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FtMg: Happy New Years Edition
Old: >>5439802
Don't forget to sage and wait to make new threads until we're at bump limit on page 9-10.
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Any New Years resolutions, ftmg?
>>5470146
Thanks for making the threads.
What's everyone gonna eat this New Years Eve? Pic related
Any Americans signed up with Selective Service?
>>5470214
Eh, all good. Used to make them way back in the day as well so it was kinda nice while you were absent.
As for your question, probably nothing. My stomach has been in knots over stress and shit and I have no where to be.
>>5470214
Not really sure yet, I'm grilling chicken and making a bean salad on new years day but not sure for new years eve.. Probably just going to go with snack type foods and cocktails.
>>5470211
Workout more than I already do, study more (and better) than I already do, and continue to try and be less socially inept.
No real hardcore resolutions, just more improvements upon what I've already accomplished this year. Not a big fan of the whole "new years resolution" thing tbqh.
>>5470211
nah... don't believe in them, it's just a nice way to set yourself up for future disappointment with yourself
>>5470214
champagne... no idea about food, but it's new years so i'm drinking even if it makes me sick cuz holiday, but i haven't at all thought about food... new years is just about alcohol isn't it?
Say I decided to grow my hair out pre-T. Like, literally grow it out, to my back, whatever. And then I got on T. Would my hair, just like... Fuckin fall out? Literally? Like wouldja start literally ripping out chunks of hair? Would it be gradual? I don't understand.
I just really like long hair (shaving it was a fucking mistake) and I hate not having a fringe because my forehead is already huge but alas.
My dad is kinda bald in the front sides I guess. I have two uncles with grown hair though (they're heavy metal doods). But one is indeed balding at the center.
Fuck.
>>5470214
I'm having water and noodles unless one of my friends has a party I can steal food from
ayy lmao minimum wage
>>5470500
Unless you have literally the worst genetics ever, it's not going to come out in chunks in response to starting T. If you're seriously concerned about it, I guess opt for low dose and avoid taking DHT?
>>5470211
New year, new me. One way or another.
>>5470211
Get out of depression. Get enough money to get surgeries and have a huge dick
>watching catfish with mum and bro
>girl meeting up with her catfish-dude
>turns out to be a lesbian who chats up straight girls
>mum pipes up
>"that's the ultimate betrayal to lie about your sex"
>brother agrees and says it's the basis for a relationship
>"is she supposed to be like 'oh I'll go gay then'"
>"these people are more forgiving than I would be"
Time for anxiety poops.
>tfw no ftm bf
>>5471441
DHT?
>>5470211
i get too depressed seeing everyone else's failed resolutions to make any of my own. generally i stick to smaller commitments throughout the year instead
it might be nice to think of some goals for the year though, as long as i don't force myself to commit to them
>>5470500
It'll be a gradual loss that may take a bit to start. The biggest issue is DHT. DHT is the great masculinizer, not T. DHT also is the culprit for hair loss. It chokes off the hair bulb. If you have on your mother's side baldies, then you may with to use minoxidil on our scalp to retain your hair. Most likely you will only need to use it every other day.
The other thing you will note is a bit of thinning of your hair. Men's hair is a bit thinner.
>>5471711
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dihydrotestosterone
>>5470362
>I don't believe in them, it's just a nice way to set yourself up for future disappointment with yourself
No Goals, No Failure. That's nice....
Don't even get up in the morning, you might slip on a piece of toast or something.
>>5471786
>getting up in the morning
That sounds dreadful.
>>5471786
you can have more realistic goals than new years resolutions, you know. and you even can avoid having goals at all without withdrawing from life as a whole.
>>5471588
well... to be fair there's a difference between it being a transguy and a lesbian, and plenty of people do make the distinction...
a lesbian pretending to be a guy to talk to straight girls just isn't the same as a transguy not saying "i'm trans" right away... it comes from a different place, and well... it's a different kind of dishonesty really... not to everyone i suppose, but still...
>>5471795
Since when are new years resolutions unrealistic?
Also, there's nothing wrong with having unrealistic goals. They're called ideals.
I'd rather have an unreachable ideal than a realistic goal that is unfulfilling and meaningless.
>>5471786
well now you just sound dramatic...
i do think goals, plans, and expectations are all good ways to end up disappointed cuz life usually goes however it's going to and you can't control it... the most you can do is have hopes and pursue shit that interests you or try to better yourself at any given point in time (which isn't something you need a set day of the year to resolve to do or try), but i don't think there needs to be an end game in mind in order to do that... cuz if you don't achieve that, and you put too much weight on the idea that you were gonna you'll be disappointed in yourself and for what? life being what it is? fuck that...
there's more important shit than an end goal anyway... and nothing wrong with seeing where life takes you without trying to control shit too much... granted failure is character building, but you can fail at things just fine without building them up in your head as being extremely important (which is just unrealistic i think)
and maybe you find that depressing, but i don't at all... it's certainly not a reason to avoid trying shit or doing things you want, and definitely not at all about staying in bed and never doing anything
>>5471816
they're often unrealistic, which is why most people who make them fail year after year... just saying
there's nothing wrong with having goals if you're the sort of person who needs them, but not everyone is... if imagining achieving something ideal to you helps you, then by all means feel free...
but for me personally, i prefer seeing where life takes me and taking what i can from the good and bad shit along the way to wherever i'll end up... never know what's gonna happen and all that, and i prefer to experience shit rather than put all of my focus on achieving any single thing
>>5471807
It doesn't bode well when combined with other things she's said before. She read a story about a transman meeting a woman online, meeting and having sex with her using a strap-on without the woman noticing. My mum told me this story in a "turns out, it was a woman" sense, a tale of lies and deception.
>>5471880
You are right that many people fail every year, but not because their goals are unrealistic.
They fail because they are lazy bums who do nothing or very little to achieve their goals.
>>5471889
honestly, i can see why that would worry you and make you uncomfortable... but you gotta keep in mind people think differently before they're confronted with the reality of things they don't understand
she doesn't understand what being trans is, or what it's like to be around someone who is (cuz she doesn't know about you or what you feel) and all the shit that goes into it... it's something she's removed from, but when things hit closer to home people usually end up seeing things differently over time...
>>5471899
if they fail due to who they are getting in the way of them achieving their goal, then their goal was unrealistic for them
>>5471862
Being disappointed is important. It's a signal to work harder, to be more diligent, more exact, more daring, etc. It's a motivator.
>There's more important shit than an end goal anyway.
Like what? What could be more important than the ralization of your goals and the obtainment of your virtues?
If you don't even try to reach your goals, if you don't even HAVE goals... then there's no reason to live.
Stasis, Standstill, Death is the ultimate result. Can you even say that you have lived if you don't even improve upon your condition? How does your without goals compare to your potential life with goals?
>>5471909
I see what you mean, but if my goal is to lose 10 pounds and i only lose 5, then my goal was not unrealistic. I could've easily lost 5 more pounds, but i didn't try hard enough.
>>5471909
+ the kind of person who does nothing to pursue a goal they have, is the kinda person who's being unrealistic about what they wanna achieve...
and i don't mean that in this "they can never achieve that" or are completely incapable and always will be, but definitely at that point in time it was unrealistic to set that goal...
whether or not something is or isn't realistic is a matter of the individual setting the goal, not necessarily the goal itself...
