Why cant i stop

for fuck's sake I just want to be loved.

but guys want sex.

and I can't do that.

MtF pre-HRT here. When I know I'm going to want to masturbate soon, I just try to get as horny as possible in a short space of time (with fantasies/porn), so that I can keep the masturbation as brief as possible. While I'm masturbating I try to focus on a fantasy and not think about what I'm doing too hard. I still get dysphoria and usually have to keep stopping intermittently, but if I'm horny enough then I can be distracted easily enough by the need to keep going; I still feel bad afterwards, but it's better than being ridiculously horny, thinking about sex (and therefore my gender issues) all the time, getting erections, and generally feeling bad before eventually just masturbating anyway.

I wouldn't be able to have sex, I think; at least not without making my partner extremely uncomfortable because of how uncomfortable I am and the way I'd be trying to not think about or pay attention to what I was doing.

If you're trying to actually enjoy ex/masturbation rather than just get it over with as quickly as possible, then you could look into sex toys.

>>5295855
Hormones is my guess.

>>5295945
I've just heard orgasms relieve stress.

I hate sex but I have so much stress.

>>5295782
Get srs

>>5295980
Okay let me re-word my original post:

How do I deal with not having HRT until I get HRT?

idk, I don't masturbate and I didn't before HRT

I did have sex with the girlfriend I used to have, but it felt...incorrect and sort of uncomfortable, and wasn't pleasurable sexually for me. I just liked making her happy

>>5295997
I used to be able to have sex drunk but now I'm just literally terrified of the concept of men potentially wanting to fuck me.

>>5295782
it took me over 2 years on hrt

Use a dildo until you get horny enough to stop caring for about five minutes