>Links
• Informed Consent Providers:
https://itmb.co/r1uo5 (PDF)
• Makeup Tutorial: http://imgur.com/a/JO33K/
• MTF Info Dump: http://pastebin.com/36HC6ZmT
• Size charts: http://www.americanapparel.net/sizi http://www.nationalworkwear.com/siz
• Transition timelines: http://imgur.com/a/qWpxv
• Voice Training: http://pastebin.com/dgipdsge
• Articles, Studies and General information about Questioning, Transitioning and other stuff: http://pastebin.com/CyW1dXV8
• Useful links about/for transgender people: http://pastebin.com/h1vLPxyV
• Transgender FAQ: http://pastebin.com/8QbKyShU
• Am I trans/trans help threads archive: http://pastebin.com/CPzj0xv9
• Basic Trans Information: http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS.html
• Hormones, and so much more: http://www.transgendercare.com/
• For your doctor: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/
>Where we are:
#transbians on Rizon
TC /translez
>/tlg/ F.A.Q.
1. What is a transbian/trans-lesbian? → MTF transsexuals who are also lesbians
2. Isn't that just a straight guy? → No, orientation is who you go to bed with, but gender identity is who you go to bed as.
3. Are bi trans girls, welcome here? → Yes but please the keep boy drama in MTF General please!
4. Are cis lesbians/bisexuals welcome? → Yes.
5. Do trans-lesbians use their penis when they are pre-op? → Some do, some don't.
old:>>5418659
First for anime
TFW no one will love you regardless of your genitalia as much as Kongou.
Survived yet another Christmas, and nobody had to die this time
>>5443139
>tfw no one will love you because you're ugly as shit
Every time I show my face to someone who's been flirty and affectionate towards me for months online they get all quiet and 'let's just be friends' despite saying over and over they dont care how I look because my personality is so nice. This happened before and after transition so it can't be just about not passing.
>tfw nowdays i never show my picture
>tfw people stay close to me because they think i'm just a shy cutie
>tfw living a lie because it's the best i'll ever get ;__;
good morning Vietnam!
>>5442978
I smell jelly-o christmas edition
>>5443919
You can't not show your face after an introduction like that. Don't worry, you're Anonymous.
>>5444020
I never thought it was as bad as the reaction I got, I have always reluctant to show my face but now it's 'literally never' -tier. Sorry anon, if you had asked me 6 months ago I might have posted it.
>>5443919
What do you look like? I'm curious
>>5444069
Show me on skype or something. I'll be honest and I doubt you look as bad as you say.
Dzień dobry!
I`m bored :/
I thought that today i will be in good mood and will be able to chat with friends without complaining about shitty life :-|
>>5444069
That's really sad; I wish I could hug you and tell you it's all right. You could wear a mask if you were too embarrassed to have your face seen; I would also wear one, I'm embarrassed to have my face seen too. We could cry behind our masks and hug and tell each other we're beautiful people no matter what we look like, like an overly dramatic stage play. It would be a lovely scene, really touching, the audience would love it.
>>5444139
Or we could take it a step further, only communicating anonymously on an image board, attached images as the only visual representation of us. The audience would probably not love it though.
>>5444165
Was going to rant a bit but I typed a long blog post so I deleted it. Still saved it. Might post it later. So, instead, just a pic of my new haircut. Back to bangs.
Ok. You know you've crossed the line from bored to way too bored when you post a butt pic on /mtfg/. Next step if I don't find something to do: not getting the fuck out of /b/...
>>5445007
nothing wrong with posting butt tho
>>5445384
Well, my posting there didn't cause any drama and I have to admit I didn't know any of the trips. Guess there's been a lot of turnover over the past year...
>>5444188
>"touch my butt"
>tfw everyone would be repulsed to touch my manbutt
it hurts to live
>>5445421
Had a couple nurses joke about how they could wash me when I explained what dysphoria was about. Heavy innuendo too, so either they didn't get the point or they were trying to make me uncomfortable.
>>5445431
that's gross, why would they say something like that? wash you why?
>>5445497
Because that's about the only thing left that brings me serious dysphoria, having to see and touch the things between my legs. 133 left and that last bit is gone. But yeah, nurses wash people everyday. Mostly elderly folks and cripples. But well, I wouldn't mind. After SRS, that is...
>>5442961
Good afternoon tlg
>>5443616
I'm glad you survived Kia, I would miss you.
>>5443919
Time may help, you could consider changing your body shape and there is always ffs in the long run to work towards. I do wish you the best in finding someone who loves you for you though
>>5444003
Morning lala
>>5444103
Witajże, polfagu!
Kinda weird to see my language here. But apparently things happen and so it is. How Christmas?
>>5445587
Apparently, Polan can into women-only spaces. I wonder what TERFs would have to say about it...
>>5445587
Is this the only language where "day" is the first word and "good" the second?
>>5445635
Most cognoscenti would tell you RPN is superior to other systems in every way...
>>5445536
>you could consider changing your body shape
I've never shown anyone my body but im working on it!
>there is always ffs in the long run to work towards
It costs money, neets have no money. If I'd have money I'd go for electrolysis first
>tfw an older gentleman and I think his grown son were fallowing me about in Lowes.
>tfw any time I turned towards them, they looked away, and they visited the same three sections I did in the same order.
>tfw back at the farm
>tfw me and brother talking about putting a windmill or two up on the farm.
>>5444674
You know, you could be dangerous with that smile.
>>5445643
Preferred by accountants who were taught to use calculators that use it. It's the only style calculator I use.
>tfw time to do chores.
>1. If I had a magic button that you could press that would make you wake up tomorrow as a girl, with everyone else understanding you and relating to you as a girl, irrevocably but painlessly, would you press it?
No.
>2. Alternatively, if I had a magic button that you could press that would make you wake up tomorrow still as a boy, but without any of the gender issues you've been having, not questioning your gender, and able to live happily as a boy with zero dysphoria, would you press it?
Yes.
>3. If I had both of those buttons, which one would you rather press, all other things being equal?
I don't know. (I know that doesn't make sense)
>4. If I had a test that could tell you if you were a guy or a girl, which answer would you be hoping for as you took it? Which way would you try to skew your answers, if you did (consciously or not) try to skew them in either direction?
Skew towards girl.
>>5446096
>5. If you washed up on a desert island, by yourself, but with any amount of both male and female clothing, with no hope of rescue but otherwise everything that you needed for a relatively healthy and happy life, would you choose to present as male? female? neither? a mix of the two? one way some of the time, the other way the rest? If for some bizarre reason a lifetime supply of hormones washed up with you as well, do you think you'd take them? What if you washed up with the button from the first thought experiment - in a situation where you were by yourself, would you press it?
I'm not sure. Currently I enjoy dressing as a girl, but after cumming I want to take it off. Until I get horny again, like 20 mins later, then I want to wear it again. I would probably get bored and take the hormones because the idea of it arouses me. I would probably press the button as well, as long as I could keep my dick I guess.
>6. Let's say I had a test that asked about all of the things, very thorough, and at the end it would tell you, with 100% accuracy, whether or not you were trans. So you take it, and it tells you, "Well, you've got some mild gender confusion, but you're definitely not trans, and you shouldn't transition." How would that make you feel?
Relieved but a bit saddened.
>7. On the other hand, what if the test told you "Yup, you're definitely trans all right, and you should probably start planning your transition." - how would you feel about that?
Fearful but extremely aroused. Excited and very happy inside.
Pls halp
>>5445421
I'd touch your butt. I think you would be more repulsed by that than I would be, at least.
>>5446049
That smile is as fake as it gets, pic utterly related. So, yes, it's dangerous. I am dangerous, as a whole. Way too plastic and phoney. And I've done enough harm for a lifetime already.
>>5446110
Seriously, if that's earnest, you probably shouldn't transition or self-med. Keep it at the clothes level. What you describe is almost the textbook definition of a fetishistic transvestite. Don't do anything rash and keep in mind that sexual arousal and gender identity are very different things.
