Being in the same situation myself, except I'm the man in my situation it really should be up to him.
Of course I don't know how he is, but I'm able to control my emotions and I'm happy to be around those I love because seeing them happy makes me happy.

>>5369204
>However I'm concerned what will happen if I abruptly cut him off or openly ended our friendship. I'm afraid he might self destruct or self harm.
Doesn't he have other friends? He's not really your problem.

>>5369214

Normally I'd expect a man to be able to handle himself. Thing is we have history, and he's seriously in love with me. I'm talking do anything I ask even if it meant prison in love with me.

>>5369225

He does have other friends, but none close enough for him to turn to for something this heavy. I'm his best friend, we've known each other since kindergarten. So in a sense he is, to a degree, my problem.

>>5369204
Do you think giving him some space/distancing yourself for a while would help? This is how I got over my crush on a straight girl, and now we're very good friends again. You want to be transparent about this idea to him of course, see what he thinks.

throw him a sausage and tell him to fuck off

fucking first world problems, I swear

ooor...is it that you're not trulesbian and want to fuck him secretly?

Start distancing yourself from him. Try not to be in situations where you are alone with him so there are other people he can concentrate on.

If you have a girlfriend, talk her up to him. Let him know how much you love her. If you don't have one, make one up.

I was in literally exactly this same situation.

I had a really good male friend - we were close as shit. Hung out together all the time, did most everything together.
One day he started talking about how he wished I was straight. Then he started asking if I ever thought I might be.
At first I thought he was just taking the piss, but it just got worse and worse until he just flat out said "I think I'm in love with you, is there any way we could be together."
Tried to let him down gently, but it didnt work. All of our encounters after that swiftly went from 'fun like always' to 'he's literally sitting there trying not to cry and pretending everything is okay' to 'he's literally begging me to be straight'.

In the end he was talking about how he was going to kill himself, he was drinking heavily, etc etc.

Honestly, I didnt deal with it well - I basically freaked out, realised I just couldnt fucking deal with being the reason he was miserable at the same time as trying to stop him feeling miserable. Told the whole story to a mutual friend and asked him to please keep an eye on the guy, and then basically stopped talking to him.
Didnt talk to him for like 5 months.

That was two years ago, and we're friends again now. In his recovery period I think he ended up cosying up to another female friend of ours and they're now dating.
Sometimes he off-handedly mentions that he loves her, but 'not half as much' as he loved me.
I still dont know what to do with it.

cont.

>>5369633

Much as I felt shitty for cutting him out like that, after all we'd been through, I just couldnt continue on.
It was making every single day a stressful nightmare of wondering if he'd try and talk to me that day, wondering if he was just going to continue berating me for not being straight, wondering if he was going to get shitfaced at 3am and phone me to call me a dyke whore and beg me to love him.


Basically your friend sounds like he's in the early stages of what my friend went through / did.
If you're lucky he'll stay there.

But really I think the best thing to do is be honest with him. Just tell him that you think your being around him as a friend when he so desperately wants more than that is just going to hurt him, so maybe you guys should split for a while.

I would most definitely rope in another mutual friend to keep an eye on him though. Probably a girl since guys seem to have trouble talking about this shit to other guys?


Either way, good luck anon.
It's a shit place to be in.

>>5369633
>>5369644

He's never begged me to be straight, and seems to understand at least that I really am Les, and respects that. What kills me are his words. He's only 5'10, but a bear of a man. Like 235 pounds of muscle, really thick goatee. But he says shit that's damn near poetic. I guess he has a talent for venting his heart. Thing is it crushes me, and he doesn't even intend to.

> When we talk, sometimes he'll go quiet or look away. I've recognized this as embarrassment now. He feels awkward for his attraction to me.
> Tell him to act natural. I know he's into me, and that it's ok. He doesn't have to look away or feel ashamed about it. He'll never get over it unless he faces at least that much.
> " I'm not ashamed of my lust. I'm ashamed of my affection. Sometimes I realize how much I love you and my heart seizes. It's like there are rocks in my throat. "
> " You are beautiful, terrifyingly so, but everyone can see that. No shame in that much. I'm a man. "
> " But sometimes when I look at you or talk to you I feel like I'm 13 dealing with my first crush again. It's been so long since I've felt that way that I get ashamed, because I'm a grown man. "

or another one:

