(Self-)Acceptance Edition
Have you come to accept your sexuality? Yourself? Care to share anything about your journey to acceptance?
Old: >>5108801
Friendly reminder that you can hide the thread by clicking the little minus sign to the left, or by filtering "/acegen/" through 4chan's settings (top right). For those of you who continue to insist that we do not belong here: /lgbt/ is the most relevant board on 4chan for the discussion of GSRMs (gender, sexual, romantic minorities) which includes asexuals and asexuality
>So, what exactly IS asexuality?
There are two commonly used definitions, the first (from dictionary.reference.com):
asexual (a-sek-shoo-el) in medicine
3. lacking interest or desire in sex
And the second (from asexuality.org):
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction
(to prevent confusion; latter preferred)
>soitsfuckingnothing.jpg
If it helps, asexuality is recognized in the DSM-V: "if a lifelong lack of sexual desire is better explained by one's self-identification as 'asexual', then a diagnosis of... [male/female sexual/arousal disorder]... is not made."
>Okay, so, that didn't actually tell me anything.
So you want to read more about asexuality. Cool.
If you want science:
http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/extantresearch.html
If you want popular articles/videos/websites:
AVEN - The Asexuality Visibility & Education Network (asexuality.org)
Asexuality 101 (asexualawarenessweek.com/asexuality-101/)
Letters to an Asexual (and other relevant videos) (youtube.com/user/swankivy)
>/acegen/ halp! I think I might be asexual!
Do either of the above definitions apply to you? Both? Yes? No? Not sure? Start by asking yourself whether or not you experience sexual attraction as it is described here: http://imgur.com/pdIxHYc
>[questiongoeshere]
Hey, we're pretty chill, so if you've got a question: ask it.
Just don't hold it against us if we take awhile to get back to you; we're the slowest general on the board.
Where do I find an ace homo? Where do you all congregate. I must know this!
>>5170264
You know, I don't really think many asexuals congregate to begin with
>tfw no one believes you when you say you don't masturbate and never have
>>5170471
In all seriousness - how do I meet asexual guys?
I would also like to know how to meet asexual guys. Or girls. Either or.
Hey asexuals, what did you guys do about automatic and random hornyness in your teens? the kind not related to any attraction or anything.
I for one got random boners for no reason except that my body wanted it a lot, I assume most people, or at least males, do.
Did you simply not experience anything like that? or did you just wait for it to go away/ rub one out while thinking of tax returns or whatever?
If I castrate myself do I become asexual?
>>5170644
no.
>>5170653
Why not?
>>5170621
I don't know what's 'normal' but I never got much in the way of horny. Morning wood/wet dreams would happenaye once a month. Random boners were rare too. There was never anything to encourage them so they'd quickly go away.
have yall ever thought about getting hormones checked?
I know that testosterone levels have a huuuge effect on sex drive and sexuality in general.
Not telling you your experience in life is invalid btw just asking cause im curious
i know a guy who has a pretty pretty girlfirend but he just inst very sexual and has issues with being the "man with the sex drive" in the relationship and it fucks with their happiness as a couple.
not sure if he is asexual or if he just has really low test
>>5170679
I had my doc check my hormones, they're normal.
>>5170660
getting rid of your balls will not prevent attraction to whatever it is you are attracted to, it will simply lower your sex drive.
You would still want what you want, just less of it.
>>5170724
If my sex drive is eliminated, how am I sexually attracted to anything? Are you this afraid of letting people into your special club?
>>5170704
Thats cool. If you look at it logically sex is really just a fucking drug. People with sex drives get withdrawls and want to fuck to release the nice drugs into their brains. Its a biologogical trick designed to propell the species population forward constantly but from a modern perspective its deffinatly a strange hangover from our ape days that no one can go more than a couple of days without wanting to fuck or masturbating.
>>5170734
sex drive and attraction are different things.
assuming you are a straight male, having your balls lopped off wouldn't affect your desire to be with and around women, you would still find them beautiful, you would just think about sex less.
>>5170734
your sexual orientation and your want to fuck are two different things.
if you cut your balls of your body will stop producing testosterone which largely is responsible for making you want to fuck.
but testosterone doesnt choose what you want to fuck.
gay men have lots of testosterone but they express it by fucking men.
>>5170748
If I think a man is attractive, but I am not attracted to that man, am I gay?
>>5170734
Sexual attraction and orientation is kind of a weird concept. The way I understand it, it's who you're attracted to when you're horny/aroused. So eliminating your sex drive would prevent your orientation from manifesting/expressing, but you wouldn't really be asexual in terms of orientation. Functionally the result would be about the same, but strictly speaking it wouldn't change your orientation. I mean allo (non-asexual) people don't want sex 24/7, and it wouldn't make sense to say their orientation changes to asexual when they're not "in the mood".
>>5170760
If by "think a man is attractive" you mean aesthetic attraction (you like the way he looks, but aren't sexually turned on by him or anything) or that you judge him to be what straight women and/or gay men would generally consider attractive, that wouldn't mean you're gay.
>>5170760
You like the way some man looks, but don't feel any sexual desire toward him? did I understand correctly?
If so then I'd say probably not.
>>5170773
If that's the case, why would it be that if I feel no sexual desire towards anybody because I was castrated, I am still not an asexual?
>>5170805
>I will not want to fuck anybody though. Why do you believe sexuality is some kind of spiritual, innate designation, rather than the effect of complicated biological processes?
Because sexual orientation refers specifically to one of the multiple processes that controls sexuality. It would be like saying pizza is no longer your favorite food just because you're not hungry right now.
>So then asexuals get horny/aroused, just not to human beings?
Yeah, it usually just randomly happens due to no apparent reason, or they have fetishes that have nothing to do with sex.
>>5170805
i dont believe its spiritual. i believe it has to do with the way your brain is wired.
Im no scientist but im pretty sure you can do as many homones as you want and its not gonna change your orientation.
if your hormones are the engine drving the car. your orientation is the person with their hands on the wheel.
doesnt matter how much horse power you have or what kind of petrol you put in. the person is gonna drive where they wanna drive.
Any asexual male here, who would want to have a "straight" boyfriend?
That means I'm a top and don't want to suck dick. Would you every now and then try to have sex with me?
>>5171013
Hey you. Saw you in that other ace thread.
>>5170264
Unlike with the gays aces simply don't have the numbers to be able to support any kind of community there are simply so few of them.
>>5170621
I learned to manage but it fucking sucked until I figured out a boner kill technique.
>>5170679
Yeah I have came back perfectly normal. That couple got of light simply because its so much easier to get the guy in the mood then the girl. I can assure you if it was the other way around it would be a much bigger problem.
Optimally men and women would be with another who shared an equal level of libido. Problem is both men and women have different libidos in general. So more often then not your gonna be stuck trying to make it work. In such a regard a man with the lower libido then the woman in the relationship is better simply due to the ease in which the can be put into the mood compared to a women. The effects would naturally still be there but not nearly as bad as it could be if say it was turned around.
>>5171300
>Can't say I'm interested. I'm put off by the idea of sex factoring into a relationship at all, and you seem dead set on it. Love bites are as far as I go.
Well, I do have needs.
I'm 90% certain I'm ace. But I love physical affection and kissing and cuddling. I want someone who I can be physically affectionate with but who will be alright with it not going any further most of the time. It feels impossible to find someone like that.
>>5174367
I'm with you man, that's exactly what I'm into as well. I've tried sex before and I mean it feels good, but I just have no "need" to do it like everyone else seems to have.
>>5176356
...are you the psychoace from the last thread?
You're scary.
>>5175464
Yeah :( It does nothing for me and after a while I feel like it's a chore and it puts pressure on me. Sigh.
>>5170842
>Im no scientist but im pretty sure you can do as many homones as you want and its not gonna change your orientation.
Some trans people have reported their orientation changing after hormones, though they may just be becoming more sexually open due to being more comfortable with their body. In any case it doesn't seem really predictable or consistent.
So uh where is everybody?
>>5188203
Ive been lurking around this gen for the last 4 months or so and this is usually the pace of things. The thread is usually around for a few weeks before a new one is started.
>>5188203
I've had school to deal with so I haven't been posting much, I'm sure everybody else has their reasons as well. This is a slow thread, as >>5188381 said. I've been here for over a year (though I wasn't the anon that wrote up the original OP text, I was planning to. They wrote it up when I had consistently not gotten around to it. I've been here since before we had that OP. That actually came about after I made an asexual general with the asexual flag and simply called it the asexual general, where asexuals could congregate or something along those lines. Can't quite remember what I said). /acegen/ has always been super slow. So long as it never dies we're fine.