>>5446176
thanks for your reply. thing is though, the more i indulge in it, the more i want to be girly 24/7, the more I want to wear girls clothes 24/7, acting gilry in itself arouses me, i guess i have textbook agp
im just afraid its gonna get worse and im gonna lose control and go do something i will later regret
the girlier and sluttier i feel, the happier i feel. it's like a very deep seated feeling of safety, calm, and genuine happiness, like everything is right with the world.
>>5446096
>>5446110
It sounds like you want to be a girl, or at least present as one at times, but are afraid of making permanent changes, and are thinking you want to keep your penis.
Some follow up questions:
You say you enjoy dressing as a girl, but after cumming you want to take it off. Why do you feel like taking it off then? Shame? No longer aroused? Something else?
If you were to know you were not trans, why would you feel relieved? Why would you feel saddened? If you were to know that you were trans, why would you feel fearful? Why would you feel aroused? Why would you feel excited and happy inside?
Sexual arousal is clearly a part of why you enjoy acting as and thinking of yourself as a girl. Is that the only reason? If you were to suddenly be afflicted by a disease that prevented you from being aroused, do you think you would still want to be a girl, or would you not be interested anymore?
Do you feel like you need to either be a boy or a girl? Do you feel like you might be most comfortable somewhere in between? Does your answer depend on whether or not you are considering only your own happiness in isolation or also considering how other people might think?
>>5446192
AGP is a redundant and weak entity from an etiological standpoint. Treat what you're doing as you do or any other sexual fetish and stay safe, that's pretty much the keyword here.
>>5446192
Would you be happy as a femboy, perhaps? Maybe consider asking /femgen/. From what I've read so far it sounds most likely that you want to take on a feminine presentation because it meshes well with what makes you feel comfortable with yourself, but aren't necessarily interested in becoming female, per se. That's a perfectly legitimate way to feel, and if you do feel that way you shouldn't feel like you need to either be a masculine male or transition completely to female. Basically, I think you're going to need to think a bit about what sort of things make you happy, consider incorporating those things into your life, but don't feel that that means you need to go any farther than you feel comfortable with.
>>5446207
>You say you enjoy dressing as a girl but after cumming you want to take it off. Why do you feel like taking it off then? Shame? No longer aroused? Something else?
I just feel like its all stupid. And yes shame. Mostly I just feel like what am i doing, this is stupid and pointless there is no reason for me to be doing this. This is not me its just a stupid fetish
>If you were to know you were not trans, why would you feel relieved? ...
Relieved cause I guess I would stop fearing that I would someday transition with or against my will. If I were to know I was trans, I would be fearful of the changes I was gonna have to make, and how people were gonna look at me, how i would be judged etc. I don't know why it would make me excited or happy, but whenever I feel like a girl or a slut, i just feel sooooo happy inside.
>Sexual arousal is clearly a part of why you enjoy acting as and thinking of yourself as a girl. Is that the only reason? If you were to suddenly be afflicted by a disease that prevented you from being aroused, do you think you would still want to be a girl, or would you not be interested anymore?
Actually I was recently on a medicine that lowered my sex drive, my will to do girly stuff almost completely disappeared, like by 90%.
>Do you feel like you need to either be a boy or a girl? Do you feel like you might be most comfortable somewhere in between? ...
I kinda wish i had a button i could press to switch back and forth. My biggest reasoning to not transition comes from considering what other people think, mostly like I feel like I would have betrayed my culture/history etc. if I would just be some sissy gurl sex addict instead of trying to improve the world.
If I would be like diagnosed with klinefelters or something and be told i was sterile, i would probably transition desu. And yes something in between i would keep my d
>>5446251
thanks for your reply
what exactly is a femboy?
desu i used to have a pretty girly body, widee hips, i started working out to try to change that, and to try to kill this fetish
it kinda worked but now like 6 months later its back real strong
i dont think i could "present" as a female, the shame would make me cry in public and give me panic attacks and i would feel like killing myself
>>5446415
>You can be a sissy gurl sex addict and still work to improve the world, you know; they're not at all mutually exclusive.
Can I though? If all I'm thinking about is the next cock to suck/ride and im in that state of mind all the time I don't think I could be very productive at all sadly.
Tbh being feminine when I'm still like thinking of myself as a man does nothing for me. Honestly I think it's kind of disgusting. It's not depraved and shameful enough for me to be turned on, but to me it's just weakness and shouldn't be encouraged. Sorry I'm pretty judgemental, im pretty fucked in the head too
desu also I used to look super androgenous as a teenager, like even up to when I was 19, I was a couple of times mistaken for a girl, and at this time i was not trying to look like a girl, being girly didnt turn me on or anything
i did wore panties at a few times, almost compulsively, but i didnt quite understand why that was such a turn on for me
but now a couple of years later i look way more masculine, my face shape is way more manly, i think the train has gone for me, its too late anyways
>>5446447
>>You can be a sissy gurl sex addict and still work to improve the world, you know; they're not at all mutually exclusive.
>Can I though? If all I'm thinking about is the next cock to suck/ride and im in that state of mind all the time I don't think I could be very productive at all sadly.
You're probably not going to be particularly productive if you're feeling depressed about your situation either. There's a balance to be found; you don't need to lose your old interests and ambitions just because you are less inhibited about the things that give you "a feeling of safety, calm, and genuine happiness, like everything is right with the world". Try your best to realize when you are using all-or-nothing thinking about things, and consider whether or not that is actually a good reflection of reality.
>>5446118
I figured...
>>5446192
>thing is though, the more i indulge in it, the more i want to be girly 24/7
kinda telling with your other post.
>the girlier and sluttier i feel, the happier i feel. it's like a very deep seated feeling of safety, calm, and genuine happiness, like everything is right with the world.
Oh fuck do I know that feeling. Of course muted by 35 years and lots of electroshock, but oh do I remember it. Don't do what I did and become an escort.
>>5446313
I think you really need to talk to a gender therapist. If you are under 30 get on AAs now to stop any further masculinization while you try to figure things out.
>If I would be like diagnosed with klinefelters or something and be told i was sterile, i would probably transition desu. And yes something in between i would keep my d
There is always freezing of sperm for use later. It's called sperm banking.
>>5446458
Being mistaken for a girl when young was common for me. A dress, and everybody thought I was a girl.
This >>5446503
FFS can do wonders on a face. Don't give up yet. The area they can't change yet is the chest cavity. To many vital organs in it. I could stand to loose 6+ inches from my rib cage diameter.
>tfw this video has a few teasing shots of two gals tangoing together.
I'd love to tango again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWCmubP5h9c
>>5446313
>I just feel like its all stupid. And yes shame.
I felt that way too. I refused to CD anymore because of it and purged twice, the second time was after I started hrt.
>>5446649
and then what happened
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmFaV_mDl5U
Listen to the lyrics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WX15SEYjxqI
>tfw I never needed the alcohol to wear the saran wrap.
>>5446684
came out to my family 5 months after hrt started, went FT a month later. That was in October of 2014. Now I don't feel stupid wearing girls clothes because it's what's normal. I think it changed my whole perspective of what it meant to be trans when I started living it and not imagining it.
>>5447113
>I think it changed my whole perspective of what it meant to be trans when I started living it and not imagining it.
After a year I groaned at wearing mens clothing. I couldn't even put it on. It's all in a pile in the corner.
>>5445692
Well I hope your body works out well with the work you're doing
>come here expecting lewd mtf x female stories
>just a bunch of people lamenting their sorry lives and >tfw no gf
>>5448479
>come here expecting lewd mtf x female stories
the ones that have them dont like to rub it in on the lonely girls
>>5448539
Fair enough
I'd love to hear them though.
>>5448479
I'm sorry, I wish I had some lewd mtf x female stories of my own to share.
>>5446565
One of the girls I grew up with is now a professional tango dancer and did a gender studies doctorate. I'd be curious to meet her again, haven't seen her in years.