>>5471925
Right. It's a combination of goal and individual.
Some individuals can set their goals higher than others, but everyone has a potential.
My personal opinion is that you should reach your potential and be the best you can be.
>>5471918
you can be disappointed without having a goal... it's just that you haven't built anything up...
what does and doesn't have meaning is subjective... personally i think experiencing life is the reason to live, and that has little to do with setting or achieving goals... i understand that you feel like goals make life meaningful, but i disagree... i don't need an end goal to make things in my life valuable to me
the thing about value is that it's entirely subjective to an individual and it's up to an individual to place values on life based on their own perspective...
what's important to you isn't important to me, and you can't make me feel differently...
in all honesty i found life more depressing with goals than i do without them... that's the kinda person i am, you can't really argue with me and make me share your perspective when it comes to my own life
and you can improve yourself, learn, and grow without having a set goal in mind... like i enjoy playing guitar simply cuz i like playing it, and i taught myself and continue to for that purpose... i don't have a desire to be a musician, i just like playing... i read botany textbooks cuz i enjoy learning about plants, i'm not going to become a botanist but i like fucking around in my garden and learning shit... there's no goal, just personal enjoyment... same with most things...
personally i feel stifled when i set a goal, it prevents me from achieving as much as i could and makes shit become a chore... and inevitable disappointment is much worse
>>5471899
blaming laziness for failure every time is just inaccurate. most adults already have jobs that exhaust them and don't have that much energy to improve themselves. when i blamed my own failures on "laziness" rather than the real causes, i was completely unsuccessful in changing myself for the better. it was only when i acknowledged that it wasn't laziness, but anxiety, depression & unhelpful coping mechanisms getting in my way that i started actually making progress in my life.
>>5470211
Get on hormones, become passable by the end of the year, try to kill self after graduating college and having to deal with the real world.
>>5471993
Whoops Try not to kill self, just woke up.
>>5471923
i see shit differently, i see it like if you were actually capable of losing those ten pounds at that point in your life then you would have... if you only lost five it's cuz you weren't actually capable of doing it right then, of course losing ten pounds is achievable but if you want to and you don't then it was unrealistic
and your failure to do so would prove as much
>>5471946
having a goal doesn't mean someone will reach their potential... as a matter of fact having a set goal can sometimes prevent someone from reaching their potential by being hyperfocused in one direction and overlooking other shit...
goals aren't a strictly healthy thing
Can't we just summarize this as setting goals help some people but are useless or even a hindrance to some?
Everybody motivates themselves in a different way, and people need to find what works for them.
>>5472013
True. Pursuing certain goals can have a tremendous negative or positive impact on your life.
You need to be very careful what you wish for.
>>5470211
kill self
>>5472002
But there's alternate universe where you actually lost that extra weight.
You didn't go into the fast food restaurant and went straight to the gym.
That evening you had a salad instead of hotpockets. 5 pounds. Alternate Universe.
>>5471975
>blaming laziness for failure every time is just inaccurate
You only control yourself, not the outside world, so it would be pretty stupid to blame the outside world instead of yourself.
>>5472066
Just like there's an alternate universe where I was born with a cock and where I got with the girl I loved instead of her shunning me for all these years because I'm trans?
>>5472066
the multiverse doesn't really affect current reality in this universe so... doesn't matter... what you could've done becomes irrelevant after you've done something else...
and examining why shit didn't work out, reassessing, trying again when you're in a better state of mind, being more realistic etc is always an option... but that doesn't change that the 10 lb goal at a point where someone is choosing hot pockets instead of salad is unrealistic for them at that point in time...
and really a better thing to do would be to just make healthier choices more often without putting a set number to it...
>>5472072
eh blaming yourself for things that are out of your control is pretty retarded... sure you can control yourself (to a point, self control isn't something everyone possesses to the same capacity and needs to be worked on), but all the self control in the world doesn't make failure impossible... sometimes circumstance or other factors (not laziness) do affect the outcome...
>>5472145
+ and writing everything off as laziness doesn't do people any favours... which was their original sentiment...
too often people go "you didn't cuz you're lazy" which isn't a helpful or healthy way to look at failure... and things like depression and anxiety (which is what they were talking abot being the actual factors) can look like laziness from the outside, but they're not at all the same...
>>5472127
>What you could've done becomes irrelevant after you've done something else
Yes that's why it is so important to do the right thing. You only have one shot, do not miss the chance to blow, cause opportunity knocks once in a lifetime.
>>5472160
about*
>>5472145
I understand, Sometimes external circumstances prevent you from doing things. But it is pointless to focus on them, since you can't influence them, at least not directly. Only through your own actions can you indirectly influence the outside world. Working on yourself on the other hand... Is very different.
You have a great degree of control over your own body, so who is to blame for your inability to change yourself?
>>5472184
i guess if you feel like there is a "right" thing then sure... or a proper direction... i don't share your perspective though... and i also accept that people aren't always capable of making the "right" choice at any given moment... and making a "wrong" choice and fucking up isn't always the worst thing in the world, just means shit ends up differently than expected... and regardless of where someone is or what they're doing there's always good shit and bad shit so it doesn't entirely matter
i just really don't at all share your views on life
>>5472209
if someone is unable to change something that they want to change within themselves, there's no reason to focus on blaming anyone or anything... sometimes shit just takes time, or a different set of circumstances or experiences to come about... growth happens regardless, and mindsets do change, what you're incapable of right now isn't necessarily what you'll be incapable of in five years... likewise what you're capable of right now doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the future...
they were strictly talking about blaming laziness when it can be a host of other factors that actually prevent someone from doing something...
of course you can only control yourself, and working on that is helpful (but that has little to do with achieving set goals) but you can't control anything about yourself if you're failing to see that actual cause of an issue and instead focusing on a tiny part of it that you can't fix without addressing the source...
we're strictly talking about blaming laziness here, nothing else...
>>5472211
>making a "wrong" choice and fucking up isn't always the worst thing in the world
It is the worst thing in the world. The absolute worst thing in the world.
Only you don't realize it, because you never see the lost opportunity come into existance.
It is like sleepwalking straight into hell without realizing it.
> Regardless of where someone is or what they're doing there's always good shit and bad shit so it doesn't entirely matter
Remember, you control yourself and the only thing that matters are the things you do.
The good things and bad things are going to happen anway. The good things and bad things that you are capable of doing... They won't happen if you don't get of your butt and do them.
>>5471906
You're probably right, I just have to make sure I don't forget that. I'm sure if I could explain it properly to her, she'd understand. Or at least take my word for it until she got used to it. Rejection scares the shit out of me, I don't want anyone to think of me as an ungrateful disappointment...
>>5472027
We'll all improve ourselves in 2016, dammit.
>>5470211
>distant relative I've never met dies
>in his will he leaves me about 11k USD
I can afford top surgery now. It feels strange to essentially get a new lease on life through someone's death. So that's my resolution, I guess.
>>5470211
Quit drinking, get on hormones hopefully within the next couple of months, move out, finish getting license. The works.
This year is supposed to be a huge one for me. Wish me luck.
>>5472409
Circle of life.
