I'm getting fucking depressed over this shit.
I'm 25 and I'm pretty sure I'm a homosexual, but there's always this doubt in my mind, what if I'm just turning myself gay because I'm never around women or that I've never slept with a woman that's even my own age. I once slept with a woman in her late 40's, after she left I started crying because i've stoubted so low to do some weird middle age woman with fucked up. But at least I wasn't a virgin anymore. I didn't enjoy the sex, I couldn't even cum.
Now I'm going through a gay "phase" again, where I jerk off to gay porn and such. Sometimes I feel like i'm trying to make myself gay because I know it will be a lot easier to get to have sex with somebody, I've also got the feeling that I might have given up on the idea of ever having sex with another girl(because I'm a loner with social anxiety, and im very closed, and girls intimate me).
I really want to go down on a guy and become a bottom bitch, but I still got this doubt in my head that Im not gay... maybe I just look at guys being more easy to get(without all that social bullshit robots like me can't do).
I really don't find the idea of visiting a good looking hooker appealing, but I have to get to the bottom of my sexuality, I want to try hetero sex once more before I start hooking up with guys. Being labelled a homosexual will destroy my chances of ever hooking up with a girl and it would be really sad to be labelled a homosexual by people if I really wasn't a homosexual but a confused hetero autistic cunt. Is hiring a trick a good idea, just to experience hetero sex with someone who doesn't look like a dog(like the cougar I fucked).
Face it I'm a robot, I have no social life, the chances of me hooking up with a another girl are slim to none. I'm not even ugly, I'm actually good looking according to people but I'm I avoid people and social situations like the plague(because of my social anxiety)
/LGBT/ is getting a female hooker a good idea?
OP you're a faggot, just accept it and enjoy your life. There's nothing wrong with being gay
>>5402536
But I just want to know how it feels to have sex with a girl that's around my age(like a regular person). Maybe I flick will go inside me head where I actually can fantasies about having sex with women without having to think about another man in the process.
Sometimes I feel like I've become a bottom cock luster because I'm a weak straight man, a omega man.
Every fantasy i've had about a women involved me scoping out for cocks in the gym to find the hungest men for a girl to fuck and I would get to hold her hands and be for her emotionally while she gets plowed by a well endowed man, and I get to touch her hair.
It's not gonna be a whole hell of a lot different having sex with a woman who's a little younger, dude.
Things might be marginally tighter, that's p much it.
It's not that fucking out there to be into dudes, Anon. If you try it and you don't like it, well, then you know it was a lack of feminine influence. If you try it and you DO like it, congratulations! You have found a thing you like. Do more of it, be happy, enjoy sex endorphins.
Hell, maybe you're bi, who the hell knows.
>>5402574
>I get to touch her hair
>>5402631
Those were one of the fantasies i had when i was "straight".
>>5402631
Nice twist. Another damn transbian thread. I swear there's gonna be a habbening and it will just be the baras in a gym compound, and me alone with a shotgun -- in a sea of undateable transbians.
You're not gay, you just have a big dick fetish.
>>5402689
That just makes me want to an hero.
>>5402699
why? it means you are a normal straight man with anxiety issues in approaching women, easy to fix.
>>5402689
>You're not gay you just have a strong desire to be overpowered and fucked by strong men
>>5402745
Does a big dick equate a strong powerful man?
If the most strong and powerful man you can imagine wanted to fuck you but he had an average dick, would you not let him fuck you? If that's the case it has nothing to do with the man and everything to do with the dick, and straight men fetishize dicks more than any other group.
>>5402758
Keep telling yourself that, it won't make you straight
>>5402741
Have you even been on /r9k/, autist like myself might as well just off ourselves, because we have no chance in hell of ever getting a girl.
Besides, I don't think the desire to want to jerk off with my friends or going down on a guy will be going away any time soon...
I guess I'm just sexually fucked up freak.
I don't really have a big dick fetish(even though I do), I just have a dick fetish, I like seeing nice dicks that aren't small. I also like seeing /fit/ guys swinging their dicks around.
I've told my parents that I'm possibly a homosexual(not the first time I came out to them, because when I was 19 years of age I came out to my mother and then went back into the closet due to depression, being on ssri and loneliness).
At least I'm seeing a therapist, but she just told me to experiment, yeah like one simply just gets girls to fuck. Maybe I should try to fuck some dead eye emotionally fucked up hooker to see if the pussy is something for me.
