I've just accepted the fact that I'm a homosexual who likes the dick, I've been living as a heterosexual man all my life, I still find homosexuality to be "dirty" and "shameful".
I watch gay porn and all that jazz, jerk off to dick pics... but looking at a man irl other than with straight eyes is kinda hard for me, when I'm horny I want gay sex and all, but when I cum I'm like mehh...
The therapist wanted me to explore my sexuality by using apps like grindr, but it scares the living day light out of me(social anxiety, afraid of rejection, mixed with homophobia and feeling weired out).
I'm just so afraid of meeting a stranger, especially a gay one, I've never really been around gay people. I'm also afraid that I might get put off by someone and I'll go into a panic attack, and can't enjoy myself when having sex. This lifestyle terrifies me sometimes.... but I am still a faggot at the end of the day.
Any tips for someone with internalized homophobia? I'm also afraid of cumming and feeling like worthless slut afterwards.
You don't have to get into casual sex to be gay. You could try finding a guy you connect with and explore things with him
Sounds like someone has to tie you up and plow your ass faggot.
>>5343922
Seconding this.
Grindr is terrible, you will only find hook-ups there. Tinder is better, but not -that- much better.
Persevere through any awkwardness and be clear with the people you're talking to you'd like to go on a date and get to know them rather than just have an NSA hookup. People will reject you, but in my experience the gays who love making a point of rejecting someone harshly are not worth the time they demand.
There's no reason to feel like a worthless slut, especially if you know the guy a little and actually enjoy his company when not fucking.
>>5343922
>>5343932
If only I could just have with someone I trust.
It's just so conflicting for me to think of irl guys in a sexual way, because I always been "straight" and behaved like a "straight man". Why must I be such a scared little bitch? This is the reason I've stayed "straight"... and I want to stop living a lie and stop lying to myself.
I'm so afraid of people, if a naked hot guy at the gym locker room would start jacking off in front of me I would get turned on and probably start sucking him off... but I'm not really that attracted to the man's face, although it does matter how he looks, I want a good looking face.
Like i've said I've always been in a "straight" mindset, when I was out and about I never let myself think "hmm this guy is pretty cute", so that's why it's so weird.
Sounds like your therapist is trying to have you get the AIDS.
OP here:
Might I just be straight? Might that be the reason this terrifies me? Maybe I'm just a straight male that has fooled himself into thinking he's gay. Just because I jerk off to gay porn doesn't mean I'm gay? Right?
>>5344066
lol
>>5344066
It's not just straight or gay, its all grey. Go google the Kinsey scale.
>>5344066
I worry about this exact same thing. Maybe it's just a lifetime of being exposed to the internet and only that?
Only real way to know is to crawl out of your shell and get out there and meet people. Maybe over a few years, eventually you'll find someone you're attracted to, maybe you'd eventually be willing to get to know them, and only then you'd really know.
But that'd require overcoming shyness, learning the same sorts of social skills everyone else seems to have mastered in grade school, and generally exposing yourself to all sorts of risks and vulnerabilities. The activation energy plateau is just too high, it'll never happen, and you'd screw it up even if it did, why even bother, etc.
At least you're going to therapy.
>>5343864
>any tips for someone with internalized homophobia?
I don't think you've "internalized homophobia" i think you're not gay
> I'm also afraid of cumming and feeling like worthless slut afterwards.
yeah, you're not gay
>>5344146
I'm just afraid that I might make myself more depressed or emotionally scare myself by having sex I don't like. I'm a man, I'm not used to being submissive toward strangers or men showing me affection, I'm afraid I might freak out. I really don't get people that pray the gay away... can't these faggots live without sucking a cock for one month? We robots are used to repressing sexual excitement by compulsive masturbation, we don't think like the normies think, the normies are all bad people... Some people hunt for sex like a serial killer hunts for a victim to rape/torture/kill.
>>5344178
That's probably why you should avoid Grindr/Tinder/etc. - it's completely normal (and healthy, I'd say) for anyone to be apprehensive about that sort of stuff. It's not really going to answer any questions, either. Think through it: prearranged encounter with some strange man you've talked to for all of five minutes on a cellphone app. Not too many people could derive any sort of enjoyment out of something like that. At best it'd be confusing, at worst it'd be humiliating.