>tfw you dont know if you're ace or you just hate your body so much you dont wana show it or getting touched.
>>5194697
iktf
I'm insanely broken and self-hating to the point where the idea of sex completely horrifies me.
I just want a cute ace tranny gf who loves me, but I'm so ugly that nobody would ever want to be seen in public with me.
/cry
/stare into the ceiling for hours
/continue to watch shitty anime and play shitty gaymes
>>5194697
I hate this kind of post. It makes me insecure about if I'm being insecure.
>>5194697
I'm kind of the same, I've been mostly ok with my body until fairly recently but I never liked being nude or understood why people thought it was so great. But then again I don't like seeing other people naked either and don't find it arousing to think about other people having sex so idk.
>>5196906
For me it's a bit opposite, I used to be very shy and didn't even wanted to get naked with the boys at camp, till a point I was only boy wearing underwear in the shower the second time we showered (can't seem to be remember the other times afterwards) while the leader who was showering too was telling that we all agreed to shower naked, which I then answered something among the lines that they were looking down there to be able to notice that, but I didn't budge. I'm a bit fuzzy on the order things happened but I was naked in a shower on other summer camps though with few people together. And when I was 14, 15 or 16 I dared myself to go to the nude beach and strip there. Even before that happened I was wondering and discussing with some other teens on the philosophical question on "why people need to wear clothes(other than against the cold)" while thinking that if everyone starts going naked, nudity would become desexualized. At the nude beach, it was pretty thrilling to get naked, but afterwards it felt very harmonious and a zen experience. I was able to admire the beauty of other naked people, while it felt great to share what is essentially free to give. I won't say I never felt aroused during that, that sometimes just happened, but without the urge for sex or anything. I have no idea what kind of attraction that might be caused by, if any. But it feels honest, like you have nothing to hide. In a way it might also become hard to hide your feelings for someone or on something(for males at least), which might be seen as extra non-verbal communication, but that just a theory. I mostly sunbathed or swam there alone, once I was able to talk to some other teens for a while, I once also brought a friend from the camping and played cards. I also hiked in the nearby forest nude or with a bike or kick scooter.
>>5170116
>Have you come to accept your sexuality?
Yes.
>Yourself? Care to share anything about your journey to acceptance?
When I was a baby my doctor fucked up the circumcision. Now I cant feel anything in my dick. The most I can feel is warmth which quickly fades away. This has led me to just not caring one bit about physical sex. At this point I have to completely concentrate on staying hard or I will go soft while fucking a girl. Its just way to much work and stress.
Interestingly though I think my body adapted to the lack of sexual stimulation. Emotions get me rock hard and aroused. If my partner can make me feel something I can experience something akin to sex. That's rather difficult though since most people I've been with don't put any effort into sex. They just want a quick fuck and to be done. Its led to many relationships ending. One girl even got angry that I was "being a girl" because I wanted more out of sex and wanted to feel instead of just a quick fuck.
How is OkCupid for finding other aces? I want to start dating ;.;
>>5200957
You can try if you really want to. I know some use it, but I also know that plenty of sexuals get annoyed at the asexuals using it
>>5201270
Has anyone here had much luck with any alternative methods?
>>5201350
Lying works pretty well, for a while. I've pretended to be sexual just to have someone interested in me. I guess it's the inversion of pretending to be romantically interested in someone just to have casual sex. You can flirt with them and pretend that you're saving yourself or playing hard-to-get or just deciding if they're worth it. Or, if you're not repulsed by sex, you can have sex and pretend to enjoy it, or blame the other person for being bad at sex.
>>5180341
If only that were enough for people. If only I could have sex now and then and get it over with, as part of the price I pay for having love in my life, in the same way I would do any other household chore. I could sustain that. But no, that's not enough for people. If people sense that you don't enjoy sex *as an end in itself,* they get all offended. Is that crazy or what? It's not enough that you're doing it to fulfill their needs. I guess they're ashamed of their own needs.
>>5200957
just be prepared for a lot of people who don't get it or care and you have to explain it to them and then they're like "oh, that's too bad ; )"
>>5204026
Do it. Dogs love you sincerely, and if they're too sexual for your liking you can legally castrate them. Those are two huge advantages over humans.
>>5206545
I'm actively seeking it, though. I don't really have an ego (at least, not one that affects sex/sexuality at all) and I'm neither afraid of sex nor suffering from feelings of inadequacy. Yet, I'm still asexual. Please, explain that one to me.
I believe it is not I, but you, that needs to grow up.
>>5206545
Probably bait but just gonna report in as an asexual who's had sex, but just never liked it, and don't really think about it even while fapping.
It's simply boring, not scary.
>>5206545
I don't think he likes us you guys
>>5206750
Why are you seeking sex if you're asexual?
>>5208163
Seems interesting, really. Most people enjoy it, I might as well try. At the very least I know (from experience, not with sex itself but sexual things) that I very much enjoy making the other party happy, so there's that as well
>>5208380
>>5209103
Kek, he's been baiting everyone the last day or so.
>>5209103
but i've had sex. it just grosses me out and makes me sad about my gender.
there's a million reasons why,
>>5209103
>they deleted it
Being married to an ace when you're not one is really fucking taxing.
>>5209630
>Cartman
Makes sense, actually.
>>5170116
Here is the Truth: "asexual" doesn't exist, atleast as a sexuality. It is literally a disorder arising from lack of sexual motivation, which can be due to abnormal levels or hormones, chemicals in the body or even environmental influences that have stunted sexual growth or development.
The idea that lacking a sex drive is a sexuality stems from our desire to belong. We often cling to the idea that we are apart of a group, and by classifying it as a "sexuality" is a desperate, yet erroneous, attempt to validate and justify their abnormality. Again, it is merely a defense mechanism meant to protect our Ego.
>>5210688
I have a close friend in your situation. We would talk for hours about it and although they are a really good couple, that one aspect was really hard for him. Its amazing that they have been together for almost 4 years now.
>>5210711
It's not a road I'd recommend to many. I love my wife, but when I think about how I'll never get the closeness I need from her, it makes me want to go to sleep and never wake up.
>>5210749
Image living with a roommate who's friend-zoned you. Platonic friendship and constant rejection.
That about sums it up.
>>5170116
Yeah but I sorta went through years of hard denial...as for myself I am rather angry at myself but that is for different reasons exempting taking so long to figure it out as well as accept. Granted I started figuring it out real young but it still took years for me to accept.
Acceptance is the easy part. The hardest part is what comes next. As at that point you've accepted your ace but now you got to work on what that will mean to you for the rest of your life. Which while making life easier is some respects...also completely alienates you in others.
Personally I am plan to end it in a few decades because I learned from the older aces whats it like when you get older as an ace. That or joining a monk order problem is I am not big on religion. For aces as I learned it gets especially grim as you get older compared to others. So most likely I most likely end up killing myself. Until then I'll do my best to find some goals and ways to entertain myself until that time arrives. I rather doubt I am gonna make it old age and even more so of dying from natural causes.
I'm not ace, but I am gay, and I used to resent asexuals for "latching on" to the LGBT movement. But after browsing 4chan for years, I've realized how frustrating it is when everyone is obsessed with (heterosexual) sex and you cannot understand it at all. It gets old.
>>5200912
have you tried butt stuff?
>>5170116
So what you're trying to tell me is asexuality is someone who isn't a horny motherfucker who can't stop thinking about sex?
>>5210704
Asexuality is not a lack of a sex drive. If that's all it was, I would agree that it wouldn't be a sexual orientation. However, asexuality means one does have a sex drive, but it's not directed into a desire for sex acts with anyone.
>>5211348
Well, it's more than that. It's not just "not being ridiculously horny", it's having extremely low to nonexistent sexual attraction regardless of sex drive.
I'm not sure how to go about this.
I'm 25 y.o never had sex before I've had a few experiments but never went beyond third base.
I rarely get horny , and when I do I either wait it out our fap it away.
Sometimes I fap because I get blueballs because I go 2-3 months without fapping.
I do have a fixation ASMR with personal attention variant since it's the only thing that helps me sleep at night, So does this count as a desire ?
I think I'm asexual, but I still want to get intimate with someone, like cuddling or just sleeping together.
>>5211933
Sounds ace to me
Go to a doctor and get back on your meds. There's no A in LGBT, and your "sexuality" is a treatable condition.
>>5211949
My doctor says that my hormone levels are normal though.
>>5211327
Not really no. I haven't had anyone to try it with.
>>5212114
maybe you should try it out if nothing else works? unless youre totally comfortable with that, that is
>>5212897
Oh I am. But I would want someone to do it with. Doing alone has no allure to me.
