first for /r/ing cure for severe AGP

Are there any gender therapists in or around Houston that's recommended? Sorry if this is dumb to ask. I recently came out and received support from my mom and she's willing to help me transition.

I just don't know who to go to, especially since Houston is a little scary and that's the closest place that I heard has gender therapists.

>>5141815
Hypothetically is it possible to travel abroad for surgery say for example the US for FFS and pay out the pocket for said surgery whilst not presenting as female full time?

>>5142750
Yes, ffs is considered cosmetic so you dont have to be full time or get psych evaluations like for srs.

I recently told my friends that i wanted hrt mtf, and they are supporting me, though i dont want to be a fulltime girl i still wanna be me and act the same but with a body that i can accept living in. Do i even get hrt if i tell thos to a therapist?

>>5143762
The therapistist will want you to live as your desired gender eventually. Lie if needed if you need more time to adjust to fulltime.

>>5143762
if you're in the US informed consent is an option which doesn't have any requirements as far as i know.

Hi, I transitioned at 16 I look very good, and am very femme. I'm 22 now, but I have a bit of a problem I don't know if this makes me an awful person but I really can't stand other trans people. I don't know what's wrong with me! I allways identified as female, not trans. I guess when I hear people mention they are trans I don't like that. I feel like such a horrible person.

Is this common? This is the first time I've interacted with the lgbt community, except for when I have been at the gender identity clinic.

Does this make me a bad person? Should I see a therapist?

S

>>5144174
I live in norway so i dont know how it is here but i know i will get everything for free, when i am going to talk to the therapist ill just say something like i dont wanna loose my job family and friends so ill keep my old identity, would that really be so horrible?

>>5144231
Well, yeah, you shouldn't hate trans people. And considering you are one, it can't be healthy for yourself.

>>5144174
Seems like i have to qualify hard in norway to get this treatment i have to have the mentall illness of "transexualism" wich just makes me feel like there something wrong with my head wtf.. also we have no gender phyciatrist only normal ones who dosent really know what it is... wtf norway wtf

I had my 1st appointment at Nottingham GIC yesterday.
It went OK, I didn't clam up or break down, which is nice. They were all very friendly, as you would hope.
I spent an hour going over some very basic stuff with the psychiatrist. Was my childhood OK, who knows, what have I done so far, what do I want to do.
They are doing literally nothing about anything until 6 month's time, after another 2 appointments; one more with a doctor and then another with the doctor and shrink together. Then they might be prepared to prescribe HRT (I'm already DIY) and/or refer to a vocal coach IF I have already gone full time, and not before.
So, I guess I waited 9 months for precisely nothing. Go private, kids.

>>5143582
That's reassuring, thanks, do you know of any reputable surgeons and their price brackets? Just for research

>>5144382
>>5144579
I had to split my post in parts.
I'm Norwegian as well, Anon. First stop acting like a child.

Anyways in Norway, they will want you to transition to the correct gender. If you will not accept that, they will not give you a diagnosis. That does not changing yourself as a person, you silly. You'll still be you, just with a girly body and looks(and a bit different mindset too, but if you're really trans you will like it.), eventually. Understand and accept the fact you're transgender, that you're actually really supposed to be a girl. You would not feel this way if you weren't trans.
You have to prepare yourself to the fact you may lose friends and your job, but depending where in Norway you are, especially in a decent large city, everyone is very open minded. I came out fine and was accepted by everyone that matters.
Also understand you do not have to come out the closet and transition at the same time. You can be patient, but there's some issues to that in Norway I'll explain later.

They don't call it a mental illness in Norway you idiot. It's a condition at worst, but it needs to be treated or else it can develop multitude of issues for a person. Everywhere in the world they diagnose transgenderism, transsexualism or whatever term they use, it all means the same. Which then follows by the same treatment.

>>5144382
>>5144579
Part 2/2
Anyways, the process in Norway goes as follows: First you want to tell your family doctor about this, and ask to be referred to a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist who can refer you to the GID clinic. (You can also just go to a private psychologist/etc directly.) When you see your psychologist/psychiatrist they will spend a few sessions learning about you to be able to assess why you should be referred to the GID clinic in Oslo. There is a wait list, but once it's your turn, the following year you will have to travel to their GID clinic in Oslo for each session they will spend with you to determine whether you are trans or not. Once you've gotten your diagnosis, you get your HRT, but they will ask you to start living as a girl as early as possible at that point, as a "real life test". It's pretty shitty, but you have to accept it. After a year as living as a woman/girl, and provided you're over 18, you apply to get both SRS and breast augmentation covered. They do also offer touch-ups once you're post op to take care of aesthetics. All for free. I think you researched some of this though, but I thought it'd help hearing it from someone else.
Also electrolysis for facial hair can be covered.
Also it's well known that the transgender care in Norway is poor. https://www.regjeringen.no/no/dokumenter/rett-til-rett-kjonn---helse-til-alle-kjonn/id2405266/ (it's a huge read, don't bother with reading it all, but the first part of the PDF assesses the situation well.)
Also I should note self medding today is no longer possible as import out of border of any medication is illegal. (There have been cases of people getting their family doctors getting them HRT though.)

Anyways this link will have a lot of information for you. http://www.hbrs.no/no/transseksualisme/ Don't be scared share resources with your family, doctor, friends as well, they may need it if they don't know much.

>>5144820
Thanks for all this info, i guess ive miss interpited the things i read or just assumed the worst still, i can choose to not get sergury right? Im 21 and im 100% sure i want to keep my penis. I ofcourse live in sunnmore in a small poulation of 7000, all my closes friends accepted it just told me to go for it. Do not know how to tell my mom and dad wich seems to me be the hardest part, ive seen here watch like shows about transexuals and im sure shes not the most openinded in the family, she found a candle and some lube and the she just assumed i where gay (i like women) and started nagging me about it alot. Sorry for any typos im at sea and using my phone :p

question for FtM how do you make your breast smaller? will testosterone shrink them?

>>5145133

As far as i know, testosterone only will do little.
I'm pre everything so i can just tell what i've read about. (Sorry for my english, it's not my mother tongue.) Anyway, to remove them completely you'll need a mastectomy.
If you are totally new to all this: most FtM's bind their chest. Recommended is a special binder. No tape or similar things.
Hope i could help. :)

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I'm just not sure what to do any more. I feel like I'm sure of my transition something like 60% of the time, but then 40% of the time I feel like I'm making a mistake and that I'd be okay being an effeminate dude. I don't mind my current body, but I EXTREMELY fear for what the future will bring- my current body is very effeminate, and i'll look similar to pic related if I hit the gym hard (but not too hard), and I feel like I'd definitely be okay with a body like pic(s) related.
http://i.imgur.com/XcKLDLV.jpg
http://i.4cdn.org/lgbt/1446138494676.jpg
The thing is, I fear for what later life will give me. I have no idea how this kind of body ages and I will probably kill myself if I ever get anything like a "dad bod".
I'm incredibly conflicted with whether to transition or not, because I truly do wish I was a cis female, I just wonder if it's worth it.

>>5144231
I transitioned at 25 and don't look good. don't worry, i can't stand me either. nobody can, so that doesn't make you a bad person or horrible, it just makes you normal.

I mean, if this is really bothering you, you could go to therapy but thats on you

I'm starting to get confused over my dose of both spiro and Progynova. Where should my blood levels be? I had a DHT of 270, so my doc said I should up my spiro to 250... figuring how he said my DHT is WAY too high, and since I have noticed no ill effects, I went all the way to 300mg daily and seem to do well.

I reckon that nukes my DHT to proper levels, but what about my E2? What should it be? Could someone post theirs that their docs claim is the right level?
Ranges go from like 50-300 or something crazy and going by that I'm definitely in the lower end. I feel I'm not seeing the results I should see, given it's been 18 months since I started...

Would I experience any detrimental effects if I up my E dose slightly, apart from the usual risks DVT etc.?

I find it disturbing you can not find desireable blood levels ANYWHERE. It's not even a thing on an individual base, every female is around certain levels, and argueably percieved beauty goes hand in hand with E2 levels.

>>5145263
i feel ya

>>5144724
That seems very harsh. Why did you have to wait so long? Anything to do with your GP?

>>5145263
But people who dislike somebody based on their appearance, particularly disliking trans people, aren't good. That definitely makes them bad people. It's not okay or normal to do that.

You're justifying somebody's internalised transphobia based on your own unhealthy self-loathing.

>>5145198
I am having the same problem, or at the very least a similar one. I want to be a cis female. But I can't be. I'm just starting my transition but I'm really scared of turning into an old gross tranny as I age, and that it is safer to be an effeminate dude. Like, just being a twink isn't going to make my dysphoria go away, but I'm not sure how much better being trans really is like.... I dunno. I feel really scared about how uncertain things are.

>>5146766
>>5145198
Anons pls help us

>>5146655
>But people who dislike somebody based on their appearance, particularly disliking trans people, aren't good. That definitely makes them bad people. It's not okay or normal to do that.
that's just, like, your opinion, man

I have progynova that says it's micronized. I read that as long as it's micronized, you can take it sublingually. But, I read that you can't take progynova sublingually because you'll get mouth sores.
I have some sores on my lower palate now. But, I get canker sores somewhat frequently. But, I don't remember getting them in this spot before.

