I'm a gay bottom and I love my boyfriend. I really look up to him and think he is just such a great guy, but I get the feeling he sorta just thinks of me as a lesser guy because I'm a bottom and he is a top. Is that a thing? I mean obviously in sexual situations I am submissive to him but when we are all hanging out with our big group of friends he is always more like joking with the straight guys/other tops and I kinda feel like I'm lumped in with the girls and stuff. They all kinda have a boys club that I am not really allowed in (they never explicitly say so) or anything I just feel like I'm not so much welcome.
Is this is normal thing? It's my first relationship. I love my BF and he is great to me but in social situations like this I just feel like he doesn't see me as much of a man. Am I delusional or is this a normal gay relationship dynamic?
>>5476132
talk to him about it, we don't know you
You're just the more effeminate guy and so won't fit in with that group. The same would apply if you were straight
Thats kind of what i imagine i would want from that kind of relationship if it was with another man, i mean I dont think id like if they were the bottom but more of a masculine figure than me.
Id expect that I want it to be like the traditional male/female thing but with another male
I dont know myself but I thought i'd just chime in, sorry.
Well, in some ways you are doing this all to yourself, my bf is also more of the submissive type. He seems quite outgoing, active and self-aware at home, but the minute we are around people he changes to this shy selfconcious guy. I really can't recognize him in this state, and to be honest I really don't even know why he does it. It seems irrational, but I can live with it.
>>5476135
/thread
>>5476223
>He seems quite outgoing, active and self-aware at home
it's not that he's being outgoing, it's that he's comfortable, and around a crowd of people he's uncomfortable.
>>5476132
How is any of this a problem? He's not like mean to you or anything, is he?
>>5476423
No he's not explictly mean or anything at all, I just feel like maybe he looks down at me or something. I'm like a guy too but I kinda feel like he treats me like I'm not sometimes.
I don't really think that way about my boyfriend, if it makes you feel better.
Your problem may be you're too shy to break the ice with the guys he hangs out with so in a way you're kind of isolating yourself because you feel uncomfortable? I'm definitely that way. I've gotten a lot better now that I'm an adult, though. It used to be pretty terrible when I was younger. I'd get bullied a lot despite being one of the biggest kids in the class.
Just express interest in hanging out with his friends and tell him you don't want to be "stuck with the girls" this time. I've been with my boyfriend a long time and one of the things that I've learned is that talking about something usually fixes things.
He's really outspoken, has sort of has a "dominant" personality (outside of sex) and has always taken up for me, but even then talking to him about stuff didn't come easily at first. It's awkward, but airing it out will make it better. If your boyfriend's a good guy, he'll at least listen to you. He might not even know you felt that way.
>>5476132
>Is that a thing?
YES.
People can be dicks, and peple will be dicks.
There are dicks in every demographic.
And some of these dicks will be dicks to you.
So yes there's a chance that your bf is simply a dick to you and considers you a lesser man.
I've experienced this sort of thing in 3/5 of my serious relationships and every time my boyfriend has proved himself to be really gross and sexist deep down. My guess is it's probably a result of some internalized homophobia where he feels his relationship has to resemble a stereotypical heterosexual one.
>>5476513
>tfw have the inverse of this
I kinda... Want to be the girl of the relationship. It just sounds nice having a more masculine bf, i wouldnt really know what do to with a feminine sub bottom.
Not a tranny though senpaitachi
>>5476132
>I kinda feel like I'm lumped in with the girls and stuff
Time to transition.
>>5476522
Yeah well I don't have an issue with it either in theory, I have a problem with them making assumptions because I'm pretty and take it up the ass.
>>5476557
I don't WANT to be a girl though.
>>5476132
The reason could be, that his male friends don't like you so much. Maybe you're just uniteresting to them or anything.
Since you're a guy, you probably know, that guy-friends have a certain dynamic. So it may simply be the case, that none of them even realizes, that you're being left out a bit.
It pretty much comes down to >>5476135
Tell him, that you kinda feel left out and that it bothers you. I don't know how well you can tell if someone tells the truth or not, but if he's genuine about his answer, it may just be an innocent thing and nothing mean-willed
I'm not very outgoing towards strangers. I've been hurt a lot by "friends", so I usually hold back. It's not that it bothers me, I like to just listen to people and see them having fun. This is something my bf likes about me because I'm really interested in everyone.