>>5210948
You sound a lot like me. I've been stuck on thinking what my future is gonna be like and wondering if I'm gonna be alone when I die. I want to try and be happy and find someone despite having this damn curse called "asexuality".
I wish you the best of luck with your future ace friend and I hope you don't end up feeling like you have to off yourself because of something you were born with.
I have a Steam friend of about 5-6 years who's a male asexual, which I'm a bisexual male, heavy preference towards males. We have several common interests, and I really like the dude. I had the thought of having a platonic relationship with him, would that be a good idea or should we just remain friends? I proposed, but he says that I'd probably die from no sex, but I'm a bit doubtful.
>>5215867
Im confused. If he is a Steam friend that means that he is somewhere over the internet so any relationship you have would be long distance correct? If so then why does the topic of sex matter? Could just be my ace mind but I'm not quite getting the problem here.
Also just in my own experience and that of my peers, long distance relationships rarely work out or blossom into anything more meaningful than close friends. If I were you, I would go for it to be less alone but I would be careful not to go into it thinking that we'd ever meet irl.
>>5216197
Whoop, yes, it would be long distance. We'd meet eventually as well. You were right on the dot with the alone part. Oh well.
I'm sorry, but everything here is a lie.
The only sexuality is hetereosexuality. Everything else stems from people directing their sexual desires towards unconventional or biologically facilitated targets.
In the end, we all just want to bust a nut, and we'll find anything to expedite and accentuate that release.
>>5216755
>The only sexuality is hetereosexuality. Everything else stems from people directing their sexual desires towards unconventional or biologically facilitated targets.
So in other words, everyone is heterosexual except for the people that aren't?
>In the end, we all just want to bust a nut, and we'll find anything to expedite and accentuate that release.
That would seem to indicate that everyone is pansexual, not heterosexual. Or, that "sexual orientation" doesn't exist.
>>5216777
It means that biologically only heterosexuality exists.
But socially, sexuality is fluid. Anything that brings us to arousal could be socially defined as a sexuality.
So again, there is literal sexuality (procreation) and social interpretations of sexuality (anything that gets us off). What we find arousing naturally is the opposite sex, but environmental factors can expand, add to, or even suppress, natural sexual desires.
This is why homosexuality is neither natural nor supported by genetic predispositions. If it was, then it would have literally died off due to lack of procreation and carrying on of the genes, which requires hetereosexual sex.
>>5216833
It's still possible that homosexuality is genetic, if it's recessive. There are certain genetic disorders (other than homosexuality I mean) that basically prevent one from reproducing, yet they persist because people carrying the gene but not expressing it ARE able to reproduce.
>>5216838
recessive traits are retained over time only if procreation continues. For example, eye color can be recessive, however those with these recessive will continue to procreate even when the recessive genes become dominant, or show.
In terms of homosexuality however, when it "shows", there is no procreation that takes place, unlike other recessive genes. Therefore, over time, these recessive genes become less, and less frequent until extinct.
In reality, homosexuality has existed for thousands of years and in fact is increasing in numbers now. This would contradict the theory of recessive genes at work.
>>5216857
There ARE some recessive traits that do prevent procreation when they're expressed - such as disorders that cause one to die before reaching adulthood.
>>5208163
Because people don't really believe you're ace unless you've tried sex. It's kind of a bullshit double-standard. If you're straight or gay people believe you at your word even if you've never fucked the gender you're not into.
>>5215161
Everyone dies alone. Get over it.
>>5210704
>"Here is the Truth"
>proceeds to pull shit from their ass
All you pussies seem to do when you shitpost here is spew the same "blah blah blah doesn't exist blah blah blah check you hormones" without providing a single drop of proof or evidence. Post some references and then come back and we'll talk. Alrighty?
Anyone have been assaulted here before?
Because of their asexuality or to be more exact because of people not understanding it, and confuse it with homosexuality?
>>5216833
Gay people do procreate you know.
I have a fetish driven sex drive, i hate actually having sex and it doesnt get me off. Im pretty sure im ace.
I love tits but i dont like dick or pussy and hate sex, am i ace?
>>5228421
Do you love tits so much that you want to have them?
>>5230881
I already have them?
I was wondering this
Could asexuality is the next step in human evolution?
>>5232354
No.
>>5172560
I would imagine there are a lot of gay and bi aces here, or is almost everyone trans?
>>5232354
Do you know how evolution works?
>>5232354
In the sense that nobody should be innately attracted to anyone for purely sexual reasons, possibly yes. Selective breeding rather than brainlessly humping anything we find attractive.
Thought some of you may be interested that DNews just had an episode on asexuality. Discuss!
https://youtu.be/mOZH8bJnohk
>>5235532
>>5235672
Human progress has always taken us further toward K selection and away from r selection. Advanced peoples have fewer children and take better care of them, while backward peoples spray children all over the place and hope some of them survive. Even if the asexuals themselves aren't breeding, a population with a tendency to produce a lot of asexuals will be more fully in control of its own growth and less prone to self-created disasters. It's like how evolution doesn't eliminate homosexuality because populations with a certain likelihood to produce homosexual behavior as an outlet for excess breeding urges are more stable and successful in the long run.
I've been calling myself asexual for a while now.
At first, I was adverse to the idea of sexuality, and never really got interested in spending time with girls.
Nowadays I consistently fap to porn, and I can definitely appreciate a hot body, but I have no interest whatsoever in actual sexual activity.
I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic, but I've never really been sure about the "asexual" label. I've gone with it for simplicity, but I'm not sure about it, like I'd never really been comfortable with the "queer" umbrella term for fear I'm "not queer enough".
To complicate the issue, the only exposure I've had on the subject has been from tumblrinas. This is one of my first times on /lgbt/.
Thoughts?
>>5238354
I was happy with this. It's a pretty fair summary of what we are. It's good to see a bit of scientific evidence to back up our legitimacy and I'm glad a couple sources were cited. I'd consider showing it to somebody who is unsure about what asexuality means. And it's nice to be given visibility. Hopefully this will contribute to more people understanding what we mean when we say that we're asexual.
>>5184543
hrt killed all of my seemingly stuck and programmed, depressing after the fact unwanted libido quickly. it confirmed asexuality with ''no contradictions left''. feeling happier w/ the right stuff flowing, no timewaste, do go to bed and wake up at reasonable hours and eat decently etc.
>>5241009
yeah youre asexual
>>5241009
So what brings you to /lgbt/, friend or family is LGBT, you don't like them and want to troll LGBT folks?
http://www.theverge.com/2015/11/18/9753844/addyi-female-sex-drug-libido-sales
welp
have any of you had sex?
or are you guys trying to feel better about not getting any?
>>5170116
I dated someone who came out as asexual and then complained everytime I wanted to have sex, thought it was gross if I masturbated, said it was cheating if I looked at porn, and didn't let me have any strange just to satisfy my sexual urges. We broke up partially on this issue. What do you folk think about that kind of relationship?
>>5251417
That's fucked up, I don't think there are too many people like that in the ace community but unfortunately, as is the case with many other minority groups, you only really hear about the crazies and they end up giving everyone else a bad rap.
>complained everytime I wanted to have sex
Fair enough, a lot of aces are not willing to compromise with this.
>thought it was gross if I masturbated
I masturbate myself, so I personally wouldn't have cared, but even if I didn't, guess what--it's not my fucking business. No one has any right to dictate what you can and can't do to your own body.
>said it was cheating if I looked at porn
Well it isn't. This is so ridiculous that I'm not even going to go into it. People who make this claim are usually very insecure about their relationships.
>>5251417
Pure cancer. That's a pretty shit relationship, anon.
>>5251417
They sound like a real piece of work. The vast majority of aces will compromise over sexual stuff (as in, you can whack it all you want) because...ya know...they're not immature little turds.
>>5251417
What, did you think you were entitled to fuck someone who didn't want it? You make me sick.
>>5251381
I haven't has sex, but I have gotten a blowjob. After the blowjob I don't really think I'd take sex too well, to say the least.
>>5251417
I think you were dating what is commonly referred to as an "asshole". In other words, most asexuals aren't like that, most would probably encourage you to masturbate, and I'm sorry that you had to put up with that.
>>5255730
Had* sex
(+1 to bump limit, no contribution)
>>5230881
I already have tits
>>5170592
This. Tired of gaysluts.
>>5257067
You have to seek them out. They are hard to find. You have to actively look
>>5257120
I have NEVER encountered a genuine asexual outside of Asexual forums. And everyone of those just tell you "Go away, this isn't a dating site".
