>Doctor gave me a form for an AIDS test
It's been sitting on my shelf for 6 months. How does one pluck up the courage to do these things? My sexual history is that Ive fucked a few hookers vaginally with condom and gotten oral without. I got scabies once in 2012, I heard that's linked to HIV. I want to live a few more years in blissful ignorance, my life is shit enough. I hear of people taking HIV tests every 6 months, madness, I did it once 4 years ago and it was terrifying. I'm literally considering quitting sex because I can't take this HIV testing anymore. Worst part is the tell you by text. "hey itz the hospital, ur gonna die soz"
>>5312620
Idk, I just got tested when things looked like they were getting sexual with a friend of mine. No biggie.
>>5312651
yeah but you never fucked hookers
my doctor is a fucking nazi
>think I may be XXY
>great excuse to be trans
>ask doc for test
>he prevaricates, insists on testosterone blood test first
>tacks on hiv test for no reason
>plan has crashed and burned due to fear
Got tested a few days ago for the first time at a gay sexual health clinic, and I'm a closeted, repressed self hating homo.
Fear of death made me do it. The paranoia just kept eating away at me. I've had zero symptoms of any STD (literally have not even contracted the common cold) for a very long time so it made it even worse.
Surreal as fuck experience though, sitting there admitting to having "receptive anal intercourse" with a nurse that kept telling me to stop feeling embarrassed and how being "gay is OK".
Don't get the results back until the 10th of December, if I have HIV, fuck it. Better to know and kill myself before it kills me so my family doesn't find out.
>>5312724
Braver than me, I always say no to all gay sex questions. 4chan is literally the only place that I've ever admitted to having gay sex. Repression is a bitch.
I reckon that knowing for certain that you have it or knowing for certain that you don't would be worse than ambiguity
>>5312620
It's not that bad
HIV is not a death sentence.
>Poz for 3-4 years now
>life expectancy 70-80
>bear bf who knew when we started
>undetectable
>unprotected sex with prep
Honestly it sucked at first thinking about all the bad shit I was told.
Take meds 1 time a day
1 pill
>>5313276
How late were you diagnosed?
>>5313336
As in how long I had it prior to diagnosis?
Got it around 17 from their estimates started treatment around 20
It honestly does not matter to much how late they catch it. It's more so what strain. If you have a relatively weak virus with no build up against moder antiviral you are solid. Even in different cases your life expectancy is still really good.
As long as you aren't on deaths door you will more than likely spring back immune system wise. The longer you wait the more damage you may be doing.
>>5313466
It is odd in your boat. I was a lot more depressed than I am now. I was out for the most part but very self hating. when I started dealing with docs for HIV I got similar treatment. At the time I hated it but looking back it made me realize how many people with or without HIV have been there. Odd feeling of acceptance.
But yeah you are probably fine. Even if you get it you would be cutting yourself short atleast 30 years.
Plus HIV gives you access to scholarships and grants.
HIV specialist doctors can pretty much do everything you need. No need for other docs. (In my experience)
You are now a protected class on top of being gay.
easier access to pain meds and steroids later in life.
You will probably die high as shit if you die of AIDS.
Fenthynal patches and oxi take homes for years.
Some stuff that eased my sadness when I found out.
But as I said. Your probably fine.
>>5313499
*if you get it and then kill yourself you would be losing atleast 30 years of life.
>>5313499
Were you asymptomatic?
Sorry for all these questions, I just find your situation very interesting.
>>5313509
Yes. You don't show symptoms during stage 2 (I believe)
Stage 1 is contraction and the period when your body is attempting to fight it off.
Many report extremes sickness. Like a massive flu. I got a heavy flu and heads splitting sickness for about 24-36 hours.
Then i was fine.
Stage 2 is where you sit and probably will sit for 90% of your time with HIV.
This is the stage where the body stops fighting it violently.
I've seen it described this way a few times and it makes sense to me but my doc has never described it this way.
Short: you won't show symptoms but you may get sick soon after contraction.
