). I didn't expect a response, and I thought it would be left at that, or at most I would receive a negative response, a freak-out on the part of the OP saying I would never be a girl, much less his wife. Then the anon marked in silver started talking to me, and I decided to go along with it. The reason I said we could raise the kids in his denomination was because since I became irreligious, I wouldn't care what specific brand of Christianity my kids learned. I said I was Catholic because that was what I was brought up in. And I was happy to learn he was converting to Catholicism, for a reason I can't be sure of. I liked pretty much everything he said (the baboon uterus part made me say, "wha-what the fuck?" though) and it gave me nice, warm feelings. By the end of the thread, I started feeling a desire to reconcile with the Catholic Church.
The posts marked in orange are other people.I'm not sure how I didn't manage to screencap the entirety of his post on why he was converting. Although, I captured its last line of text , so it doesn't matter too much that I didn't capture its very edge too. I didn't respond after my 3rd post because I had to do some other things, and as I started writing my response when I got the time, the thread was soon pruned.
I feel
>>5838047
Ah, the joys of never having made such a "personal" internet presence.
Every stupid little thing you ever said, uniquely traceable to you.
so easily googleable.
All the awkwardness, on display, forever. And god help you if, years ago, you happened to be the Star Wars kid.
Meanwhile ever school-age kid since about 2005 has been obliged to participate in this bullshit for fear of being outcast. OTOH, I think the culture is finally coming round just a bit to the idea that everyone has embarassing shit online, but that "just a bit" is the point. Adults are getting much smarter about how they behave online, but teenagers will never cease being stupid teenagers. Ever.
Meanwhile fora like the present one present a plausible opportunity for self-expression on the internet without the nonsense of personal accountability or (probably, not necessarily) later embarrassment- only take care that you don't issue specific or credible threats of any kind, and also take care to live in a country that values freedom to some meaningful extent (the USA still falls in this rubric, but pay attention to my qualifying language), and you're golden.
>>5838047
Post slutty pics babby.
>>5848357
You're lucky you steered clear from it. It really is a conundrum. I feel like social media should be 18+ for this reason. It was a cute trial run having us kids on it when it came out but it's obvious, kids will say dumb/embarrassing things on there and get themselves and others in trouble. Or simply embarrass themselves forever. Yeah I can be grateful I was just a repressed faggy depressed kid, and not trek wars naruto weeb, but it's still very cringy.
>>5848363
Do my bare circuits turn you on?
