Male 22 confused also slight autism, 165lbs, 6,4ish
Hello everyone, recently I have been feeling some strange feelings in regard to my body, and my body image. I have always felt out of place in relationships for as long as I can remember. I have always felt mentally more gender neutral and hetero, but I find my self becoming more feminine. I have started wishing I had female gentiles. I have started becoming more sexually open, This is strange feeling to me, as I have had small feelings this way before, however they now feel more intensified. Just last night I had very mild gender disphoria. I normally don't think about personal things very often because I like thinking about objective systems such as computer networking, I rarely find myself thinking about myself, however I find that I am doing this more and more. Is any of this normal? Are there any larger implications?
Pic semi related, its kinda how I have been feeling as if late, between my autism and what was mentioned above.
Maybe pics if asked for.
>>5437180
Hi Eli. this may sound off base, but stick with me for a bit.
I fantasize, pretty much daily, about being gangbanged. i think about having tons of large big men penetrating my ass, and treating me like a sub slut bitch who exists only to be a cum dump for other men.
but as soon as anyone sticks a finger in me its a no go. when im actually having sex, id much rather be fucking in ass than getting fucked.
fantasies are often that, just fantasies, and they arent often even about us, we just dont realize it. i mean when most straight men fantasize they think of a women getting fucked. if you fantasize that much it'd be easy to accidentally imagine yourself as the girl.
either way, you gotta remember that changing your genitals doesnt actually change your genitals. its just your penis rearranged. sure it can get fucked now, but its nowhere near the same as being a woman.
>>5437180
Aspergers definitely seems to result in a less confident sense of self and therefore gender. However, that doesn't mean it's not valid to be considering trans stuff. Think about whether you would be happier if you were the same person with the same life, but female.
Note: Its real diagnosed ASD(autism spectrum disorder), not 4chan memed autism.
Also I have been reading that it is actually statistically significant as someone with ASD to be a bit gender non binary. (If I am using that germ correctly) I guess I need to stew over things a little and do proper research.
A paper on high functioning autism and gender roles.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3909328/
>>5437711
papers are statistical averages. not you. I wouldn't worry about the paper and propensities it reports.
Find a gender therapist and talk through your feelings, etc with one. It already sounds like you aren't at the masculine end of the gender scale. No biggie. Many cis men are not. How far from it are you? Who knows? Talk with your gender therapist about it. Very few ever dream of having the opposite sex genitals.
Trans Help General is a good thread for getting questions answered, but personal insight can only come from you.
>>5438778
Thank you for the reply, I guess I forget to be a human sometimes I need to remember I am not a number.
>>543>>5437391
I don't really fantasize about the sissy narrative of all the dicks. In fact as of late I have been thinking about what it would be like with both genders as a female. I don't really enjoy sex at the moment, I broke up with my female ex because I felt out of place during sex wishing it could be the other way around. I feel awful masterbating sometimes.
>>5439650
Eli
I have been thinking about it, the only thing that is preventing me from doing that is this is a feeling that comes and goes, though it seems to be getting worse.
If I was going to transition I would try to aim for something like fem Shepard or Lisbeth Slander from Girl with the Dragon tattoo.
>>5437406
I've day dreamed of doing my job as a real fem
But never hated being guy either, just dream wish of being fem
>>5445629
Eli here
I don't feel natural as a male, at the same time I am terrified to change. After some introspection I think I might be happier if I did, I just don't know how to. I want to get my self some cute female clothes. But I am in deep deep stealth mode. I don't know how to go to the store without looking like a pervert. Also I have noticed the disphoria is getting worse. I can feel a set of phantom boobs sometimes and it feels bittersweet for me, because I know there's nothing there. Thinking about taking Purifica until I go talk to a gender psyche.
>>5446109
hi eli. unless you take 5000mg of purifica you are just taking placebo pills. if you are past puberty even that amount may not be enough to change you in any way
sure you can eat less meat and more veggies but at the end of the day you have to decide what you want to be: are you okay with aging like a man?
>>5446143
Eli here
At this point, I don't think so.