Also, I wish I could genuinely smile, and afford to fall in love again. Neither seems likely to ever happen, though.
>>5448479
I know one transbian that is too busy doing the lewds to come here and talk about the lewds so maybe that's common. To be honest I probably wouldn't come here too often either if I had a GF to cuddle
>>5448670
I hope you can fall in love again. I think you can.
>>5448705
Oh, I could. Actually, I well might. It's definitely past due.
But having it happen without me fucking up someone else's life again is a whole different problem. And I carry too much guilt already.
>so maybe that's common
I wish it was, I find it hot as fuck.
>>5445587
hej
Apparently Christmas without family wishing me "to choose the right way" is better :P
But from now on I will be living new year eve`s with grills :P
Have to prepare everything :3
>>5448726
I agree
>>5446581
fox kigu is quiet cute
and you have tail to cuddle to :P
thats my personal experience
>>5448698
Tfw
>>5449003
ikr
>>5448670
>tango
Some memories of a client made me think of this song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYgK0asgUJA
He taught me tango & flamenco. I remember thinking back then "Shouldn't I be paying you for these lessons.". In return I inexpertly taught him belly dancing. I wonder what happened to him. He isn't listed as one of his father's sons anymore. I'd have dropped him as a client if it wasn't for the lessons. I was the dom with him, and I can't do dom that well. It takes a lot out of me.
>I wish I could genuinely smile
>fall in love again
I know you can to both
I now know I can too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orrqywH4sck
>>5448725
If you let yourself heal that won't be an issue.
>>5448698
iktf.
>tfw mom&dad commented we were noisy xmas eve.
48 hours later, and I can't remember what we all did. The two of them had me lost in feels.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jTlAGDa4AU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4WGsMplGxU
>>5448740
*hugs* I wish you the best of luck, and may you find what you need.
>>5449210
Thank You :3
btw nice songs :)
>>5449221
I've become a real fan of Anna Calvi. I don't care if a musician is in or not. I'll listen if I like their music. That kinda set me apart from all the kids around.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylBZmqY0Oag
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PChExlwo3Yw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0MT8SwNa_U
There is so much good music out there. Often I remember a song, but only it's feels and impressions. These are ones I at least remember enough of the lyrics, title, or artist that I can find them.
Lately I've been listening to lots of tango music trying to find what I often danced to, but I can't find it. Some of it may have been unique or local only distribution, but I mostly have just feels to go on.
>tfw absent mindedly caressing my sleeping sweetie as I read posts, and she finds and reclaims my had when I go to type a post in.
she's still asleep.
>tfw I better try and sleep some more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZfCUM1uyvw
>>5449308
i didnt know these songs earlier
its awsome
Who /InOuterSpaceAndLonely/ here? https://youtu.be/iYYRH4apXDo
What is /tlg/'s opinion on PIV?
>be super excited for the appointment on the 29th
>visit brother over holidays
>get coughed at by little kids
>get home sick
>probably won't be able to make it
fml, seems like I can't have good things happen to me.
>>5449210
Some time before I ended up on medical leave, I caught wind of a rumour at work that was both weird and creepy. Supposedly my wife died from cancer a while ago and I took on her name and I was compelled to become her. Inaccurate on almost all counts, but... I have to admit there's something at the core. Hard to explain, especially for someone as self-loathing as myself, but what instantly fascinated me when I met her was that I felt I was looking at myself from the outside. And there probably was some narcissism talking in that love from the very start. We had a lot in common both in looks and thought. Odd symmetries and parallels. I've used a picture of her as wallpaper of most computers I've used since, and I've been asked several times if it was an old picture of my younger self. I have wondered if she was FtM or a lesbian and if that could have led to her final choice.
What I know is that when she died, it felt as if I had to. And what I had to do was to hang on to the memories. Not just to keep her memory alive, but to keep living for us both.
I'm not sure what there's to cure here. She's been my life support and in a way, my better half. A cure would probably end us both.
>>5450759
It can work out for the girls without too much Dysphoria. I'm leery of it but I'm not sure if I could partake easily. My general thought is different strokes for different folks so whatever works?
>>5450763
If you take care of yourself and rest you should be feeling better by the 29th unless its something that lasts awhile. Plenty of fluids and rest, make sure to eat healthy and sensible, and some tea with honey may help the cough.
>>5448479
Generally even if I had any, I try not to be overly lewd in the thread. It's not my thing, sorry anon
>>5450759
PIV?
>>5451053
PenisInVagina.
>>5451244
I guess I'm indifferent then.
Just put a much friendlier looking picture on my OkC profile, while keeping intact the insane ramblings I've had there to keep people away for years. I wonder if that will get me more messages. So far, I've had one person daring to write per year on average. And I ended up in a rather long and messy relationship with one of them.
I want to get fucked but guys are gross and no gf, what do?
>>5450212
I partially grew up on his music. He is one of the first few musicians I bought albums from. Blondie was first. I can't remember when I first met him, but it was early on. I never really knew him, but he recognized me the first time I was at Max's Kansas City. K is telling me it was likely one of the parties at her LI place that my parents were also invited to.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABDnAWMZ1mQ
I'll admit I like Anna Calvi's cover better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLE4YkUAFR8
>>5450759
As long as I'm not thrusting, fine. Would prefer to have that damn thing inverted.
>>5450763
Dope yourself up on cough meds, and go. I'm coming down with a nasty cold now. Sucks! I'll have to do the cough medicine thing.
>>5450826
>narcissism (classical definition)
>Not just to keep her memory alive, but to keep living for us both.
I'd wondered. Your posts in the past have more than hinted at this.
>A cure would probably end us both.
I doubt it. You talk a lot of death and ending it, but you are still here. I also know getting cured will only change your relationship with her. You'll still have her in your memories.
Some MtFs end up living through their wives and gfs. I know Anne Vitale, PhD has some on it on her web site.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SULv4bYhUc
>tfw ice storm coming tomorrow morning.
>.1" to .3" accumulation
>tfw generator gas cans are empty
>tfw I need to go out and fill them
I know this is a bit of a overused question but how do transbians have sex?
I'm trans and passing, this febuary I'd like to start HRT, but my girlfriend and I are worried for our sex lives.
Any advice? And again, sorry to beat a dead horse.
>>5453007
>how do transbians have sex?
Whatever feels good, don't overthink it lol.
>>5453065
>>5453065
I've been scouring the internet high and low with things ranging from it varying from person to person to masturbating often keeps your penis's functionality intact.
I guess what I'm asking is, do the majority of you penetrate with your partners?
Provided you're fine with your genitals (Let your stance on that and GID be where it is ofc.)
>>5452630
Find a gf, of friend with benefits, I guess those are the choices?
>>5453081
I wouldn't worry to much about what is 'normal', just work out what you and your partner are comfortable with and do that.
>>5453161
B-but I want to get penetrated
>>5453212
Find a cisgirl into pegging, or a transgirl that's okay topping.
>>5453224
Maybe I should just peg myself. I've never even come to close to getting sexual with anyone
>>5453311
Do they make strap-ons that you can bugger yourself with? I feel like that should be a thing.
>>5453447
you can stick dildos to walls or the floor
>>5453461
Even the ceiling if you're ambitious.
>>5449003
>pic
>>5450759
I could probably do it with enough alcohol in my system, but not while sober.
>>5450826
Don't you give up, CFH. I don't want to have to fight my way through the afterlife just to kick your ass, but I will if I have to.
>>5453472
>not engaging in non-Euclidian buggery
Filthy casual.
>>5454196
There are some good prostate massagers that will give you a mind blowing orgasm
just plug them in and turn them on
i want to cuddle a with qt so badly like i cant put it into words i neeeeeeeeeeeeed it
>>5452918
Honestly, maybe that's just insanity speaking but that love is the only good thing in the warped travesty I call my life, the only reason to keep that wretched carcass going. Why would I want to snuff that light? And more importantly, why would anyone want me to?
