What was life like for you before you accepted being gay or transgender? Were any of you significantly repressed in the past or actively hiding yourself from the realization? Did other people know even before you did?
>>5593782
well I don't remember much of that time. I accepted myself when I was 7 and before then I was just a regular kid.
I was walking zombie, no wonder nobody liked me.
It stills blows my mind that some trans people had a life before HRT.
>>5593782
Alcohol, drugs, cutting, MMOs, lonely walks at night.
Life sucked before. I was spotted twice as closet sad trans by older trans woman. I didn't want to acknowledge and was mean.
>>5593804
same thing. i was so disassociated from everything i wasnt even there. a lot of it seems like a blur to me
>>5593782
Recently came out. literally about two weeks ago. I took the dive and had sex with a man and loved every second of it.
Before I felt unwanted. Like there was something wrong with me. My thoughts were that no woman would ever want me and I was wasting my time. Anger issues. Never had a girlfriend at 27 years old. Never had sex I didn't pay for. Instantly shot down by every girl I try to hit on. Considered suicide daily.
I finally figured it out. I'm going to paint my nails and get some purple highlights (always wanted to) and stop pretending to myself and the world that I'm straight. I sucked cock and LOVED it. Never looking back. My whole personality and state of mind was drastically altered literally overnight.
>>5593931
>My thoughts were that no woman would ever want me and I was wasting my time. Anger issues. Never had a girlfriend at 27 years old.
/r9k/, is that you?
>>5593903
>>5593804
ftm here, same for me.
Years before I came out to mself, a couple of teenage friends tried to force me to come out to them, intervention-style. "For my own good". The head bitch in charge basically worshipped Dr Phil and all that voyeuristic American tripe. Only served to push me further in. I was a huge pushover with no sense of self, and I'm pretty sure being the people they were they would have hi-jacked my identity and fucked me up worse.
Can't really drag people out of the closet; the best thing to do is just be there for them.
>>5593782
I suppressed it, tried to convince myself I was genderfluid
Then I realized I always had dysphoria and just accepted the fact that I was trans
>>5593782
My life was a lot better I think. I seemed to fixate less on my sexuality and it gave me a lot more drive to do other things.
I don't think I ever would have learnt how to do things like programming and such if I was openly gay early on in life. I sort of knew I was gay but I tended to ignore it and focus on my science hobbies. Now it seems like I'm just all depressed because I feel like I've wasted my life since everyone but me has had great relationships and stuff. I guess I just never paid attention to peoples relationships and whatnot before I started telling people I was gay and then I kind of had a big realization that I missed all that. But in the end I was still happier beforehand.
>>5593782
I was constantly questioning it, I came out as questioning being trans and eventually as trans to her, later during I asked her if she really believed me at first and she replied, with the fact that she had a feeling before hand.
>>5593782
I was repressed but life was good because I wasnt homeless
>>5593782
I remember basically nothing before I came out (aside from blips on the map as a little kid),
be that due to the heavy drug /alcohol usage to suppress everything or just the general disconnect I ended up having.
Many if not most people knew something was going on, though I don't think they knew I was trans, but everything clicked when I did come out (both to myself and everyone else.)
The urge to self destruct basically went away within months to a year of coming out, with a few pitfalls. Regardless, not a time in my life I'd ever like to repeat.
>>5593782
I used to be lowkey homophobic before I came to terms with it.
It took me longer to accept it too cause i'm bi, so I just repressed my gayness by indulging my straightness.
>>5595587
That's a great way of thinking
>>5593782
Before coming to terms with being trans, I was (and still am because old habits die hard) reclusive/a loner; I was depressed; people often said I looked angry or depressed, sometimes stoic; I was really anally retentive about things, I was all business and no play in public; I always declined every time my father wanted to take us out to the beach, to see family, parks, etc. but I went along anyway until he either thought I was old enough to take stay at home by myself, or he just got sick of hearing me say, "No"; I hated most people to some degree; I thought life was by nature miserable and I was also generally edgy; I read many books, but not because I enjoyed the majority of them, it was because I was just looking to fill up time; I hunched over; I intentionally ignored all the signs girls were throwing at me; I didn't relate much to boys; and I didn't really like what I saw in the mirror; I hated seeing photos of myself, so I rarely had any taken. I didn't even have yearbook photos taken until 12th grade.
Accepting I am bi was a lot easier since it came after accepting I am trans. I had been attracted to guys in school and I had wondered if I was gay in middle school, but I found that just didn't describe me, so I went on considering myself straight. About a year ago, I read a lot of threads about transbians having their sexual attraction change to bi or straight, and they attributed it to the hormones. I wanted to prove they were full of shit and just repressing, so I rid myself of any preconceptions and explored if I had any attraction to men. It turned out that I did, as previous experience could affirm.
No one ever outright told me they thought I was trans. I suspect some had their suspicions, though. Some others thought I was gay. When I was a child, I wanted to be a girl, and I had some idea that transition was something that was possible but I didn't do anything out of fear of what my parents would think.
>>5595899
Then my father drove the point home that trans people are mentally ill because of something my youngest brother did when I was in middle school. After that, I had intrusive thoughts about trans people, but I kept telling myself I wasn't anything like them. At 13 or 14, probably the very start of puberty, I started hating my father because I knew my parents wouldn't let me transition. But thanks to my worthless Catholic faith (I was also being "prepared" for first communion or confirmation at the time) and the upbringing I already had up to that point, I thought, "Maybe it will go away" so I pushed the realization off for a while longer. In senior year, the facade started falling apart in part because of the personal statement I had to write for college applications. The detachment and dysphoria had made it so that I didn't have anything positive to write about myself and I didn't feel I had an identity. I became suicidally depressed about it thereafter.
I have regretted living this life for so long for such a long time, to be honest.
>>5593887
How old were you then? What did you say to her specifically? Was it the same woman twice? That sucks, she was probably just trying to help you too.
>>5595612
I think the implication is that they're homeless now; so no, it's not.
>>5594058
I have ftm friend and the more I know him the less I belive he is trans. Like before his coming out she was just butch lesbian whit multiple girlfriends and pretty crazy life. Now when the whole trans phase started he got himself male name and clothes.
He don't want T because he dosn't want to die early - this alone makes me belive he don't have dysmorpha at all.
But I don't care it's his life and he is pretty cool to be around.
I'm only two months into HRT and I'm already feeling better, sleeping better, and have more energy.
Realized I was a tranny when I was like 12, at first I just kept some ridiculous "I'll wait until I'm 18 and then I'll move out and not worry about my parents and will transition super flawlessly" type fantasy, then when I was around 14 I discovered /pol/ and started clingling to their anti-LGBT beliefs and chose to try and repress super hard, around the time I was 16 I got off my /pol/ shit, was still aware of my gender problems but figured I could live with whatever misery it would cause me, but before I was even 17 it was bothering me again. Shut it out largely by being involved with shit and having a social life and doing lotsadrugs, then shortly before I turned 18 I realized I was so miserable I was gonna kill myself if I couldn't transition, started taking anti-androgens, turned 18, recently started taking estrogen. Looking back on it all I can honestly say I haven't felt anything more than a superficial happiness in like the past six or seven years and it's kinda depressing to be desu.