When you look at the sorts of people who go to 'conversion therapy' camps, not counting those there against their will, often they're people who are more worried about their own attractions, and sometimes they haven't actually done much with other guys. They're afraid that something is wrong with their mind and that it'll result in going down the wrong path, and as long as there are people willing to profit off of that anxiety, those sorts of camps will continue to exist.
There are a lot of straight guys who are also afraid of freaking out when women show interest. Usually the desire for companionship is enough to overcome that, but not always.
>>5344165
Why do you say that?
>>5344308
You talk like you're straight.
Even from the meme picture you used to start your thread I could tell you were straight.
>>5344257
If I would be drunk at a bar I would most definitely go home a man(if he's decent looking and not old) or some cow.
>>5343922
This. OP has a shit shrink.
Maybe try camwhoring with someone first rather than risking casual sex.
>>5344320
>Even from the meme picture you used to start your thread I could tell you were straight.
I would sleep with my friends in a heartbeat(who aren't gay), that wouldn't make me gay because, they aren't gay and we would say no homo before doing it.
Also, calling someone a faggot is one of the finer things in life, if faggots like you can't grasp the meaning and the awesomeness of calling people faggot, then you might just be a faggot.
I talk straight? Well that's something, but my sexuality definitely is not straight.
>>5344320
Ok, you might be right, maybe I am straight. Do you have any tips on how I could reprogram myself into being able to jerk of to girls?
A lot of OP's post hits close to home for me.
I am a self-loathing bisexual who just recently came to grips with being bisexual. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is the idea that I am sexually fluid. I used to be "straight" but am now "bisexual."
The truth is that I was ALWAYS bisexual to some degree, but suppressed it because I grew up in an environment (southern U.S.) where homosexuality was (and is) openly reviled/hated.
So I learned to hate myself just like OP.
OP, you could very well be a sexually fluid person like me. It did not register that I am bisexual until I started watching gay porn. Sounds like you are going through something similar.
>>5344379
Being gay literally just means you're attracted to guys. It doesn't have to inform anything else about your personality. Quit being such a faggot
>>5344431
I'm trying to jerk off to women showing off their pussy but I know I'd get a hard on a lot quicker if I was looking at a guy showing off his cock.
I'm only bisexual in the way that I would fuck women for the ego boost, I always thought that chasing women was about racking numbers, getting more pussy than your friend, sure I can get hard, but they don't make me exited as if it were with a man.
I just find it so depressing too see how much I dislike the gay community, I've always been offput by "faggotry" and gay people. I remember feeling shocked and disappointed when I found out famous people that I liked were gay.
When I heard about the study that showed that homophobic people tend to get erection to gay porn I started playing along with it, making sexual jokes "hurr durr I'm sexually confident it myself that's why I can make such jokes u faggot u scared cuz u repressed homo bro? hurrr durrr".
I'm such a fuck up... no wonder I'm so depressed and confused about who I am as a person...
Are people often mean on grindr?
>>5344792
It depends what you look like.
>>5344826
But what if someone really pushes my buttons by saying something that really makes me emotional? What's holding people away from finding up the guy that insulted you and laying a beating on him. This is my straight mentality talking. I really can't take being disrespected, what if one were to emotionally break down and snap because someone stepped over the line of being a douchebag, what's holding people away from beating the shit out of said person?
I'f someone's gonna disrespect me like a man, they might just get treated like men. Because these aren't bitches.
Man I'm kinda high out of benzo right now, so I might sound really though right now, but don't fuck with a man's ego without thinking there won't be any consensuses.
>>5344859
Generally the conversations on grindr are pretty short and people mainly just want to know what kind of stuff you're into.
It helps if you just block guys that get too pushy, there's no point wasting time on people that are just going to make you nervous.
Generally when you get rejected they either just block you or don't respond and as long as you don't keep messaging them after that then no one is going to be mean, and you should do the same to guys you're not interested in, it's just the common etiquette on grindr from my experience.