However when he first introduced me to his friends, they hated me. Apparently they thought I was bored by them, looked down on them and didn't want to participate at all.
You know how I got to know it? I talked to him. And he was truthful, despite knowing, that this hurt me. This could very well be the case with you. Maybe they think you don't want to be part of their thing, sometimes people just express different things, than they want to. I'm not a bottom though, we're both vers (although I'm a twink and pretty much everyone but one of his ex's assumes, that he is an exclusive top).
This or he is a dick.
>>5476615
You are obviously submissive as fuck, dating a man, a girl in bed. What do you do on a day to day basis that's masculine? Do you have more girl friends than guy friends?
>>5476641
well i like having a penis for one thing. honestly i'm just not trans
>>5476657
>well i like having a penis for one thing
do you even use it?
>>5476673
I use it to piss and my boyfriend sucks it sometimes. I like it.
>>5476675
>sometimes
your not putting up that strong of a case to be honest
>>5476691
I Have zero dysphoria though.
>>5476710
oh well, good luck with being a bottom bitch then
>>5476710
Just transition so that fucking tranny shuts the fuck up jeez~
Kayla is being a creepy cunt.
Manfaced tranny trying to goad others into depression and shit when it isnt here. I got pulled into it months ago and that shit hurt, but luckily im not a tranny now.
Kayla, how about you just let him make his own decisions you weird creepy propagandist monster. You're projecting ideas onto him. Being a submissive bottom doesnt make you trans. Having insecurities about masculinity does not make you trans. Lots of men have it.
>>5476783
I was literally fucking around. How autistic are you?
>>5476801
THATS NOT WHAT THE WORD LITERALLY MEANS I HATE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE COMMIT SUICIDE PLEASE I AM -LITERALLY- BEGGING YOU RIGHT NOW
>>5476815
kek, autism speaks
>>5476815
Literally has been used figuratively since literally before your parents were alive
>>5476815
autism confirmed
>>5476850
Girl, this is what happens when you go around telling people to transition in a joking way, some fucking autist takes you seriously like a retard and tries to transition
>>5476132
>but I get the feeling he sorta just thinks of me as a lesser guy because I'm a bottom
This is sorta natural, no? Unless you lift and are confident in public, he's going to view you as a weak female and pamper/protect you accordingly. If you want a mutual jocular relationship then you need to be more manly, though that might not be what he's looking for.
>>5476715
Shut up kayla you retard. You should not be giving advice to ANYONE on ANYTHING especially lgbt issues. Try going outside instead of trolling 4Chan
>>5476557
Stop trying to drag other people into the hell you live in, Kayla.
>>5476850
>>5476801
he was taking you seriously, and i'm not going to take any of your insults to heart because as an un-passing tranny i literally see you as sub-human.
I can't take you seriously.
>>5476879
If someone actually transitions without having dysphoria I feel bad they are that stupid.
>>5476879
>Girl
Please, miss cock is autism incarnate.
>>5476942
Well you don't pass either so the feeling is mutual friend.
>>5476943
Then why did you transition? Is your AGP that strong?
>>5476927
This
>act like a submissive bitch
>get treated like one
I'm not seeing the problem
>>5476948
i'm not a tranny senpai, people actually want to have sex with me.
>>5476953
Good luck with your std's.
>>5476949
Say what you will about Kayla, she obviously does have dysphoria.
>>5476954
i'd take that risk over being batshit fucking insane. Good luck with killing yourself
>>5476132
Hold your arms up close to your chest, while slightly blushing says loudly, eyes closed.
>I'm a man too.
Just a piece of advice for people struggling with stupid boyfriends:
Date a corpse.
-Never says mean stuff to you
-Never leaves you
-Never says no
-Always stiff
>>5476427
That's so lucky though. That's the best dynamic.
What do you think your missing out on conversation wise?
Obviously you have lots in common with the girls. Be who you are.
This is funny. It sounds like you yourself aren't masculine anyway. Someone who was would elbow their way into that group. It sounds like you're saying, "oh, I'm not like you, go on and do what you do".
>>5476132
Say 'tee hee' a lot when you are taken places by him. Bleach your asshole. Go to the hair dresser every week to look nice for your man. Pucker up your lips so the bj looks even better.
And when he's fucking you in the ass and moving you forward and backwards with his hands on your hips say "I'm a real man. A manly man man. A man who is as respected as my husband and daddy".