>>5472251
i guess i see it like it's an opportunity to reassess what else is important to you, and idk... i just place more value on things i have, rather than one dream i'd like to achieve...
there's things that would be nice yeah, and if i see an opportunity and taking it would matter right then i do... but i don't place as much value on things i'd like to happen rather than shit i care about right now
i don't like the idea of closing myself off to achievements or experiences i could have that come along and would come along if i just tried really hard to achieve one thing...
i see it like missing out on things life could offer... by focusing on something that could happen
and since i have things that matter to me currently i'm happy to accept what might come along...
for me, in my life... at this point in time, that's just how i view the world
and that doesn't mean i'm right, but all of this is just a matter of opinion...
whether or not goals matter is subjective, you can't possibly be right about that...
cuz you're not basing your opinions on the way the universe operates, you're just basing it on your perspective and i'm doing the same...
i can't see things the way you do, but i get why you feel that way... i understand where you're coming from, but yeah...
i think the things that matter are the experiences you have and what you make of them, your connections with people and the world around you... what you do comes after that, and really there's no set time to do anything... and why do something if there's no reason to do it when you can do other things and still grow as a person, just in a different way than you would otherwise?
idk... you and i are just very different, and i'm not saying you're wrong... it's highly possible that i am, but that's you know... just another part of life... i don't think it's all that important whether or not i'm right though... if i'm wrong i'll find out eventually
>>5472534
+ some of my best memories come from doing something really stupid and irresponsible, and whether or not i ever achieve anything i'd like to one day or not doesn't change that...
>>5472339
i get feeling that way, but there's not much you can do and your worst case scenario isn't gonna necessarily match reality... and of course you're scared, that shit's scary, but maybe you should give them a chance before you write off their ability to change their minds once they're faced with it and experience actually knowing someone trans... nothing helps a perspective change like an experience
>>5472534
>idk... you and i are just very different
Yes. Yes we are.
I am male and you are female... Am i wrong?
Men are goal-oriented and value competition and seek to overcome their condition,
Women value cooperation and submit to their condition. It is a difference in attitude.
Anyway, Happy New Year.
>>5472781
>I am male and you are female... Am i wrong?
Now now, kids, play nice.
>>5472781
lol well i think you've missed my initial point, but to answer your question about whether or not you're right... subjective and dependent on a lot of different factors... but if that's how you wanna see it that's fine... there's nothing i'm gonna do that will change your opinion, and i have no desire to... you stopped going on about your opinion so i got what i wanted out of this... so happy new year
>>5472409
Is that pic from that Yoko Ono thing?
>>5473016
>>5472781
+ i mean you stopped going on about your opinion on goals and how they're all that matters in life... i guess technically you moved on to whether or not having very set goals for the future to the point where that's all you care about makes someone a man or a woman... which is off topic, but whatever... i'm thinking the happy new year means we don't have to discuss that one, but i'm high so i could be wrong... either way... i hope you never fail at whatever it is you think you want right now, cuz shit... i don't think you could handle it
>>5473044
Dude, I think we're at the point where we assume you're high as shit when you post anything.
>>5473058
sometimes i'm drunk or sober though... but i am high a lot i suppose yeah, it's not nearly as often as i'd like though
>>5473040
Possibly. I think it's Yoko Ono. It's some Fluxus artist's event score at any rate.
I did a short report on the Fluxus movement this past semester. The artists did a fair bit to shake loose from past mores. Avant-garde in a real sense, and most of it still simple and approachable. I like that.
>>5472798
it's whatever... i'm not sensitive, and i have an eighth of blue dream and plenty of alcohol so tonight's good for me regardless...
well I bought plum sake and champagne (my optimism booze)
anyway as far as goals I'm just trying to finish a goddamn EP because I made the mistake of like, challenging myself and having standards and shit and I'm coming up on the third year of work on it. :I
holy shit i actually got invited to a new years party this year. i hope there's good new people i can meet & connect with
i'm not actually good at maintaining friendships, unless they're within a larger group that others keep together, but who knows, this is a good time to be optimistic
>>5470211
Work out and do yoga more regularly. Find a part time job I don't hate (at least completely). Build up a more masculine wardrobe since I'm basically pre-everything.
how long is it polite for three people to play a game two others aren't playing?
>>5474918
what game and how long do you think it will take to finish?
>>5474918
That isn't polite. But it is polite of you to put up with it. If boredom (or whatever) is grating at you, it's probably time to make it known.
>>5470211
>Stay vegan and lose weight i already lost 10 pounds
>start gender counseling and stop procrastinating
>get a bf or gf
>stop being a loser
>get my high school diploma
>>5474918
According to religious people, forever.
how do you deal with people calling you a "straight girl" because you're gay and ftm
I try really hard to pass man
>>5475064
what?
HAPPY NEW YEAR
>>5472781
>seek to overcome their condition
is that why men have higher suicide rates?
>>5473044
+++++...........+..+++++...........+++.........
>>5475092
Find another ftm to be gay with, it'll blow their minds.
So I've just moved to a new state. I've been seeing a therapist for three months and have received a referral, and I've also gotten a pcp. I googled trans friendly endos in my area and only one popped up and after calling them, they said the latest they could have a meeting with my is around August.
Am I fucked or is there another way around waiting?
>>5475251
I see you're new.
>>5474021
Me too. I wear jeans and tshirts mostly, but I want to branch out a bit.
>>5475251
As annoying and weed addicted stoner as Brooklyn is, I still find him to be very qt.
>>5475247
>Is that why men have higher suicide rates?
Ironically, yes. Unsuccessfulness as a man often leads to severe depression and sometimes to a total mental breakdown.
been 6.5months since starting T still have monthlies.
I swear it's a conspiracy because it only happens every time I buy new underwear and start wearing them it appears. The world never wants me to have blood stain free boxers.
I'm on .225 cc a week and my doctor said to go up to .3cc weekly and I could even go up to .4cc if not results
Are any of your doses this high? I feel like these might be too high?
>>5475905
.5cc is considered "standard" so you're actually dosing slightly below what's normal. Unless you're abnormally sensitive to testosterone (obviously not, since you're still getting periods) there's probably no issue.
>>5475905
>The world never wants me to have blood stain free boxers
Take a hint, Anon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsS0cvTxU-8
How do you guys handle relationships, particularly the sexual aspect of them? I have really bad top dysphoria and I don't think I could ever be topless around my partner. But would that not put a damper on the mood? Like shit.
>>5475092
Have you tried having rough sex with whatever floats your boat?
Because whoever is giving you a hard time probably isn't.
>>5475092
If I had a dick, I'd be bi. But I don't, so I'm not.
>>5475247
they're just trying to base being a man off of a stereotype that not all men fit, and apparently all goal oriented more dominant chicks are men too or something... they also misunderstand that finding things you value in your current state instead of placing more value on things you might not ever get isn't the same as submission, acceptance, or being stagnant... they also think caring about people you love ='s cooperation apparently too...
>>5475224
happy new year
>>5475855
yeah, i can be annoying... but thanks
>>5476028
there are people who will respect your limits, and your comfort level... and learning how to not think and just feel helps a lot too + drugs and alcohol work well too...
but honestly, maybe it's just me, but how much or how little someone's wearing during sex makes no difference to me (i just don't care for naked except socks... but even then eh) as long as they're enjoying themselves and so am i
>>5475891
it's almost like unreasonable expectations enforced by gender roles are unhealthy or something
>>5476329
It's kind of funny too, because he doesn't seem to realize we almost have even more expectations from society to act and appear stereotypically masculine oe we aren't "real men". He basically proved that himself.