>>5257159
Cool story, bro. Don't know what to tell you. Anon is right; they're hard to find and many of them don't want anything you have.
>>5257067
Can I ask why you want to date an ace guy? I don't mean to sound difficult, just... why would you want that so bad?
I don't think it's as great as you're making it out to be.
>>5259084
Isn't it obvious? Because the amount of sex Anon wants is much closer to zero than the amount that most gay guys want. A sexless relationship would be more comfortable than trying to keep up with the average male sex drive.
I am wondering if I am asexual simply because of biology. I had a really tame puberty, and I have child-like testosterone levels. Muh' balls are tiny and attached to my body and don't dangle or anything.
Nigh 30 now and still haven't developed sexual attraction.
>>5259784
Why not just be friends with a straight guy? Why torture yourself trying to find a boyfriend that doesn't want sex?
not ace but aro. can I hang out with you guys? I'm afraid to make my own thread. anyone else? putting so much of your emotional well being at stake by investing it into another person baffles me I don't know how everyone else does it.
so i think i have a question. can you become asexual? Over the past few years my libido has steadily decreased to the point where thoughts of engaging in sex faintly disgust me.
>>5264706
Of course! Welcome, friend. How are you today?
>putting so much of your emotional well being at stake by investing it into another person baffles me I don't know how everyone else does it.
I frequently struggle with understanding this as well. I'm grayaro though so it gets even more complicated (I occasionally find myself craving "romantic" things like hugging and kissing, but very rarely feel the urge to act on them irl).
>>5264737
Asexuality had nothing to do with libido. Nothing at all. So no.
>>5264706
Sure, I don't see any reason why not.
>>5261139
Have you tried getting on testosterone replacement therapy? I usually would say that to people but you literally said that you have low testosterone. Look into it.
>>5249860
Hah, huge side effects and low success rate. Funny.
I haven't done much research on any of this. I think I am asexual. I never went through the phase of 'wanting to fuck anything with a pulse' like everyone else seemed to go through. In fact, I've never enjoyed the idea of shoving a lump of flesh inside another lump of flesh. I'm 24. Is it safe to say I'm asexual?
>>5267797
>tfw no bf who reluctantly allows me to shove in my lump of flesh
>he would be okay with me being a total top and grows to secretly love it
>>5263640
Because people abandon their friends. It happens all the time. Having someone that yo know will stay with you and who has the same feelings and dedication to the relationship that you do is important to a lot of people.
>>5267823
Most fetishes I can find amusing from a distance, but every fetish with the word "secretly" in it makes me sad. Weeaboos who want tsunderes, any kind of rape fantasy or roleplay, they're all built around the heartbreaking coping mechanism that unwanted people use to get through the day, the fantasy that all these people who don't want them around secretly do want them and just aren't showing it, despite all evidence to the contrary and the fact that people don't work that way.
Am I still ace of i enjoy making out with people?
>>5271670
do you like or have any drive to have sex?
>>5271670
Sure? Kissing kinda has nothing to do with sex in any sense at all, so...
>>5267557
>Have you tried getting on testosterone replacement therapy? I usually would say that to people but you literally said that you have low testosterone. Look into it.
Yeah but then I would probably have stinky armpit BO and body hair right?
:(
So I didn't do it
>>5272167
Did you ever actually, y'know, hit puberty?...
>>5272966
Yeah I did. I have like some pubic hair and stuff.
>>5268485
Eh, being in a relationship with someone is no guarantee they'll stay. In my experience, they'll leave eventually all the same, and it'll sting more if you think you love them.
Maybe I'm too jaded for this business.
>>5273129
Of course it isn't, but it's declaring that that's what you want, and it makes it more probable. About half of all marriages end in death. That's much better odds than friendships.
>>5263640
>what are romantic relationships, durrrr
>>5170116
>Have you come to accept your sexuality? Yourself? Care to share anything about your journey to acceptance?
I've never had any trouble with acceptance, I don't see why that seems to be common. It's not like being gay in that it's obvious to everyone if you're in a homosexual relationship. I just don't care to have sex, there's nothing troubling about that. Honestly, I'd probably have a tougher time with being sexual. Though I learned about asexuality not too long after puberty, so I guess I never had a "why am I like this" moment since I'd at least suspected I'm asexual before I got too old to just be a "late bloomer."
>>5281861
There's a million little differences between friendship and romance. Romance often comes with a desire to share one's life together, to share a household and be considered family, if not actually fuck or have children. And with romance you're more interested that your feelings of affection are returned. A friend can hate you sometimes and that's not seen as much of a crisis, and a friend can just stop seeing you without explanation, while it's expected that you have to officially break up with someone to end a romance.
So I think I'm starting to feel something like lust for a girl I can't have. This is really strange to me, because previously I had been totally aromatic and asexual.
I think I might try masturbating to see if it helps me cope with this feeling. But the fact is, I've never masturbated before in my life and usually I get quite bored when I try. This sounds really silly, but... how do I jerk off as a guy? And does anyone have any insight on dealing with that one person who you seem to make an exception in your asexuality and/or aromaticism for?
>>5284889
1. Are you circumsized or not circumsized?
2. Try to see if you can spend more time with her to see if you're actually attracted to her.
>>5284972
I'm circumsized.
I've spent enough time with her to know I'm definitely attracted - mostly because she's beautiful, but we also have quite a bit in common. But she is a married woman, so it's not like I can ask her out.
Where to find qt ace partner?
>>5285040
Ouch.
I sounds like you're straight.
Without a foreskin the most common way to masturbate is to put your palm around the shaft and go up and down. Sometimes putting your own saliva or lubricant on the head.
It helps to imagine sexual actions, sometimes porn helps with that. It is usually best to slow down and prevent cumming when you're close and then keep going, just to extend it, since once you cum you will probably lose all interest.
I want to stop being asexual
>>5285106
>I sounds like you're straight.
You might be right, but I only feel anything like attraction for this one person.
Thanks for the advice. The hiccup for me always seems to be I can't really imagine sex, nor do I want it, so I have a hard to pretending to simulate it. I'm not sure that I'd want sex with this woman. She makes me feel something, I'm not sure what though.
>>5285109
Go to your doctor and tell them you don't have any sexual desire and that you want to have a healthy sexual life. Make sure you get the doctor to sign off on bloodwork to get all your hormone levels measured, that is the first step.
>>5285232
What happens when you look at porn, you don't ever imagine yourself as one of the participants?
>>5285353
Nope, never. I find porn really disinteresting. It never looks like the sex is pleasurable, and it feels weird and phony to be watching a video of two people doing it.
I don't like seeing people naked in general.
>>5285418
Okay, I guess I'm not picking up on what would work for you, let's try something else. What do you find sexually attractive, what turns you on, do you have any fetishes?
>>5285430
I mean, maybe nothing works for me. If there is something that turns me on I don't know about it either. This is partially why I've never really masturbated before.
Like, one of the only times I've gotten hard in like a sexual way was while I was just talking to this woman I like, so...
>>5285493
So you find her very attractive in a sexual way?
What happens if you imagine her naked?
Or her rubbing her breasts against you?
>>5285514
That doesn't really do anything for me...
I mean, I popped a boner, but it wasn't because I was thinking about sex. I was just excited to be talking to her. Her face was pretty, and she seemed happy. And so I got a bit of an erection.
>>5285553
Does it happen again if you imagine talking to her and she being happy?
>>5285615
No. The same kind of thing happened a couple times afterwards, but now just talking to her doesn't seem to give me that same type of rush. I still love to chat with her, though.
>>5285678
What would happen if you kiss her?
>>5285705
Besides getting slapped? I'd probably get erect like before, because it's exciting. And it's her. I'd be on cloud nine. I'd also probably stop thinking clearly and defuse the moment awkwardly and retreat to somewhere I could be alone a while.
Cis female here. In a relationship with a Les girl and I feel no desire to have sex or masturbate at all, but I'm happy to give her oral sex almost every day. Not because I get off to it sexually but I enjoy making her feel good and this pleasures me emotionally. Am I possibly ace since I feel no sexual pleasure from this, or am I not because I am interested in sex just for the emotional value.
>>5285914
You're ace if you wouldn't care if she stopped asking you to eat her out and you just expressed you emotional intimacy in other ways.
>>5285761
maybe you could imagine making out with her while you're masturbating.
>>5286334
Well, I feel less tense about it now. I don't feel like I need some sort of release anymore. Next time I feel that way, I might try that. The thought of making out doesn't really arouse me, I just know that if we did I would get really excited. Kind of like how I didn't plan on getting a boner those couple times, it just kind of happened.