>>5454838
there there, anon
>>5454883
you'll be okay, anon. you're just having a mild panic attack
>>5445587
Jest już trójka.
Polan can into space
>>5454908
well if you always feel this way
you should know you'll be fine
>>5454932
that's called being trans, anon
I can guarantee at least half of the trans people on this board had a similar experience, myself included
>>5454838
Could be worse. Imagine feeling that every horrible thing that could happen should happen to you because you deserve it...
>>5454977
Well, that's just one feature of melancholic depression. Not the worst. And that kind of thinking just feels normal to me. There's a reason I'm officially labeled as insane and a danger to myself...
>>5454967
I wish I wasn't able to empathize with that statement.
>>5451030
>>5452918
thanks, but that won't work... I really should be fit for it and I also don't want to get other people sick
...also I'm still in bed today... so.
seems like I'm going to have to wait till next year.
...I've been sooo looking forward to it ;~;
>>5454838
Therapy!!!
I'm sick, get your flu shots.
The phlegm and mucus from this cold tastes totally different that I remember for any previous cold or flu I've had. Yuck!!!
>>5455985
I rarely get sick. When I do, my body reacts violently, though. Last time I had a throat infection, a couple years back, I had two days coughing blood, then everything was back to normal. I just hope my immune system and out of whack healing won't cause a mess after surgery...
Alldaychemist or inhousepharmacy for selfmed?
Also is it safe to mix progynova and estrace?
>>5456754
Because the estrace is prescribed, the progynova would be selfmed
>>5458835
Is it a good idea to start drinking or smoking alone?
>>5459552
Aw now I wish I could afford it.
>>5459645
Im not sure I can afford smoking long term, wouldn't mind some booze I guess. I don't know if I like them tho.
>>5460115
Find a partner that is equally clingy.
>>5460126
Well, where do you live?
All women are whores, therefor all of you(all of the ones of you that are truetrans and now just hons chasing a fantasy) are whores.
Discuss.
>>5460368
Such a limited view of the world. Sorry, but there are no absolutes, polar opposites, or even shades of gray. It's all technicolor and constantly changing.
>>5460368
Well, I guess we all have our price. But mine is so ridiculously high compared to what I'm really worth it might as well not exist. But who knows, maybe someday I'll meet someone insane and wealthy enough to pay it. I kind of doubt that.
>>5456221
>throat infection
basically what I have right now.
laryngitis and something
my voice basically disappeared yesterday
...feeling a bit better today though, doc forbid me to talk.
>>5460596
Tip from a singer acquaintance who can't exactly afford to cancel shows because of a cold: the good old lemon grog works in a jiffy, but blending in a sage infusion works even better even if the mix smells like manure.
Oh, and follow-up on the OkC experiment, already got a message: "Don't know how you do it but you barely look 22and you're pretty dope too"
>tfw cold is worse today.
>tfw chores are done, and waiting until 1 hour after taking my levothyroxine pill so I can eat, and go back to sleep.
>>5460368
>All women are whores
Some women are dominant and in control. They are definitely not whores.
>>5460608
..."you could be dangerous with that smile."... ;)
>>5460671
And yet I do my best not to write what I feel I should say... Because I'm a danger to myself too.
>>5460725
lol
>tfw trying to deal with aspects of my former life that I find hard to understand why. The need for affirmation as a woman drove me to seeking out multiple clients. I already had an income to envy and it was set to grow quickly too. So it wasn't for the money.
Out of the frying pan, and into the fire, is the way I feel sometimes.
>>5461255
That would feel like a change, at least. My life is somewhere in between Waiting for Godot and the Tartar Steppe... I just spend it waiting to die in order to fulfill a promise nobody will ever be able to know the outcome of. Not even myself...
How far into transition were you before you started getting attention from other lesbian women?
>>5460368
All women are whores and all men are cucks, I'm okay with this tbqh, more pussy for me.
>>5462900
I'll let you know when it starts happening.
>>5462900
lol Like the 2nd or 3rd time I modeled when I was 14, and Gia (pic) was flirting with me. I hadn't started hormones yet. Before makeup and clothing I was on the feminine side of androgynous. After, I'd look like an adult woman. The makeup artists were masters at making the young models look older, and did the same for me while also feminizing my face some.
>>5463902
Lucky for some, I guess.
>>5464115
No, that's Gia, so is this. I was more of a string bean. I had barely enough bust that they could create a bit of valley with great effort, but no chance at cleavage.
>>5464142
I don't know. You see, I still had this thing dangling between my legs that she couldn't deal with. If there was another girl there, she could, but with just me, no. So the time in the restaurant worked, but the times in my place and her apartment didn't. It actually sucked because I was madly in love with her. Who wouldn't? She was an absolute goddess and didn't need makeup to look smashingly beautiful. To top it off she pressed all the right buttons when she took me out on a date. She took the guy's role, no questions asked, and I loved that. The portrayal of her by Angelina Jolie doesn't do her justice. Jolie was too timid, and didn't swagger right. Yeah, she could be as seductive as any gal, but she naturally swaggered.
Then there were the drugs. She got me hooked on heroin. I likely could have kept the amphetamines and coke use inline, but heroin use too, no. By the end of my 15th summer I was up to two speedballs to get going in the morning, and it was starting to effect my stock trading work. The stock trading for family and relatives was how I could afford to not get paid by the studio as I learned photography. It paid all my day to day bills including food and housing. The drug issues caused me to freak. I changed course, got away from them, and went into rehab. When I got back and settled, after my sophomore year of hs was done, Gia was gone. My first 2 to 3 months of my sophomore year I was taking methadone, and the rest was to give myself a break from temptation. I know I talked about the drugs and going into rehab with both Avedon and Scavullo, and I think they kept me and Gia away from each other after that. Both of my current lovers were friends with/sometimes lovers with Gia. They freely admit to keeping us apart in late '81 and early '82. I likely needed that or I bet I'd have been sucked back into heroin use.
>>5464629
>You see, I still had this thing dangling between my legs that she couldn't deal with.
You gotta remember that some of us have never been with a girl so they dont even know how it's like to get that far.
>>5464637
Yeah, and I've done both as lovers and clients. As far as I know I still have yet to get into bed with a transwoman or transman.
>>5464645
If it's any consolation, my years form '87 to 2014 were for the most part a decent into PTSD hell. Only three good tales along the way. I managed to capture the interest of a couple authors so that they based characters off of me, and I met a singer from a rock band at an after a concert party.
First author, it was a bit dubious. She noticed I didn't react when an incident happened behind me, but instead casually turned around and assessed things and turned back to the group ready to continue the conversation. Yeah, rah, total deadening from ptsd in action. We talked about it, why I was like that, etc.. I didn't know it was ptsd then, but I kinda did know what events lead to it. We also talked about potential names for her new character as she'd just gotten an idea on part of a story of how her principal character in her series met his future wife.
(cont)
>>5464645
>>5465030
(cont)
Second author. Happened near the start of a science fiction convention. I arrived late, and was over-joyous happy. I'd just gotten my hotel room key and was heading to get my badge. Opening ceremonies had just let out, she emerged from the hall, and we ended up face to face. I spill my spaghetti. Normally when I get to a sf convention I'm feeling quite happy to be there. This time I was amped up much more than normal, and it wasn't due to the convention or meeting her. I'd dropped my cattle trailer off at my cousin's farm so I could carry home my new bull. Cousin breeds them, and I'd bought one of his. He took me out to dinner. As soon as I got into the cab of his pickup, I was feeling like it was a date and he was taking me out. My cousin looks like a cleaned up version of the Marlboro man. I start squashing the feelings as best I can, and they last all throughout dinner, and all the way back to his farm. I left his farm and headed to the convention. I was elated. It was the first time in over a decade I'd had any feelings towards anybody. Yeah, kinda creepy it was my cousin, but dam, I was capable of being more than an iceberg. It was in that mental state that I met the second author. She used those bright blue eyes I'd get when really happy. From a conversation I had with a friend, she chose to make the home for her female lead character be like what I described as an ideal home away from everybody. She must have been listening in. She also placed an important facility the characters visit under a corn field in the State I live in. There are some other traits that are also used.