What does it feel like to have a penis?
>>5476680
it's like having something stuck between your legs getting in the way and if you sit wrong and pinch it it hurts like hell and pray you never get it caught in your zipper also it's unreliable for peeing like sometimes it'll be like when you stick your thumb under the faucet and also if you sit on the toilet it can touch the inside of the bowl and it's the most disgusting feeling in the entire world
all in all pretty lame I'd give you mine if I could
>>5476713
mtfg is that way
just kidding, love you <3
>>5476680
a perpetual nightmare you never wake up from
>>5476028
I'm not doing lol.
Had top, waiting on bottom, will let you know how it all works out
>>5475285
Buy steroids and take them.
>>5476731
ilu2 senpai
>>5476665
you do realize that living up to someone else's standards doesn't make anyone a "real" man or woman right? whether or not people have harsher expectations is irrelevant, other people can't actually dictate who someone is based on their feelings/opinions...
and really living up to someone else's standards and expectations instead of choosing for yourself is senseless... especially when/if you can clearly see the flaws in that sorta thinking...
>>5476828
i think i might've read what you said wrong... but i'm not re-reading it... sorry if i did, but eh... what i said is still sorta relevant
>>5476028
It took me a while to be able to be around my partner topless too, you'll probably come around to it eventually with the more time you guys spend together, the more comfortable you get and the more sexy times you have. The only bit of clothing I can imagine keeping on would affect the mood would be your pants/boxers.
>>5476833
Yeah, not what I was saying at all.
>>5477283
yeah, i got that...noticed after i responded though so you know... my bad, that's why i said something after, my brain is just shit right now (that's me sober btw)
>>5477378
All good, man. Take it easy.
>>5477381
i always do...
>tfw trying to fix your horrible posture but it just makes your chest stick out more
Whyyy
>>5477496
cuz being trans is unfortunate...
i have shit posture too, but i can't sit up straight feels like i'm leaning backwards and hurts instead...
Do you ever feel like people would like you better if you remained female? If so, how do you get over that hurdle and go about your life?
>>5479681
It's the other way around for me, I feel like if I was physically male people would like me better or we would get along better, even if they are accepting of my transition.
>>5479681
people don't like me already and they think i'm female. might as well see if it changes when i transition.
probably not considering the whole 18 years of my life spent socializing as a girl, though, now that i think about it.
>>5479681
No, not even a little bit. I'm shy and extremely reclusive, but slowly taking steps transitioning has given me more confidence and is making me come out of my shell. I feel it in my gut any time anyone even uses a female pronoun on me or uses my birth name. I would have ended up killing myself eventually had I not started this shit.
>tfw can't shake the thought I'm trans
I hope you guys don't get posts like this a lot, but what made you feel sure, did you just know? I feel like it would explain a lot and it doesn't feel wrong at all but I'm scared, I wish I could be sure.
>>5479681
I don't "feel," I know. The only solution I've found so far is to cut those people out of my life whenever it's practical.
>>5477496
Posture dysphoria
>>5475910
question about that, after my first shot i had one period about 4 days after, it was earlier than expected and a full 7 days compared to my usual 4 days, super painful for three days and i havent one in three months, my doctor wasnt concerned so am i just sensitive to the hormones?
>>5476028
ive had sex with two people since transitioning, i'm not uncomfortable with whats in my pants but dont like my breasts, but my male fwb likes men and women so i decided to just see how i felt with him enjoying that part of me, doesnt do anything for me but he likes it, so im not bothered by it. the only way to get over something is just to do it, if you decided you dont like it then fine, but youll know until you try
>>5480117
well who else was going to answer that besides mtfs?
>>5480635
Thing is that I do know. I'm not a virgin and I've been with people when I was still repressing shit. Ever since I came to terms with being trans the idea makes me completely sick to my stomach.
>>5480637
I mean...why would you ask that here in a general made for people who don't have a real dick? Seems kind of counterproductive.
>>5480681
have you talked to your partner about it? everyone has things that they arent comfortable with about themselves. and if they really like you it shoudnt be a big deal if you wanna stay binded during sex or whatever. i can see how maybe if you lived and slept together int he same bed how this might become a problem, you cant keep your binder on all the time and they may start to feel like you dont trust them
>>5470211
I am actually going to get top surgery this year, I will make it happen.
>>5470268
I have to figure out how to get this done, did you know you can get financial aid denied in the US?
I'm sure with people being hardly aware of FTMs, they will simply write the software to check and you have male, that's it you're screwed having to tell the financial aid office that you were a girl at 18, so you didn't sign up, it would be freaking embarrassing.
Do eyebrows always tend to get thicker on T? Some go ogling tells me yes, but mine are pretty naturally thin, so I'm worried.
>>5480902
it's normal enough for some people... completely pointless but still... people are like that...
i honestly don't compare myself to other people like that cuz it's a waste, of course there's smarter, stronger people... but it doesn't really make much of a difference, you could point at virtually anyone and there's gonna be someone who has qualities they lack or more of something... and no matter how many good qualities someone has they have flaws too ... so who cares?
you're also idealizing cis guys, the ones who are smarter than you aren't smarter cuz they're cis... shit there's probably cis chicks who are smarter than you too, and stronger, and all the other shit you wish you were... but you're focusing on the cis guys cuz really that's what you wish you were... and realistically there's likely dumber, weaker, and shorter cis guys too...
and i get it, life would be easier in some ways if i wasn't trans... but i mean, doesn't necessarily mean it'd be better overall... just that shit that bothers me now wouldn't, and it'd be replaced by other shit instead and this would never occur to me as a source of discomfort... but i don't think it makes someone cis better than me, just different... "better" isn't an objective term anyway, and everyone is gonna see shit differently
and maybe this perspective stems from being with someone trans, but as far as relationships go there is no "better than" just cuz someone is cis or not... i love my s/o, and i really don't ever think "i wish you were cis" or "i'd be happier with you if you had this instead of that" cuz i honestly just don't give a shit... i like him for who he is, and there's people who are different yeah... and someone else might think those people are "better" but i don't feel that way, and i don't give a shit if someone else is smarter or stronger, or whatever... i like who he is cuz of the sum of his good qualities, and the fact that his flaws are ones that i can handle
>>5481001
+ you deleted your shit, but maybe you'll read this anyway...
people are more than just their bodies, you included... and in a relationship the kinda shit you can't see is what matters more
besides if you feel like you aren't smart enough then learn shit, if you feel like you aren't strong enough work out... you can better yourself and be closer to what you want without comparing yourself to other people... just compare yourself to what you started with
Holy shit...why is nearly every single pre-T ftm video on youtube unbearably cringey.
>>5470211
not kill myself
>>5481102
Because it's YT.
>>5479910
>tfw if you were male she would have already got with you, fucked you, loved you and dumped you by now
Other than that, people love me as I am, I haven't changed - only my body.