What do

I suppose I have dysphoria, but I usually jerk it away. As in jerk off. As in I lay in bed trying to contact Satan and sensory deprive myself until I trip out and see demons and whatever. It's retarded. I set Halloween as a deadline, trying to sell my soul and shit.

How terrible is it to see a doc? Do they try to talk you out of it? How many personal questions do they ask? I was so close to ordering shit off of inhouse but they need a goddamn prescription now.

Also, is it possible to stealth transition? I guess just not shave and wear male clothes? Does that usually go awry? I guess it could work since HRT doesn't affect one's voice.

Final question ; Does HRT cause one to lose weight?

>>5147659
>hrt
>lose weight
ha

Mtf pre hrt australian here. Feeling frustrated and let down by the system, how do i find a psych who can actually help me? I saw a psychiatrist for 8 years until the end of 2013. She told me i was too immature at 16 to 19 to make a decision about my gender. Saw a psychologist for 10 weeks in early 2014, he was supposed to be a gender specialist, every time i brought up gender he deflected. Current psychotherapist also keeps deflecting from the topic.

Living close enough to sydney to travel frequently and conveniently there. Starting to lose any hope of ever finding help.

>>5147659
>How terrible is it to see a doc?
Not at all.

>Do they try to talk you out of it?
No.

>How many personal questions do they ask?
Lots.

>I was so close to ordering shit off of inhouse but they need a goddamn prescription now.
QHI/ADC.

>Also, is it possible to stealth transition?
Yes, but only for so long until HRT shows. And you'll want to learn to have a female appearance, to apply makeup, to wear clothes that hide and show off the right features etc.
Hormones will push you into it sooner or later anyway.

> I guess just not shave and wear male clothes?
Nothing bad about shaving. You'll want to get that stuff lasered soon.

>Does that usually go awry?
If you show up like that to your therapist, yes. Else, who cares?

>Does HRT cause one to lose weight?
Opposite.

Ugghhh, I have a ton of questions.

1) Is anyone familiar with signing up for Obamacare/Medicade and mind giving me a breakdown of how to go about it?

2) I've got sparse, somewhat thin but dark facial hair. Is it possible/advisable to pluck it?

3) I'm trying to gain weight so I don't have boy body, but nothing seems to work. Has anyone else had this issue and found a way?

I probably have tons more, so if anyone wants to just talk on skype, reply with your s/n.

>>5146912
epic

>>5147669
I wouldn't rule it out at all. When I started HRT my muscle mass dropped a ton. I used to weigh 150 and I fell to 125 before breasts even got noticeable. Maybe it just varies.

>>5147916
Fair enough. I was bony as fuck when I started HRT which is probably a bit different.

>>5147939
How did it work out for you? Being naturally very skinny are you able to put on fat nicely in the right spots? I ask because I pretty much don't get any fat either, and its hard for me to eat so much in a day to reach a positive calorie level. I feel like thats killing my progress.

>>5147954
I'm suffering from this so much. Definitely killing my progress and it's driving me nuts! I'm out of ideas and lately I started gagging whenever I eat more than a few bites of a meal.

Getting fat is literally one of my top 3 wishes right now.

>>5147954
I probably went over the top with the losing weight beforehand. I'm naturally skinny, but not that skinny. My fat distribution is... well, I'm not always happy with it, but I don't think anyone's always happy with it, cis or trans.

Sometimes I had difficulty with eating enough but that was because I'd been on a calorie deficit myself for so long that I basically didn't like *not* feeling hungry. Trail mix is a pretty solid option here, if you can get it cheaply. Lots of fats as well as carbs, high calorie density. I could have a pound of that over the course of a day, coming to 2000 calories, and still eat a meal or two.

>>5147971
see
>>5147991

Also, I'd get all aspie about it, and sort through to eat all the cashews first, then raisins, then peanuts, etc. saving chocolate chips for last. Focusing on my food in a way that wasn't inherently about eating it kind of made it easier.

>>5147991
>Trail mix
I always have a bag for "inbetween", but I can eat 1, maybe 2 palms full before I start to violently gag again. And from there it only gets worse unless I let it settle.

At best my food would be simply liquid, but I'm not sure how to pull that off...

>>5147971
>>5148039
you just gotta slowly eat more and more. yes it's going to feel bad, but you have to suck it up just like fat people have to suck it up and eat less despite feeling bad.
drink more milk. drink lots of water to help stretch your stomach. go on fit and tell them you can't gain weight despite eating tons of food and they'll help you while making fun of you

>>5148039
one piece at a time. slow and constant, basically.

>>5148045
I've been to /fit/ and got nothing but shit thrown at me. Well, one guy said go with pulses, but that's all I've got out of the shitstorm. Don't need that again.

My depressions are also extremely bad most of the time and then I just sleep 20h straight and to eat anything at all I need real easy food... Like, trail mix is alright for easy food, but cooking is just not gonna happen if I really wanna stick to it through any sorta depressions.

I've been trying to think up a 2.5kcal diet that works, but 1.6k is as far as I get before I need something real big cause else I'd eat small stuff literally every other hour and that just ain't gonna happen.

Just had a look at protein shakes but fuck they're expensive.

>>5148108
you could buy soylent I guess. but seriously if you really want to gain weight do GOMAD. lol it'd be kind of funny if you're not lifting. but you'll definitely gain weight.

fast food?

I found that lots of plain rice helped me get used to eating more. eventually I could down a kg cooked in one meal

>>5148242
Haven't heard of GOMAD before, but I've got a weight gainer in my amazon basket right now. Might aswell... think that's really a good idea though? And what's soylent?
I was thinking I could go with fast food and my typical Burger King meal is about 1600kcal, add to that a pizza, yoghurt, banana, apple, sandwich and I'm looking at 3000 kcal, but then again, how healthy is eating Burger King daily for like 12 weeks or something...

I'm gonna take my time in the supermarket and see what sustainable big meals might be... probs gonna end up with tons of canned food.
But right now I'm starting to feel ill imagining Burger King for 12 weeks straight.

And I'm too damn anxious to go to the supermarket all the time, it's a fucking curse.
Every time it's a kinda situation where I'd actually consider taking a benzo before I go.

I wanna cry ;_;

epilating or waxing?

which one is better and causes the least ingrown hairs, irritation, etc?

also can you do either on your back by yourself?

Is is true that when you go through HRT (mtf) for a long period you NEED to do a genital surgery otherwise you'll probably get cancer?

>>5146655

Hi sorry me >>5144231 I never said that I hate people, just I cant stand their company. Usually they only want to talk about trans related things etc or how unfair the world is. No way I have transphobia or anything, I'm mean im not scared of them, and that is what that word means right?

I just meant that their company is undesirable. I just find this comes up again and again every time I meet a transwoman they are doing the same faux pas the last one I met was doing. For example bright hair, inappropriate clothing etc. And underneath that what do they have? Next to no personality at all! There whole life seems to resvole around the word trans.

Maybe I've only met these kinds of "bad??" trans women, as I've never met anyone like myself.

S

>>5149019
>I'm mean im not scared of them, and that is what that word means right?
no lol

>>5149014
Hm... i heard chemical castration for a long time is not good... but i don't want SRS, not now.

>>5149096
Wouldn't removing the testicles be enough then?

>>5149120
Dunno, but i don't want to remove either... that's even more disgusting (to me).

>>5149019
Being uncomfortable around trans people because they remind you that you're trans or because you're jealous of them or something is pretty common for trans people, and it's understandable despite not being a good thing (it's also a spontaneous feeling rather than a conscious decision). What you're doing is just stereotyping. Different trans people are different, just like any other kind of person; just because you didn't like the few that you've met doesn't mean that they're all like that. How well have you even gotten to know these people before concluding that they have "next to no personality"?

There could be a lot of reasons for the trans people you know to excessively talk about transsexualism-related things with you; one of them being that they know you're trans and therefore empathise with them, and they don't have the opportunity to talk about it anywhere else. Also, if you've met them for the first time at a gender clinic (which is what your first post implied), then it's reasonable for them to use gender issues as a conversation topic since they know they have that in common with you, and they don't know anything else about you to broach any other topic very well.

The -phobia suffix isn't used to literally mean "fear" in the word "transphobia" (like it is in some other cases), just like how it isn't in the word "homophobia".

And stop signing off your posts on anonymous imageboard.

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I kinda want to get my nails painted/get a manicure but I'm still pre-everything, so of course I'd have to show off my nails while still presenting as a guy.
Do you think I should get my nails done anyways, or no? What color should I get, like what would look least weird on a guy? I was thinking of getting either a french manicure or maybe a pale pink like pic-related, but I think that maybe that'd be too weird looking.

Hey, gay guy here. I keep having this irrational fear of being a tranny and I don't know why. I don't want to be girl and I love my body but for some reason it keeps scaring me that I'll end up as a tranny because people tell me being twinky is being a tranny. I mean I like being a man so idk

>>5149536
have you tried fucking off? that might help

>>5146586
That's how long the wait is for Nottingham now, other GICs are even longer.

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>>5149536
>it keeps scaring me that I'll end up as a tranny
>I don't want to be girl and I love my body

>>5149657
Idk its an irrational fear that I have and I don't know why, its existed before as other things like getting suspended in high school when there was no reason to be because someone had a slip for someone to the office, etc etc.

