>Be lesbian
>In an arranged marriage to a man
>He's very nice and everything, but just, not attracted at all.
I keep trying to encourage him to go get a mistress or something, so he won't always have an erection when he comes to bed, but he's being very..... difficult about it, keeps saying that he doesn't want to break the marriage vow, despite it being something that his dad pushed him into; and it's not like he minds me and Cheryl or anything, I don't get why he's being such a stick in the mud, and it's honestly causing problems.
Anyone have any ideas?
I'm guessing a divorce is off the table?
>>5416051
Theoretically on the table, but we'd both probably be disowned by our families, so in all practicality, yes.
>>5416040
What have you tried so far?
>>5416069
Well, I had a long talk with him, got him aware of the issue, and I've tried getting him hookups on Cargislist, but that never ended well. And he flat out won't date any of my friends.
Tbh, that's really it.
>>5416086
The vow angle sounds like misdirection.
Ask him if he wants to live as an asexual. Not "is willing to", but wants to. If not, you need to be absolutely clear that this is the life he will lead if he remains "faithful" to an ideal. Because he's not being faithful to you - you aren't sexual partners, and never will be.
>>5416128
I'm sorry if I gave off a wrong impression; we've had sex, and still do about once a month or so. It's, well, obligation, and the only way to fill the nursery. But it's a duty, a chore, at least for me.
But to clear things up, we are occasionally intimate.
>>5416135
Then he's got little incentive to find a mistress, don't you think?
>>5416135
Where the fuck do you live?
>obligation
Do your parents watch you fuck or do they inspect your vagina afterwards to be sure that you're having sex?
>>5416166
Well, I assume he wants it more than once a month or so, and from a woman who would actually enjoy his attention.
>>5416186
Great Britain.
>Do your parents watch you fuck or do they inspect your vagina afterwards to be sure that you're having sex?
They do invite themselves in and "expect us to perform our marital duties". I've caught someone listening at the door on occasions when they come and visit.
>arranged marriage
>great britain
Are you muzzie? Jesus what an awful fate.
>>5416203
wtf
If you aren't just trolling break up with this guy and tell your parents to fuck off. What is this, the middle ages? Who cares of they disown you.
>>5416203
Struggling to understand being so passive in the choices made about your own life.
Why on earth would you sustain a culture when you are a prime example of why said culture is completely, and utterly, abhorrent.
He's being a stick in the mud because he clearly feels he is entitled to your body. I'm no SJW or feminazi but god damn, that's so clearly marital rape I can't even begin to understand why you are lying back and taking it?! God damn have some pride!
>>5416203
Fucking hell I feel sorry for you, Britain in 2015 and you get landed with that life.
Is that even legal to do over here? It sounds like rape or something.
>>5416203
>They do invite themselves in and "expect us to perform our marital duties". I've caught someone listening at the door on occasions when they come and visit.
That's fucked up. Is it really so bad if they disown you?
>>5416203
Also, arranged / forced marriages are illegal in the UK. There are numerous charities and support groups you should be contacting about this rather than posting on 4chan.
>>5416218
Hindu, actually.
>>5416223
Have you ever tried to afford a flat in London? Or to get a job when suddenly your entire circle of references is willing to say you're a disobedient terrible child and probably an abusive mother?
>>5416229
Which part of "arranged marriage" implies it was my choice?
I "sustain" a culture because I am still in large part dependent upon it, and dependent upon people who believe in it very wholeheartedly.
And he doesn't feel entitled to my body. When I tell him no, he backs off. He just looks so unhappy when I do, and he really is a good guy, it's not his fault he's caught up in this, it wasn't his decision any more than mine.
>arranged marriage
>divorce off the table
POO 2 LOO
>>5416040
Take the cock in your ass lesbian sinner. You shouldn't get any pleasure for you are a sinner! Get fucked in the ass!
This is exactly why non western cultures don't belong in the west. No adult man or woman should be dependent on their family. If you're not self sufficient by the age of 25 then you've failed in life.
>>5416287
>Wrecking quite a bit of my life
Unlike this façade marriage?
Seriously anon, get in touch with one of the numerous charities involved in this because 1. no one is going to give you good advice on 4chan and 2. you've been brainwashed into thinking this is even remotely acceptable because of financial needs.
I highly doubt the first response to you talking to someone knowledgeable about your problem is going to be for them to press charges on your family.