>>5402689
I've heard this sort of thing before, but it cracks me up every single time.
>>5402758
OP here.
It's not about the dick size, I just want to do some gay shit with another mans penis, the guy has to be not gross looking, not fat and not have a small penis. Is that a big dick fetish to you? Althought well endowed me are considered master race in my eyes and I'd like to suck a big dick, but I wouldn't like getting fucked in the ass by a well endowed man for the first time.
>>5402794
Maybe start by never telling yourself this
>we have no chance in hell of ever getting a girl.
because that's an attitude that won't help you whether you are straight or gay.
If two people that look exactly the same, let's say two people that both looked like George Clooney both went up to a girl at the same time.
One of them is cocky and self-confident the other is apologetic and thinks he can never get a girl. Which one do you think goes home with the girl that night?
>I don't really have a big dick fetish
You clearly do, you have yet to mention dicks without mentioning them being big. That's clearly the feature you're attracted to.
So let's say the next time you fantasize about jerking off with your friends or going down on them, you insert the thought of them having average dicks. Not small, just average. Is it still an exciting fantasy?
>>5402826
>Is it still an exciting fantasy?
Yeah, kinda, it's hard to tell right now because I've exhausted my sex drive by masturbating at least 6 times today or more.
I'd much rather be gay than some mentally ill straight guy with a big dick fetish(that want's to get fucked by big dicks), do you have any idea how fucked up and sad that sounds? That's beyond being gay, that's just super gay and fucked up.
>>5402794
You're sexually fucked up all right, but it's got nothing to do with liking men or women.
Firstly, why are you so hung up on sex? You tried it only once and you didn't like it, for chrissake. Get some hobbies.
Secondly, your therapist is right, if you're interested in men then experiment. Where do you live that you're worried about it getting out and destroying your hypothetical romantic life?
Thirdly, fucking a hooker out of some kind of miserable desperation is not going to give you a good reading on whether you're into women, and even if it did that wouldn't tell you anything about whether you're into men.
You need to stop worrying so much about shit that doesn't matter and just be yourself.
>>5402856
There is no such thing as a straight guy who wants to get fucked by big dicks. We can put that one to rest.
>>5402860
>You're sexually fucked up all right,
Why do you say that?
>>5402860
>Firstly, why are you so hung up on sex?
I'm 25 years old with almost no sexual experience, I'm not getting any younger. I want to experience life just like everybody else.
Mostly I just want to find somebody to be in relationship with man or a woman(i'd prefer a fit good looking man tho), I'd probably cuck my gf out if i had one.
>>5402856
Masturbation is usually only an issue when it starts affecting either your sexual relationship or other aspects of your life. I'm very weary of the nofap movement as it seems very religious, but cutting down on masturbation might be good for you.
I also don't think you understand how a fetish works. Firstly, it doesn't make you mentally ill. Psychology has moved a bit forward since the 1950s and most fetishes have been removed from the DSM bar those that have the potential to harm you or other people. Secondly, a fetish is a point of arousal.
If you examine the cuck meme, you'll find that proponents of it are usually men. Some men take that fetish into their real life but most of them are just aroused by the thought of a big penis. In their mind they have equated a huge penis as more satisfaction, but that's a logical fallacy. Real life is never the same as fantasy.
Another point I'd like you to consider is to stop living your life by labels, its usually a way for us to orientate around in life but the feeling I get from you is a problem with overthinking and overanalyzing. Remember that this is your life, it's your ride. Right now it seems like you don't even have your life in gear and you're just burning your engine out. You need to get in control and if you want that you need to start working with yourself, not against yourself, a very easy way to practice this is to accept your thoughts, your emotions, your sensations and your intuition.
>>5402876
>I once slept with a woman in her late 40's, after she left I started crying because i've stoubted so low to do some weird middle age woman with fucked up.
>Sometimes I feel like i'm trying to make myself gay because I know it will be a lot easier to get to have sex with somebody
>Sometimes I feel like I've become a bottom cock luster because I'm a weak straight man, a omega man
>autist like myself might as well just off ourselves, because we have no chance in hell of ever getting a girl
>I guess I'm just sexually fucked up freak
This is all some fucking bullshit, man. This is not a healthy and rational approach to life. You should be trying to curb this sort of thinking.