Maybe I'm bad at using my imagination.
>>5287566
Demisexuality is basically being sexually attracted to people you've bonded with somehow, right? It's just this one person that I've ever felt this way about, so I'm kind of working with a small sample size. I don't even know that I'm sexually attracted to her. I don't really fantasize about doing anything with her physically. She gives me some sort of a fuzzy feeling... which sometimes triggers a physical reaction which resembles arousal.
>go to college
>relationship with bf turns into an LDR
>he visits me sometimes
>all that happens then is that he occupies my pc to play vidya gayms except when we fuck
Why did it have to devolve into this?
Guys, I can't fap anymore. Nothing's working. People are gross, porn is gross, hentai is gross. I think this is it.
>party with friend and his friends, both women and men
>literally all they talk about is sex and their genitalia, have no shame
>no one is interested in any current topics or even some recent TV shows or something fairly normal
Sometimes I wonder if I'm cursed or blessed because being asexual makes you feel so distant from other people but apparently being sexual also makes you a huge dumbass.
>>5309369
or maybe you're just hanging out with dumbasses in the first place? i've never run into non-asexuals who were only interested in sex since i left high school; it's really not that common among adults who have had time to get over the fact that sex feels good to them.
>>5304950
Lol, he hasn't even bought it yet, and is replaying some old-ass vidya instead. I actually discussed this with him before, and part of the reason for his behavior is apparently the fact that there isn't much else to do, because I'm a poorfag student, and back in high school the stuff we did together (like eating out) are simply not affordable with my current budget. That makes me wonder if we even have that much in common besides our history together, which is really saddening.
Anyway, during out last phone call, I suggested that the next time he comes here, we should at least play a co-op game together or something, and fortunately, he seemed open to the idea. For comparison, the last few weekends have mostly been him occuping my gaming PC while I quietly indulge in my more autistic hobbies like ricing my linux laptop, which honestly has made me feel almost as alone as if I were single again.
It's gotten so bad that I even developed a bit of a crush on some guy here at my college who's also a /g/ fag and seems to share a lot of my interests in general. Such wasted bro potential ruined by stupid romantic feelings, as now I gotta keep a bit of a distance from him. Ugh.
>>5309584
>while I quietly indulge in my more autistic hobbies like ricing my linux laptop
Oh, what laptop? What distro?
Shit, sorry, /g/ fag as well.
There are better things to do than ricing, though. Come on. Try some new distros. Perhaps experiment with compiling a distro from the source. Pick up programming. Help improve the Linux kernel.
Perhaps you should think further about just why you remain in the relationship. What do you actually see in it? Do you actually gain anything from it?
There are things you two could do that don't cost a cent, such as going on walks around local areas, and cheap things such as hiking or, if you have the equipment for it (perhaps back at home), camping. I'm a bit of an outdoorsy person so that's why I'm arguing for outdoors things, but you get the picture. There are inexpensive things you can do.
What about watching a movie? Pirating isn't exactly impossible to do. Or you could use Netflix if either of you have that. Cuddle up in bed while you watch a movie.
On that note, do you two cuddle at all? Great way to pass the time while doing very little other than simply enjoying each other's company. Plus, it's free. All you need is time. You mentioned that you two have sex, so I'm sure cuddling happens as well. If not, I'd recommend trying that.
And why not befriend that one guy? You could talk with your boyfriend about polyamory, if you yourself are up for that. If not, well, romantic friendships certainly are a thing and they don't necessarily mean you two are in a relationship. I was recently in one of those that went well for a time. If you really wanted to, I'm sure you could make it work.
>>5309369
I think you/they just have some shitty friends. I'm a college student, and yet none of my friends really ever talk about sex. They are stereotypically the group that should the most, yet they don't.
Plus, you almost sound like you have a superiority complex.
Does asexuals masturbate?
>>5310465
Some do. Not all of them. I know I do, for instance.
>>5310121
T42 and Arch because the /g/ guy recommended it (it's better than I thought it would be). I'm mostly over my distro hopping phase, though, as I've tried out most of the major ones (Suse, Fedora, Debian and their forks), and even BSD at one point. Haven't really felt like programming lately, though I used to do that for a bit a while ago.
I hate to think about it, but the reality is that I might need to reconsider the whole relationship in the near future, but first I want to wait and see if things improve in the short while when the distance is no longer separating us (there's a short phase coming in under a month when we could actually try temporarily living together). If it doesn't, then it just doesn't seem sustainable, especially since I'm already having a problem with wandering eye, even though it's only been about half a year since the physical distance became a thing.
Our tastes in media are somewhat different, so it might be hard to find anything that both of us would want to see. With most shows and such, one of us usually likes something more than the other, the exception being when I made him get into watching some /co/ cartoons. Too bad that the times when we stayed up late watching Adventure Time were years ago. Good times.
Polyamory isn't my thing, frankly. I treat the crush as more of a symptom of a poor relationship situation that should be corrected rather than as something genuine, though, I gotta admit, there's a lot of intellectual common ground that I'm really sad not being able to fully embrace with the /g/entooman. For one, /g/ tier tin foil hattery is super fun, but normally it's impossible to find people who give a fuck about cryptography and are willing to chat under layers upon layers of different algorithms, lol. Thing is, I think I'm already doing some friend-zoning because he sometimes seems a little nervous around me, and if he does have feelings for me, I'd end up hurting him by becoming closer friends. (And myself.)
>>5311432
Well, I see two alternatives in this situation.
One:
You stay with the guy that you feel a waning connection with. You don't seem to have had any good times in a relatively long time.
Two:
You leave that guy and go with the guy that it seems you may have more connections with.
Think, you're actually having fun with the second guy. Plus, there's a chance that he's into you. You aren't really having much fun with the first guy. Whenever you do meet up, nothing really happens. You two use to have fun with some things, but (at least by the information I've been given) it doesn't seem that that happens much (when you're together, I mean. Obviously separated would be a whole other situation).
Judging by the line "Too bad that the times when we stayed up late watching Adventure Time were years ago", you two have been together for a few years? If you like him that much, it may be worth it to talk to him about what to do. Look into going places (on the cheap, of course), doing some local sightseeing or whatnot. Take some long walks together or something. Having dissimilar media tastes definitely does complicate things.
Regarding 'wandering eye': that's hardly a symptom of any issues. Not exactly speaking from experience, but from how I understand it 'wandering eye' affects just about everybody just about any time and doesn't have any regard for relationship status or the like.
The fact that the second guy may have feelings for you complicates this a bit. You could explain the situation upfront, and perhaps say that he's an option or something. The downside of that approach is, as I'm sure you'd guess, potentially giving him false hopes. Another option is to stay slightly distant, just distant enough for him to question if you know anything and for him to potentially not lose interest (but not get his hopes up). Alternatively, Keep everything as it is right now and just let it play out.
Personally, I'd go with the second, 'distance' option for the time being.
>>5312027
>>5311432
And regarding the /g/ stuff:
Why a T42 over a T60? Any specific reason? Price? T60 would be more powerful, IIRC it uses a gen. 1 C2D instead of a PM(or P4)
Also, did you try CrunchBang (or nowadays, a successor/derivative such as BunsenLabs)? I used that for a while on my R40 (got it for free) for a while and loved it. If you're not familiar with CrunchBang, it's Debian-based and extremely minimalistic (and fairly lightweight).
I'd say perhaps to try it in a VM, but that laptop probably couldn't run it like that. Could try it in a VM on your desktop, though.
(On the note of the desktop: you called it a gaming PC. Prebuilt, or did you build it?)
Anyway, back on the relationship topic:
I suppose if you can keep the relationship with the second guy where it is (not implying a romantic relationship or anything, just simply the friendship/whatever it is) until your next semester in college (assuming that the "short phase coming in under a month" would be the winter semester/winter break and that you'd separate again at the end of it/beginning of the Spring semester). As you suggested, you could see how things go once you and your boyfriend are together again. I don't think it would go amazingly well, though, judging by how things go when you two are together nowadays (even though I'm assuming those are weekends or something, ie. very short periods of time). That you struggle to find something to do is potentially a bad sign.
Do you know how similar your tastes in media are with the second /g/uy? Overall, do you have more similar interests with him or with your boyfriend?
How do you tell if you're a heteroromantic asexual or a sex-repulsed heterosexual?
>>5313672
try having sex?
>>5313672
I'm pretty sure that I'm a sex-repulsed, heteroromantic asexual and I found it out this (>>5313694) way.
Don't take that path.