> Talking to him about maybe not being friends anymore, because clearly this is hurting him.
> " I know you don't love me the way I would like you to. "
> " And that's fine. I want you to know I don't think you owe me anything. "
> " I wouldn't want anything from you out of obligation or guilt anyways. "
> " I will always love you, in some way or another. I will always be your friend, even if you choose not to be mine. "
> " I might not ever get over you, but eventually I will move on. I really appreciate your patience. "
> " But I am always here for you, and I don't expect anything in return. "
> " You've already done more than I can repay. "
> " If you do choose to stop being my friend though, please don't hate me. Don't hate me for loving you. "
> " I'm sorry I burdened you with this"

>>5369633
>>5369644
>>5369682

As for getting him out for a bit, I've been talking with his guy friends and explaining the problem. They've decided to take him out drinking tonight and try to get him laid, or at least entertained. Hopefully about 5-7 mid twenties dudes can get his mind off me.

>>5369682
>>5369685

Jeez he is dealing with it WAY better than my friend did, so that's good. Makes it much harder for you to consider things like cutting contact for a while though, huh.


He honestly does sound like it's something he'll work through, and like it's something he wants to work through. Which is good. My friend started like that and then kinda seemed to go "No its not my problem im in love with a lesbian, its her problem for being a lesbian". I still dont get that logic jump, but hopefully your friend doesnt make it.

A lads night out should do him good though that's for sure.

>>5369700
Honestly, if it were any other guy, I wouldn't give two shits about how he feels. The fact that he's my best friend, and he feels so genuinely, is what tears me up. That and the fact that ever since he told me, he's hated himself for it. I don't want him to ever feel bad for telling me the truth.

Either way, I think he will get through it. I'm just worried because I've seen how it's been effecting his behavior. Hopefully the guys pull through tonight. If not it's back to the drawing board.

>>5369713

Yeah that's pretty much how I felt, too.
I've had a couple of other friends fall for me over the last couple of years and that didnt really phase me. "Sorry I'm gay" and that was that.

I guess one thing to do that might help is to tell him that he shouldnt hate himself. Like, he didnt choose to fall for you, did he? If he isnt actively blaming / hating himself for his feelings, then that might help him deal with them.

Man I don't know.

One of my first fellow homo friends is clearly into me, even kissed me last time we got drunk and told me "he's not sure how he feels" when I asked whether it meant anything to him. I didn't respond at all, and I was just hoping it was a one-off because of how he was feeling at the time.

Now I just feel awkward most of the time when I see him, and him giving me a semi-backrub recently didn't help either. lol

It's so dumb, because if he looked at the big picture for a bit he would know we're not compatible at all, but he doesn't.

I wish I knew how to deal with it, but more and more I just find myself thinking the friendship has an expiration date.

Best you can do is either give distance or hope & pray he gets interested in someone else. That's what I'm doing.

Been in a similar situation to yours OP (although I'm bi, which I think made the guy still have hope). In my experience, even though we tried to keep the friendship up (on my part mostly out of pity), he self-destructed anyway. He dropped out of college, quit his job and refused to get another one, and when I expressed concern about him he blew up at me. Then when I finally was able to cut it off, he tried stalking me for a while. It was ugly.

I'm not saying your guy will act the exact same, but I've learned over the years that my hunches about people are usually right. If you have a hunch that this guy is going to self-destruct, don't keep him around out of pity. Both of you deserve better than a pity friendship. It might be hard and ugly at first, but ultimately you have to do what's best for your own mental health, and keeping a pity friendship up won't do you any favors.

Even if he might get angry and think of you as a bitch, or get sad and self-destruct, or a mixture of both, you owe it to both him and yourself to get away. Best of luck to you, I know it's not easy.

>>5369793
Oh, also forgot to mention, this guy was my best friend all throughout high school and early college as well, which definitely made it even harder. But ultimately I'm a lot better off for getting away from him. In the end, pity friendships only drag you both down.

>>5369204
>I was hoping other men could tell me how to best help him through this and get better
Try and hook him up with someone else. Get him in love with another and retreat to the background a short while so that his attention is on her, not you.

It's a bit severe but it's supposed to be a "when all else fails" plan.

>>5369204
Find him a partner.