let me start from the very beginning just to give you all the details
>ever since i can remember, i've hated male pronouns and my name
>when i was super young i had chosen an androgynous name to be called at school according to my parents
>never liked "boy" stuff like action figures, always wanted to play with dolls. parents were strict and said no
>every time i'd watch tv i'd connect more with the female character. it was easier to imagine me as them than the masculine heroes.
>when i first played video games i'd choose the female character if i could. when asked why i'd say "when i play a game, i imagine myself as the character. it just feels more right to choose the girl"
>always wanted to wear girl clothes and makeup
>would occasionally ask girls what it was like to wear a dress or cute sandals, as i envied them.
>at one point parents tried to "train" me to act more like a boy. it didn't work
1/3 (field too long)
2/3
>ended up looking at tv characters to act like them in order to please others
>stop at 8 years old, can't do this anymore. get suicidal
>would spend nights crying to sleep because i can't be a girl
>"don't worry anon, when you're living on your own, you can dress and act like a girl! no one will say it's wrong because you'll be the only one in the house!" i'd tell myself to hold on to life
>3rd grade we dress up for school play
>boys and girls are separated
>feel uncomfortable as fuck, will never undress in front of guys
>wanted to go with the girls, teacher said no
>awkwardly sit in there until literally everyone leaves so i can get dressed
>puberty starts and i start feeling awkward as fuck
>people tell me i'm getting a deep voice
>freakthefuckout.png
>start growing facial hair
>feelings of depression get worse
>start masturbating because stupid hormones
>it literally hurts
>still do it for some reason. fuck me
>always imagine myself as the girl having sex with a guy when doing so
>reminded again that i'll never be a girl
3/3
>learn about trans online
>suddenly it feels like everything makes sense
>parents too strict to accept me
>too poor to start transition early
>"anon, it looks like you're balding lol"
>start getting male balding pattern
>killmenowillneverpass.wav
>finally independent and can live by myself
>trans feelings strong, want to transition
>money is an issue, having doubts
>"maybe i can make it as a male... it can't be too bad"
>see cute girl
>literally want to suicide because mind tells me i'll never be that cute
>itfeelstoolate.jpg
>start masturbating every day to cope for some fucking reason idk
>feeling of wanting to be a girl leave as soon as i cum
>one minute later or less the dysphoria returns
i really do feel trans but that last part has me debating. could it have been a phase? am i agp? or is masturbation really weird like that? i mean, i really don't want to masturbate but it's just become a hobby since it distracts me. when i masturbate i still have thoughts of a man fucking me and being a girl. could i just be gay with a crossdressing fetish?? but then the early memories don't make sense. ughhh. help me /lgbt/!!
>>5677025
click on my pic, pal
>>5677037
don't i need to see a therapist first though? and those cost money. money is tight for me now and i have no job.
OP you aren't trans because trans isn't an actual thing; trans is a lifestyle fetish
but it's free country - if you want to fuck up your body, mind, and life by "going trans" then go for it. Your call. Just realize you will lose the respect of 90% of people.
>>5677053
you can start self-medicating to stop further male development whilst you work towards seeing a therapist
US: alldaychemist
Europe: qhi.co.uk
200mg spironolactone, 4mg progynova
avoid smoking/alcohol, high potassium foods, keep a strict diet 'cause it makes it harder to lose weight
>>5677053
It is possible to order hormones and blockers online without a prescription.
If you have dysphoria 99% of the time, then you might find some peace in transition.
>>5677031
Self-doubt is a real and common problem for everyone, but do a little research into what orgasm does for you, and consider how that might interact with the feelings you've identified as dysphoria.
I am violently opposed to 4chan's definition and prescription of AGP, so I won't get into that old song and dance.
>>5677063
i hate smoke and alcohol so those aren't a problem. avoid high potassium foods though? hm. ok. i never eat many potassium rich foods anyway. and about that strict diet, yeahh i kinda have a bit of a belly. i'm not fat by any means but not the skinny twig i used to be. i feel it will keep me from passing though, is there a way to reduce it quickly?
