General LGTBQ feels thread. I've been listening to some sad hip-hop and got feelsy. Anyone else feelsy?
>>5459788
what is that supposed to be? A lesbian or a trans?
>>5459801
MtF trans
what the fuck is sad hip-hop?
>You're a girl because of a lack of a mother figure
Wouldn't lack of a father figure make more sense?
>>5459834
Kid Cudi, some Childish Gambino and a good portion of Logic.
>>5459819
yuck
>>5459842
That's what I said ._.
>tfw DADT still effects your professional relationships
Still in the closet in one place. I envy the new kids, good for them for being loud and proud. Then again, it's easier for them.
>>5459845
sounds more like R&B to me but I dont really know the difference
also, kid cudi sounds pretty neat, like me some meandering lyrics
I've been riding the gay cynism despair train lately.
I've gotten to that place where the only venue I have for meeting guys is apps, (which makes me despair how I would be if I lived in a time of less advanced tech). Because of my location and social situation I can't seem to find others normally, and instead I'm on these apps that are absolutely brutal.
I can't seem to find someone to communicate with on a deep emotionally enriching level, and instead settle for cheap hook ups where only primal desire is fleetingly satisfied.
On top of that, the economy is brutal for me and I got a useless degree and have to comprehensively retrain myself to be marketable. I'm working class which is no good if you're gay, and I feel like the society around me is going mad but I can't quite put my finger on it, and I can't quite know for certain if I just feel that way because my own life is so unforgivingly brutal. Or if I'm just being a little bitch.
I just want to win a boy's heart and have an authentic bond, corny as it sounds. I've only ever had that in brief bursts, but never lasting.
I try reaching out and being more compassionate, beliving only that will save me, but to many people that strikes them as odd, as if I am hiding an alterior motive. Other times I just want to turn myself over to an all- consuming rage , and wish I could just get into a fist fight like when I was a kid.
>>5459918
I feel the same, Anon. It's OP. I don't have access to those apps because of a lack of a smartphone. I can't even get cheap hookups. I hate looking on and seeing these women throw about mother like it's no big deal when I sit over here, never able to because I was cursed when I was put on this world. I ain't in college yet, but once I do, I hope things get better. Acting school apparently has a lot of LGTBQ members. My relationships have been the same as yours, short and wasting my time. They get a BJ then leave. I've only had 3 men to call me a princess, but they treat me trailer trash. Trust me Anon, I feel you. You got a Steam or something? I'd love to help you and be a vent buddy.
Ya. I threw away my make identity but I'm struggling to put together a female identity. Guess I'm not true trans I don't inherently feel female
>>5461385
Omggirl just shut up and wait till college. Why you being such a teenage slut anyway
>>5461608
Because when you sit by and watch all of your friends be sluts and happy, it makes you want it. At least for me it does.
> tfw no LTR
Life sucks bros
>>5459788
I have a lot of psychological problems lately and don't know if i'm just making it up in my head or if i'm going insane.
Who would have thought being trans would be one of the last problems i had to deal with?
>tfw i gave up
>>5459918
fucking hell, are you me?
it seems there is a number of people on here who feel the same way
are we the crazy ones, or is the world just going mad?
I'm gay and homophobic
I really want to stop doing one of those things but I can't seem to do it
Help
>>5463599
Why homophobic, anon?
>>5463475
you can hit me up on skype if you want
its zestamaster
>>5463644
Got anything else? Can't use skype.
>>5463679
uhm, like what?
email?
[email protected]
yes i know, i found a name that no one took so i used it.
>>5463692
A'ight sure.
>>5463603
Raised in Bible Belt.
Told all my life that being homo is bad and marrying women is the ideal pinnacle of your life
The rational part of my brain knows better but the trained pavlovian part of my brain still detests the idea of being homosexual
I was in denial for a long time and just assumed I was a picky man with low sex drive and would force myself to masturbate to women when I had homosexual thoughts
Also my parents have been excellent to me in almost every way except their homophobia and I love them very much so their opinion on things affects me very much. I feel like I'd be betraying them or some shit if I came out because that's how they feel. Also I still am financially dependent on them because college
Also I'm still kind of religious so I don't know how to come to terms with being religious and gay
>>5463701
I know religious gays exist, so don't feel so odd about that. You can believe what you want, it's all about how you interpret the Bible and anything God says. Me? I'm out of that. I don't like to be religious. But just do you. Wait until college ends just in case your parents REALLY throw a bitch fit. That way they can't cut off your funding. Give it a few months afterwards and then drop the news. Keep it subtle too. Don't make a big deal out of it and maybe they won't. That's all I got for ya, anon. Keep your chin up. <3
>>5463701
Same feelings anon. I was raised by my grandparents but my mom (fuck that bitch) was hyper religious and always tried to instill in me the fear of god. She hates me.