>>5149701
If your irrational fears are really bothering you then you can see a therapist about them, but otherwise see >>5149657

>>5149525
It's your decision. So long as you don't have to interact with any assholes who'll attack, threaten, or otherwise bother you over it, it's not really a big deal; the worst that can happen is that you'll be awkwardly asked about it or get stared at. If that doesn't bother you then go for it.

Pale pink or a French manicure would look fine, and because they're relatively subtle are probably the better choices if it's your first time doing it.

If a person thinks a male painting their nails is weird, then they're going to think that regardless of what colour you paint them, so don't be concerned with them when choosing the colour.

>>5141815
what can i expect with hormones?

i've looked at the charts but i still don't have a feel for what actually changes.

i've seen a mtf friend of mine appear to become thicker. like they used to be less pudgy. she is about a 5/10. not old enough to be a hon.

can i expect to gain weight all over the body or is that more to do with genetics because currently all of my overweightness is in my abdomen. #beer gut

i'm not too concerned with breast growth. right now i use 44DD breast forms and they work for me. i don't anticipate my breasts to get anywhere near that size.

what i really am hopeful for is hips, ass and thighs. please tell me i'll get a fuller bottom with hormones. if i don't what are my options? the articles don't have any information of cosmetic implants for the butt. are implants a good idea or no?

i know you cant answer his question but i'll ask for my own benefit. will i grow to love my body? will hormones "work" for me? do they "work" for you all?

how do you all feel with your body? satisfied? that's all i want.

thank you.

>>5149977
My body is mostly the same as it was when I started. No I don't like it one bit.
Is this gonna change when I gain weight? I'm 5'8" and 117 lbs, so there's quite a lot to gain...
I'm hoping for hips and thighs myself :/
On the other hand my calves are too big... why did I not lose muscles?

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Can anyone tell me about how and when they realized they were trans? I'm pretty confused about all this stuff, and I'd like to know how other people dealt with this.

>>5150046
i've always been trans i just never knew until started reading webcomics that dealt with transgender issues. i played with the idea that i might be trans but it wasn't until i saw that it was actually possible with hormones and transition timelines, they were just so inspirational.

if i have to put a date on it it would be my 17th birthday. when i was 17 i had a major depressive something or other and basically had a breakdown and broke. i realized my life has been a lie and that i needed to take matters into my own hands.

i've been lazy since then and maybe i missed my opportunity to transition that young but atleast i had come out to myself.

now, i'm still dragging my foot and progress is slow but i'm coming along. hormones are just around the corner for me. maybe.

>>5150055
Thanks for the reply. I've been considering that I might be trans for the past 4 or so years, im just not sure if Its just agp or if I should even do anything about this.

>>5150090
my advice is just accept that you are not cis, it's ok to be whatever you are. i encourage you to do gril mode as much as possible. maybe you don't need to "transition" to be happy. love yourself and if you can't do what you have to in order to. get supportive people in your life and cut out the negativity. get involved and join/flow positive blogs.

basicly just be fabulous.

i believe in you.

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>>5150109
Thank you. That was really nice.
I'll keep your advice in mind.

>>5147719
1) no - google it
2) yes, plucking is what women do as well so you can do it. But if you want to get electrolysis I don't recommend plucking or epilating since it can make electrolysis less effective. You can shave though.
3) If you go on HRT you'll likely gain fat weight (and lose muscle mass)

>>5150046
basically i just felt really ugly but super qt when i put on my sisters bra and panties. i would do that and then watch anime for hours and it just felt so good that i knew i was a woman

>>5149014
Shameless self bump on this.

>>5150408
I don't see that would give you cancer.

>>5150046
>never felt like a man, never liked male responsibilities, always felt more comfortable among girls
>used to be a crybaby but the older I got, the more I got shut in (bullying didn't help)
>could never kiss/have sex because too uncomfortable with intimacy
>lived through videogames and music, felt distressed without them because I had no identity on my own
>always thought most men would rather have been women but just got used to it
>thought I was simply non-sexually attracted to girls when really I wish I looked like them
I started browsing /lgbt/ for the asexual board, then I got curious and saw all the mtfag threads, then I realized holy shit I can relate a lot to those people. I guess I was just too dense to realize earlier I should have been born a girl. Now it sucks because I'm in this half-denial half-acceptance phase where I've been a clueless guy for too long to just shake it off (I'm 21). Literally one day I read a post that validates my feelings and I get happy but anxious, the next day I read an anti-trans post that sends me back to my default apathic state. I'm in the process of writing my thoughs down to talk to a therapist when I feel confident enough.

The depression is real.

>>5150972
Actually sounds very much like how i've been.
I hope everything goes well with your therapy

>>5150719
It doesn't make much sense right? I mean, the penis doesn't produce anything. Wouldn't the chemical castration be enough? Or in an extreme case, removing the testicles? I'm asking this 'cause I live in a 3rd world country and you know how cis people in the medical/beauty industry can be.

How would one be able to tell if an individual was legit trans or a faker? Supposing they see themself as a failure in their life, and could be trying to escape that and become somebody different. Would it be possible to know?

>>5151066
I hope so, thats what I'm worried about. I always though I could figure it out if I did some research and looked at different viewpoints on it, but i'm still just as confused as ever. I can't tell if im gay or bi or trans or just starved for attention.

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>>5150972
Good thing you're not one of those who need to be told to see a therapist, cause what the hell.

I can relate a lot to your story, and I've been 21 aswell back then. In fact my story is pretty much the very same. Didn't let myself get impressed by the anti trans posts though, but my apathy was more because I tried to tell myself nah I'm just a r9k beta fag and all of this is a normal phase to go through I'll man up and call some girl to hang out.

So, yeah, did that, had some fun, then over the weeks and months I noticed how it kept haunting me, tried to experiment with clothes and even latex and figured that's not really my thing but at the same time I noticed how I really much more felt like a girl. I was also childishly eager to be some special snowflake and be just an amazing girl all around, but oh boy did I dive head first into the worst nightmare ever.

Now my depressions are worse, I've grown an anxiety, lost my job cause it brought me into the psychiatry several times, am unable to work because of the anxiety and even going to the supermarket is a big pain. had a breakdown today after finishing my shopping and cried.
I've been over 2 years in supervision and still self-med to this day cause shrinks just refuse to be helpful, I'm good money either way.

I'm now also confronted with the likelihood that I'll become homeless sometime in 2016 but I priorize FFS cause else I'm just gonna end up killing myself anyway, so perhaps with FFS eventually happening and if I ever manage to speak my female voice, I could find me some small job to survive the time until SRS.

You're in for a ride. Good luck.

>>5151148
Aww anon, I feel so sorry for you. How do you cope?

I always used music to channel my feelings, but lately it just doesn't work as well as it used to, I get moments of frustration when can't contain it and I want to beat the shit out of something while crying all the tears I can. I hate my lack of self-confidence and I hate other people because I've been away from people for too long and I'm obsessing over all the shit that's happening in the world because everyone just thinks about themselves.
I've always had anxiety, luckily it's not bad enough yet that it's affecting my job, I just tend to communicate less and to fear criticism.

Above anyting I wish I could have a genuine relationship, but that won't happen because I can't be myself. I don't even know what myself should be.

May I ask, did transition improve your mental health so far? In what way?

>>5151148
i wish i lived a life like that in pic related...
probably my dream to be like that one day.

I hate life.

>>5151299
I don't really know how I cope. It's probably that I just gave up and let whatever happens happen. I think that way, you can not get disappointed anymore, cause you have no expectations. It's not apathy, cause I keep getting involved emotionally to a great deal, but I'm preserving energy that I need for my few obligations. If I have an appointment I always make sure I'll be there and do what's required of me, luckily depressions don't affect that much.

Some days I wake up and have some energy to push a bit forward, like scheduling things, eat properly, one of my newest advanced is having learned to apply eyeliner properly...

Depressions have been worse about, uh, some 10 months or so into HRT, that ended me up trying to suicide and then in the secure ward for a month. January-April this year was the worst I ever had and all I could find to do was play Planetside sometimes over 20 hours a day to keep me occupied.
After that I felt a bit initiative and bought clothes and makeup and tried myself out a lot and went out in girl mode for the first time, despite my lack of matching voice and it was all pretty okay until stuff stalled again. I've been seeing a new shrink since June and again am not making progress, clashed with my health insurance and unemployment agency and for 3 months I'm sitting here without income by now and it doesn't look like that's gonna change.

I'm bipolar and ontop of that, the E messes even more with my mood, I'm certainly better than I was before starting HRT and better than earlier this year, but around this time I should be really seeing more results than I do.

As far as relationships go, I can relate very well. I don't even want a relationship, I just want a single person to at least give a small damn about me. Just anything to help me a little bit to deal with all the things cause I'm spent. The way things are though, I can have a heart attack and gonna rot for months until my landlord comes to check why I don't pay my rent.

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Over the years, I've come to accept the fact that I'll never truly become a women, I'll technically never experience any of the stuff a real woman will experience, any rational person can see this, but is it fair to say, through Hormone treatments, I'm turning myself into a hermaphrodite? I can have at least that, right?