>>5480003
I hate to tell you but I always 'knew', if that makes sense. As a kid I just saw myself (like when you imagine yourself grown up) as a man. Shit like that. It dawned on me when I was about 17 that what I wanted was to be a man, so that was the first time I consciously realised what was wrong. Talk it over with someone, see a therapist if you have real doubts but yeah, if you think you are then you probably are
>>5479681
people either love me or hate me 'til they get used to me and i eventually grow on them... gender doesn't seem to have an effect i'm just sorta abrasive... which is fine cuz i'm somehow likeable anyway so it all works out...
>>5480003
it was something i dealt with since i was a really little kid, and i just kept pushing it down and keeping it secret... the older i got the worse it got though, and it's always kinda been like... people could tell (which is kinda funny cuz when people think of me as a guy i get shit for being effeminate, but when they think of me as a chick i get shit for not being feminine enough... can't please anyone i guess, oh well) which made me paranoid
so i went through a phase where i tried really hard to be feminine to hide it so people wouldn't know, and that kinda pushed me to a point where i ended up binding and all kinds of shit like that privately until i couldn't deny it anymore...
Greetings /ftm/,
How do you feel about the idea that female to male transition being reversible? Do you ever have the temptation to go back?
>>5481477
Fuck. No. I just want to get manlier.
>>5481477
it's not the irriversibleness by itself, so much as the fact that it forces you to come out after a few months (mostly the voice thing). in that way i'm kind of jealous of mtfs, because they can take hormones for years and then only come out when they're ready. i'd start as soon as possible if my family and friends would be at least a little accepting.
>>5481477
I don't care. I have never once regretted my transition nor do I ever want to be female. If that is what other people want though, that's cool for them. Perfectly happy with who I am now.
Anyone here in Canada? How long did it take to get on HRT following your letter of referral? I'm hearing the wait times are abysmal but I'm getting unclear answers from different sources. The thought of waiting even more makes me sick to my stomach after waiting about 3 years to even see a damn therapist for this shit in the first place.
I really may an hero at this rate. My dysphoria is unreal anymore.
>>5470211
>the way she looks at the camera, judging that girly shit
I have an urge to teach her how to drum, hunt and weightlift
>>5481826
maybe she wanted a white doll...
>>5481727
it depends where you live
You're gonna be waiting a lot longer in Bumblefuck, PEI than in toronto
>>5481711
I'm kind of curious about people who went back. I've heard of mtfs becoming suicidal when their transition doesn't meet their expectations or feelings of fulfillment. And after surgery and hormones there's not really any going back.
Though I suppose with mtf breast reduction surgery is similar.
>>5482015
i imagine it's a combination of people having unrealistic expectations (thinking all of their problems are trans related and transitioning will fix everything), and having to deal with the way people can be about transpeople in general (particularly transgirls)
>>5482048
+ but i imagine a transgirl detransitioning is significantly easier other than well... if they had bottom surgery... must be weird cuz it's like going from one kinda trans to the other
>>5481477
I never passed for cis anyway, so there's not much to "go back" to. Might reconsider my hormone balance once/if my hair starts going. For me, nothing is as important as my voice and getting rid of my chest.
Other than that, the only thing I want to go back to is being young(er). Actually being eternally 20. But that's just the human condition.
>>5481826
Uh yeah...that wasn't about it being girly shit. Just sayin.
>>5481477
I just had surgery, doesn't feel very reversible to me.
>>5482105
Is bottom surgery even a thing for ftm? I mean as far as I understand you can have it removed. But no functional replacement.
Personally as nice as it would be for me to be a cute girl, I wouldn't be satisfied with what the technology of today can provide. I'd sooner just look feminine. But even then, if I took hrt to gain a feminine appearance i'd be making an irreversible change to the rest of me.
>>5481727
I happen to know two people in NS who are on it. I think the wait time was around 1-2 years? But that was filled with constant therapy and meeting with different people discussing and making sure transition was the right choice for them.
>>5482315
it is yeah, i didn't say i'd get it or that it's ideal though...
but i just smoked, and honestly don't remember how this conversation started
idk... yeah it'd be irreversible, but i mean... closer to reversed...
you gotta think like... a transguy could easily be a hon if he tried to transition back... you know? i imagine transgirls probably turn out looking better on average when transitioning back...
we were talking about detransitioning right?
but yeah... that's all i was saying... i've actually never looked at any detransitioners though, i know they exist but eh...
i was gonna pretend i had a point, but i don't so yeah, i'll just shut the fuck up now
>>5482331
Also in NS, the gatekeeping is real, the therapists are intrusive and incompetent and the waiting list is over a year long because there's one endo in the entire province
You might not have as bad an experience with the incompetent therapists though since I'm mtf and had to deal with all the offensive stereotypes I had to conform to in order to get a recommendation
>I once met a girl on a random encounter in a book store. I spent some time talking to her about manga and comics, and surprisingly she came back again after first impressions.
>We started having regular meetings just sitting and reading, talking about comics together. I'm normally pretty antisocial and not much for conversation. So I could have given a lot more than I had been for certain.
>I was in a weird stage in my life. Involved with a long term girlfriend off and on, and currently between cities because I thought I might find work. My emotions were all over the place, and I was happy to have a friend.
>She was really intelligent, and great artist, with a host of health problems and protective parents. She made time whenever to spend with me, she'd come out on rainy days and walk with me anywhere. One day we even walked up to an old graveyard together just to sit and talk.
>In my mind I was wrestling the idea of confessing that I had feelings for her. While my longterm girlfriend was out of province that I just kept going back to.
>In the end I didn't do it, I did nothing but complain to her about my unhealthy relationship. My living situation was poor, and she even offered me a place to stay in a spare room in her parents house. But I ultimately ended up leaving and turning her down. I could have had an intellectual equal to spend time with every day. Even if she was younger than me, that girl's knowledge made her feel so much older. She was the only rational voice in my life that accepted me as I was.
>After coming and going what, 2 or 3 times? We stopped talking as much. Then not at all. After all I was back with my girlfriend and didn't have time to socialize with anyone else.
>Cont
>>5482548
>My attempts to contact her again were met with no success. After doing some research, I found out she had transitioned ftm. She looked more masculine than ever, and changed her name and all. She looked great as a man and no one probably bats an eye when they see her. Or him I should say now.
>Knowing she went through with something like that, it must have been incredibly important for her. The only hints I had were that she really liked bara men and masculinity In comics. Now she's an attractive man and last I knew, with a girlfriend. (Though its been years)
>I should be happy for him being in a body closer to what he wanted. But I still feel a deep sense of loss, as I'll never have that person back in my life. I still wonder what things could have been like.
If you happen to read this board, 'Marriia' I miss you. I'm sorry I wasted your time and was such a shitty friend. But I hope you've found happiness as a new person.
Oh fuck.
My mood took a nosedive earlier and I hid in my room willing my heart to stop pounding. Fell asleep, woke up and resumed panicking where I'd left off. Started texting my best friend to try and vent stress but sort of ended up telling her about the whole crisis. I didn't say it explicitly but she gets what I mean and she's being cool about it and distracted me from the panic. I'm so fucking exhausted, not sure if I need to throw up and want to sleep for a thousand years.
>>5482609
is this a crisis we're supposed to know about?
Hey, I'm just curious as to whether many FtMs are attracted to other trans people, and if so do you like other FtMs, MtFs or both??
>>5482683
The good old "am I a tranny" crisis. I am not leaving the denial phase with grace.
>>5482698
i don't care whether someone's trans or cis
How well do I pass?