You're having an aranged marriage in a country that has internet access? Lol
Call that shit off.
RUN BITCH
>>5416272
> you've failed your life unless some over-general rule
Not exactly
>thinking companies even care about references
lel
i think you dont know how well off you would be on your own, i've started my life over before by myself in a new country with nothing and i was fine. just split the money you guys have and get a job while you're still together then fuck everyone when they ask why you're getting a divorce
you dont need to live like this in a first world country
>>5416040
Tell him it is common, if not expected, for the rich and royalty to have mistresses.
>tfw been there, done that, the mistress part.
>build a new social circle that isn't full of backwards asshats
>get job security
>divorce
>find cute chick
Life's too short so stop being a pussy and leave him already. This kind of relationship is abusive for everybody who is involved, do you understand; he is being abused just as much you are.
STOP PUTTING UP WITH THIS SHIT, ANON
LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE
AND FUCK ANYBODY THAT HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT
YOU BOTH DESERVE BETTER
>tfw no qt married lesbian to be the other, other woman for.
>>5419415
Really you want a dumb bitch who lives in a first world country and is fine prostituting herself as long as she gets her parents' money in the end?
>>5416040
nobility or pakistani?
I just don't have any sympathy for people like you OP.
Stop complaining about your arranged marriage if you're not going to do anything about it. Fucking divorce your live in cuckold, make new references, move out of london to somewhere less expensive and stop letting people control your life.
Jesus christ. Have some conviction and forge your own life you coward. YOU LIVE IN A GOD DAMN FIRST WORLD COUNTRY. If you dont have a job, get one. Save up money in a seperate account not known to your husband or family. Save up enough to pay for a couple months of living, and just get the fuck out.
Fuck your parents, fuck your friends, fuck your acquaintances, fuck your "cultural obligations". You have one fucking life to live. Why let other people decided what it should be for you. THEY'RE NOT LIVING YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE.
>>5419865
Exactly all of this.
>>5419865
This. Get a job, earn some money, fuck them all.
Renting can be expensive, but there are options, like sharing a flat with somebody else.
>>5416241
You live in the UK, and I assume you're a citizen. You are more flexible and independent than you seem to think you are. For example, there are other places to live than London. People get by with no family at all, so don't try to pretend like you're stuck in a bad situation. You're psychologically dependent on your family and you don't want to be estranged from your loved ones - that's understandable. If you think it's worth all this to keep your family's goodwill, that's your decision. But you're doing it to yourself, and you don't have to.
>>5420223
What's the situation with Cheryl? Can she put you up for a while, if necessary? Would she skip town with you?
>>5416231
>>5416238
>>5416287
Law student here.
I can confirm that forced marriage is illegal. However, if it's arranged and both consent (unless under duress or undue influence/pressure which then makes it forced) then it's legal as it's simply cultural.
If it breaks down, you could nullify the marriage (which exists as a mechanism for religious couples) on the grounds of non-consummation. There wouldn't be the stigma of divorce and would basically say the marriage was nonexistent in the first place.
If you're already married, then your best bet would be to lie and say the marriage was never consummated (your partner would be the one to have to bring the claim probably).
I fucking hate the indoctrination of religion and its imposition on unwilling citizens. Annulment shouldn't even exist in my opinion. Anyway, good luck anon.
>>5420579
I don't thik you understood OP, she is perfectly fine with her arranged marriage. She just somehow feels bad for her husband, even though he gets to fuck her and is content with that.
>>5420661
Then it merely highlights the extent of the delusion for one to maintain an arranged marriage out of cultural pressure. It's absolutely ludicrous - since when did the happiness of her parents overtake her own? Treated like an object to be traded for a successful man, the one who retains the success for himself and distributes it at his own will.
If she's content, then there'd be no need for such a thread.
Seriously though, it's pretty much the equivalent to: 'I'm a lesbian but I let this guy I don't like fuck me on occasion because I want my parents to be happy'.
I'm so close to wanting to a file the fucking case for annulment myself, or bringing a case against the parents of the families for the forced marriage.
>>5420661
>I don't thik you understood OP, she is perfectly fine with her arranged marriage.
Yeah, fine, it's her business. Except then she comes here and complains that her marriage is causing problems. Of course it's causing fucking problems. What sort of advice does she expect, besides "extricate yourself from this situation ASAP, things can only get worse"?