>>5151299
>>5151329
Text too long. I'd say transitioning greatly helped one of my issues, I can feel it, but everything that came with it caused a lot of new issues. Ones I hope will end once I'm through with SRS, cause that's like more or less the point where I don't have to deal with transitioning anymore and can focus on me being myself and doing what I want to without hiding. That assumes that until then I fix the issues I have with being a woman, but I don't see why that shouldn't happen at some point if I just keep at it, no matter how long it takes in the end.
That might be just wishful thinking, but its better than nothing.

I don't know who else to talk to about this, and I'm about at my wits end. I've never really been super attached to my masculinity, but for the past few years I've started to become especially insecure about it.

I've secretly been doing some little crossdressing things. Thigh highs, skirts, trappy stuff. There's certainly a sexual part of it, but it also just feels nice.

I've always despised my body hair, but recently I've started to NEED it gone, besides my head hair, which I've always kept long. Whenever I do something to make myself more feminine these days, I always get a little glow when I look in the mirror.

I'm 23 now as of a few months ago, and the idea of aging as a man is an absolutely terrifying prospect. But I absolutely can't be trans. It's too much, I can't deal with everything I need to go through. I don't want to be laughed at or whispered about. I think I'd die. I don't know what to do, and asking 4chan for help is probably a fools errand, but I thought I'd try.

>>5152608
Well, you take either the red pill or the blue pill...

Is it just the clothes and stuff or do you wanna grow boobs?

>>5152608
You sound trans. Sorry if that makes your life hard. But you'll be happier in the longrun. Find a therapist.

>>5152641
I had been ambivalent about them, but one of my trans friends (who I'm a bit worried is pushing the "you're trans" thing a bit too hard) lent me a push-up bra for a bit, and I have to admit I kind of liked how it looked?

I only wish someone could tell me definitively if I am or not, so I could just make a decision one way or the other. But...when I was taking one of the tests in the pastebin, and it asked if you would be ok with never looking female, and growing old as a man, I burst into tears, which I guess might be all the test I need.

It's just too scary though. I'm in Boston, so I easily could get all the help I need, and be tolerated by people, at least. But I can't. I don't want this.

>>5152668
>and it asked if you would be ok with never looking female, and growing old as a man, I burst into tears
As somebody who has been questioning whether they're trans or not for almost a year, this is a very clear indicator that you are. I'm almost certain I am and yet I've never had a reaction this strong. Talk to a therapist.

>It's just too scary though. But I can't. I don't want this.
I understand. I'm scared of it too. And I haven't done anything real to begin my transition yet. But if you're trans, it's not just going to go away. You're going to need to face it eventually and the longer you take the harder it could be. It's best to find out soon. Seek some help and good luck.

>>5152668
>I don't want this.
None of us do. You can read my little timeline a few posts above. I was earning near 3k a month, then started transitioning now I'm soon homeless. It's messy, but I suppose >>5152663
find a therapist and tell your concerns. but make sure it's one who knows the topic.

On my nightly depression walk some hours ago I fantasized about running into some unsure little tranny and would be their go-to for all their issues, some sorta motherly role I suppose, but I was also wondering how guilty I should feel if that was to happen. I just wanna help someone, but with these things it's kinda delicate and all I could do while they find their answer whether yes or no is sit back and keep my mouth shut unless they have questions.

>>5145119
I am not sure how they're about you keeping your penis, but I think you can wait a fair bit at least, but sadly today yet you still need to be sterile to legally change your gender which is stupid, but it's a well known fact this is an issue, that's now being looked on.
Don't be scared of SRS though, the botched results you see are from sketchy surgeons on people who are old. You have some very real looking once healed and often prettier than a cis girl's for results. And the earlier you get your surgery, the more cis-like over time it will be, it's kind of fascinating, but the neo-vagina will actually change over time closer to a real vagina, in terms of skin, tissue etc.
Why I'm saying this is because I think you want to keep it due to fear of the surgery aka misconceptions, but if you want to keep it because you still want to stick it in girls, then I don't know. I feel a bit weird about that in my opinion. I'm a "degenerate transbian" myself too, but I don't want to keep this thing even though it's very big and would do excellent at pleasing a girl, I'd still rather have a vagina. '^' I can't wait for surgery.

Anyways, go see a therapist first, once you find someone you like, even if they are not educated about trans stuff in general, that doesn't stop them from reading up on it. And then you can have someone to talk to about how you feel, and they can help you how to come out to your parents so you can come out when you feel prepared to. Anyone who's informed will understand why one's trans unless they're incredibly bigoted, so you can educate them about it before coming out.
Be sure to also write down a list of thoughts you've had, from as young as you can remember for every time you thought you wanted to be a girl, and maybe even events you can remember where you really questioned why you were a boy, and such. For me for example, I've known I wanted to be a girl since the age of 4, being kind of jealous of girls for being being girls.

I feel more than ever that I should kill myself.
I tried talking to my therapist and they kept telling me that I pass, but I don't think I do. I'm not happy at all with how I look, but they basically told me that I should be fine with what I have.
I don't think I can be happy without ffs, but I'm not sure if I'd be happy with it.
HRT isn't doing anything for me, I just look like a young boy.
I have no friends whatsoever anymore, they all stopped talking to me because I'm a shitty person.
I have no money, education or job. I'm fucking worthless, not a single person would care if I disappeared forever.
I'm still alive only because I've deluded myself into thinking that somehow things could get better, but I've been hanging onto that hope for a long time and things have only gotten worse.

>>5152731
I'd care, anon.

>>5152740
You don't need to lie for me

>>5152608
On the bright side once you get HRT you'll eventually look like a girl. Then you'll be stealth and no one will judge you anymore. Being trans is not that bad after the first year or two of transitioning.

p-pls respond
>>5147638

>>5147638
Just eat it with food like a normal person.

>>5153238
isn't it supposed to be better dissolved under the tongue? more effective and easier on the liver?

What websites can you buy hormones from in the UK?

>>5153248
Your liver is already healthy and strong, it's fine. And how effective it is, I'm unsure about, but I'm pretty sure if you eat a decent meal before taking your pills, you'll see the best effectiveness and even dosage across the day. I.e. taking pills on an empty stomach or sublingually will give you a huge spike that rapidly goes down before the 12h mark for your next dose, but taking them with food will give a more even dose, as well as helping the body take up the estrogen & AA's properly.

>>5153252
qhi.co.uk
alldaychemist.com
inhousepharmacy.vu

browse

What can i do to increase prolactin levels?
Should i use spiro again? I had tons of side-effects with spiro and now use androcur, but prolactin levels are quiete low

>>5154296
Nipple stimulation, and a lot of it. I recommend a breast pump, or if you have a partner, have them suck.

Actually, just look up how to induce lactation.

Is 50mg spiro and 2mg estradoil twice daily good for starting? Im 22 btw. Puberty never hit me hard.

>>5154398
I play with my nipples since months several times a week, mostly daily, and my levels are low

>>5141815
help me decide please desu.
I constantly change my mind aout transition, a week ago i was sure. I finally ordered spiro and payed for it. But now im having doubts again.
Im not terribly dissatisfied with my body, i maybe could live with it. i am attracted to some women too, and most of all i want to do some things in life that transitioning hinders me from ding (Being buddhist, living in communes, backpacking).

What if im in some delusion? ive had psychosis before, and it did feel differently and i knew delusion from reality, hallucination from reality etc. But what if this time i lost contact with the world and if i start taking antipsychotics again id stop wanting to be a woman (the doc told me not to take them, not my decision to quit)
Or what if im an AGP degenerate, and ill be happy for a few years and then kill myself from gender dysphoria that ill experience from not being male?

>>5154408
Yes that's a pretty standard dose.>>5154408

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>>5154494
only one way to find out

>>5151066
Nobody??

I've recently started CBT, do I mention trans thoughts to my therapist?

>>5155440
>do I mention X to my therapist
The answer is always yes.
Unless it's something like you murdered someone, then keep that a secret.

>>5155319
well i was thinking if me being trans was real or if i just had low self-esteem and generally feeling down for other reasons. ive thought about this for 3 years now and the more i thought of me being a male and growing old as a male, the more repulsed i felt. i felt more and more sad and discontent when i thought about the fact that i am not a girl. even though ive been wishing i would wake up as a girl regularly for at least 10 years i still had doubts. i decided to do hrt on trial to see if it felt right and im now a month in and i have never felt better in my life.
so my advice is to just try a bit on hrt and see how it feels. im definitely convinced this is the right thing for me and im finally going to be the girl ive always felt like i should have been.

tl;dr try hrt and see how it feels

Is it normal for dysphoria to be in phases or waves? Last week I was 100% sure I was trans. Today I'm just meh. Although I'm much more often dysphoric than not. Usually I get more dysphoric if I have to spend time alone or thinking. Does that still make me trans?

>>5155563
I believe that is a thing for a lot of transpeople. Even after transitioning it ranges from I'm happy to should I even be happy?

I have huge issues with my voice, I've seen a therapist but even after months it doesn't seem like I've made ANY progress, like... if I wanna record myself I just don't know what to do to sound female. I can't even seem to squeeze out one sentence in a moderately higher pitch without either totally overdoing it or sounding manly no matter what. And most of the time my voice just jumps and disappears and I whisper at best.