>>5313537
Yeah I know, that's what I mean. The classic sign of HIV is the extreme flu like symptom, I never had that, but apparently a small % of guys with HIV don't actually get it.
Also I'm not depressed at all, I was just being rational. Better to end myself than let HIV kill me.
You said your life expectancy was 70-80 years. That is literally just the average expectancy for males in general. Is that your actual life expectancy or the time they think you can go without AIDS getting you?
>>5313565
>>5313565
Well the reason I wasn't trying to state it as face is that ive seen it conveyed as more than a small percentage. Reason probably being is those heavily stressed with paranoia if HIV can get sick just from that or have a placebo like effect and then report it later. But it still is a common sign but in no way a standard you should use to figure your status. It's a fun fact at best in my opinion.
70-80 years of age
I'm 23 ATM.
So about 50 years.
HIV meds have been chased so heavily that we have honestly 50 or so different combinations and a quite a few separate meds for treatment. It's no longer over it one med loses potency in your system due to resistance. That is a big reason why, as well as the meds themselves, life expectancy has gone up so much.
I have been told by docs that it's likely I die of natural causes before AIDS.
That is also taking into account that they are assuming more advanced in HIV research but honestly it's not unrealistic seeing the recent discoveries.
>>5313592
>Well the reason I wasn't trying to state it as face is that ive seen it conveyed as more than a small percentage. Reason probably being is those heavily stressed with paranoia if HIV can get sick just from that or have a placebo like effect and then report it later. But it still is a common sign but in no way a standard you should use to figure your status. It's a fun fact at best in my opinion.
This is a good point I never really thought of.
I have never got a chance to speak to someone with HIV about it (this is the first time ever AFAIK). You have a very interesting story. I wish you the best of luck in life.
>>5313624
It's all good. Hope you come back neg
If not go hit some support groups.
To many people on this board think it's the end of the world always nice to ease some people. Any more questions feel free to ask.
>>5313718
Do you attend HIV support groups?
>>5313760
No. I did for a bit but wasn't much my thing. i go to a therapist but for separate things.
First 6 months to a year I dealt with it a lot.
After that it basically becomes a non issue if your undetectable.
>>5313842
I gave a blowjob once while I had a cold sore (it was healing and was pretty much scabbed up) and idk of there was any cum that landed on it. and along with self hating of making a horrible decision, I've been on a terrible downward spiral of hypochondria and anxiety. The anxiety was always there but it's gotten so much worse from my fear of contracting hiv. The guy said he tested hiv neg the month before and hasn't had anal since. And I know rationally with this information, and the fact Im not entirely sure the cum even landed on my scab, that the chance of getting hiv is pretty low. But I've been seeing these weird pinkish bumps on my arms (look like pimples but non painful), a mild sickness 2 weeks after it (lasted a day), Hives were more active than usual, and now 5 weeks later I'm here with stiff back thighs which I heard is a sign of hiv infection (though It could be delayed onset muscle soreness from working out this week). And the funniest part is I've been seeing the word hiv and aids alot more often in my day to day life from the people and things around me. And the only place thats near me gives rapid hiv tests 30-40 dollars which I have to pay for myself without insurance. Idk where I was going with this, but I guess what I want to say is, I've been pretty upset the last 5 weeks because I'm a paranoid freak and idk what I'm gonna do.
sorry for the rant, I needed to finally vent
>>5314096
I can relate, you have to go get tested. Otherwise the paranoia keeps growing. Every little thing that happens to you brings doubt (I've got a cough, is it my weak immune system?). It's no way to live.
Get tested. It's that simple.
Guys im scared what are my chances of HIV. Don't give me that "its not that bad" i dont want to pop pills for the rest of my life not to mention the stigma
>>5314096
Honestly cum on a cold sore is not the best way to get HIV. It's actually not that likely. You should still get tested.
The main reason gay men get HIV more is do to anal sex. It's more so the stretching of the anus and friction oh the penis that cause blood to be exchanged. The semen is a plus.
Look up tramission rates for oral sex and you should be on par with that. Which is really low of I recall right.
>>5314146
^what anon said.