My situation with her got so bad after I came out as bi we never talked. Now do I care? Yeah I do but I would rather be happy myself than please my mother because at the end of the day do I want her to live through me or do I want to live for myself.
Now morality from the bible I took because its easier being relatively amiable than being a complete douche.
>>5463767
>I would rather be happy myself than please my mother
The sad thing is I feel like my parents are so close to me that pleasing them is an important to keeping me happy
>>5463851
Different situations anon, different situations. Your parents dont sound as bad as my mom was. I dont want to screw your life up and give you bad advice but I'd say your parents wouldnt treat you as bad as she did to me.
A tip I'd say come out to them in more of a private setting just in case of a freakout happening. My grandparents werent too mad but they were definitely less than pleased. I mean come on you're religious you have to look at yourself a bit through their eyes a bit.
>>5463933
My bad on the shit wording
>>5459788
I'm pretty feelsy. I'm pretty feelsy because I feel like there's a part of myself - the part that likes men - dying because I'm not exploring it. But I'm not exploring it because I've had unpleasant experiences with it most of my life.
>Military, religious parents
>Very controlled, very homophobic, very anti sex before marriage to woman
Even so, I always tried to experiment with guys. I showed a friend of mine how to jerk off and we fooled around but it was kid kind of stuff. I was emo as it was already about women, guys kind of took a back seat for a while in high school. In college, I experimented with a foreign guy, but a theme started appearing:
>Meet a fully gay guy that I really like
>Things get steamy in a natural, "normal relationship" kind of way
>Emotional dam breaks out of gay guy and gushes all over me
>I drown and run away
I really liked foreign guy but he got super duper duper clingy instantly. Couldn't handle it.
Then there was music man. I really tried with him. Really tried to do it right this time but it was the same thing he just went straight to Super Duper Duper lovey dovey, we're going to be together forever kind of shit. Couldn't deal.
I leave it up to fate and try to take advantage of what life brings me during my journey forward. I hope it brings me a man that i can connect with naturally. or woman for that matter. I'd like to meet a man though.
>>5464021
Sorry about that, anon. Wanna vent more than you already have?
>>5464021
Do you ever feel like you put yourself on the back burner and put your parents and other things ahead of yourself?
Also when people break down emotionally I know it can be overbearing because it isnt about the content its about how much content. You like receiving things in small intervals and this guy pulled a novel out on you.
What you should do is try and keep emotional conversations with your partner short and try and keep them to the point. Stop them hold them tell them you love them and the rest is up to you after that.
>(white) parents are extremely active in anti-racism campaigns like BLM and dedicate weird amounts of time to holiday gathering "family lesson" moments about MLK, Ferguson, watching "black" films like Selma and Straight Outta Compton
>despite all their anti-oppression rhetoric they still embrace anti-gay rhetoric and homophobia without question
this shouldn't correlate, it does tho
>>5464058
>Do you ever feel like you put yourself on the back burner and put your parents and other things ahead of yourself?
For most of my life really. Welcome to the military - good morning, you're going overseas with your whole family. We don't know where your dad is, he might be dead in an attack you heard about on the fucking news.
But you also get things in return. Exotic places, exotic situations and memories you can remember forever. Loads of people. But the level of control is insane. You pay the price for acting out.
You give really good advice. I should have been more understanding. I regret not caring for their feelings more. But hopefully there's a next time.
>>5464133
So you lived on a military base most of your life? Thats cool.
Also when the guy or girl if youre bi forgive me if I'm wrong, just try to keep them from going over the edge in terms of length of content you are providing because when it comes down to it the 2 or 3 minute lovey dovey conversations plus a few minutes of cuddling are better than an hour of someone talking all lovey dovey are much better and more meaningful.
How many partners have you had by the way?
>feel like I'm going crazy and might finally understand what dysphoria feels like
>realizing I'm too entrenched, old, and tall to ever fix any of it
born too early
i'm not good at coping with things that I really can't change
>>5464110
You have SHARP parents too?