(cont)
>>5464645
>>5465030
>>5465036
(cont)
As for that singer. I not only didn't go to the concert, but I didn't even know their music let alone who she was. They'd had 3 top 20 albums by then, and had just released their 4th album. Anyways, we monopolized each other's ears for a good three hours. I finally listened to their music the next day and liked it. Also my friend told me then that the singer was hitting on me like crazy. I was my oblivious ptsd deadened subby self and didn't notice it at the time. Arg!!!!
>>5465051
It's not just about looks. Actually, looks alone aren't enough either. But if you've got that spark that makes exchanging glances and a few words enough to make for an out of the ordinary experience, well, you get to meet some interesting characters.
>>5465051
Being there...
A friend tells me I'm ultra nice. For all three of these, I was fit, not overweight, neatly groomed, symmetrical face, and had a super thick calico beard. I've also been told I can be a very intense listener that draws people to talk.
Years later, and being able to dissect myself, I can see where my feminine traits came through and how I carefully presented a smooth calm exterior which made me very easy to be around even though I was feeling totally out of place and unsettled inside.
>>5465093
LOL
Yes you do... At some point I learned to control that spark to keep the too interesting characters at bay and draw in those nicer ones that I wanted to stick around.
>>5465051
>>5465098
>Being there...
Having many years to accumulate experiences helps. Also doing unusual things also helps.
>>5465098
You know I know you're really selling yourself short here... This is probably the corniest thing I'll ever say on 4chan, but you really have a knack for making people like you, and just one step away from more, without even thinking about it. So, yeah, it's been a long time coming but yes, I guess I could fall in love in you (I'll still do my best not to.) And by that I mean with your brain. I don't mean that just from an intellectual standpoint, though having an organ suited for that kind of intercourse is obviously a plus. No, I mean that which you've managed to keep in spite of going through hell. All that and not even feeling guilty about it, and you don't have to either. Don't get me wrong, that's not something I want to sully or appropriate, not that anyone could, anyway... But basking in that warmth for a while... So, yeah, cheesy. Now that's out, let's forget I ever mentioned it, OK?
>>5465192
That was adorable, CFH.
>>5465051
Have loadsamoney, be good looking and know the right people.
>>5465201
You're adorable too, angry-anon.
>>5465192
>I guess I could fall in love in you
Warms my heart.
>(I'll still do my best not to.)
how am I not surprised at this... (^3^)~~~~*
I usually don't look to close at myself for fear of what I may find. I easily see my many internal faults, and try my best to never let them show or effect others, but I often fall down.
I know why I'm so careful about what I say and do. It's because I know what it is like to be shat on again and again and again. I don't want to be the one creating discord. "Do unto others as one would have done unto you." is something I really try hard to live by. No, I'm not perfect, but I try.
>>5465202
>Have loadsamoney
Not any more. That went away with being declared dead, and having my brain fucked over by conversion therapy. My estate was settled before they figured out I was still alive. I did have some good jobs post the shit, but with how fucked up I was, I couldn't maintain them. Also what I made at them has been used up.
>be good looking
decent, but not spectacular. My female self would let my male self of 20 years ago fuck me. I know I left a trail of broken hearts as I was often oblivious to them hitting on me. Oops! I'd notice hours or days later if I noticed at all.
>know the right people
You kinda got me there. I wish I was better at maintaining relationships. PTSD sucks as it deadens out ones ability to maintain relationships. At least I'm working on getting rid of it. I did have a number of lucky breaks. Dad getting his first post doc research job at placed us in a resort community where many very successful people lived. Being there meant some of them could notice my traits and skills as I grew up.
>tfw my brain is giving up for the night.
>>5465395
Well, I'm not afraid to look at myself, and there's little there that's not to loathe. People are still drawn to me and the best i can do is keeping them away. I know there's that veneer of phoney purity that lends me a fake air of innocuity. I never had sex with someone I wasn't in a committed relationship with (except those few times, well...) and I never sold myself (my body, at least...)
But I know I can't and shouldn't be trusted, and there's no true love without trust. Not that it matters, all I have to offer to those who have the misfortune of falling with love with me is pain and misery. Falling from grace hurts forever, there's just no fixing that, no redemption, no cup bitter enough...
>>5462900
not far enough it seems
>>5465395
>Not any more.
That makes absolutely no difference.
>>5462900
Honestly, that happened a lot when I was young, so, a long time before transition. The place-to-be in the city where I was a student happened to be very LGBT friendly, and while the guys left me alone, I was offered drinks by girls more than once, it didn't go anywhere, though because I was very much between genders back then and they gave up when they realised the innocent little girl I looked like had a dick in her pants.
Other than that, I had a 8/10 aspie girl going from politely ignoring me to being best friends the moment I came out as trans. Still waiting for her to make her move. I most likely won't say no because I'd hate to hurt her, knowing that I'll probably hurt her even more doing so. Probably won't have to manage that dilemma until I'm back from Thailand, though.
Weird, this is the fastest I've recovered from a cold/flu yet. I can feel I'm still getting rid of gunk out of the system, but I feel massively better than yesterday.
>>5466218
mhh good to hear, me too, still coughing but at least it doesn't hurt anymore.
>>5466218
Well, the worst about that kind of illness is the inflammation. Thing is, the brain can regulate inflammation up or down more than any medicine when provided the right push. Health and feelings are more tightly bound than most medical specialists would admit... Cancerologists are the worst. I wonder when they'll stop clinging to really crappy p-values and admit that stress is the prime factor in most cancers.
Finally going to spend New Year's Eve with acquaintances, that I haven't seen in a year at best. My presence was, well, expected. Long drive, but I caved in after the third message asking if I'd be there. Also, there's a wonderful shop for DIY cosmetic supplies in that city and I feel like experimenting with bust creams and lip plumping balm. Anyway, I'm not sure how my transition will move the lines at that party. There's going to be a lot of wine flowing and I wonder who will end up drunkenly cuddling with me.
>>5465624
>innocent little girl I looked like had a dick in her pants.
I never remember doing the innocent girl look. I dressed to look older or entice or both. I suspect that had a lot to do with why I was successful at finding partners of either gender even though I was under age. Also it may have had something to do with the really loose sexual mores that were present in the late night and after hours clubs in NYC. Sex without love was easy to get. You just had to be willing. The attitudes at the end of the '70s and into the early '80s really were very different than they are now. AIDS changed things big time.
>>5466532
>>5466555
>>5466724
I'm afraid even with the improvements in my health, I doubt I'll be ready to party come new years eve. I took my temp. 98.6F or 2.2F warmer than my normal for the first half of December. Yeah, my symptoms are down, but...
Both K&D caught it too. They are about a day behind me in symptoms. I suspect I caught it around the time of the drive from farm to the parent's place on Christmas eve.
I need to find a good shop for cosmetics, and their base ingredients. I learned to mix and match my own.
Have fun at the party. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. ;)
>>5466930
For the perfume part, this is one of the best online shops you'll find US side:
http://shop.perfumersapprentice.com
As for doing things you wouldn't, I think there was a time I did a few. Like stripping in front of a few hundred students, outing myself in the process (I'm afraid I'll never see as many jaws drop at once), or being called on stage by a singer acquaintance to perform the last encore... I'm a lot less wild than I used to be, but I still have that rep. And we'll, that's not the kind of party for drugs and sex. Maybe some rock'n'roll. And I think I shouldn't have much trouble dragging someone into slow dancing over a Whiter Shade of Pale. That never gets old.
And innocent looks, well, you can play spot the tranny with this pic. This was 95, last year of high school, and I still think I look quite tame and ingenuous for someone who was hooked on codeine and drinking a lot too much at the time.