>>5344066
Straight men don't desire sex with men. Gay men desire sex with men. Bisexual men desire sex with men. You're not straight
>>5344899
This rejection just sounds like it would make me depressed and destroy my self esteem...
I'm such a scared little bitch that I don't even use facebook because of social anxiety.
I'm really out of touch with social media, I actually hate it, it gives me anxiety...
I'm already a fucking out of touch dinosaur.
>>5344899
Is grindr toxic? Like online games can have a lot of toxic players(like cs go etc), are there many toxic people on grindr?
>>5345725
What about blow jobs, is it safe to give blow jobs without catching something?
>>5346944
But I'm pretty sure I would enjoy it much more to give blowjobs that receiving one.
Is that normal? I don't think about other dudes giving me blowjobs, I think about myself on the knees giving blowjobs.
>>5347008
but the cock has to be really big, right?
>>5347012
Yeah, sissie bbc training hypno videos might turn OP into a cock lover if he's straight, so I suggest watching that.
>>5347056
OPS wrong thread, I thought I was on /pol/.
The cock just has to be bigger than mine, or not... I'm not sure... but I'd get really really horny if the guy had a big one.
>>5347063
yeah, you are straight with a big dick fetish. enjoy.
OP, this is a one Ina million shot but I actually met a really cool dude my age over craigslist. We've become FWB and can actually hang out and enjoy each others company without just sex. Its....different. Especially since I've been "strait' my entire life except when I'm not.
When I'm with my FWB, Im the bottom. He makes me moan and sigh like a girl when he's fucking me and I love every second of it.
When I'm having sex with a girl, I like to be in control though. I always set the pace, and I lIke to try to make them cum before I do. It's off putting to me when a girl tries to take charge in bed.
OP, quit worrying a out it. One day you're going to die and eventually nobody will remeber you. So fuck it, have fun, do what makes you feel good.
>>5343864
>The therapist wanted me to explore my sexuality by using apps like grindr
Get yourself a new therapaist, bro.
>>5344356
>all that bait
>>5344498
You heard it here first folks. Biscum are literally the reason we are bullied in real life.
As if we didn't have enough reasons to hate you.
>>5347269
I'm not sure that's the case.
>>5347269
Tell me what's your definition of homosexuality? What is it that makes men want other men?
>>5345015
The first hurdle is always the biggest, friend. It will get easier the more you put yourself out there but you do have to make that first step. My advice on using grindr would be to talk to people of a similar age, have a picture or be willing to send one. If you're going to meet someone meet in a neutral place so you can bail if you need to. I find walking and talking a good way to go since it doesn't force you to sit face to face the whole time but still making occasional eye contact, walking also seems to ease my mind. Good luck!
I was actually in this same spot a month ago OP. Always had sex with girls, only dated girls but even in long-term relationships I was crushing on guys and watching gay porn pretty much exclusively.
I had known I was gay to some degree even by middle school and I accepted it but would always reject those emotions when they would come up. I knew they were legitamate and stuff, but I refused to embrace them.
Then I got tinder, full of social anxiety and fear. I talked with hundreds of guys, but sorta settled on like 10. After talking for a few weeks I decided to go on my first date and it was absolutely terrifying.
Not just in the "fuck, I need to meet people irl now" but also the fact I was in public with a guy, it was suddenly a tangible and undeniable thing.
I was the same sort of anxious, self-loathing closeted guy that you sound to be. I would suggest you try to do it. Make a fake FB even, if that makes you feel better. Tinder is really easy to fuck around with since it's somewhat anonymous and good for people like us.
tldr; I have always been in the closet, installed tinder and went on 4 dates and now have come out to over a dozen people and am happy with a guy I met there
I'm moving two hours away from the neighborhood I've lived in my whole life in about a month. I consider myself straight, but curious. I want to download Grindr and see what I can get when I get to my new place, but I'm afraid. I don't really desire sex with a guy, but I'd like to try to mutually masturbate, maybe kiss, MAYBE touch, I don't know.
Is Grindr right for me?
>>5344066
Lets just say thats how I started. Then I identified as bi and nowww pretty much 100% fag material at this point
>>5357469
Yeah, just be up front about it. I've used Grindr to find out that I'm not gay.
