I'm in trouble and I'm coming to you for help.
I have a very close friend. We grew up together. I've known him since we were kids. We did a lot of skinny dipping in his pool, and when we got older we ever jerked off together several times.
Finally about a year ago he starts dropping hints about doing stuff together again. First he says he just wants to watch porn. Anal porn. Then he starts talking about how we used to jerk off together. From there he slowly works up to asking me if I want to jerk off together again. I agree and we do it a few times. He's got a pretty big cock and I really enjoyed looking at it. I'm sure he noticed.
Now I've fantasized about having sex with him since we were teenagers. I'm not out and up until recently I've never been with a guy, but I've had gay fantasies for a long time.
Finally, we go to a party together. After everyone leaves he finally pops the question. "Do you want to feel it in your ass?" I'm nervous and scared, but I say yes. We go into the bathroom. I bend over the sink and he pulls down my pants. He spends a lot of time just humping me and squeezing my ass. He's really enjoying himself. I'm smooth and thin, he's muscular and hairy. Finally he gets ready to fuck me. First he takes some baby oil and lubes up my asshole. The shock of feeling his finger in my ass almost made me quit right there. I was really tense and scared.
Then I feel IT. His cock slowly pushes between my ass cheeks until I feel it pushing against my back door. Inside I'm totally freaking out. I'm thinking I've got to stop doing this, pull up my pants and leave. But I don't. I just let him do it. He pokes and pushes for a while, ads some more lube to his dick, and then finally, he pushes it all the way in. I FREAK THE FUCK OUT. I say "oh my god!" and hide my face. He's too aroused to notice my panic. That's when he starts fucking me up the ass. And for a while it HURTS BAD. (Continued...)
>>5319262
At this point I have my hands over my face, and I really want him to stop. Unfortunately he just keeps going. He's really enjoying it. After a while I finally gave in and started to enjoy it too. It actually felt really good to take his big, greased up cock in my ass. I started stroking my cock and I cum a huge load into the sink. I've never cum harder in my life. Finally he cries out "I'm gonna cum! Unnnnggh!" And he comes in my ass.
He his greasy dick out of my ass and wipes it off with some toilet paper. He then pulls up his pants and heads for the kitchen to get a drink. He slaps me on the ass as he leaves. I'm still bent over the sink with my pants down, only now my asshole is on fire and his cum is dripping out of my hole.
I sit down on the toilet and try to relax, but all I can feel is total shame and humiliation. I'm completely freaking out. It's the worst feeling ever.
We wind up doing it two more times, and it felt amazing each time. But every time we finished I had the same reaction. Before he fucks me it's all I can think about, after he fucks me I feel nothing but shame and sadness. What the fuck is wrong with me?! This is what I wanted to years. Why can't I just enjoy it?
I feel really sad and upset right now.
>>5319284
Hard to say. You were never with a guy before so maybe there was a hangup there before this. Some shame about being gay.
I'd also have to say it doesn't sound very warm and loving on your friend's end of things. He doesn't have to buy you flowers and he can fuck you like a whore, but it's important to show some affection before and after. Otherwise you feel like a whore in the nothawt way.
Being such close friends I would feel disappointed if my bud fucks me and leaves like that.
>>5319322
He just acts like we're kids again jerking off together in the woods. Like it's all play time for him.
I gotta admit that he's a bit of a man child. I don't mean to be insulting to him because he is my closest friend. But he never takes anything seriously and is always goofing around. He hasn't even held a good job for more than a year or two.
>>5319284
and now you know what it feels like to be a girl in love with a guy willing to do anything to make him happy.
>>5319398
You need to let him know you're sad. Not angry or demanding or nagging. Just sad. Maybe someone else can go into it more. Never been in your shoes.
But I can say as a manchild he probably didn't have the sense that anything was safe enough to take seriously. Be solid in your friendship and any offer of more, but let him know you feel used and unappreciated. If he cares he'll want to change.
>>5319262
Uh, so here's what.
1) That was hot. You basically got off big time on being dominated like the bitch you are.
2) You're in love with him. And he's not in love with you. Confess your feelings so he can break your heart by rejecting you/pandering to an unhealthy relationship that ultimately breaks down and then you can move on with your life.
3)The shame and humiliation you feel is the disappointment resulting from your romanticized fantasies mixed with guilt for enjoying the exhilarating, gritty, real life sensations you got to indulge in.
Being dominated like a female dog wasn't part of your fantasy, but you liked it. All you have to do is appreciate that you are still a beautiful human being all the same <3
Now cheer up faggot :3
>>5319284
This is pretty hot