>>5482997
you look like that fattish guy who plays league of legends for a living and always sounds like he hates his life
>>5483014
There's a guy that does that?
>>5482997
Well. Pretty cute, would fuck you in the ass with a strap on.
>>5482698
I wouldn't date another trans person.
>>5482698
I'm fine with dating literally anyone so long as we click appropriately. There's more to people than just their junk to me, I don't know.
>tfw everyone around me including the person I hate the most is getting on t as of late
>tfw I am continuously stalled throughout the years by my therapist and referrals, unable to do anything as irreversible changes happen to my body and my mental health degenerates
>tfw that slim chance of getting on hormones dangled in front of me is always yanked away, also the only reason why I continue to do anything
slit my throat and watch me die so I can thank you for it
>>5482698
I'm bisexual, so I don't really care. Although, I guess it would be nice if my partner would be trans as well (ftm, mtf, doesn't matter), since we could both relate to each other's experiences better.
>>5482997
You look like a cute nerdy guy.
>>5482997
Close. The large glasses make you look feminine to me.
I'd go for a smaller pair or lose them entirely.
>>5482997
You pass well, hot too
>>5482997
well + ur cute
>>5482997
you look like you're a paid writer who regularly writes articles for Kotaku.
Also can be male or female either way.
Anyone else here kind of jarred about how much harder it is to date as an unappealing man than as a woman of any kind?
Seriously, as a girl all you gotta do is have no self-esteem and all guys on a 30 kilometre radius will want to make you touch the dick.
>>5482698
I like other ftms. I might even prefer them, honestly.
As for mtfs, until I meet one who isn't batshit insane then I won't even consider it.
>>5485338
Welcome to the reality of being a guy.
>>5485537
buh
buh
I'm such a nice guy :(
>>5482698
I would date an mtf, but i assume they have higher standards
>>5482997
height?
>>5481477
I'm just afraid i am going to become the least sexually desirable human on the planet and i will never have sex again,
i don't want to give up the female sex life, it's the only thing in life that matters
>>5481102
Most ftms that are youtube public about it seem to just be cringey autistic cis females.
i think its because ftms want to blend in and keep it a secret; transition to male and never speak about it again
>>5477496
>sighing vigorously
>>5485570
Speaking as someone who's been a less than attractive nice guy all of my life. I can tell you that personality and confidence makes all the difference.
I'm nice to pretty much everyone, but I'm timid. And I'm not quick witted or good at thinking on my feet. Because of that, almost everybody walks all over me.
If you don't have my weaknesses, then fake it til you make it. Even if you aren't handsome, you can at least be confident.
>>5485601
Are there ftms that want to keep their downstairs? Given how much better of a pleasure button it is it seems crazy to give that up. Male appearence and female sex life seems like the best of both worlds
>>5485663
i don't want to keep it,
but yeah once you experience how easy it is to get sex with anyone you want, its seems stupid to give up
>>5485633
>confidence
How do you keep confidence when you're turned down/ignored by LITERALLY EVERYONE YOU MAKE A MOVE ON?
I'm picky. I can't help it, my sex drive is below the Marianas Trench, it takes a fucking unicorn to make me want to sleep with someone for anything below cold hard cash. Counting grindr and okcupid together, that has altogether meant three guys.
I can be pretty funny when the opportunity arises, being witty or situational comedy. I've got a pretty good personality and I can get along with virtually everyone who does not explicitly go out of their way to be disagreeable.
The problem is, that doesn't fucking matter if they don't message me back in the first place. Guys see my face on my profile, and absolutely none of them just shrug and think "maybe he has redeeming qualities".
>maybe this year will be the year i finally get hrt
>m-maybe
>>5485748
I'm not saying its simple or easy to fake confidence. Its not, especially if you have regular debilitating factors in your life that cut back on any progress you make in feeling good about yourself. But it is however, the answer when it comes to being likeable.
Never has a girl swooned over me because I'm such a nice guy and regularly go out of my way to do favors for people. They hardly even acknowledge me even. To be well liked you can't be forgettable.
Also stay away from the online dating sites, really. I've been there and the people who populate them are both crazy, and poor relationship material. Sure there's bound to be a few people on there who are decent people looking to meet someone. But amid the cesspool decievers, dudebros looking for one night stands, those who only want attention, and the batshit insane, there is a snowball's chance in hell of finding something meaningful there, let alone one you can apply real world logic to.
>>5485748
i'm just curious... why are you assuming every person who doesn't respond to you is put off by your looks instead of something else in your profile or about you?
even ugly people can get laid and date, so even if that was the issue it wouldn't necessarily mean much of anything... and if you're talking first maybe it's something you're saying, or something else in your profile... or maybe it's the way you look and not what you look like...
idk... i've never made the first move like that, or started a conversation... so i can't give you advice on how... but it's not like you gotta be anything special...
shit... i get gay guys all the time who range from wanting casual sex to offering me all kinds of shit to telling me they wanna be with me forever and shit... and i'm not anything special and don't have a whole lot going for me... at all, but it doesn't seem to make a difference
>>5485967
you're alive...
>>5486011
ive been busy
>>5486003
>>5485748
+ i don't think having confidence actually matters btw... i'm far from confident, and honestly as long as you shut the fuck up about how much confidence you lack people don't seem to notice anything... at least in my experience
people usually think i'm more confident than i am, but really i just accept myself and am myself around people cuz they're either gonna like me or not and if they don't oh well there's other people and you move along... though come to think of it, i've never liked anyone who hasn't liked me so that could be why i've never given a shit when someone hasnt...
btw, when i said the shit about maybe it being the way you look rather than your looks... i meant, maybe you look miserable, or like you don't care about yourself, or like you're gonna be bitter and hard to speak to, etc
>>5486014
that's something i haven't been in... never honestly, was it anything interesting?
>>5486040
nah, not really. we took in a friends cat though.
>>5485663
>Given how much better of a pleasure button it is it seems crazy to give that up
Not a good orgasm for me 2bh.
>>5486046
cute cat, is it decent though? most cats are such dicks...
we got my uncle a cockatiel for christmas cuz he likes my birds, and i think i hate it... it climbed up my arm the other day to sit on my shoulder and then hissed at me for trying to touch it... it's like a moody cat... he likes it at least that's what counts
>>5486084
he's pretty chill. he's antisocial like the rest of us so when theres more than a few people in one place he's outta there. but he's friendly once he's used to you.
>>5486084
>>5486046
+ this is from the day we picked it up for him... it's cute, but i'm pretty sure it's mostly full of hate
>>5486089
oh, sounds alright then... i like when cats act more like dogs though usually
what's its name?
>>5486103
jasper.
>>5486084
#notallcats
>>5486106
suits it...
>>5486132
i did say "most"... i don't hate cats or anything, they're cute and i like the more dog like ones a lot... but usually i'm pretty indifferent towards them cuz they're indifferent too which is kinda boring... and a lot of them are fucking mean as fuck
i'm not a fan of them needing litterboxes though
>>5485968
>stay away from the online dating sites
I don't have any other options. There is no "gay community" where I'm from, there are no bars, cafés, we don't have an university. Where am I supposed to even look?
>>5486003
I'm assuming they're put off because I'm trans. Also, post a picture of your gorgeous face if everyone's swooning over you.