I've had a look at the pastebin listed by OP, but it doesn't help; I'm a terrible learner. I've had guitar lessons for 2 years and I can not even read notes, let alone play a chord. It's really bad. I've been googling for a guide I can use but I noticed methods are so different and a while back someone here called my therapist out for using the falsetto so much. Of course I've also seen youtube videos but the girls literally go like "so thiiiis is my male voice and then I count to ten and I got my female voice yay". Well, not quite, but you get what I mean.

I would be very happy about some good pointers what I can do. It's getting so bad that I'm only crying anymore in frustration every time I try to use my voice and then my day is essentially ruined.

My current therapist has quit her job and there is no other in the area I could see. Please help :'(

>>5155541
Myself, I can't seem to find another reason than dysphoria that I'm so dysfunctional. It just fits. I've never been sexually assaulted, I've been bullied but never severely beat up, I've had the most stable, caring family. I'm barely aspie as far as the autism spectrum goes. So why am I so withdrawn, depressed and at war with my emotions?

>the more i thought of me being a male and growing old as a male, the more repulsed i felt.
This desu.

I'm not as dysphoric as I'm depressed, so I'm giving myself time to think about it. I should just get off my ass and see a therapist anyway though, because being depressed is reason enough to.

>>5155787
>desu
every fucking time

>>5155787
>I've never been sexually assaulted, I've been bullied but never severely beat up, I've had the most stable, caring family. I'm barely aspie as far as the autism spectrum goes
this is true for me too, which is why i got increasingly sure that gender dysphoria was the reason i kept feeling so miserable

Anyone got experience with the drug "Androcur"? My doctor's planning on prescribing it to me as a T-blocker.

>>5155926
Did you even spend a second on google? It's cyproterone acetate, of course everyone heard of it. Have fun with it. Not much more to say.

>>5155926
I've been taking it for a year. It's a pretty good anti androgen. You can feel tired because of it though.

>>5155926
It's much better than Spiro, that much I can say. Spiro wasn't nuking my T and was giving me dry skin, but Cypro has successfully nuked my T to 0 so now I'll see better effect from Estrogen and if I plan to, progesterone will actually do things as it does little without nuked T.

Someone wrote how to deal with the side effect of being a bit tired on it here: https://sexhormones.wordpress.com/2015/07/30/a-better-tomorrow-minimising-the-side-effects-of-cyproterone-acetate/
Ask your doctor about what that blog post mentions.

>>5157484
Doesn't cypro heavily damage your liver though? I heard it has quite a few side effects.

>>5157497
in doses that are used for cancer patients yeah, but that's 300mg. we usually take less than 50mg.

>>5157497
That is only relevant if you take doses that old men in their 50s who have prostate cancer to deal with it aggressively do, taking higher than 200mg+.

Are you an old man with a weak liver from a lifetime of drinking and need to take such a high dose of AA's to aggressively treat your cancer? Probably not, you're fine.

However as you do take Cypro long term, first off, take your pills after eating a decent sized meal, it'll make it easier on the liver as it'd be a less concentrated dose with the same if not better effect, oh and skip a dose if you plan on drinking a lot. You will most likely get your testicles removed way before the point where Cypro will cause ill effects for your liver.

>>5141815
Hi. I just turned 30, I'm just realizing that I'm probly trans. I've always though about being a girl throughout my life. I dont look incredibly masculine for a man, I've got alot of body hair but i have always hated it and have shaved my body before and it felt so good. I have lived my life so far trying so hard to appear masculine and manly, and it never felt right. I'm slim but somewhat muscular but based on how i look now if get rid of my bodyhair and beard I could do think I could pull it off with transitioning.

I've always liked girls though, never had interest in guys, so thats a main reason I never transistioned before.

So I dont know how to go about this, I want to transition but I dont know about HRT, I dont want to become sterile because i think i will want kids at some point as strange as that sounds.

So are there other options to get the feminine results i'm looking for.

>>5159354
If you're worried about becoming sterile you can store sperm.

>>5159413
I've thought of that, and will do that especially if there is no other option. but if I dont have to that would be best

>>5159413
I've thought about that. I plan to to it anyways, especially if thats the only option. but i'd like keep my options open

>>5155754
Sucks.
JUST

>>5160118
Wha? I was just gonna bump my question, but you did the job. Still need help, been gendered female 3 times last night until I spoke...

>>5146904
talk to a psychiatrist

Psychiatrist, physiotherapist, ect.

How much would something like that cost? Is it possible to be talking to someone strictly over the phone?

>>5160960
some of them do phone sessions, it depends who you speak with

Prices are all over the place for them. I pay $140/session but others pay as around $30 (for the psychs that do sliding scale). Do a little shopping around and see what you can find.

>>5161151
Oh fuck me I'm seeing psychiatrists for nearly 8 years straight and they've been extremely useless, no exceptions. What do you pay 140$ for? Those morons have no idea what they're doing. Ain't even worth the train ticket.

>>5161151
Where...where would I even go to start shopping around?

>>5161216
same. I've never been asked something I hadn't already asked myself

>>5161216
she worked in a hospital for years and had the connections to set me up with HRT

>>5161436
I looked up her email on psychologytoday, contacted with a few questions like what her specialty is, I tried to find out if she would have a bias leaning towards or away from transitioning because I was trying to explore it rather than be forced one way, if she could provide connections and letters of recommendation. All of the was through a throwaway email I made.

>>5161580
>psychologytoday
Thanks.

I'm 32 years old mtf, started hormones at 29.

I had been unemployed for years at 29, then literally days after I started hormones and had intended to go full time female I got a job offer that I couldn't afford to decline, A job at an elementary school.

Now just over 2 years later I've been on hormones but have stayed male at work, my boobs have got very noticeable and the kids at work have really started to notice, I'm sure my coworkers have too they are just too polite to say.

I feel kinda trapped, not sure what to do.
On one hand I love my job, I'm good at it and it's the only job I've loved plus I need the money, on the other it's not really a good environment for transitioning and I'm also not getting any younger.

Any advice would be very appreciated.

>>5161580
>I tried to find out if she would have a bias leaning towards or away from transitioning because I was trying to explore it rather than be forced one way
And yeah...kinda looking to the same thing.

Why am I so fucked up though. I already am seeing someone for depression and what not (and don't think this would be a good idea to bring up).

>>5161632
dude that's like the perfect place. everyone already knows you're a bit weird for being a male elementary school teacher and little kids won't give a fuck.
all assuming you're not in a very socially conservative area of course

>>5157484

How do you tell if spiro is working?

I plan on getting a blood test soon, but I was wondering if there are any signs. I'm doing 100mg spiro and 4mg estradiol, and I've been doing it for 2 months now. I don't wake up with erections, my thoughts and methods of arousal has changed, and my skin has gotten softer.

Does that mean its working sufficiently?

>>5162504
For me "sufficiently" was pretty much when I was getting no erections even when I tried. I'm basically asexual for the time being, I don't even want sex or to touch myself. But idk, YMMV.

>>5162513

Oh I meant sufficiently as in T levels were that of a cisgirl. If I still get erections is it not low enough? I'll find out in a month and a half after new health coverage kicks in, but until then...

>>5162504
Well it depends on how high your T normally is, but Spiro with that dose you probably don't see completely nuked T, but it's not too important, so long it's -very- low you still feminize. But from what I hear of others, Cypro will allow you to feminize faster thanks to nuked T.
But you generally notice it's enough when you have a hard time getting turned on, but for when something caters to your specific kinks it kinda turns you on, but you can't get a proper hardon unless you really try, I guess?

Why I use Cypro over Spiro is because I couldn't do more than 50mg+50mg of Spiro in a day without getting terrible dry skin on my hands and face, so my T was still high for girl levels. It's completely nuked now though!

>>5162591

Thanks! One more question, will I be able to get cypro in the US through my physician? If not that's not a huge issue, but would definitely be preferred.

I'll see about upping spiro some and testing the results. At one time just taking the spiro alone I had it up to 200mg and I started having weird heart sensations, almost like palpitations so I lowered the dose.

>>5162637
Probably not, but you can ask. Don't up your Spiro dose though. See what your results from blood tests are first.

Also, since Spiro has a short half life, you will want to eat a decent sized meal with it, to even out the dosage and effect as much as possible.

>>5162684

Thanks!

>>5162591
do you self-med cypro?
also what is a good start/finish dosage if you don't mind answering

>>5164727
The Cypro pills I have are 50mg, I split them in 25mg and 25mg and take one 25mg with my breakfast and one 25mg with my later dinner.

Get your blood done after a month or so, if your T is not really low or nuked, try 50mg+50mg.

Yes I self med, but I have my doctor helping me out with blood tests.

>>5160219
JUST DO IT
seriously, it is not that hard. Stop whining, get radical and practice your voice.
Nobody likes trannies who are lazy about their voices
>but nuuhhhuhh i practiced sooo haard
no you didn't. practice harder and longer. You can do it

>>5164832
Well, as I said, I wanna, but I'm somewhat lacking good material. What instructions can I go by?
Been playing around with my larynx for a while like the pastebin suggests but it's getting me exactly nowhere.

All I've found that doesn't look like a total hoax is that deep stealth guide, so if nothing else I'll probs buy that.

>>5164752
Thanks, I am considering switching to cypro and also asking the doctor about measuring hormone levels.