>>5467093
White top & black hair against the wall on the far right.
At a major disco known around the world, I swapped dresses, while in the middle of the dance floor, with the gal of a couple I'd been dirty dancing with. Then we had three way up on the balcony. We had quite a few spectators by the time we were done. Right as I was returning to the dance floor one of the club owners changed the music to Abba's "Does Your Mother Know". I suspect he knew I was under age. I went over to the music booth in a huff as that song kinda burned because I was newly estranged from home. He was giving me a shit eating what are you going to do about it grin. I was about to say something, then I grabbed his jacket, undid the halter tie on the dress and let it drop. I put his jacket on in place of the dress. While he was still stunned, I pinned him to the railing with my leg in his crotch and I groped and french kissed him. He started getting hard. I then dragged him over to the bar and down into the basement where I proceeded to make out with him. He protested I wasn't the right sex. So I removed my gaff, letting my self get hard against his leg. He dragged me to a more private part of the basement. Likely less than 90 minutes total time. I danced in the jacket for the rest of the night, and even wore it on my walk home in the morning. LOL cab fare was easy. He had thousands in the pockets. I returned it to him the next day with all but the cab fare in tact. You know, he never payed that song again when I was descending the balcony stairs. Yeah, it kinda set my reputation for the next year or more.
lol So yeah, don't do anything I wouldn't do. ;)
>tfw this flu has gotten me under 245.
Can I keep it off? Last time I gained it back quickly.
I was dead tired at 6 so I slept a few hours. Now I'm making a batch of pork&beans.
>>5470990
Yeah, I'm overweight. Stress, and thyroid/endocrine system issues. Plus I collapse anytime I try to loose weight.
>> 5467378
Found me. And you win, you always will. The worse I could do wasn't that bad, being a small town girl set on a straight and narrow path. I'm just afraid of what I would have done if I had been in the kind of ambient you found yourself in. I had no limits other than the ones the were hard set by others for me. In all likeliness, I'd be long dead and all of my own doing...
Also, it's that time of the year again. Nightmares are getting worse than usual already. We had one of those "truth hurts" talks, if you've been in a rocky long-term relationship, you know the ones... She accused me of being a bloody megalomaniac and of seeking eternity for her only because i wanted it for me as well. Woke up in a pool of sweat...
Other than that, I felt like I'd just stepped out of a fashion plate when I double checked the mirror on the way out. People going wow and complimenting me. And all I can think is "fuck, tonight better be good because I can't wear that exact co-ord ever again"... I'm not even sure why I went out of my way to put it together. I already know that this party will be tepid and boring. I keep getting invited in hope I'll raise some bedlam that will make the evening memorable, but I haven't done that in years. Not even sure I still have it in me.
>>5471074
I'm a US size 6 except for my bust, which clocks at 10. Sucks when I have to buy dresses and coats, but it's not like I can make my ribcage smaller. Might gain a size straightening my back and getting the lower ribs removed, but that's a painful prospect.
>>5471074
>why are we all chubby
Stress, and hormones. HRT can mess with the thyroid and make one gain weight.
>>5471092
It was the only choice given your current looks. I don't always win. If I did, I'd never have been subjected to conversion therapy. I also have my other mistakes. I just often learn so much I usually make the right choices. Even then I still may flub.
You want to attract attention, and you are hoping the party will be interesting. I did my own thing fashion wise because I wanted to be noticed. It wasn't enough that I was wearing a Halston, it needed to be a personally customized Halston, unique to me.
Do these have an androgynous vibe at all? Are they nice? They were given to my brother but they don't fit him and they fit me.
I kinda like them but I've always been bad at knowing what looks good. And /fa/ scares me so I can't ask them and I don't know who else to ask
>>5471233
Perfect dyke boots, except they got a zipper...
>>5471258
Oh is that very bad?
>>5471275
Not really... Dyke boots are more work boots. Those kinda look like dressy work boots. The tops have patterning like some dress shoes.
>>5471074
I'm underweight, then again I dont live in burgerland
>>5471218
I guess that as much as I despise myself, and even staying quirt, I don't like being ignored or taken for granted. The wallflower that intimidates everybody without moving a muscle...
I wear my own jewellery, my own perfume, some of my own clothes and accessories too. All designed to fit the garments and the occasion. Obviously, not a single luxury item, I'd feel really bad spending money on those. My perfumes almost always vex boutique sellers who pride themselves about knowing every perfume on the market, though. I usually let them guess and throw niche artisan perfume names around for a while.
Next big project revolves around a matched vest and skirt I'm stitching from antiqued sheep leather...
Would you fuck your gf if she had an SRS vag?
>>5471380
Probs, not so sure about giving oral unless it turned out well.
>>5458835
>girls
>>5471359
I need to set up a sewing kit again. Haven't really had one for years. Unfortunately I now find setup and tear down to be blockers of my doing many things. Even with doing my light paintings and sculptures.
I had a full sewing room in the NYC home, more of dedicated area of the studio space. Just some cabinets, sewing machines, dressmaker dummies, and a bunch of tables. Kind of of a costuming shop for me and the girls. Even J used it some. C&M used it the most. They made many of their own designs, as well as some of mine. We also modified lots of clothes there. Wear it a few times, modify it, and wear it a few more times.
>an art room...
>an electronics shop...
I need a bigger home.
>>5471380
Given that I'm bisexual, yes if I think the joy it brought her would be worth it to endure the depression it would cause in me, and if I still had one at that point.
(pic) The pastille side of the Force.
>>5471745
Don't know if you'd do it but I ended up doing my nails and taking sefies while driving 80 mph on a mountain highway. I'm pretty sure you have a dozen stories worse than that, anyway.
Now, I also went to do a bit of last minute shopping since it's the first time in a good while I'm anywhere that could be called a city. And I think you may be onto something. Caught something like a whiff of glory.I was walking in the middle of the sidewalk, looking straight ahead, and I could feel the crowd splitting in two before my step and all those eyes on me... Usually, I'm the one stepping aside at the lightest brush. But this moment? Didn't feel good. It just felt, well... right. And that's fucking something I could addicted to.
So, I don't know how much that has to do with last night's nightmare, but maybe she's letting go, letting me be myself for a while, don't know if that will last. Not sure I want to.But right now I feel like I could pull a Lady Godiva, and by that I definitely don't mean the Velevet Underground song, thank you very much.
Oh, and the evening WILL suck. The girl I'm going with is pregnant and taking her previous baby to the party.
Ok, this really sucks. Middle-class, middle-aged couples with kids. Two pregnant women. Only singles are nerdy guys. Hummus, veggie tarts and organic fruit juice.
Everyone's square as fuck and I look like I stopped on the wrong floor and crashed the party.
I think I'm going to get shitfaced and belt out military anthems to get myself blacklisted with that crowd once and for all.
Ok, after a magic feeling, there's a major crash... Should have known, especially at this time of the year. Haven't felt as miserable in months. The buzz I got this afternoon is completely gone. Even the music sucks. Old dub? Seriously? I feel ugly and dirty and useless. I want to run out of there screaming for air.
>>5472873
>Everyone's square as fuck and I look like I stopped on the wrong floor and crashed the party.
well that sucks, to bad there are kids there otherwise you could have gotten some party enhancing liquids going on
if you aren't going to meet these people again then I would probably get out and eat some chinese food at home while watching Ivanhoe (1982) like everyone else
>>5472873
>organic fruit juice
Quick, spike it. ;)
Sounds like your friends grew up and you didn't. Nothing wrong with that in my mind. Personally I think a bit of irresponsibility is a necessity in anybody's life. I watched all my friends from my second time in college grow up, marry, have kids, etc.. while I never connected with anyone. Very frustrating. I'm now watching their kids grow up and marry. 2 marriages in June. At least they are 3 weeks apart. That'll give the parents some time to recover.
>>5473090
*hugs* Still likely better than the staying at home that I'm doing. Bloody flu still has me coughing. At least the fever broke some. Still not down to my normal.