>>5476132
I absolutely despise this spooky top/bottom meme!
>>5476132
>I look up to him
So you are inferior and obviously he thinks so
I find failed masculinity so adorable.
When a man thinks he's doing a good job of being manly and it's obvious he's not it's just so fucking cute.
>>5477937
yeah same
>>5476135
Fucking /thread all day. /board
>acne scars
another reason I hated high school
>>5476927
Is this actually how it works? I'm kind of in the same situation as OP somewhat.
I didn't think that was an actual thing but it seems to be happening to me now lol
>>5478291
>bitch is attracted to alpha male
>wh-why won't he view me as an alpha
Why don't you view him as a beta? C'mon faggots this isn't fucking rocket science.
>>5478317
I always figured gay guys would treat it each other equally. I mean even if you consider the bottom "a girl" it's more often the girl in charge when it comes to straight relationships these days.
>>5478450
>I mean even if you consider the bottom "a girl" it's more often the girl in charge
In a feminist society where the relationship is about to tank, sure.
>>5476927
THATS NOT WHAT JOCULAR MEANS
REEEEEEEEEEE
>>5478483
>fond of or characterized by joking; humorous or playful
If you're shy in public and can't keep up with the bantz then you're not going to be very jocular :^)
>>5478480
It seems like most relationships are like that though. Guys are always trying to please their gf so they just do whatever she says.
The top/bottom dynamics a lot of gays do seem pretty old fashioned. Like being shy and stuff shouldn't automatically force you into the role of a submissive housewife.
>>5478710
>Guys are always trying to please their gf so they just do whatever she says
Which means cheating on the horizon and alimony. Successful relationships aren't like that at all, women need to respect their men or they'll start to wander.
>Like being shy and stuff shouldn't automatically force you into the role of a submissive housewife
Nobody brought up submissive housewife, OP said: "in sexual situations I am submissive to him but when we are all hanging out with our big group of friends he is always more like joking with the straight guys/other tops and I kinda feel like I'm lumped in with the girls" which is a no-brainer. You don't get a free pas into the men's club just because you're sleeping with one.
>>5478728
>You don't get a free pas into the men's club just because you're sleeping with one.
Yep.
If you really had as much in common with the men as you think you do you'd be in the group by now.
>>5478728
Yeah but your role in the bedroom shouldn't dictate how you're treated everywhere else. If you're doing that then it just makes you look like a dick.
>>5478792
>Yeah but your role in the bedroom shouldn't dictate how
His role in the bedroom has nothing to do with it, his personality and actions in public do.
>>5478803
>his
Not to the boyfriend kek
That sounds pretty hot actually. I would love to be dominated in and outside of the bedroom.
>>5478803
If his bf is not introducing him and whatnot then it's still pretty douchey.
Bottoming doesn't mean you are incapable of getting along with straight guys and stuff.
>>5476132
You are what you do and how you act.
If you want change, then make that change happen.
Stop being such a faggot, Faggot.
>>5476438
>> I'd get bullied a lot despite being one of the biggest kids in the class.
lol. And you didn't kick the shit out of them, why?
>>5476831
kek
ITT lots of defensive beta boi bitches worried they aren't respected by straight alpha males who fuck them.
>>5476132
What you're basically asking is "are some men total fucking shitheads?"
The answer to this is ancient knowledge across the world.
>>5478821
This
>you're too tall to be a qt cuddly bitch
>>5479175
this
>>5479328
It can still work if you're lanky
>>5479328
Fuck you, I'm going to be a cuddly-as-fuck qt 6'4" maybe-femboy-maybe-transgirl.
>>5479527
Why are there so many 6'2"+ people on this board
>>5479535
Tall males have more male social norms pushed upon them and can feel themselves not wanting to conform to them.
speculating
>>5479535
6'6, here. No idea.
Get a lot of tall folks in height threads, but that's an obvious bias. Dunno what's going on here.
>>5479786
Nah.
That said, I'm happily masculine and give few shits about conforming to social norms.
>>5479527
b urself m8
But keep the dick and the delicious flat chest.
And get some muscles.
No, really, skinnyfat is shit; get some definition.
See femme's make that mistake all the fucking time.
>>5478894
>If his bf is not introducing him
Yeah I'm sure he makes him wear a burqa and walk 5 paces behind him at all times, keep fighting for justice by moonlight honey