>>5164752
This is stupid. cypro has a half life of 40! Hours, just take it once a day

>>5165091
Eh, I don't mind as I take it with my estrogen anyways.

>>5164893
It's free on youtube.

So I'm booked in with the NHS to see my GP for the first time about trans stuff, from which I expect to be referred to some place that specialises in gender stuff.

I'm just wondering will the GP/ Gender clinic expect me to be in fulltime girlmode and using a female name etc?
Or will they be understanding that I can't just walk around in public in a dress whilst I have no bobs and never disappearing stubble??

>>5164752
Say for example if taking cypro nukes your testosterone to zero does that eliminate the need to reduce DHT by taking finasteride?

Hey there, I'm very new here. I am trying to figure out what I am, I think I'm trans. I mean I've thought about being agirl, dressed up only in private, shaved my legs and once my whole body, constantly hiding all these facts. and now I feel I want to transition. I've been lying to myself and everyone else trying to "be a man" I've been struggleing with this for a long time and now I'm reaching a point where i feel i need to do something about it, its gone on long enough

problem is I dont know anything about transistioning, I just turned 30, and my hair is thinning a little. I also have become very attached to my penis and using it. I've heard that HRT will eliminate erections mostly, lower my sex drive, and make me sterile. I do want to have kids i think so i will save my sperm as a precaution.

But there are many positives I've heard HRT will do, My hair will fill back in more, my figure will change more feminine, and BOOBS :)

I've heard that there are some herbal treatments that yeild similar results, but like I said I dont know anything, not what herbs or hormones will give me what I want.

I want to be feminine, but I want to be able to get erections like i do now, I also dont know how to break the news to people, it may come as quite a shock to many people i know, family especially. but i'm becoming more and more convinced that this is who i am.

>>5166117
Read the links in the OP and get therapy.

You will still be able to get erections on HRT (though they'll still be harder to achieve) so long as you keep inducing them so your penis doesn't atrophy too much.

Don't use herbs. It's questionable to what extent they work (if at all), and they far less regulated than actual medication. Besides that, at least in the case of oestrogen there's no reason to use herbs considering that you can get oestrogen which is bio-identical to human oestrogen, rather than the oestrogen analogues that are found in the herbs. If necessary you can buy HRT reliably and reasonably cheaply from various websites; depending on your country this may be illegal but many people on /lgbt/ manage to get them shipped just fine.

Actually I have a question now: has anyone ever had the HRT they were self-medding with seized by customs? If so, what country were you in and where did you order the HRT from? Were any charges filed?

>>5166253
Thank you for the advice regarding HRT vs Herbs, your the first person to give me a straight answer about it.

Seeing a gender therapist is on my list of things to do(eventhough i'm not a big fan of therapy). that and saving my sperm, and some serious hair removal

So basically use it or lose it is recommended for keeping erections functional, I can do that, I play with it almost everyday.

>>5166253
>You will still be able to get erections on HRT (though they'll still be harder to achieve) so long as you keep inducing them so your penis doesn't atrophy too much.
Not that anon but I'm 5 months into self med HRT and no change in libido/erections/anything spiro-wise. Perky nipples and that's about it. Can't test levels due to being self medding closet tranny.

>>5166537
You made me think of something, Is there a way to test my hormone levels, I swear in the last few years i may have had elevated levels of estrogen or something, I have gotten more emotionally sensative in the last few years than I was before, and I'm not taking anything.

>>5166618
Blood tests I'd assume, the same type I'd supposed to be getting.

Can anyone explain how estrogen would effect me? My family would definitely support me if I came out but I don't want to. If I ordered some estrogen pills off of AlphaBay and started taking them, what would happen?

>>5167052
Just estrogen, or a full HRT regimen?

>>5167190
Estrogen. Could I order a full HRT regimen online? I thought that was something I would have to go get done, like chemo or something. I'm sorry for being dumb.

>>5167196

No, chemotherapy is not part of HRT.

Alright. Before you do this, you should really do some research.

This link http://pastebin.com/h1vLPxyV from the OP has much of what you're looking for.

Self-medication guides and the names of helpful drugs should give you some baseline of knowledge.

Similarly, this link http://imgur.com/lDBLSVR (also from OP) gives you some idea of things to expect, and the timeline for that.

Since B-17 Estradiol and, one of the popular anti-androgens (spironolactone, cyproterone acetate), and possibly finasteride or dutasteride are all you'd normally be taking to start with, yes, it's pretty easy to order it all, assuming you're able to order any of it.

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I came out as trans to my immediate family in March, and some close friends since then. I started going to my therapist again in May but it's been 6 months and I feel like I'm treading water. Like, I paint my nails and shit but otherwise I'm still presenting totally male and I guess I'm just terrified of going further because then I really start to expose myself to peoples bullshit and not just 'why did you paint your nails???' every now and then. I know I want to do HRT soon, but how can I get myself there when I'm too scared to present any more feminine than I do atm???

Anyone else experienced a similar psychological obstacle/how did you get over it?

>>5141815

So something I've been struggling with that makes me question my trans feelings is my attraction to crossdressers.

Basically this makes me want to say it's all just fetish and agp. I'm mostly attracted to women but does liking feminine guys and cds change anything?

>>5167301
- agp isn't real
- I don't see why who you are attracted to is related desu, I'm trans and I like feminine men/butch women/androgynous/non binary people it's really just personal

>>5167356
and fuck word filter right now, really

>>5165577
I think so, once you've been on Cypro for a while, yeah.

>>5167362
What's up with the word filter? Is that all the baka desu senpai stuff I see lately? Confuses the hell out of me

>>5167376
yeah they filtered like s | m | h , t | b | h, f'a'm, and something else i dont remember

>>5167356

Because porn has consumed my life and cds and shemale porn is all I look at these days. So one hand feel like i'm just consuming myself in a fetish but on the other I feel like I use it as a cop out because I'm scared and in denial.

Sometimes I want to feel like I have similar journeys as other trans so i can say "ah ha this all makes sense". I don't have the story of feeling like a girl in childhood (but do have a lot of repressed feminine desires that I regret) and imagined myself a typical masculine hero. It wasn't till around early adolescence when I started to crossdress this stirred up, I remember doing stuff like playing football gave me massive anxiety and I only did it to make my dad proud of me. But I didn't really question my gender until my later teens.

>>5167390
And that desu senpai bullshit is better how? -_____-

>>5167301
AGP is real, don't listen to >>5167356
some people with AGP do go on to transition, however

>>5167463

If agp is real wouldn't want to do that I'm 24 puberty has taken most of it's toll and have a thick ass beard shadow when I shave, I'd be fine with cding for the rest of my life.

I need to figure this out soon because I can't go on like this, I constantly go through cycles of depression and definitely don't want to deny myself into hon mode years later. Really set on trying self medding a bit but which stuff to take seems confusing.

I'm going to start reading everything I can but can an anon give me a start? Which basic meds do I need and where is it easy to get?

>>5167463
>>5167440
Okay, I know you wont believe AGP is fake because obviously you accept it's premise, I wont try to convince you.

I will say that I spent several years convinced that my trans feelings were just mental illness/twisted fetish and I found the world a pretty bleak place. I think that because trans feelings are so stigmatized it's actually really easy for them to be channeled into eroticism and end up feeling like a fetish.

You need to confront your feelings and really try to unpack them, there might be something real there that could help you live a more fulfilling life.

If not, then whatever. I'm not saying there aren't crossdressing fetishists who aren't trans, but if you are seriously thinking about it then you need to explore it.

>>5148968
I've been epilating for a couple months now and I'm really into it. I've noticed way fewer ingrowns than with shaving, and about the same as my last pro wax job. I can't comment on the back though, I don't have any back hair. Just tons from my navel down. I usually get a Brazilian every month or so and epilate everything else I can find.

>>5167548
you can start with reading the resources available to you in these threads because these questions are discussed multiple times per thread. what are you looking to read?

>>5167563
there is nothing you wrote that's incompatible with AGP being real.
>I will say that I spent several years convinced that my trans feelings were just mental illness/twisted fetish and I found the world a pretty bleak place.
yeah I'm with you there

>You need to confront your feelings and really try to unpack them, there might be something real there that could help you live a more fulfilling life.

I have and have struggled with these for years. some of the things I thought and wrote down during a trip made come 99% to the idea that I am actually trans, although it is still difficult for me now to fully accept that idea and that i am not somehow making everything up. i feel inextricably on a path in which i will end up doing the equivalent of saying
>i'm not gay, I just like fucking guys in the ass and everybody thinks girls are gross

>>5167548
if you are positive that you would be fine with cding for the rest of your life then great, you can put this all behind you, but your post sounds eerily similar to something I would have written not too long ago

>>5167563
>I will say that I spent several years convinced that my trans feelings were just mental illness/twisted fetish and I found the world a pretty bleak place. I think that because trans feelings are so stigmatized it's actually really easy for them to be channeled into eroticism and end up feeling like a fetish.

Yes! I can relate to that, in the beginning when I couldn't cd because parents at home or was repressing it I would just masturbate to make the feelings go away. Now 10 years later it's not working anymore.

Not sure if I actually believe in agp, it's just one definition that makes sense. Part of it is me being a typical scorpio and questioning every possibility ten thousand times over.

