How close are you to snapping, /lgbt/?
>>5442324
>huge fight with boyfriend Christmas eve
>sitting in his bed right now and didn't show up for Christmas at my grandma's
>this hangover is getting worse by the hour
Yea I'm pretty close
I keep thinking this is it but apparently I can tolerate more shit than I give myself credit for. I am concerned though that it's just going to happen without much warning.
Well I guess the last several years were my warning
>>5442324
Out of anger? If you're talking about suicide, anyway, I am sure I would have done it yesterday if I had a gun.
>>5442339
Hang in there anon, Christmas is often the worst time of the year
>>5442324
Getting there. About three weeks of solitary ought to do it. Luckily I have my... oh shit, I'm not Tulpa anon. Wait... did I imagine him? This is like Inception, yo.
>>5442324
>step-brother is a convicted pedophile who sexually abused me for years as a child
>the trauma along with other factors has been slowly killing me my whole life
>try to kill self
>friend pulls me out of tub
>gives suicide note to mother
>I wrote about the abuse
>she tells everyone ofc
>decide to be open about it and to stop pretending like nothing ever happened
>father invites the pedophile to christmas
>he knows I never wanted to see him again
>"im forgiving" "im inviting everyone in the family" "then just dont come if you have a problem with him"
>dad buries head in sand as usual and pretends im the asshole
>spent christmas alone
>dad is dead to me because he chose my abuser over me (hes not even his child btw)
I think i already have
Mom said I had girl nails and my hair is too long at Christmas breakfast.
She's obviously jealous but her shit talking let's me know I'm getting closer :)
I still feel like dying
>>5442620
You should have offered your step-brother a nice drink to make amends over all the shit he did.
>>5442744
there's times when ive wanted to kill him, but i don't think i could live with my self as a murderer
im just banking on him committing suicide; his life is pretty shitty, so there's hope.
>>5442639
Damn, I bet it feels a little good tho, hang in there anon ;)
>>5442835
You can push him a little, then you won't feel guilty at all but he will still be dead?
Been depressed most of my adult life, suffer from anxiety disorder that cripples my chances of having any sort of social life or finding a partner, had business fail several years ago that left me bankrupt and on the edge of suicide.
During this time, an abused year old Mastiff is rescued by a friend of the family and is in desperate need of a forever home so I adopt him, because it's really the only thing of any value I can do with my life at that point and I commit myself to making sure this dog will never go hungry or be abused again. It has been 7 years now and my lovely, charming dog is now an old man and this year for the first time in his life he was seriously ill, he lost most of his eyesight and also has been diagnosed with a spinal arthritis that will require life long medication, the cost of the vet treatments has left me completely penniless but I still have my dog for now, so It's money well spent.
But it's now 2am and I'm lay in bed next to my old, arthritic dog, the one reason I have to carry on living and I've realised something: this is likely to be the last year I spend with him and it's breaking my heart both because of how much I love this furry creature but also because I don't think I'll survive without him and I can almost feel the clock ticking for both of us.
I know it's stupid, but fuck it I'm sharing it anyway.
>>5442620
What a piece of shit, good on you for not going OP, having some fucking respect for yourself.
>>5442324
Was pretty close a week ago but getting away from school pulled me back from the edge
I "snapped" today and got in a huge fight with my family on Christmas, "ruined" everyone's Christmas, was disinherited (literally - "I'm writing you out of the will"), and decided it was finally time to get it over and done with and kill myself. I walked miles and miles to the tallest bridge in our area, sobbing the whole way (I was beyond caring how pathetic I looked), snot running down my face and practically freezing because it was so cold outside. I stood at the base and, before I started walking up onto the bridge itself, my (now ex-) boyfriend called. I ended up coming out to him as trans. I told him I'm going to start transitioning. He was fucking amazing and said that, even if our intimate relationship was over and a lot of things would change, I was still his best friend in the world and talked me into walking home.
My throat feels like it's going to bleed from screaming and crying so much. I'm so overwhelmed by everything I have to do. I can't deal with it. I just want to sleep forever. I was talked out of jumping off of that bridge earlier, but it's still so fucking tempting to just end it all.
>>5442926
Get a new dog while you still have the old one so you never go dogless!
>>5442965
That's interesting, it's the exact opposite to me. Working hard in school distracts me from the pile of trans bullshit in the back of my head.
>>5442967
That's a wonderful step in the right direction, coming out to him. Good luck in your journey!
>>5442967
I'm glad you're okay
I almost jumped yesterday
Not gay related but
We are ok
>>5443022
I never intended to get another dog after this one, it would mean committing to living another decade and I don't believe I'm capable of that. It's also impossible for me to get a second dog due to financial constraints and the fact that I live in rented accommodation that limits the number of pets in the household to one.
In all honesty, there's no solution to any of what I posted, sooner or later the dog will die and I've been holding off suicide to provide him with a home this long, without him I don't see any reason to postpone it.
With that said, right now I still have my old friend and fully intend to make sure he lives our his remaining days in the lap of luxury.
>>5442900
Thanks, sweetie <3
> be me
> le generic greentext start has arrived
> find out who frank wolf was
> so goddamn cute and innocent
> end up finding out he commited suicide
> end up finding out it was over bullying
> get pissed as shit over someone I never knew but really liked
It isnt really that big compared to your guys's shit that happened but I was fucking Livid.
>24
>semi-shit retail job
>keep getting shuffled from day to night shifts every couple months
>didn't receive raise promised from new contract that just went into effect
>all but completely given up on education path due to disillusionment about perceived chance of success
>rarely able to establish even decent social connections; never able to maintain them for longer than a year before they start deteriorating
>oldest brother owes me > $8000; middle owes me > $2000
>mother is a spineless doormat to their whims
>oldest brother in prison (partially thanks to middle brother) and continues to drain money from her
>middle brother practically enforces his will as to what the house "should" look like because "that's how modern homes are made"
>he pretty much shits on any responsibility and accountability by not keeping a job or trying to find one
>he and his pregnant girlfriend have seemingly no plans of finding their own place at all
>they haven't paid rent, any bills, or contributed to the household financially in like 6 months
>mfw I paid all the bills for almost two years since I got my current job
>mfw I saved 6 months' worth of income to pay off the back taxes on the house in January; ~$4500
>was supposedly promised the house by mother with my brothers getting nothing
I suppose I'll see
I'm just starting to get black hairs on my chin and I can't start hormones for 6 months. Ill start hormones then, see how it goes, and if I got fucked proper my testosterone, I'll just an hero. Or at least that's plan is, but I'll probably just pussy out at the last second and just commit suicide.
>>5443249
it wasn't over bullying. he was bipolar
Very fucking close
Thank god for just cause 3 to get my anger off