If you're heterosexual but sex-repulsed, I'd imagine you'd imagine yourself having sex with people or something (of course, you'd have sexual attraction to them) but the moment you realize what's going on (or if you actually try anything) your mind would go all wtf.
If you're heteroromantic asexual, perhaps you'd imagine being with a person a lot, perhaps cuddling them or something, but sex would seldom, if ever, pop in there.
I figured I was asexual, potentially heteroromantic (well, to be honest I'm still working on figuring out what I am, romantically), and I tried it and nope. Nope. Don't try it if you think there's a chance that you're sex-repulsed. I didn't completely think I was but now I know.
>>5176356
Hehe
I've accepted that I am ace, for the most part, but my romantic orientation has changed a lot in the last few years, which annoys me.
Before I had accepted being ace I seemed to connect partners emotionally better. Now I seldom do. Not sure if im aromantic now,or have just given up.
>>5312027
I've known my current bf since high school junior year (I'm a college freshman atm), though the point when it turned from simple friendship to something more is rather uncertain (to be honest, I didn't really know what I was doing). At its best, it was like having a best friend that I could cuddle with, which was pretty cool. My main issues with the current situation are the fact that it feels like the "BFF" part has more or less faded ever since I took a gap year before going to college, and become more of a roommate kinda deal. Along with that, so have most of my feelings, which I feel somewhat guilty for, because he still loves me, at least I think so, although sometimes I find some of his behavior disrespectful (like not bothering to clean my desk from candy wrappers and whatnot before leaving). Little annoyances like that are slowly piling up and feel more bothersome than they used to, but the worst is the creeping indifference that I've been feeling aroung him since we hardly do anything besides cuddling together anymore.
Not sure if much can be done, since the future has even more LDR shit to offer, and so far, my experience distance stuff has been pretty shitty. I haven't suffered in silence, though, but he doesn't seem to understand the gravity of the situation, I guess. I know that I used to have a lot of fun with him, but it feels like we may simply be growing apart with differing interests and future plans. Can physical affection alone be grounds for a relationship? I don't think I feel content with just that, and other from that and our history together, I feel more or less alienated from him at this point, but for some reason I keep hoping that the situation could change for the better. Or am I just afraid of causing heartbreak? I'm not sure. If I followed your suggestion, from his point of view, I would basically be leaving him for some random dude in my uni that I only met about three months ago, which would be pretty devastating.
>>5312124 (Cont. from >>5315630)
No reason for the T42 other than the fact that I got it for free. I used to also have a X61s for the same reason, but it broke at one point, and I couldn't find spare parts for cheap. I've used #! before, actually, and it was basically my introduction to ricing in the first place. I'm quite content with my current setup, though, and don't really feel like messing with it for now. As for my desktop, nah, I built it myself, sure, but I guess calling it a "gaming PC" is a bit of a stretch, since the specs are pretty mediocre (quadcore processor clocking at 3.1Ghz, 8GB of RAM, and a cheapish GPU, because I don't play the newest games anyway).
Yeah, I'm planning to see how things go once we get to be together for longer than a weekend with my current relationship, Christmas break to be exact, indeed. Until then, which I guess is a sort of a decisive factor in whether I'll continue to stay with him or not, I try to bear the /g/uy's presence at school as usual, trying to act cool despite the unbearable romantic tension. It's kind of hilarious to actually find myself feeling this way about a chubby neckbeard, ahahahaha.
As for the /g/entooman, he doesn't watch that much TV, but his taste in anime is pretty good. He does a bunch of stuff that I approve of, like reading webcomics, playing 2hu, and has even read a visual novel once, which is another esoteric interest that almost no one ever seems to share with me. Did I mention he's a total information security and linux nerd? Besides toehoes, his taste in vidya is pretty different, though, but I can't say that my current partner is any better in that regard. Oh, and finally, his taste in music is more similar to mine, though not quite the same. Contrastingly, when talking about music, my current bf has a habit of bringing up the old "when did YOU grow out of metal?" troll (he mostly listens to EDM).
>>5315758
>(he mostly listens to EDM)
Oh god why
I'd continue to call your desktop a gaming PC if it was originally built with that purpose in mind, which I'm sure was somewhat the case. Even if the specs aren't the best, that is still probably what it excels at.
Not surprised that #! was your intro to ricing, actually. Don't know why I didn't consider that to be a possibility.
>Can physical affection alone be grounds for a relationship?
Would a "friends with benefits" situation be counted as a relationship? No, often not. I'd regard a fwb situation as physical affection-based.
In other words, no: I do not believe that physical affection /alone/ can be grounds for a relationship. Most relationships require emotional affection, an emotional connection. Without that, you two are basically just friends that cuddle/fuck (pretty sure you mentioned sex earlier).
>I feel more or less alienated from him at this point, but for some reason I keep hoping that the situation could change for the better.
I mean, you can try to help it change for the better but from how you've described things it seems you're far more willing to change anything than he is. He does seem willing, though. No hard in trying, but if it doesn't happen relatively quickly (I don't mean like a week, just a reasonable amount of time) then it probably won't happen at all. No need to pointlessly linger: if it can't be fixed, don't try to fix it. You can't move an immovable wall.
>Or am I just afraid of causing heartbreak?
I think we're all afraid of that. That's one reason I try to avoid relationships. Eventually, somebody is going to get hurt from something. you either split up, or one of you dies. Either way (minus the situation in which both die together) at least one of the two people involved gets hurt. I don't want to be hurt and I don't want to hurt anybody else, and I'm sure you're not too far from that.
>>5315758
>>5316444
>If I followed your suggestion, from his point of view, I would basically be leaving him for some random dude in my uni that I only met about three months ago, which would be pretty devastating.
Then if you must take that route, be upfront to your current boyfriend regarding the situation.
Any breakup is devastating. It seems to me that you're the only one in the relationship that is completely aware of the existence of any problems, so any path you take that isn't along the lines of staying with him for eternity would take him off-guard. I suppose the best route would be to minimize the pain on any of the three involved parties.
The way the situation is right now, somebody is going to be hurt. Either your boyfriend, from a breakup, the /g/entooman, from thinking that you don't like him 'that way', or you, from being in a situation that you are in no way completely comfortable with.
Be careful with the second /g/uy. If he recognizes that you're potentially into him, he'd be extra hurt by things not being reciprocated. That, or he'll go up to you and express his feelings. I believe you said that you merely suspect that he very likely likes you, which means that so far he hasn't done that (actually telling you). If he tells you, you're forced to make a decision on all of this in a far shorter period of time. I'm just saying to take caution.
Also, is his taste in movies similar or unlike yours?
>Not sure if much can be done, since the future has even more LDR shit to offer, and so far, my experience distance stuff has been pretty shitty.
If this situation is only going to continue, then I don't think your relationship will be able to heal all that much. Who knows, I might be wrong. I hope I'm wrong.
It should be noted that I've recently been in a vaguely similar situation. On what side of it, I'm not entirely sure. Just let me tell you that eventually, one of you three is going to leave in pain. It's a shitty situation, I know. Good luck.
>>5310465
I do but only because my doc yelled at me because apparently it was bad for my health if I didn't do it all. I don't have to do it all the time granted just regularly...I miss not masturbating it felt so freeing when I had quit.
>>5314959
Aromantic isn't so bad...until a few decades later. According to the older aromantics i talked to that is when it really starts to fucking suck.
Its why I figured when I reach that point i'll just end it.
>>5251381
I have had sex a few times, in a few different ways.
I hate being ace, nobody gets it. I just want to die.
>be average straight guy
>marry ace girl
>have countless arguments about our sex life
>anniversary rolls around
>take her to dinner
>we do presents, I surprised her by cleaning the fuck out of the house
>successful romantic evening
>hopes are rising for something to happen tonight
>she just sits on the couch and watches tv for a few hours
>it's getting late
>realize nothing is going to happen
>another massive fucking letdown
>walk away and greentext my pity story on /acegen/
Marrying someone with a different orientation than you is lifelong suffering.
>>5319475
lol never mind we fucked after all life's good
>>5319748
Was it good? How is sex with an ace chick?
>>5319831
Can't speak for married straight man, but as a female asexual, I can confidently say that I am terrible at sex.
>>5170116
Hey, really not trying to be rude, in fact, I am all for whatever a person's sexual views are and all. However, as a biochemist, I just want to let any of you who actually refer to yourselves as "asexual" know that the term is a joke, especially in the field of science (Tumblr/Self proclaimed psychiatrists need not apply). The term that best matches the definition of what you are defining is actually celibacy. So, instead of posting that you are asexual on your blog, maybe it would seem more efficient to say you are celibate or that you practice celibacy. After all, if you state that your sexuality makes you an asexual, be aware that most people in the field of science who know the right basic terms, will instead believe that you are claiming that you need no mate and no fertilization, for you can instead create offspring from thin air, which as most people know, is currently impossible for the human race. Once again, please do not think I am being spiteful, I am just looking out for you folks. My nephew stated he was asexual when he was visiting the lab last month and when everyone there chuckled, he felt really embarrassed, but did not know why until I explained the terms and all that to him. Be safe, and stay sexy, LGBT.