Know any goof honky tonks you could party at?
>>5473095
Uh? Watching TV? I don't have one. Besides, I'm half a country away from home. Or from the madhouse that's my defacto home these days. Nah, next year, I'm probably going to stop being a cheapskate and either fly to meet people I've known for years but never met irl or just "invite" someone and tailor the best face-to-face cozy evening my money can buy...
>>5473131
Well, I grew up too early and I'm just back where I left having a life. Signed my life to the government when I was nineteen, nice lifetime contract with a respectable title, a "nice" "real job" with decent pay at a three-letter agency. And now I'm burning that contract. And keeping the benefits. Between the disability pension and insurance coverage, I have 30k a year for the rest of my days, 200k kind of illiquid equity and 100% free time. Except I won't have much to do with all that...
>the smallest my body will go is size 18 UK without looking like eugenia cooney
who /ForeverPlusSize/ here?
Well, happy new year, I guess. Nothing happy about it for me even though it's bound to have the most changes I had in my life in a long, long time... I guess that's worth a phoney smile.
How's the dating scene in WA? I've been racking my brain about transitioning for a while now and I think the only major thing stopping me is how difficult it would be to get in a relationship, which is already difficult enough for me as a dude because of social anxiety.
>>5473178
>>5473529
Happy New year to you too. :)
It's 6.5 hours before it comes here.
>>5473333
Me... Hips are size 16 to 18 now, but I could diet them down to 14 to 16. Chest, 20 to 22 now, and started at 18 to 20. With bust growth, I'm not sure I can go back.
>>5473642
Work on your social anxiety as you transition. As for WA social scene, it would be better to ask in /mtfg/ and /lesgen/. I'm not sure any regulars here are from WA.
>>5473701
trip fell off.
>>5473701
Thanks, definitely working on my anxiety (slowly but surely) but it feels like it would just be throwing one obstacle on top of another is all. I'll check those threads out m8.
I see everyone posting pics of their faces... but I'm WAY to shy to do that...
However, because I'm still super hyped for these ARs I built and the fact that I'm going to help build a friends AR tomorrow, I'll post a pic of my shooting one of my new babies...
>>5474013
Plenty on /mtfg/ but here? Not so much. I guess I post a lot of them. Then again, it's pretty easy for me. Looks are the part,of "everything", as in "why are you crying,you have everything going for you", I can least disagree with. Deep down, I still don't believe a thing, but what I feel deep down, they call psychosis, so...
Doing a bit of light reading in the middle of reading a book.
>As we delve further into the topic, it emerges that gender has long been a preoccupation for her. "When I was a child, I really wanted to be a boy. Not just in an 'Oh, I wish I could wear shorts and play with cars' way, because I did that anyway, but in a deep-seated way where I felt wrong in myself. I remember talking to my parents when I was five or six and saying I should be a boy."
>That she's always been drawn towards the masculine finds a fruitful, vital outlet in her stage persona. "For me, transcending gender is the ultimate goal," she says. "For men and women, the gender roles we're assigned are incredibly limiting. Being a woman, expressing masculinity is an interesting thing to do. When on stage, I feel powerful. I feel like a woman and a man."
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/anna-calvi-interview-the-singer-songwriter-on-loneliness-resisting-the-patriarchy-and-starring-at-10453912.html
Kinda confirms suspicions I had. She hasn't identified as transgender, but damn, if that isn't a near admission.
>>5474013
>but I'm WAY to shy to do that...
>tfw too shy to even use a name
>>5442961
i don't know any more /tlg/
i'm terrified of transitioning even after losing all this weight and trying to stick to the feminising diets and exercises and i still can't see the feminine in me, all this fucking dysphoria is killing me but i'm scared of being this ugly fucking comedically manly woman.
At the same time though i'm so uncomfortable with this fucking body i can't bring myself to start a relationship with anyone or even bring myself to even sexually pursue girls.
It just seems i should fucking just get on with it and die alone already.
Have some Lolis
>>5475958
You cant be a loli if that's what youre going for, nobody can, lolis are 2d only. On a more serious note have you been to a therapist?
>>5475966
i have been but the one i've been to has been pretty useless, all i got was hypotheticals like "if you had an option to perfectly transform yourself would you?" and yada yada, and then i ran out of cash.
and it's not even about going loli tier, i'm just posting that to cheer myself, it's more about being remotely close to even being womanly.
>>5474013
Why the man sized hoodie?
I shoot replicas
>>5475974
'womanly' is a pretty wide spectrum, FFS can fix facial problems too
>>5475982
true, it's just also a bunch of things, especially having broad shoulders and being 6"4, maybye i'm just drunk and being a downer on new years
whos this luna
>>5475986
I never thought I'd see someone taller than me in tlg. Hope you figure out what works for you :B
Well, guess I only feel comfortable around weirdos. A spinster friend showed up real late, got drunk real fast and had more hugs and kisses for me than i could have wished. Also, the tween daughter of one of the couples was funny enough. Thought I looked "really cool" and "like a viking". She also spent most of the evening running around the flat on all fours. Really quirky.
Also, please remind me of never getting into BDSM. I had to unfasten way too many zippers, hooks and buckles before going to sleep...
Yoooooooooooo
what's up ?
>>5476117
Trying to prep myself for a full year of not passing.
>>5476156
tried fulltime yet ?
>>5476159
Not even close, still in closet and budget is really low. I guess I'll try to get into the gov gatekeeping program again this year knowing perfectly well I won't get through because I don't meet the criteria. At least then I can say I tried and mope with a good conscience
>>5476165
always worth trying
>>5476167
Idk it's extremely taxing to travel with 5 different public transport lines to wherever the fuck the NHS has moved this year, explain my shit to a layman shrink so they can write the referral to trans clinic. Then go waste time at the trans clinic just to get denied because I don't meet their arbitrary criteria.
The benefit I guess is that having official records of it might finally get the army off my ass so I don't have to do the military service, though last time they completely ignored the psychologists analysis saying that I'm not at all fit for service and just postponed my service.
>>5476117
Well, reviewed what's to come for 2016 and I guess what's in store would make anyone happy. SRS and ID change are secuely planned. New insurance may cover part of the SRS, and they'll improve on my upcoming disability pension. So, I'm set to go stealth and live more comfortably than 90% of French people, without working. Now if only I could get a younger body, a memory wipe and a firmware upgrade to fix the melancholic depression bug, I guess I'd be fully functional.
>>5476175
good luck anon
>>5476180
neat
>>5476366
having fun helps
>Watching The L Word ten years late
>All it does it make me envious and depressed that the best status I can ever achieve is "transbian"
>Actually can't even do that, cause I'm technically bi
No matter what I do, I just can't shake this feeling of being a second-rate female. I anticipated it and accepted it would happen a long time ago, but it's still killing me.
I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now.
>>5476391
doing fun stuff
>>5476420
Thanks for giving a heads up on a movie to avoid because that's basically my feel constantly and I don't need any more reinforcement. Dont mind if I join your long-distance ter-riddled sleepover.
>>5446176
It sucks to be MTF and become aroused by your own masculine scent.
>>5476492
That's just you being a fucking weirdo
Do you think fags and lesbians just sniff themselves all day?
>>5476180
>Now if only I could get a younger body, a memory wipe and a firmware upgrade to fix the melancholic depression bug, I guess I'd be fully functional.
They gave me the memory wipe, and it just fucked me up worse. My firmware was also downgraded to closer to normal. Damage was done during the electroshock.