>>5167598
I already have ingrown hairs from epilating yesterday, even though I use an exfoliating glove. What am I supposed to do about it? I still have ingrown hairs from half a year ago when I first started it and didn't know about exfoliating

>>5154494
Buddhist here, why would transitioning prevent you from doing that? I guess you could make the argument that we're attached to our bodies, but separating your mind from your body is Bodhisattva-tier. There's nothing wrong with mitigating your own suffering in this (transient, illusory) life.

>>5167621

acne wash bro throw some salicylic acid on that bitch

>>5167621
If you've had the same ingrown hairs for 6 months, you need to see a doctor. They can get you some antibiotic cream or pills to clear out the follicles.

Going forward, here's some tips: shave each area twice--once with the grain, once against it. Rinse the blade after each stroke. I like to shave in the shower for overall convenience, since you can shave at the end of your cleaning regimen and then turn the water from warm to cool. This will close up the pores and help prevent dirt and sweat from rushing into the follicles. My epilator actually came with a cooling glove to apply after each use to help with that and generally ease irritation.

>>5167667
Sorry, I got distracted and started thinking of my face shaving routine which isn't actually helpful. But definitely epilate against the grain. The rest applies; epilating slightly moist skin is good, especially after a warm shower. Hop back in for some cool water or just get an ice pack.

>>5167648
how's that vs Benzoyl Peroxide? looking on amazon and found acne cleaners that have either. do I need a certain strength? (i see around 2-2.5%)

>>5167667
>>5167675
I mean I've made some progress on them with a lot of scrubbing and have managed to get some out though I think they will leave marks.
I epilate against, although mine is probably kind of cheap because it misses hairs. i'll have to remember the cold water thing

>>5167684
I hear you, mine kind of buries some hairs under the skin somehow? It's weird, i don't understand. Definitely talk to a GP though, they might be able to clear up the rest without scarring.

Thanks for reminding me to epilate before bed, actually! Cheers :)

I want peoples thoughts on this,

So as i've been thinking about transition, I question my sexuality. I've always been attracted to females and femininity, even trans women i find attractive. Never had interest in men, never been fucked in the ass (though i've had some interest in if a girl with a strapon or trans girl did, never tried though). So i was at a bar recently and got pretty drunk and for the first time i was looking at this younger guy and remember thinking to myself that i thought he was cute and thought about him in almost a sexual way. that thought process was then interrupted by a femal friend telling me she was leaving and me hugging her goodbye.

So thats me not on HRT. I'm starting to think that me on HRT would start having more interest in guys, and when the hormones start working i'll look more feminine and they woudl then show interest in me.

Now i've been with several girls, and I love sex! But with a guy I'd be a virgin, never even kissed a guy, never was interested before.

I'll tell all this to my therapist when i go, but I just want to know what some of you think about this

>>5167684

I don't think it matters unless you have severe genetic acne problems I just use both

this is what I use
http://www.cleanandclear.com/facial-cleansers/advantage-3-in-1-exfoliating-cleanser
and
http://www.cleanandclear.com/moisturizers/advantage-acne-control-moisturizer

also you can just get this
http://www.cleanandclear.com/acne-treatments/advantage-acne-control-kit

>>5167860
I guess I'll try this one http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000536Y7/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0000536Y7&linkCode=as2&tag=bestsuppl04-20&linkId=XPCRNMJOSVUNNFNJ

it's got 2% salicylic and I already have some subscribe and save stuff coming. good?

>>5167894

should work if it's not helping though pair it up with the benzoyl

>>5167909
thanks yo. i'll give this a try first. how long should I give it before determining if it's not helping

>>5167729
sounds like you might just be bi or exploring your sexuality

>>5167729
>even trans women i find attractive
>even
wow lol

anyway, none of your post mentions anything about why you're questioning your gender or anything so what are you even asking

So what the fuck do I do if my super-outspoken MTF friend is constantly railing against drag queens and gay men in general?

Like, she plays the victim non-stop and then turns around spouts nonstop bigotry. It makes it really hard to be sympathetic in a time of her life where she desperately needs it. It doesn't help that she has this echo chamber of MtF sycophants in her support group who all agree with everything she ever posts.

>>5168194
>chill the fuck out, yo, you're being just as shitty to them as _____ are to you

>>5168210

I like your breezy attitude. Why the fuck can't my trans friend be that well adjusted? She and all of her goons are legitimately making me transphobic. It's fucking upsetting.

>>5168194
Railing against drag queens is hardly bigotry. If she's being homophobic, that's a problem, but she could also be saying legitimate points and you're just too detached from those demographics to understand. If you're a gay man yourself, then I see why this is an issue for you, if not then just ignore it.

>>5168233
>She and all of her goons are legitimately making me transphobic. It's fucking upsetting.
Oh fuck off. Even if she has a really shitty personality that doesn't justify transphobia. Nobody is making you be transphobic. It's like meeting a rude person that's black and going "see, this is why i'm racist". Shut up.

>>5168233
i'm probably not trutrans enough honestly

>>5168245

I don't know if you can say that she's homophobic since she's a lesbian, but she hates gay men for whatever reason. It's bizarre, and a fairly complex issue. I wouldn't say that I'm too detached from the demographics to understand. If anything, it's probably the opposite, since I have a lot of gay male friends and have been through some shit with them.

She raises some interesting points about the difference between presentation and gender, but I don't necessarily agree with them, and the verbiage she uses borders on hate.

"transphobic" might be too strong a word, probably, but her behavior makes it hard not to block the fuck out of her on facebook and talk to her ever again.

>>5168285
>but she hates gay men for whatever reason
Maybe listen to her reasons? While it's not okay to hate gay men there are lots of intracommunity issues and valid critiques of gay men, particularly in relation to lesbians and trans women

>She raises some interesting points about the difference between presentation and gender, but I don't necessarily agree with them, and the verbiage she uses borders on hate.
who cares, she's personally invested in this stuff, it sounds like you're not beyond having "a lot of gay male friends" which is meaningless. your opinion on these matters aren't as important as hers

>but her behavior makes it hard not to block the fuck out of her on facebook and talk to her ever again.
then do it. if you can't handle her talking about issues that concern her, and resort to posting in trans help places about how annoying your trans friend is and how it makes you feel transphobic, then how on earth is she going to benefit from your friendship? do her a favour

if you can't handle the discourse, get out of the kitchen

>>5167955

Not sure on exact time but mine usually go away after a week or two. should notice a decrease in size or redness by at least 3 days.

I remember there were some people from Houston here... don't forget to vote today - there's an equal rights ordinance that is up for referendum. Don't forget a Texas-issued ID or a passport

I have been on hormones for 3 weeks. Is it normal to feel really tired and to have less motivation to do work without a very near deadline?
I've been up for about 13 hours so far, after getting 7-7.5 of sleep last night, and I'm ready to crash. Usually I end up staying up much later than now.

week 1: 50mg spiro
week 2: 50, 2mg estro
week 3: 100, 2

>>5173321
I should say that most of the time before, I had trouble doing stuff before the last minute, but it feels particularly different now. Like I just feel really chill about everything now whereas I often felt anxious about not doing work before.

>>5173321
it's pretty common to be tired from hrt in the first few weeks. Your body is adjusting.

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just started wearing feminine clothing everywhere

had first dr appointment but apparently the dr didnt know anything so im having another appointment after he has gathered more knowledge on referring etc

im in the UK, pretty feminine already but don't know what to expect

Does anyone here know if it's normal to get a lower belly ache from Progesterone
it ranges from "kinda uncomfortable" to "eek, that hurts"
it always starts like half an hour after taking it

>>5174097
looking good, and it sounds like you're making the right steps. good luck!

I made an appointment with the nottingham Gender clinic about 4 months ago and the waiting time is 8 months. Is it normal to not have heard from then within this time ?

And im unsure what to do within the next 4 months. I've been trying to grow my hair out as well as study mannerism.

>>5174463
I've just got to Nottingham last week (see >>5144724 )
I had a letter confirming the referral 3 weeks after seeing the GP, then nothing until a big questionnaire and a letter confirming an appointment in 1 month's time.
While I was waiting I started laser as well as self-medding the whole time. I grew my hair before even deciding to transition.

>>5174128
I get that occasionally but never to "it Hurts" ask your doc
When are you taking it btw?

>>5174625
i'm normally taking it in the morning
first i tried to take it every night before sleep but then my dreams get more weird than usual

Could somebody post links to some good make up guides??
Thanks in advance.

>>5174530
I was thinking about self medding 2 months before the actual appointment. But im unsure where to meds. I've had a look at QHI but im just sceptical.

>>5175029
qhi is pretty good
i order from them since over a year and never had problems
and now they have more stuff than before

Im 28. Fairly masculine acting... been in relationships with another guy for 8 years.. i love him with all my heart..

But for years I've been struggling with am I trans or not.. ever since i was kid.. saw a therapist about it but then i ended up talking more about the other stuff that bugs me, adhd, depression. Etc.

Thing is i cant decide if im really trans or is this some agp fetish bullshit.

Also if i am trans i just dont feel right leaving bf or forcing him to go through with me transitioning.

Could use some insight or another perspective here. .

Shit sucks.

>>5175142
It's pretty uncommon for someone to have trans feelings and not be trans. Get a therapist and talk about that topic alone.