>>5486039
How do I stop looking unpleasant?
>>5486170
i've posted my pic before, i'm not anything special... never claimed to be either, but people still ask me out frequently and like me and shit... and don't care that i'm trans
idk what the appeal is, but that was kinda my point... i can get people easily without being anything special cuz you don't have to be for people to like you... never said it was "everyone" either...
idk how you stop looking unpleasant, i don't even know if that's your issue... just a guess, but i can't tell without seeing you
in all honesty though you come off as kinda bitter and depressing, and i imagine that's a bigger issue than your looks or being trans...
>>5486218
>be bitter and depressed about dying alone
>dying alone because bitter and depressed
????
>>5486221
it's not really a catch 22, there's other shit in life... and being depressed doesn't have to make you bitter...
shit, i'm depressed... i'm sick nearly all the time and always have pain to some degree (my good days are like "i'm at a constant level 3 of pain and discomfort but it's only spiking to 5"), i've been in a ton of bad situations, been through all kinds of abuse etc etc etc
but i'm still not bitter or completely miserable cuz that shit is needless... there's always good shit anyway, and shit that's interesting or enjoyable...
and well part of being with someone is being able to have a good time with them or them making you feel happy even if everything else in the world seems like shit... and if someone is bitter, and miserable and shows it often no one is gonna want to be around that, it's draining... and it's toxic honestly
besides don't you think you're being kinda dramatic when you talk about dying alone? unless you're 80 or terminally ill you've probably got time...
i'll be honest, i don't know what being single is like as an adult, i haven't been since before i graduated hs... but there's plenty of sacrifices that come with being in a relationship, and plenty of good opportunities being single can give you
maybe you should try bettering yourself before you look for people, or before you automatically decide you're dying alone...
>tfw no FtM boyfriend
>>5486239
how do I stop being bitter then (:
>>5486250
find things you enjoy, do things that make you feel better, learn things (whether you necessarily care about them or not) so you have shit to talk about with varied kinds of people (like i give no fucks about theoretical physics, but i read all of my s/o's books on it cuz he likes that shit so we could discuss it... i do the same with news and politics) , go out and experience shit or learn to appreciate the shit around you... find shit that's worthwhile to you and build yourself up as a person so that maybe you can feel good about yourself and develop more of a sense of self and that'll hopefully come with you not being bitter
and possibly even give you confidence...
sometimes when people are having a hard time finding someone else to be with it's cuz they have shit they need to work on alone before they can get to that point... i can't tell you what specifically will work for you, but i can tell you that there's something you aren't doing and that physical appearance isn't everything
>>5486267
So basically to get a bandaid you need to not have a split skull.
>>5486274
not at all what i was saying... and i'm not sure where you're getting that from...
i mean i've literally tried to hang myself before, and i'm not as miserable as you're coming off so... a lot can be wrong without it turning into this sorta attitude (which in all honesty is really unattractive, no offense)
working on yourself takes time, and effort... it's only impossible to improve yourself if you don't try at all and never learn anything from your life... your attitude, the way you choose to speak and present yourself is a choice... you can be miserable and quiet or miserable and pleasant towards other people anyway, you don't have to let it spread out everywhere and be a downer
>>5486286
I am working on myself. I draw, I make art, I write, I'm studying french, I'm looking after my family. I'm polite to people, women like me a lot.
I end up here to rant a lot on bad days so that probably doesn't give a good impression, but I don't understand what the fuck I'm supposed to do differently.
>>5486294
do you find any of that fulfilling or do you need something else? cuz that's great and you should keep doing all of that, but maybe you're still missing something... idk what, you gotta figure that out
as for the other shit... how do you initially come off? when you message someone what do you say? i like/appreciate when people are immediately engaging (not "hey what's up?" that's boring and i know they don't care) or say something unexpected... and i've actually never avoided giving someone a chance based on their physical appearance, but if they seem generic or boring i don't always bother trying to give them a chance
>>5486309
>do you find any of that fulfilling
I want a hug.
>what do you say?
It varies, but I usually try to be funny. Like the last one I sent was "I tried to come up with something smart to say but I couldn't, so I gave up. Have a bike. [bicycle emoji]"
Another one was "hey did you know there's a giant poisonous cloud of cherry rum floating in outer space?"
I don't know if they come off as obnoxious or unsettling, but I just try to come up with something that anyone else wouldn't have done that day.
>>5486309
+ i also hate "how are you?" as an opening... it's there with "what's up?" but i also think it's partially that i find both questions uncomfortable cuz they seem like i'm supposed to lie or not give a real answer etc
>>5486170
How old are you?
>>5486170
dating sites are fine, i've met great people off okcupid and while i was probably lucky, the creeps who messaged me were easy to spot. unless you think you'd be desperate enough to meet up with/date someone setting off red flags, i wouldn't worry about it too much.
>>5486313
so come over, i'll give you a hug...
honestly i'd say those are a little too out there, maybe try something more unique but based on things they like or are saying in their profile... so you both stand out, and seem genuinely interested
>>5486239
>i'm sick nearly all the time and always have pain to some degree (my good days are like "i'm at a constant level 3 of pain and discomfort but it's only spiking to 5"),
what's wrong with you, if you don't mind me asking?
>>5486313
something i found helpful on okcupid was to find something in the other person's profile that i had interest in (or could learn more about before messaging) and talk about that mutual interest. it didn't always work, but i rarely messaged people first so i can't say really how effective it is. i generally have trouble keeping up one on one conversations with strangers when it's online, though, so having a subject we could discuss for multiple messages helped me out.
>>5486327
i ended up with lyme disease two and a half years ago and shit has been severely downhill since (like i went from walking/running 6-12 miles a day + other exercise to my current state of cuddling with a heating pad trying to get up for the past hour and being fairly unsuccessful, today is exceptionally bad though has been since just before xmas) but i did lyme treatment (fucking horrible btw) so idk if that's still an issue at this point or if it's something else that was triggered by lyme, lasting damage, or a combination of shit that sucks
i have a lot of issues with my entire digestive system every day there's some level of pain/discomfort + plenty of days where there's extreme pain and all that fun stuff... in particular there's this curve on the left side that always hurts and on the right there's a spot that alternates between weird numbness and burning)
also joint pain, muscle pain, vision issues (one time it was actually sorta beautiful, i was in the shower and things had finally stopped being dark and blurry and instead it looked like all the water droplets hitting the bottom of the tub were fireflies) dizziness, fatigue, numbness and pins and needles, occasional balance issues, and probably the most upsetting one for me is the days where my brain just straight up doesn't work...
i have no insurance and can't get to all the proper doctors for better treatment and all that... so i have no idea what's going on entirely at this point, it's possible it's still lyme... but it wouldn't quite explain the stomach/intestine issues so yeah... hospitals are useless though since they can't do much for chronic conditions... so when the symptoms are severe or there's something new i always have to weigh whether or not bothering would be worth it, and so far it isn't been... so i'm just kinda living with it 'til i'm in a better position where i can work on actually treating it...
what's weird is, before this i hated life more...
>>5486316
I'm 21.
>>5486318
I don't get creeps or red flags. Just dudes looking for casual hookups.
>>5486323
>>5486329
Like what? If all I know about a guy is that he's decent-looking, looking for serious company, close my age and not interested in dudes twice his age, what can I say?