>>5677075
as far as orgasms go, i only don't feel dysphoria when i'm orgasming. it could be because my mind gets shut off for that one second. plus lately masturbating has been getting less and less satisfactory. i honestly have no idea why i keep doing it.
>>5677088
HRT will redistribute fat into female areas (e.g. butt and thighs instead of upper stomach) around 6 months to 2 years.
>>5677021
yes i would say,
but you really have to answer that question for yourself.
how old are you btw?
also id steer clear of the self medication route that was suggested, coz its kinda fucking stupid if your are not going to have blood labs done.
if you live in the US, and if u wanted to start hrt right away there are informed consent clinics out there, where you can literally get a script for mones after 1 visit.
the other route is to find a therapist, but id recommend a therapist anyway, as some can really help with the whole trans thing.
>>5677021
>ever since i can remember, i've hated male pronouns and my name
okay nice
>when i was super young i had chosen an androgynous name to be called at school according to my parents
good for you
>never liked "boy" stuff like action figures, always wanted to play with dolls
doesn't make you any more trans than any tomgirl who loves climbing trees
>every time i'd watch tv i'd connect more with the female character. it was easier to imagine me as them than the masculine heroes.
because they were submissive, caring and passive like you are and not assertive, confident and bold like those icky men?
>when i first played video games i'd choose the female character if i could. when asked why i'd say "when i play a game, i imagine myself as the character. it just feels more right to choose the girl"
oh okay
>always wanted to wear girl clothes and makeup
k
>would occasionally ask girls what it was like to wear a dress or cute sandals, as i envied them.
uhh
>at one point parents tried to "train" me to act more like a boy. it didn't work
they are bad parents tbqh
either you know you are trans or you don't and are just confused so you have to make up your mind mate
- do you picture yourself aging/dying as a man?
- does it bother you to age as a man?
>>5677058
Yup, I've come to this conclusion too. I don't consuder it any different from those furries who want to live as animals full time because it "makes them feel better". It's definitely a sexual fetish, but things are becoming more accepting, so living your sexual fetish full-time is going to be an ever more common lifestyle choice within the coming yearsm That said, you will definitely lose the respect of people around you because somehow people can subconsciously realize that you get off to this stuff.
>>5677153
i'm 18. just recently started college and such. gonna be 19 soon though in around half a year.
>>5677184
whatever your method, get on hrt now
you are at a critical age, it becomes less effective with time and a big part of that curve is at 18-25
you will absolutely regret it if you leave it any longer
>>5677319
that is exactly why i'm scared to start. considering the time it takes to actually get on hormones with the stupid waiting times according to people on here, i'll most likely be on them at 19, maybe even mid-19. it already feels too late and i just don't think i'll pass. no matter how much i want to start, i'm still scared.
>>5677335
what country?
>>5677340
usa. in the dfw area of texas
>>5677353
ah tricky
look for informed consent clinics, if there's none within reach then check out the info on HRT in the Trans Help General thread and use AllDayChemist to buy your shit
ignore the bs from some people about physical health, what use is physical health if your emotional wellbeing is shattered to the point of eventual suicide?
>>5677353
It seems that all major universities in your area have health clinics operating on the informed consent model.
>>5677382
huh. i should check with them then. i didn't know that, thanks!
whew though, i now feel super nervous. i hope people won't see me as a freak. with enough luck i'll start soon and hopefully make good progress. i'm just scared shitless of my voice. i feel i'll never get it to sound feminine. i haven't tried but i hate hearing it so much and i feel like i'll cringe super hard if i try to sound like a girl. i know no progress can be made if i don't try but i just wish i had someone by my side to guide me. :/
>>5677410
voice takes a lot of training but the good news is that unless you have a serious physical impairment, it's one of the few things you have complete biological control over through practise
>>5677021
You're highly likely transgender.