Have a long talk with your boyfriend, tell him how you feel and about your worries, be honest with him, don't forget to first think a lot about on what you want to say first however. Find out what he thinks.
The sad thing is if he's 100% gay, he will either not view you as a girl, and rather a very feminine boy during transition, which I do not think you want, or he will want to give you the ultimatum of either leaving or staying as you are now. But if he is "homoflexible" or completely in love with you, he might be happy to discover this new side from you. This is provided you're really trans.

You can consider low dose HRT, but unless you're a skinny skeleton, you'll see some breast growth, but HRT can help you relieve a lot of dysphoria and you can still present as a boy.

AGP often comes from people being trans, not the other way around by the way, just so you know.

>>5175255
I talked about it with him once and while he seemed supportive im not sure he was 100% behind me transitioning.. really it comes down to him.. i dont care a kut the rest of my family and such with it.

Also i have a fairly masculine personality and interests and bosy lanuage and that kinda works against me.

>>5141815
Booked my ffs. Traveling out of US for it.
I kinda pass ok, but I'm scared if I get my ffs and try to get back into the US I'll get into some problems with me looking different in person than my pic on my passport.

Any advice for me?
Or just hope they'll understand?
Should I take my ss, birth, and ID cards ontop of a passport?

>>5144231
Same here.
The whole purpose of me transitioning is to look like a female and come off as a to relieve dysphoria and be able to live a normal life.
I fully recognize I'm a male altering my appearance and body with the use of hormones and surgery.
However I would hate hate HATE to be a "trans women"
I feel like that's a term for someone who looks like a man in a dress.
I'm 20 and have been on hrt now for a couple of years so I'm ok.
But I know what you mean.
I'm ok with older trans women.
But I'm really not ok with a man who lived a life as a man with a women and then decided to have kids and now wants to be a women and ruins the kids and wife's life

>>5144231
I personally can't stand un_passible trans women too, I can only get along with trans people if they are laid back and don't bring uo gender every five mins and complain that they are not passible and people should treat them with more respect. It's cool girl.

>>5175712
well you're going to have a massively puffy face so they'll know something happened. more id can't hurt, but you should probably see if there is some TSA line you can call or something

does anyone have experience with callen lorde? i'd particularly like to know the time frame from 1st appointment to getting hrt. i've heard anywhere from a week to 4+ months.

tempted to self-med in the meanwhile.

>>5146766
Well you're not going to get to be an effeminate dude if you don't at least take hormones and get your facial hair nuked.

All those years of shaving and testosterone are really going to fuck you up worse than living as a man on estrogen will if looking effeminate is what you're going for. Test is bad for your skin.

It's actually not really the hormones that is what makes MtF look female but rather all the other things like growing long hair and styling it well, wearing women's clothing, etc. Remove those from the equation and hormones alone won't be enough for people to think "tranny!" unless they see you naked.

If I don't masturbate my dick loses functionality right? What's that like exactly and how long does it take? I have no interest in using it for penetration but I don't think I mind it being rubbed. If I let it lose functionality (masturbation takes so much build now, it's a chore) can I still cum?

>>5149525
Well, I don't pass so I still present as a male, but I've been painting my nails for a few months now.

Guys tend to give me weird looks like "wtf faggot" so I just ignore them and don't make eye contact but I have received a lot of positive comments from women about them. Like when I had Halloween colored nails for example there were at least a half dozen interactions I had with women where they commented something like "Nice nails!" or "Ooooh, I love your nails." One lady even said she was going to steal the idea of doing alternating orange/black nails.

>>5175043
There used to be a self med guide on the trans help, do you know what happened to them? And are they UK compatible, because from what i've seen there seems to be a difference between drugs cross country.

>>5176365
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1zZQyrinhLsl2FWY9XI_bk3RtqSP94a8h-ZFvYBzcfIE/edit#gid=0
is one, but fwiw I used this just as a model to determine my own. I wanted to get on E asap, because I've heard many times people feel like absolute garbage without either test or estro. I am doing http://pastebin.com/L09VBabm

>>5176339
its a highly individual thing. I didnt do anything for 8 months or something at some point and didnt lose size or functionality. usually it starts with pain during errections

you will still physically be able to cum. (might be harder tho)

heres what Id do: just get (properly) hard every once in a while (idk, like twice a week). that should keep the blood vessels in tact. no need to fap until you cum or anything

How did you choose your name?
Also are there any particular names or types of name to avoid?

>>5176339
Mine doesn't really get hard now, but it still has full sensation. I can cum without getting hard at all, which I actually like. 11 months HRT.

>>5176307
Is shaving bad for your skin aswell?

>>5178310
I dunno I just knew what I wanted at some point.
Do avoid snowflakey names, stripper names and typical tranny names (like alice)

I just bought an epilator.
Any advice on how to not maim my legs other than exfoliating and maybe acne wash for ingrown hairs?

Does alldaychemist require a prescription?

>>5178310
>are there any particular names or types of name to avoid?

If you're obsessed with "passing" (i.e., a self-loathing trans hater) then dig out one of your old high school yearbooks and pick a random classmate's name. Remember the key to blending in is to be as bland and boring as possible. Ashley is always a classic.

I've got a dry mouth problem, /thg/. I went to the dentist 6 days ago and I was told I have periodontal disease (for an unrelated reason to taking medication.) Now in the days since the visit, I've noticed I have dry mouth, but I used to have lots of saliva, at least, according to my first orthodontist.

The facts:
>I started HRT 75 days ago
>Dose is 200mg Spiro and 4mg progynova split in half by twelve hours
>I have already been told I have periodontal disease
>Only noticed the dry mouth problem some days after the dentist's appointment
>Don't have blood tests because I'm self-medding and my state prohibits blood tests without a doctor's orders
>I can conclude from my beard's rate of growth that my T levels are low
>My nipples are sensitive, so estradiol is working to some degree
>My urine isn't very yellow

I'm considering dropping my dose to 150mg of Spiro a day until I can switch to 25mg of cypro per day taken once. Would that help? Does cypro cause the same problem? I don't want to have to drop transition all together.

>>5178710
It's the Spiro, all it does is halfassedly reduce your T and fucks with your water retention so you're left with dry skin, mouth, etc. :<

Try to thin out the dosage/extend the half life by eating a decent sized meal before taking your Spiro, it helps.

I really recommend going over to Cypro, the change is night and day and my T is completely nuked now with 50mg a day. And water retention is as it's supposed to be now, my skin has never been softer. c:
>>5178493
I don't think so, I think inhouse asks for a script, but either way if it asks for it, you can check that you'll fax it, and they still ship it. It works for now, but be prepared that it can change in the future.
>>5178447
Keep your skin soft by using a good moisturizer, it can help prevent ingrown hairs. Ideally you want to use an chemical exfoliating cream i.e. a 3 in 1 moisturizing, cleansing and exfoliating cream, I used something like it and it helped a lot.
This gets better the longer in HRT you are as your hairs will get thinner and weaker, and your skin gets softer.
>>5178310
I asked my mother what names she was planning to give me if I was born a girl, and I picked one I liked.

>>5178753
>b8ing this hard

>>5178710

I forgot to mention:

>At some point while on HRT and not from the beginning, I started waking up in the middle of the night for seemingly no reason. A week or so before the appointment, I started waking up in the middle of the night to pee.
>I've woken up twice, maybe three times because of dry mouth in the past few days since the appointment
>When I was waking up for seemingly no reason, I was still sleeping on my stomach. I mostly put the right side of my face on the pillow then. I've started sleeping on my side or my back because I would have to sleep on my arms to continue sleeping on my stomach because of the tenderness of my nipples
>As I was typing the previous point, I realized sleeping that way on my stomach may be the reason the teeth on my right side are in better condition than those on the left. It may have even partially kept my mouth moist
>As a more immediate response, I will skip this morning's spiro dose but will take the progynova pill
>I was taking progynova sublingually, but according to the HRT discussion thread that has since been archived, estradiol valerate has to pass through the liver anyway, so I'm considering switching to taking it orally (through digestive system) again
>Steroids can cause tooth problems as well. I'm just hoping taking estradiol is offset by not having any testosterone

>>5178917
You'll be fine once you get on Cypro Anon. I forgot to mention the frequent bathroom breaks also stopped for me once I switched over.

>>5178792
Being agirl i easy yes, but not being a transgirl. You're retarded. Whatever why am i even responding

>>5178776
whats a good alt to cypro. i am the US and cant get it. Currently taking spiro 200mg

>>5178950
Do you self med or get it from informed consent? There are alternatives to Cypro, but they're a lot more expensive, i.e. Lupron, that you definitely cannot get your hands on unless your insurance is god-tier.

If you self med, just order Cypro from one of the websites that have it.

>>5178946
>Being agirl i easy yes
you're not too bright yourself if you seriously believe this

>>5178955
i self med. is the cypro even going to get to me? I live in the US and thought it was illegal?

>>5178973
It's not illegal, just not FDA approved. You should be fine.

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>>5178972

Is it even worth it to transition if you're over 6ft
I don't know that I've even seen more than two women taller than 6ft in my life, I'd probably always be seen as male

>>5178776
>>5178944

Thank you. I guess I'll just have to make the switch sooner than anticipated. Also, it seems you could already tell, but I'm not >>5178950