>>5464110
Jesus christ you got those parents, the evangelical ones. I knew some at a church group and they were not the best people to be around.
Just a tip the more self rightous someone is in terms of being a social justice warrior the more likely they are the real source of bigotry.
I just came out as trans and left my fiance a few days ago. We'd been together for 8.5 years. I'm so fucking in love with him, but I can't be his "wife." I just can't. As I've gotten older (27 now), I've started feeling more and more like I couldn't live the rest of my life in this feminine body. It feels so wrong and repulsive to me. I've wanted to transition since I was like 13. Now I'm doing it and everyone is like "yeah, be true to yourself!" and I should be happy but my heart is fucking breaking. I've ruined both of our lives. I don't want to have sex (probably because I hate my body so much) and I don't want to have a feminine body, but the thought of life without him is fucking killing me. I want to be hugging him so badly right now.
He's completely straight. There's no chance of him staying with me through my transition. He wants me to come back to him, and I want to go back to him, but that would mean living a lie for the rest of my life. Now that I've come out to him, I can't take that back, but I'm starting to wish I could. I don't think I can do this. I feel physically sick just thinking about all of the things we won't do together now, the house we won't have, the dog we won't raise and train together, the trip to Japan we won't take, the old couple holding hands we won't be.
I want to fucking die.
>>5464236
I can understand that feeling, and here's what I gotta say.
Focus on your transition if you're gonna do it. It's best to focus on that because hormones and other things will really fuck you up emotionally. Is your family okay with it?
>>5464236
If you've wanted to do this for yourself then why do you hate yourself. Sometimes we just need to stand back and assess the situation. You have a guy you have been with for nearly a decade who loves you and adores you from what I have read.
I know it isnt my place but have you weighed all of your options. Maybe it would be better to approach your transition issues with therapy rather than transition. Maybe you should stay with your fiance and keep things together. With this in mind I hope you take the time to think before you act because you may make a grave mistake from which there is no turning back.
>>5464257
Yeah, I am trying to focus on the fact that I'm (hopefully) going to start feeling better about and not wanting to destroy my body. I have been so miserable in it for so long. My dad and brother are being amazingly supportive, but my mom...not so much. I don't know if that relationship can ever be repaired. It's probably better that way, though, honestly. I think she has BPD.
>>5464323
I hate myself because I don't want to be trans and I've tried for more than half my life to pretend that I'm not. That failed miserably. I went through so many years of therapy and tried to alleviate my dysphoria in so many ways that I'm at the point where I think it's either suicide or transition. Most of 2014 and 2015 was devoted to one last desperate attempt at "NOT being trans," for the sake of my relationship, and I just couldn't do it.
When I'm thinking rationally, I know this is the right thing to do. I don't want to be in a relationship that's based on me lying to my partner, and, at this point, I can no longer deny to myself that I'm trans, so I would have to lie. And act. And be miserable. Yeah, I'd be happy in a lot of ways, but I'd be unhappy in a lot of others. I start feeling good about shit, and then something cues the heartbreak feels and I'm a mess again.
Fucking tradeoffs. I know I can't have everything, but damn, I wish he was bi and was okay with my body changing. This is going to be so weird.
>>5464531
You ever think you are just trading one pain for another. You wont have him if you do the transition, and you wont be physically satisfied if you dont transition. Almost poetic.
You're satisfying yourself physically if you transition and you cut yourself off emotionally if you do.
I dont understand everything you are going through but what I do know is which ever side you pick think of it as a person youre going to kill because once you pull the trigger there is no going back.
I can tell you wanted this to work because of how long your relationship lasted but keep in mind how much time you've spent with this man, how much of your life.
>>5459788
>tfw /pol/
>tfw when very subby
>tfw no master to submit myself to
>>5459788
I stopped caring about SRS. I don't know, it's just like ´whatever´, doesn't matter if it looks good or gruesome. I don't think i will find someone to use it with me anyway...
>>5459918
You should put that in your tinder bio
>>5459788
>tfw I never will be a qt gril
To lighten the mood have a boom gift
>TFW I'll never be Rico from just cause
>tfw this is the body I will have to put up with for decades to come and the only body I will have my whole life
>tfw will never look like this
http://an-andreja-pejic-blog.tumblr.com/post/136335997463/favorite-andreja-things-2015-5-andreja-started