>>5319919
>as a biochemist
Already lol'd. I'm a chem major myself and don't go around bawwing about people using words like cis and trans in nonscientific contexts. Words can have several meanings you nigger, and asexuality as an orientation is a rather new and relatively unknown use of the term, so it's bound to not be understood yet. That doesn't mean it's necessarily incorrect, though. Celibacy doesn't quite cut it, because it implies abstaining from sex for religious or such reasons, rather than pure disinterest and lack of sexual attraction to anyone.
I've heard people casually use "asexual" as a generic term for a lack of sexual desire or even appeal before, which sort of makes sense since the word can be interpreted as a literal lack of sexuality, you know? It might not be the dictionary definition and especially not the biology one, but if a word starts to be commonly used in a different context as well, why not just accept this novel usage? It's far less radical than "literally" nowadays also meaning "figuratively".
>>5320220
I am not bawwing, as previously stated, I am really not trying to be rude or anything. I get that it is becoming this "mainstream" term that certain crowds like to use. I do see your point though, my fellow chemist nigger. However, for people such as us who see that term in an actual scientific sense, it just baffles me that this generation has taken such a liking to the term of asexual that it strayed far away from the scientific roots. Though, I guess it is a generational thing, such as the older folks using the early definition of gay to mean happy, or queer to mean strange, when most folks in modern society have turned those adjectives into negative things. Novel usage may be fine and dandy, and I do see what you are saying, but the only thing I really stand by and want to make clear is that the term is coined in an odd way, and more importantly, if used around people that deal with fields of science in almost any nature, there will be confusion, so a better term could easily be coined.
>>5319919
Uh, no. Celibacy means a conscious decision not to have sex. Which could of course apply to some asexuals. However asexuality specifically means a lack of sexual desire or sexual attraction, whereas celibacy is often envisioned as being done for "external" (e.g. religious or moral) reasons.
And words can have different meanings, you know. Asexual just means without sex, it doesn't just mean asexual reproduction, it's been also been used to refer to individuals without genitalia, or who are lacking in sex appeal, etc. I would expect that people in the field of science would understand that words can have different meanings in different contexts. You already see this in both cells and atoms having a part called the nucleus, even though they're not exactly the same thing - but what similarities they have are enough to justify using the same term. Likewise, "asexual" could be applied to anything that "lacks sex" or is "without sex". And I don't imagine that a chemist, upon hearing that their economist friend is working on a "basic model of the stock market" would assume it has anything to do with the pH scale.
>>5319831
Really uninteresting usually. She mostly just wants me to finish quickly and get it over with.
Does the way you see porn indicate something regarding asexuality? I mean, I remember getting a huge mindfuck when I realized people imagine themselves as one of the participants and I still find that pretty weird.
Just asking, really, I will keep thinking I'm ace even if it doesn't indicate anything.
>>5319919
>the term is a joke, especially in the field of science
I can tell you have never read Kinsey or even heard of him.
>be aware that most people in the field of science who know the right basic terms, will instead believe that you are claiming that you need no mate and no fertilization, for you can instead create offspring from thin air
Scientists aren't retards who believe words have one, established meaning and cannot mean anything else in any other context. Either that or you know some truly elitist assholes who are probably not worth anyone's time.
>>5319475
hah hate to say it but you had that shit coming for marrying an ace. On the plus side unlike with bis at least you don't have to worry about her cheating...heh.
So hey that is something.
>>5319831
Depends if they can get off on it then they view it similar to masturbation except for like 2.
However not all aces can do that by any means. From what I understand it depends quite heavily on two things 1 if they masturbate(best pray they do) and their view of sex. Remember hearing about usual bonding aspect and closeness but I never heard that ever actually working.
Interestingly this is true for both male and female aces.
>>5321239
I knew that some people imagined themselves in the porn but I didn't think all of them did. Am I mistaken? Because how do straight guys look at lesbian porn then?
Assuming that everyone does imagine themselves as the people having sex, it is kinda weird. Not quite a mindfuck, but it's strange to think that it never occurred to me to do something that literally everyone else does.
I'm prettttty sure that not everyone does that though. And if you think of it as just a preference that varies from person to person then it's really not a mindfuck at all.
>>5323823
I have a pretty open view towards sex and I don't really mind it, but I don't masturbate and when it gets down to business, I have no clue what I'm doing at all.
>>5321990
I see your point, and to be fair, me and my colleges are ass holes at times. However, for future reference, just know that the only thing of value Kinsey contributed to the modern fields of science is the Kinsey Scale which, even from individuals who major in the fields of sexual based sciences, is seen as a dated concept and has since been thrown out by most accredited people of the field. Now, if you would have mentioned Fritz Klein and the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, that would have made more sense, seeing as it is arguably better in almost every way to explain the grasp of the sexuality of an individual, and grants a better definition of an "asexual", or whatever term this generation chooses to use.
>tfw you immediately turn people down because you just automatically assume they want sex and it's going to be a shit relationship and you don't even want to try or explain anymore
>>5325441
>tfw when you are closeted ace and you get turned down by publicly ace chick
>she says she doesnt want to date a non ace because it will cause problems but Im not ready to come out
>regretnotcomingoutyet.jpg
>later one of her friends asked me out and I came out to her
>we both decided that going out would be problematic (also I dont think it would have gone well. We arent alike at all)
>now me and the first girl are friends and we hang out sometimes
I really want to date her but she already turned me down once
I dont want to be pushy but that was like 3 months ago
Should I ask her out? Im sex repulsed and really want to go on dates and stuff, not just hang out
Also her friend is usually with us when we hang. I figure dating would make it more of just us
>>5325441
This. 1000x this!
>>5325384
>is seen as a dated concept and has since been thrown out by most accredited people of the field
Source?
>>5318930
>my doc yelled at me because apparently it was bad for my health if I didn't do it all.
Does this apply for chicks too? I have a vibrator since I was curious if I physically could, but it's gathered a lot of dust.
Hey guys.
People are always saying "go to a doctor" and I've seen several people in this thread who said their hormone levels are fine. But did anyone actually come back with issues?
Has anyone here gone through some sort of treatment? I want to fight this. I'm kind of grey so I have at least a small foundation to work up on.
I'm also a girl. A lot of what I've read deals with upping the male sex drive.
Does anyone have a story to tell? Even a failed one?
>>5324967
What to do can be learned. I got good enough no one ever suspected a thing...one of the perks of being deeply entrenched in the closet.
>>5326819
Does she know now? Otherwise considering now she knows the truth and still didn't say anything that might be trouble if your gonna ask again.
Though honestly I have no experience with dealing with that sorta thing. I barely even hear of ace couples as is.
>>5329581
I-I think its more true with the men? I don't really know, ask your gynecologist they aught to know. Those fuckers know vagina better then anyone...unless they are a lesbian gynecologist. I never heard of anyone being able to beat one of them.
>>5330310
The closest thing to a treatment i heard of is basically libido boosters and things to get it up/wet. It wont do anything if your not sexually attracted to anyone to begin with though.
Assuming they drug you that is what they are gonna offer. Never heard of them having anything for actual sexual attraction.
>>5330919
>basically libido boosters and things to get it up/wet. It wont do anything if your not sexually attracted to anyone
I do get attraction rarely, so I was hoping to up that since I'm not aro.
I've never heard of libido boosters for women. What do you know about them?
>>5331163
Best libido booster for women: Sex Panther Cologne
Im sorry I couldnt resist
>+2 points if you know the reference
>>5331187
I don't know if I could handle its intense smell though
>>5330310
Does anyone have any idea how often you're supposed to masturbate for it to not be unhealthy?
>>5330310
As a girl, you have a stronger position to bargain from when it comes to this sort of thing. It's considered normal for women to not want a lot of sex, and the male sex drive is often treated as this evil thing that needs to be controlled. So have exactly as much sex as you want to have and make your partner feel bad for wanting any more than that. like the anon from >>5319475 and >>5319748 , they'll probably put up with it because sex isn't everything even to a complete ball-headed pervert.
