Hey there /lgbt/, MtF trans here. I want some advice on my dad.
The problem I'm having with him is that even though I've mostly transitioned, and present as a girl 24/7 now, he still calls me "he/him/his", still calls me by my old name, and still calls me his son.
When I was 9 years old I started getting depressed and acting out. He sent me to a therapist, and by 11 years old the therapist was sure I was trans. When I decided to tell my parents, the therapist had them all come in for a group meeting. Mom was in tears, dad simply looked at him and said " so what do we do? He needs hormones right? " .
Dad didn't feel comfortable medicating a child, so he had me put on blockers until I turned 16 and could choose for myself. I'm 22 now, I've almost completely transitioned, and he still won't acknowledge me.
Conversations about it go like this:
> I call you my son because your my son.
> Because that isn't your name.
> Because you aren't a woman.
> Look, you might be sick, but that doesn't mean I'm going to pander you. Would I pander a retard and tell it that it's a genius because of some crayon scribbles?
> You think you have it bad with me? First of all, my father was a racist. A hardcore Klansman. You don't know what bigotry is. I still did everything I could to love and respect that man.
> I got thrown out when I was 14. I lived on the streets for a long time and busted my ass to provide a life for my children without the hardships I faced.
> You've never wanted for anything. You've lived in luxury.
> As long as I live you'll never fear for being homeless or hungry.
> You don't get to choose me. I'm your father. I don't get to choose my son either.
> And that's what you are. You're my son.
> You might be broken. It doesn't mean I don't love you.
> A broken watch doesn't get to tell a tinker he is wrong though.
Honestly, I don't fucking get it. He's a good man, but he refuses to acknowledge me at all.
How can I get my dad to respect me /lgbt/?
>>5257833
You're the only person you can control. If he isn't willing to respect you now, nothing you can do is going to change that.
Tell him how it's going to be, and walk away if he won't get with the program.
>>5257833
Cut contact, and specify the reason for it.
He sounds like an asshole. Move out and don't bother unless he comes to you
>>5257833
Thats hurtful, understandably.
But it sounds like he did some things for you, more than most parents would, even though he probably cant manage to adjust his mindset enough to really understand your situation.
In the end, relationships run on compromise. Your dad demonstrated he cant compromise in this respect, so its up to you now.
Is being confronted like this worth the relationship to your father? You have to decide that for yourself, ofc.
>>5257833
I understand why you are upset, but it's not something you really have control over. You were born as a man and your father may always see you that way. Of course you already know that. So having your father not use your pronouns is because no matter what, you will always be his son (because you were born male). So don't even bother really. Treating you with respect is one thing, but using your pronouns is not something you should try to force him to do.
>>5257915
Using the correct pronouns is basic respect for a trans person. Unless it's an honest mistake then it's practically a straight insult
>>5257915
You can't ignore somebody pronounce and still pretend like you respect the person.
Kill yourself, obese neckbeard.
Tell him that whether he considers you a male or a female you suffer from gender dysphoria, for which transitioning is the widely recommended treatment within the medical community. By refusing to respect your wishes and intentionally misgendering you he's doing the equivalent of throwing away a diabetic's insulin, because he won't "pander" to someone "broken".
>>5257833
Sounds like the conservative type of dad that made the pragmatic choice of allowing you to take blockers because he wanted what was best for you, but is still unable to alter his mindset about your condition because of his personal convictions. The way he compares you to a retard and calls you 'sick' and 'broken' yet says how he still loves you is a strong indicator.
He isn't going to change his mind. You can either distance yourself from him or gudgingly tolerate it in the same way he tolerates you. Just work to get on your own two feet and be happy you didn't have to go through the wrong puberty and the never ending metric ton of bullshit you'd have faced had you transitioned after it ruined your body.
He sounds like a reasonable man who still loves his mentally ill son and is above the whole thing instead of being a typical abusive jerk who beats the shit out of you because your lips look extra red today.
>>5257833
>he had me put on blockers until I turned 16
you should be thanking him instead of opening an angsty thread on here you ungrateful piece of shit
>>5257833
I've heard of it taking a few years living away from home for parents to adjust. Hopefully that will do it. I fee for ya. I have a 25+ year friend who keeps using my dead name. Gurr!!!
only child?
I find it super weird that he was supportive enough to go "Okay what do we do? Hormones, right?" when you were eleven years old but he's being a total cunt about calling you the right name/pronoun/etc as an adult.
Why do you think that is?
>>5257833
Am trans myself and your dad seems like an alright man. He seems to still love you and care about you. I mean hell, if that's his actual opinion, threres nothing wrong with that. Even if it feels wrong it's just an opinion. I wouldn't fret over it
>>5260717
If he does that publicly though it can get pretty dangerous depending on where you live. Even if it's not directly dangerous it might still make a huge impact on your reputation.
>>5257895
This is spot on advice.
Why does he have to respect you? He's suffered through the loss of not having a normal child and done everything possible for you to grow into who you are.
Stop being a selfish prat, pay your father the respect he deserves for all he's done for you and between the two of you be his son. It's not like he's denied you anything.
>>5258006
This, OP. It seems obvious that your father loves you and I doubt his disrespect is actually coming from a lack of respect, he just doesn't want to lose the last significant battle over something he just doesn't understand.
If it's at all possible, my recommendation is to just let it go. This isn't an issue that can be proactively addressed, you can't win by sitting him down and trying to convince him, that frames the whole thing as a struggle and will just make him dig in and refuse to capitulate even more, or in the best case scenario he might just begrdgingly humor you.
The best course of action is to just thank him for how he's supported you so far, tell him that you love him, and do your best to live with it. If you can let it go for a while whilst still treating him like a respected father, it's entirely possible he will eventually question why he had decided pronouns would be the hill he was prepared to die on, and move on himself.
Leave him alone and let him have the happy memories he has of being a dad to a bouncing little boy and raising you from a baby. If you can't handle an occasional reminder that you are biologically male and have that little respect for your dad and the work he put in to you then you have far more serious problems than being mtf
>>5257833
Well you are a dude pretending to be a girl, OP.
Your dad is just not stupid as fuck like you are.
>>5257833
>i was poor
>because of me you are not
>you should be ashamed of this
He's right though.
Forgetting the fact that your feels don't make you a real woman, your post reads of an edgy teenage boy that doesn't understand the sacrifices his father made in both his own pride and happiness to make sure you came out the right way.
To look at this from an emotional side, he grew up with you as a boy for over 11 years. Just like how I'll always be my daddy's little girl, you'll always be your daddy's little boy.
I also think it's disgusting ITT that people are saying he should cut contact with his father when he hasn't done anything to warrant it.
It's typical you guys want to make men the bad guy because all of you lacked father figures, but in this situation he's just not. Sorry. (Not sorry.)
Sadly not everybody in your family will accept how you live. I am quite surprised he let you take blockers though.
I love my dad and I know I can not do anything to change his mind. He just worries about my safety though, I tell him that there is nothing to worry about since I pass.
I would just be happy for having a loving father that cares about you and let you take blockers.