>>5402871
The get fucked part might not be so common, but straight men tend to fetishize big dicks. It's simple psychology really.
The surest sign you, as a man, have of being aroused is your penis. For many years society has equated big dicks with fertility, manliness, power, etc. No other aspect of maleness has the same effect. When someone drives an expensive car, what is usually the first thing that is said? He's compensating and we all know what he's compensating for, right. So riches don't hold the same positive stigma necessarily.
Add a culture with easy access to porn into the mix, and you have men growing up with the idea of the potency of big dicks from a very early age.
A more neurotic minded person will not stop at just being aroused by the thoughts of big dicks, they will start questioning why and since they have neurotic inclinations no answer will really satisfy them and their compulsion will drive them to start implementing their anxieties into their sexuality, such as fantasizing about being fucked by these men. This is were you get a split in where people turn, either into sissies, size queens, confused men like OP, and so on.
>>5402901
Which is it, do you want a relationship or just to get your rocks off? Before involving anyone else, maybe aim for "single and happy". Lots of people are, you know. And if it's just sex, well, sex is a lot of fun, but you sound like a junkie. You're making a huge deal out of nothing.
>>5402949
But I've always had fantasies about men, I remember when I was 14 fantasizing about circle jerking with my class mates to see who can cum first.
I've always had fantasies about "practicing" with my friend on each others butthole.
I also really like gay porn, fit guys and dick pics.
Anon I really hate the idea of having gay thoughts because I have a emotional defect. and I hate the idea of being a straight guy who want's to do homoerotic things with another man. That just shows my character, that i'm just mentally weak...
>>5402949
Thanks, Dr. Armchair. It's like the ghost of Sigmund Freud in here.
>>5403000
Why do you think having normal sexual thoughts, no matter what your orientation is, is a sign of weakness?
>>5402965
>You're making a huge deal out of nothing.
Life's too short to be a friendless sadcunt who can't get laid and seeks out booze and drugs for a piece of some sort of happiness.
I went to a lgbt therapist a while ago and he thoutht I was gay and that I should start going out there to try to meet guys. So the thing I'm focusing on right now is to try to get to a better mental place and get /fit/ for mostly myself.
>>5403020
Being a straight guy that turned gay because of penis envy seems kinda weak to me. I've always thought indulging in homosexual thoughts as a straight man was a sign of weakness(just like straight sissies and cucks).
>>5403000
Ignore that anon, you are clearly homosexual in some degree - either gay or bisexual.
You're not "mentally weak", that doesn't even mean anything. You're just self-loathing. You should talk to your shrink about it - it's a symptom of your depression, not your sexuality.
It's impossible to be a "straight guy who wants to do homoerotic things with another man", if by straight you mean exclusively heterosexual, so I guess you can rest easy on that. Why do you hate the idea of having gay thoughts? Don't say an "emotional defect". You said in the OP you suspected you were just trying to make yourself gay to go for the easier target - that's nonsense; you might believe it but it's nonsense.
>>5403000
You're fucking gay you idiot
>>5403026
Yeah, desu OP everything you describe sounds like it's basically your depression and anxiety talking. Forget about the sex stuff, you're just projecting your anxiety and making yourself feel bad. Talk to your psychiatrist, since you have one. Exercise, it helps a lot - something formal and structured in a group setting where you follow instructions works best. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Distract yourself whenever you feel a reverie of self-hatred coming along. This is what helped me beat the suicide bug.
>>5403036
>Why do you hate the idea of having gay thoughts?
I don't, but if I was actually a straight male(which im probably not) then I would hate it.
My therapist told me that people like me, people on the spectrum(im just a little bit autistic, not enough for people to notice) to over analyse things, which I definitely tend to do.
Well it's a good thing I'm trying to get my shit together by seeking professional help with my emotional problem, prior to that I was just put on anti depressant and nothing was done about why I had the underlying depression...
Hopefully I can be more well adjusted individual in the future.
>>5403087
OK, I misunderstood. You hate the idea that the REASON you're having gay thoughts might be an emotional defect? As I said, rest easy, you're just queer like the rest of us. There's nothing wrong with your sexuality, what's wrong is that you think there's something wrong.
>>5402876
no. stop.
shut-up and go re-read his/her/its post. then re-re-read it.
understand it. learn from it.
>>5403192
It's? ...Please.
OP you sound like a carbon copy of me.
