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Anonymous
What the fuck am I
2016-01-09 18:36:12 Post No. 5520572
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What the fuck am I
Anonymous
2016-01-09 18:36:12
Post No. 5520572
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>MtF
>No interest in sex
>Some interest in an otherwise normal relationship with a man
>Raging fetish for stuffing and weight gain
The problem is, I have no idea whether or not my fantasies are actually sexual.
As a teenager, when the people around me were starting to talk about masturbation, I went through a phase of forcing myself to jack off to the closest thing I could find to actual sexual desire to convince myself I was normal. But while it was pleasurable in the same way as a sneeze or a good shit, it always had to be a conscious effort and I never really enjoyed it. Once I finally came round to the fact that I'm a genetic dead end, I just stopped bothering.
But I still fantasise. Sometimes there will be a feeder, and sometimes I'll just be eating, but I can't get away from the same fascination with the idea of being stuffed and enjoying it.
For as long as I can remember, I've found mastication and the whole digestion process revolting. On top of that, there are certain flavours and textures people normally like that I can't stand, like sugar and grease and heavy starch. Last night, I woke up crying because I dreamt I had to *gasp* eat a doughnut. As a result, I've always been skinny af, and found it very difficult to change. It's not a body image thing; I hate how bony I am almost as much as I hate my dick. But for whatever reason, if I try to eat anything beyond a carrot it just comes back up.
Which is where my fetish comes in. In fantasy, I can eat all the things I should be able to, and wear clothes in adult sizes, and not have strangers stare at me for looking like Salad Fingers. It's on my mind constantly. Every time I see someone on the street with a cute little muffintop or a hint of a double-chin I get so jealous, and it all matches what I've heard about weight gain fetishists, but having no point of reference for what sexual arousal feels like I can't tell if a fetishist really is what I am.
Diagnose me, legbutts. Show me how fucked up I am.