A younger body would be nice. I wish I could just go back to when I turned 14 and start over with starting transition then. Snip the balls, and start estrogen. I'd likely be an artist, photographer, or hedge fund controller now. Yeah, I'd never have had the wild sex year as I wouldn't have as strongly needed the affirmation of my femininity. I may still have gotten hooked on heroin. I was mentally really fucked up at that point, and the reasons Gia hit on me would still have been there. I doubt C#1 would have asked me out. I'd have been visibly female by then so I maybe wouldn't have headed to Monaco that first time. At the beginning of that 16th summer, when she asked me out, I was dressing as a guy. Yeah, it would have changed things a lot. I likely wouldn't have had as many investors in the hedge fund later on as I wouldn't have had money coming in from some of the really rich guys I had as clients. Between two of them, they pumped over $15M a year into it. That alone increased my income each of those years by a good $140k and made purchasing the building possible when I was 17. Interesting to think about what may or may not have changed, but a bit depressing too.
hehe, no wonder I just asked for expenses + gifts instead of cash. Cash had to be reported, and 60% of it would vanish.
I gave away many paintings and art prints too. If I sold them there would be the commission to the gallery, plus 61% taxes on top of that. A $10k painting sale would have netted me less than $3k.
>>5476420
*hugs* iktf
>>5476492
Funny you should mention that. I was noticing that more men caused me to get aroused now. I wonder if I tuned out my own scent and any man's scent like it. Now that I'm not producing my own masculine scents, I don't tune that range of scents out anymore.
>>5475979
Because I like baggy sweaters and jackets.
>tfw 244 this morning.
>>5476893
My tops are all baggy. I hate showing my belly. Boobs, I'd show them off if the belly wasn't there. They are filling out now. The bases are also getting more depth to them and even filling in some to the middle. I wish they would fill in to the top, but I know many cis girls who never did.
>>5476734
Honestly, that was deeply tongue in cheek. Sorry that it brought some of the bad back. Actually, I'm worried that I will have to accept getting shocks at some point in the next four years to get an uncontroversial report stating that all therapeutic ways have been exhausted and that my depression is a permanent state.
As for what I'd be now if I had had a real choice, most likely dead. Suicide, car crash or OD. Meeting Chiara and what happened afterwards was an extremely unlikely turn of events and it put a stop to my suicide attempts and sundry self-destructive behaviours. It pretty much collapsed the Schrodinger cat box my life was at the time. I had reached a point where everything was a blur. After the black out, and the panicky memory bonding I did (some of that was seriously questionable and... well, harrowing, physically and mentally.) , I found some clarity back at least.
>>5477625
There is a very high chance of memory loss with electroshock, and it isn't permanent. So if you can avoid it, do so. Many of the memories I've gotten back are full of obvious holes. I think Ketamine and similar would be much better. No damage to the brain, but they are also temporary.
>>5477958
>There is a very high chance of memory loss with electroshock, and it isn't permanent.
I should clarify. The positive depression reducing effects of electroshock are not permanent. The damage to the brain that causes memory loss is permanent or at the minimum very long lasting.
Cisles here, I'm meeting up with this girl tomorrow for coffee and she just sent me a message to tell me that she's trans. I like her so I'm excited to meet her tomorrow but I'm worried I'll say something shitty and fuck things up with her. I'm pretty inexperienced with dating in general.
>>5478961
You probably don't need to worry too much, just treat her like any other girl you might go on a date with. I hope it goes well.
>>5478961
Just treat her the same way you would treat anyone else really. That's about all the sage advice I've got for you.
>>5478961
Treat her like you'd treat any other girl. If she blows up over you crossing some line she never specified that's on her and trust me, you dont want to be with one of the crazies that expects everyone to be a mind reader.
>>5476492
Scent changes on HRT, interestingly enough. It probably varies some between people, but in my case what I've noticed is that my underarms don't get the same strong musky smell that they used to, and my pre-ejaculate doesn't smell like much of anything anymore. (Probably because I don't produce semen anymore, that probably was responsible for the smell.) Not that that should necessarily be a major deciding factor in whether to take HRT, but if you like the masculine smell of your body you need to be aware that you probably won't keep smelling the same as you do now if you go on HRT.
>>5477330
I'm probably gonna keep wearing baggy clothes but I also want to try getting a grungy kinda punk look going.
But I'm not going to do anything until I get my looks fixed up... which is a long road that I've only just begun...
Do you have a "type", /tlg/?
What is it?
For me it's fat chicks
4 months on hormones; when do boobs start feeling nice and not just owfuckdamn?
>>5479394
I actually liked how they felt a lot better in the owfuckdamn stage, massaging them doesn't feel nearly as awesome as it did when they were just getting started.
>>5479391
Nerd/weeb girls.
>>5479394
Oh, I guess I didn't answer the question: for me I think it was maybe five months or so. It will probably depend on your age and genetics, though.
>>5479391
Skinny, not into jewelry, laid back...
I'm pretty open to people as long as they aren't tryhard dickheads, which, oddly enough, is surprisingly limiting. Especially in California.
>>5479391
>Fat chicks
Fat chested chicks.
>>5479972
normie/10 taste
>>5479972
thanks for making us flat chested chicks feel bad...
>>5479989
>normie/10 taste
You're damn right it is.
But fiiine,
>short
>skinny
>DFC
>whiny, bitchy, and entitled
>says 'fufufu' unironically
There you go. Enjoy.
>>5479993
I like flat chested girls too 'ya know. Just because I like chocolate ice cream doesn't mean I'd turn down vanilla if it was in front of me.
It's still ice cream. You're still qt.
>tfw thought I was over my cough.
>tfw keeping everybody up with my cough.
>head hurts too.
>>5480091
Take some warm drink and/or breathe vapor to moisturize your throat and reduce coughing.
My sister was there for dinner yesterday, hadn't seen her in a year. She's still bitter as hell about the botched surgery that left her barren and got her on a lifetime HRT script. She commented on how much I had changed and how I definitely looked the most womanly in the family now. There was more than a bit of jealousy in the way she said this. Not to mention how she chided me about wearing clothes I'd never dare to wear if I still had a "real job".
I guess she's right on that last point. Throwing all semblance of normalcy away earned me back freedoms only the young, the obscenely wealthy and artists are usually allowed.
>>5480091
iktf
>>5480661
but it's not my lungs causing it
>>5479993
>your preference makes me feel bad
What?
>>5481370
why?
>>5481505
that kind of helped me going actually I guess... but oh well, good luck.
Help me, /tlg/. I'm attracted to boys, I lock cock, but for some reason, lately, all I can think about is my fellow MtFs. I really want to meet someone like me. I want to be able to have a conversation and feel understood. I don't know
>>5481716
what's there to help
get a tranny friend to talk to
get man for benus
Nightmares season is open. 17 years today. Feels like yesterday. And I've been doing what I shouldn't do, thinking about what I did to remember. I often say that I wove my memories of her into the fabric of my own self, but that's a fucking euphemism. What I put myself through, well, let's just say I have a hard time telling memories of what really happened from memories of nightmares. I'd be serving a life sentence if I had done what I did to someone else than myself...
>>5485507
I've only pieced together bits of what you've gone through in reading your past posts, but even so it's clear you've gone through some terrible times in your life, beyond what I could understand really. I'm sorry that I can't do anything but wish that you have dreams of only good memories.
Do you ever feel like youre less trans for liking girls? I dont mean to inflame you all or suggest you are, but sometimes when Im introspecting it gets counted as a reason Im not trans and I dont know if thats the way it should be or wha.
>>5485635
Uh, no. I'm personally quite comfortable with it, but the agents of social sclerosis aren't. It was one of the reasons I was gatekept from the "official", insurance covered transition protocol, until 2009, though. And I'm not even really a lesbian, barely a political one. I'm asexual, definitely. I despise males enough to know I'll never be het, though, and that's something I can't hide. That was enough to bar me from transitioning within the lines. So, yeah, fuck those heteronormative reactionary assholes and don't let them get to your head, there's nothing wrong with hating guys and liking girls.
>>5485635
nah, or would you consider any other women less woman for being attracted to them?
>>5485635
Not really, basically all of my feeling less girl feels are about poor passing and inexperience about being trans. Maybe it becomes an issue if I ever find a GF and she's super cute and I'm sort of hon-ish but the preference itself no.
