Trying to figure out how to move forward

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Anonymous
Trying to figure out how to move forward 2016-01-25 07:09:56 Post No. 5607198
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Trying to figure out how to move forward Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:09:56 Post No. 5607198 [Report]

Okay now first off I don't usually post here often, going around forums asking for help in my personal life is something that I would usually not imagine myself doing, but I guess like I am just looking for some insight.

It has taken me a long time to really get to terms with my sexuality, I mean I remember going through a lot of shit in middle school which made he hate being gay, then I just sort of had it in the back of my head throughout high school, sort of pushed it back through college just to finally open up to my close friends and win up telling them I'm gay through that, something that came by me talking about things like how I could never figure out why tits are supposed to be attractive, or women in general, how having to be intimate with a girl felt like this horrible thing that was pretty hard for me to explain... stuff like that, stuff that I guess pretty well says "well how the hell could you be straight"

Yet here I am, I mean I am 27, I have a much better idea of who I am and I finally feel like I am starting to get to the point to where I can feel comfortable with myself, but yet I still find myself holding myself back, or simply feeling held back by all this anxiety that I feel at times which feels like it could be brought on by my family since I still haven't come out to them yet.

Now this honestly feels like a big issue that I am having trouble with overcoming so maybe that is why I am finally posting this asking for... well I don't really know what but I am just tired of feeling conflicted and confused as to how to move on with my life and finally embrace a real relationship since this two life thing that I have been keeping up honestly seems to kill every chance I get at a relationship with a guy.

I mean take my most recent relationship, I pretty much just fell off the face of the earth despite the fact that I had numerous good dates with the guy and felt a genuine joy from being with him that felt new to me but I just got scared I guess.

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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:15:23 Post No.5607213
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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:15:23 Post No.5607213 [Report]

Coming from a similar background, minus the dating there are going to be things to worry about that you didn't even know existed for you to be worried about, the more you learn the more you yearn to be back at where you are now because living in the illusion that you could have a relationship with someone is better than knowing or all the reasons for why you've fucked your life over.

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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:41:09 Post No.5607295
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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:41:09 Post No.5607295 [Report]

I mean I wouldn't go that far, I wouldn't say my life is fucked over so much as I am just finally focusing on myself and what my needs and desires are but I am just having this anxiety hold me back from feeling comfortable with myself at times.

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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:43:53 Post No.5607303
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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:43:53 Post No.5607303 [Report]

>>5607295
that anxiety is probably you sheltering yourself to not worry about real things, so its basically protecting you.
getting rid of anxiety would take some years and that would easily land you into gay death seeing as you are so close already. It's better to just forfeit right here and now and find some other thing in life to be content with.

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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:47:35 Post No.5607318
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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:47:35 Post No.5607318 [Report]

Hmm well anxiety is just a human emotion but too much at times can be an issue. I guess like I'll just wait for some more opinions as I don't quite know what you mean by "gay death"

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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:50:46 Post No.5607329
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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:50:46 Post No.5607329 [Report]

>>5607318
gay death is when gay men hit 30 and the become obsolete on the dating market.
since you are a virgin at 27 with issues to fix I guess you can do the math yourself.

like I said the less you know the less you have to worry and feel anxious about.

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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:55:54 Post No.5607335
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Anonymous 2016-01-25 07:55:54 Post No.5607335 [Report]

Honestly I am not worried about that, personally I have never been in better shape and I have always looked really young for my age, which is something that I hated as a kid but have come to appreciate as I get older. Plus, I am not interested in being someones sex toy or a passed around object of affection for sex and not much else. I have already been into dating I just have a hard time moving forward with relationships as a relationship is what I desire, not just sex, although that can be fine.