>>5332109
I know you're trolling, but I was an idiot and kind of did that. It makes for an angry, bitter, self conscious, and self blaming SO. It results in me feeling like an asshole when I turned him down, or like I'm letting myself get raped when I let him. I felt broken and worthless and like he deserved better. It was a significant part of why our three year relationship fell apart.
Not doing that again.
>>5318930
>I do but only because my doc yelled at me because apparently it was bad for my health if I didn't do it all.
Uh oh. As someone who's never jerked off before, should I be worried?
I mean I would masturbate if I could but I just can't, even when I think about making out with that girl I'm crushing on.
>>5333270
You balked. The key to success as an ace is to stand firm, correct people when they blame you, and never correct people when they blame themselves. Graciously forgive them for their sin of wanting something you don't, but acknowledge that it is indeed a sin. Keep a straighter face than the other guy and don't show any doubt or regret, and then you can damn well dictate what's normal, what's worthy of blame, and who has value. Straight people learned this a long time ago, and now it's everyone else's turn.
>>5331187
How the hell would you NOT know where that's from? Maybe I'm getting old, though...
>>5333274
It's commonly said that masturbation reduces your risk of some cancer (I think prostate cancer) but I've heard that's really just an urban legend. I know that if you have very low testosterone there is a risk of losing sexual function if you don't masturbate, but if you've never masturbated in the first place I don't think that will be a concern.
>>5333400
Watch out dude, you are being too epic here
For me the road to acceptance was hard. At first I assumed I'll likely consider sex after I get to know someone well, I later found was that it was called demisexuality. Before that I thought it was normal, like sex after marriage. And only certain people have sex with strangers.
In early high school I went a year to an (almost) all male school. I didn't like it very much, there were some bullies, mainly one in my class who who always made sexual gestures to me, showing his dick once. Then telling everyone I showed mine, while I didn't. I think he was gay and into me. (I didn't think I was into guys, even while I did like a guy on the summer camp and hugging him once, the year before). The year after I went to a mostly all female school, which I much liked, it was like girls excreted pheromones that made me instantly high. I'm not sure that counted as sexual attraction, or if that's like a cheat, like I get instant gratification and others have to work for it, have sex and such. Though it isn't anything orgasmic, I can still masturbate to achieve that. There doesn't seem much point in sleeping with anyone, though befriending them and turning my best friend into a gf did made me experience 'love' (if you can call it that). All while having extended exposure to those pheromones making me happy. I also briefly wanted to be a girl, but I kept that to myself, letting my hair get longer as I already was somewhat androgynous. It did make me happy overhearing a little girl while hiking, referring to me as 'that girl'. I don't know when I decided to stop thinking about it. I suppose at that time it wasn't so accepted yet, though it still isn't that accepted I think.
Occasionally I did have feelings for guys as well, though I dismissed them as normal. There was one occasion at a drinking party I drunk so much that I don't remember parts of it.
>>5333963
My crush back then(the only girl who allowed me to stay in 'love' with her while she didn't reciprocated) and some others told me I asked a guy (and he rejected), though I'm not sure if they were lying.
It wasn't long after some webcomic had transgender character not that long ago(3 years it seems), I resumed thinking about that and decided to figure out my sexuality first. Asexuality seemed to fit the bill, but I always assumed it was something you don't want to be, since it always have been portrayed as something dreadful. But I've come to terms with it, though I don't think I fully accept it myself yet. As I think some part of me is still fighting it, or trying to prove me wrong. Oh, yes I could be wrong, there is always a possibility of that, like it is with anything. How do you actually prove that something doesn't exist?
I don't have any real plans for the future, no goals, things to achieve,... which actually made me less depressed that there's nothing expected of me. Though I also have less needs. I have a job, but not really something to do with the supplementary money, except to keep it in case things get rough. I still take liking to some girls,... at work, though I don't think I should do anything about it.
>>5334133
sounds like you're doing pretty well now. while it might be a good idea to keep saving your money especially in case your gendershit comes back, it might also be a good idea to try to find at least one low-pressure hobby to keep your mind occupied. the relief of lack of obligations is great, but sometimes if you're just drifting along the feeling of pointlessness can hit you hard when you wouldn't expect it. having something you do or make or improve on, at your own pace & without pressure, can help with that.
but that might not be relevant to you. maybe you'll never really worry about the pointlessness of your life, in which case just keep on as you are.
>>5333470
Studies have found a correlation between ejaculation frequency and prostate cancer in men. Generally, greater frequency of ejaculation means lower chance of prostate cancer. This only affects males. Females have nothing going for them.
Should also note that sex and masturbation are physical activities and generally help you out in other aspects. For example, both cause your heart to beat faster, which in this case would result in a healthier heart.
>>5331163
I little too much. I had a buddy who had a girl who got them once...I didn't see him again for months after the first week where he was so goddamned happy. The next time I saw him it looked like the dude walked out of the fucking grave and moved funny. Found that his girlfriend thought her libido was too low.
Naturally which guy would complain about that?
Problem was it actually DID massively increase her libido. Dude started walking funny before the week was out even. Now for guys its more an issue of...well just getting it up usually. What they gave her directly boosted her libido.
Think they gave it to her because some of her other meds was fucking over her libido. Instead she turned her into a sex crazed freak like insta nympho. So some of that shit is POTENT as fuck.
Which turned out to be the reason why docs so rarely prescribe women libido boosters. They'll rather switch meds or something else. Problem was she didn't handle meds too well and it took forever to find her what worked. Her doc wasn't willing so actually wrote the script.
...come to think of it last i heard she was pregnant and they ended up working it out that whenever he got in the mood she would just take one then proceed to fuck his brains out once it kicked in.
According to docs I know they try their best to avoid offering outright libido boosters to women because of it. They even do with dudes instead subscribing some boner pills or suggest getting lube if its a girl instead. Apparently the libido boosters that exist are rather scary in how potent they are and potential side effects which is why docs hate subscribing them so much. They'll try anything else and even outright ignore it as a possibility. Apparently using something like that can fuck with the body pretty hard.
Its why its almost unheard of for anyone to actually get prescribed one. Even for guys they'll just give him a boner pill tops and they'll dance around the issue like crazy.
>>5332001
once a week if a dude according to my doc. Became my defacto perscription after getting yelled at and told about how bad it was for my health for a long list of reasons I can't quite remember.
Turned out to be actual list tho.
>>5333274
Just once a week is all it takes to keep your doc from yelling at you. Yeah I know its a fucking chore and I would rather go without too.
So what can't get or keep it up? I know it can be tricky...I had to figure out my own process to do it but its different for different people.
>>5333400
So go the hardline religious route?
Not bad.
I'll have to remember that...fucking hell is sex a pain in the ass for me.
>>5334671
Oh my god, tell me more. What's it called? The only drug I can find is the one mentioned earlier in this thread. Got approved this year, doesn't even work, makes you pass out, and has major issues when mixed with alcohol.
This one sounds like a godsend. If doctors are hesitant to prescribe it, it'd like to know everything I can so that I can convince mine.
Sounds fairly simple, if my libido gets too high I'd hold off on taking it so much. Why is it so scary?
>>5333470
>>5334711
>there is a risk of losing sexual function if you don't masturbate
I'm starting to think this happened to me. Can that happen when you're only in your early 20s?
It's just nothing seems to do it for me. At least when I'm all alone. Earlier ITT we were talking about how I'd occasionally get an erection talking to this woman I'm into, so that's a faint glimmer of hope I guess. Otherwise I'm at the mercy of heart failure and cancer, apparently.
>>5333470
>never masturbate = okay
>masturbate rarely = YOU'RE GONNA LOSE IT
Is there any explanation for why such thing occurs?
>>5335455
Not them, but anon's story sounds a bit like an accident I had with nootropics once (took L-DOPA when tired and drank coffee without thinking). I had ridiculous amounts of energy and my libido was also excessive. My friends at uni commented on how hyper I seemed, and once I got home, I just wanted to do everything all at once, and ended up composing music, doing a week's worth of house chores, exercising, and fapping like mad. Basically my reward system got cranked waaaaay up and I just couldn't sit down and relax or I would've probably exploded.
>>5170116
if you are asexual and transgender, do u think evangelical churches will accept you?
>>5337260
Probably not, but why would you want them to?
>>5337260
I think you might be able to become catholic nun or monk.
>>5337988
Don't do that. It may seem like a sweet deal to live off of other people your whole life, but think of the company you'd have to live with.
>>5337083
>L-DOPA
First I've heard of this. Did you get it prescribed or otherwise? Have you tried the herbal supplement varieties, like velvet bean?
>>5338882
Not prescribed, but gotten through a legal loophole (in my country anyway) in the form of velvet bean extract. Why?