I have to message people first. I never get messaged by people I'd be attracted to, or who would be looking for the same thing.
I don't understand what makes me so off-putting. I don't get why I'm not good for anything else than having a dick in my mouth.
I don't even like sex. I can endure it when I'm drunk enough, but I just don't like it.
Do any of you still have sex with boys? whats the sex like?
>>5486375
where are you going that you have such limited information on the people you're messaging? grindr?
>>5486402
Grindr. I've found two guys there who seemed nice, neither of them messaged me back.
ugh, my friends haven't responded to a question i asked a couple days ago even though i know they read it. even just an "i dunno" would be nice
i keep feeling like i'm putting more effort into keeping this friendship alive than they are, even though i know they're both going through tougher/busier times than me, especially the one i'm closer to. i know it's an issue with me & not them but it's hard to internalize that
>>5486410
why are you looking for a relationship on grindr of all places?
>>5486375
if you don't like it why are you having it?
and i honestly don't know what you should say exactly, like i've said i never made the first move, but when i think of first moves i've appreciated the most (online, in person is different) it's all been more than a few sentences and just interesting with a chance to have a natural conversation
but okcupid has more info than that usually... and i've had conversations on there that started with something as simple as talking about the book lolita that turned into long discussions like that one turned into a discussion about art and censorship and what bookstores should/shouldn't carry etc so i mean... it's possible to start off with an actual conversation just based on virtually nothing...
but i just think what you said comes off as too "random," and depending on what you look like i could see why someone might be put off...
but idk what to tell you really
also, you're 21, most people haven't found the person they end up with by 21
>>5486417
Because 25% of younger gay men on OkCupid are "genderqueer" women.
>>5486441
>if you don't like it why are you having it?
Because birds don't stay if you don't feed them and men don't stay if you don't fuck them.
The problem with OkCupid and Grindr is that quality is roughly the same, but the latter has quantity. If I have to choose between wading through tumblrites or dick pics, I'm going to choose dick pics.
I don't want to settle down and get married and adopt a little chinese girl ASAP. I just want to know I'm worth love at all.
>>5486375
21 is fine, you've plenty of time to find a man.
But yeah, a large problem is don't blame yourself too much - you said in your last place you live somewhere with like no social prospects? That plays a huge role. I have a cis girlfriend and she gets annoyed because she hasn't gotten with anyone for years and the only guys interested are losers, but, we live in a shitty town with shitty people - she's not going to find anyone stimulating and charming enough to sustain a long-term relationship, you see what I mean?
Generally, things like Growlr and Grindr in particular, are used by guys who are looking for hook-ups, let's be honest. My advice to you is consider moving somewhere else, failing that, at least consider looking for someone further a way on something like okc. I don't mean because they're further away, but because they're out of your area, maybe a bit more in tune with LGBT issues (then if your being trans is a problem they may be able to see past it), at least then you can see if you can find someone interested.
The other thing I should say is I don't think your opening lines are great. If all they put on their profile is fuck all then just play it cool, say hello and ask about them. Try and work out what they like and what they have in common and strike up interesting conversation to see if you like them and stuff. If they ignore you, could just be that they don't like what they see, sorry, but you just have to try new avenues.
>>5486453
sounds like you're fucking them and they aren't staying though... so what are you getting out of it?
i mean look, not gonna lie i wouldn't date someone if it took longer than a month to have sex... and i'm the first date/first week type personally... but not if i don't want to
if someone likes you there's gonna be more than sex there, and seriously going for dick pics when you don't even like sex is assbackwards
you're making yourself into just sex or just a bj, it's not men doing that... and i know that for sure cuz i've just felt like fucking or hooking up or something casual only to get hit with some shit like "we should date, i'll take care of you" and other assorted shit... so yeah... that's not at all men in general you're describing
and hooking up with people while you're drunk if you hate sex isn't gonna make you feel any more worthy of love or loved... as a matter of fact it's clearly making you feel like you're worth nothing more than a bj, so maybe you should find a new way to connect with people...
>>5486372
Shit, I'm sorry you don't have insurance and stuff. I hope one day you can get that shit seen by a proper doctor. When you say before this you hated life more, what do you mean, like because you hadn't come out as trans or going through the pain made you stronger and realise how to cope? Or something completely different?
>>5486414
heh, I will never forget that feel, bro. 'What do you think of this name? I think I will pick this and then change my middle name to that, I think that would really suit me, and it sounds pretty cool, what do you think?' 'ok'
But anyway, what sort of issues has your friend got, is there no way you could sort of try and help them and then at least you might be able to return to some sort of normality?
/ftmgen straight women problems edition/
>>5486463
Considering the sheer size-to-population -ratio of my country, virtually every potential prospect lives in another city, if not several cities away. If I set "within 500 kilometres of me", it starts offering swedish and estonian dudes.
>>5486472
>so what are you getting out of it?
Screwed over, usually. I get screwed over.
I don't do that anymore. I used to do that a lot while suppressing, going to a bar, getting shitfaced, and just letting whatever dude take me home once I was too drunk to give a shit. I haven't had sex once at all since coming out and presenting as male again.
>>5486490
But that is how it's going to have to be if you want something genuine. Either move somewhere with more gays or try and at least consider talking to men from a far. Sure, you may never meet them, but it'll be reassuring for you if you can find guys who genuinely like you and have fun talking to you. Maybe, if you found one you loved enough, you could go meet or something idk. All I'm saying is, your situation isn't helpful, but you can't keep trying the same shit - unless you're happy to give another go to the considering hook-ups and seeing if they lead anywhere approach
>>5486511
The problem is, I really can't leave my family. My mom won't be able to handle my sister on her own. Any guy I'd find on the other side of the world would have to abandon everything he knows and come over HERE, and live the rest of his life miserably isolated by the language barrier and cultural discomfort.
>>5486443
25% is a really fucking low percentage, also men & women are usually considered different categories, just so you know. and most genderqueer people are neither.
>>5486567
Well, on OkCupid, if you put "genderqueer" or any of those third options ANYWHERE, you show up in both cathegories.
>>5486484
oh nah, i was out as trans before all this, and actually dysphoria and hopelessness about being trans and in a shit position is what led me to trying to hang myself... idk the exact month it was after the superbowl though... but june that same year i ended up getting sick and just...
idk... i'm in the position i was afraid i would be when i tried to kill myself (i wanted to avoid it) + i'm sick so it's actually a bit worse... but i'm less depressed on average and appreciate my life and the good things in it more than i did
i think it's just the perspective change that came with being sick and shit all the time... i just see shit differently, i'm not sure how to explain it really other than to say chronic pain made me appreciate my life more... however fucked that sounds
>>5486499
well, don't judge people based on your past... i doubt you were meeting particularly great people...
feeling worthwhile isn't at all something you get from sex, and i'll be honest... even in a good relationship when it's longterm you aren't always gonna feel that way either...
you gotta figure shit out for yourself though, i can tell that much... that's just most shit in life though, advice is a poor substitute for experience and people learn best when they figure shit out on their own in retrospect... most i can do is tell you to examine your behaviour and issues and figure out what's under that... and if you keep coming up with shit like "i must be worthless" or "only sex matters to people" then it's time to try again 'til you find something of value that you can work with
