I'm not sure why I'm doing this. But I'm gonna post a PM I sent to a close friend of mine, and I for some reason I want to share it. Maybe it'll make me feel better.
Wanna read it?
None of it makes sense to me. You told me you've had gay thoughts about me,
but at the same time you told me you're not into that stuff.
Those are two contradictory things, you can't not be into gay stuff and then think about me in a gay way, like what?
You've said things like "real couple" and "babe" and hell, you've even texted me "I miss you" when I had a phone. But I can't tell you that I miss you?
So, the same kid who've I've had every gay experience in my life gets incredibly annoyed/frustrated/whatever when ever something remotely gay is brought up.
How the fuck does that make any sense?
How can the same kid who asked to see my dick and showed me his, then tell me he thinks it's "unnatural". Ftr, homosexuality is one of the most natural things there is, and more than likely what you are experiencing is uncomfortableness because you clearly have mixed feelings about it, or else none of this would have happened at all.
I don't understand how you "don't remember" half this shit, but when you hugged me on Seth's porch because I was cold, or when you accidently punched me, that wasn't at all the way my other guy friends hug me, or the way I hug them.
How the fuck can you "not be into it" but know about my feet thing, and do all those things you've done. It wasn't very fucking straight when I was on the couch at your mom's house, and you were fighting with me for it, with your feet on my face, and your toe on my mouth. It wasn't very straight when you put your feet and my face and told me "don't pretend you don't like it" and it definitely wasn't straight when you showed me your cock.
>>5304283
You say "Jesus Christ" like It was weird of me to bring up how you said we should watch naruto together like a "real couple", when you're the one who said it! and of all the people I've ever asked about our shitty little situation they always say the same thing, that YOU are the one who is confused about all this and the only thing I'm confused about is you. You say 'us' is impossible yet you go on to come up with reasons you couldn't be in a relationship at the moment like it was actually an option.
Remember when we gonna watch the stars on your roof, and James said something like "Oh, you guys on a date?" and you got flustered and walked off and we didn't do it? I think that kind of says it all, any other person would've did it anyway because they are secure in their sexuality and knew it wasn't a date but you? you wouldn't do it just in case it was.
I just don't understand. You get all upset about our arms touching in Ant-Man but every other time we've seen a movie together our arms were touching the whole time...
You fell asleep leaning on me during The Dark Knight Rises, and it wasn't even the first time. You've fell asleep with our arms and legs touching in my old chair at my house, before, too. How did that happen if you hate it sooo fucking much. It just feels like you only hate it because you know you don't. It feels like you're trying to convince yourself you don't feel this way and not me. And you can say whatever you want but the facts is, our choices are what defines us, not our words, and your actions do not match up with you're saying at all.
>>5304283
>>5304288
You seem to forget, or at least act like you do, that you came to me that night. If drunk words are sober thoughts then what does that say about us?
You're the most important person in my life, you changed my life. Is it really that surprising I miss you? Especially when you refused to so much as message me?
It's hard being friend with someone who has little interest in friends at all and the only reason I try is because I want you in my life bad enough. But, It just pissed me off that I can talk to you for 7 whole hours on PS4 but if I ask you to message me I'm "acting like we're married." No, I'm not, you are just projecting that onto me. I'm acting like I wanted you to message me, you're the one who took it that way, and again I think that says more about you then me.
Besides all the bullshit hypocritical nonsense you've put me through...I really do miss you, skyler. I don't know why you hate that so much. I would never feel this way about you if you hadn't started all this in the first place. You can't deny we had, well, something, whatever it was. All I really wanted was to go back to that. But, maybe the Skyler I knew isn't around anymore. The Skyler that I used to think about before I go to sleep is smart, and extremely creative, and funny, but philosophical, and even though he was sad he was also hopeful and full of ideas and ambition.
Now you just act dull, and be ignorant, and go on judging me condescendingly about my life while staying at your dead-end job without a damn degree or GED, instead of encouraging me like I thought you would.
Maybe I just miss the old Skyler, I don't know.
You come of as needy, very anti-seductive. Maybe he just uses the unnatural angle because you have a needy personality?
>>5304275
>>5304283
>>5304288
>>5304293
Here's the problem, OP. The Japanese ethos was warped forever by the atomic bomb attacks during WWII. Millions of Japanese men, women, and children were forced to come to terms with the idea of an overwhelmingly powerful entity outside of their control that could wipe them out of existence without warning using unspeakable weapons. They did this, for the most part, by exploring the idea in fiction. Godzilla is one example. Anime is another. If the United States of America were to deploy nuclear weaponry against Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and France, chances are the same thing would happen again: More Godzillas, and more anime. Do you think the world can really handle six animes? In the 1980's, United States President Ronald Reagan developed an idea known as "Mutually-Assured Destruction" (MAD). This philosophy stated that war with Russia would not happen, because there was no way to wage it without both countries being destroyed. I see this same situation today. We cannot nuke more countries for fear of mutually assured destruction when they create more anime. Thank you for your time.
>>5304283
>>5304288
>>5304293
But I do know I don't even need a response to this. I'm not sure I want one. I think I'd prefer if you didn't, actually. I'm sick of sending you long-ass messages that in the end do nothing but complicate this already complicated relationship that isn't worth maintaining anymore considering you gave up on it before you even gave it a real chance. It's more than likely for the best we just leave each other alone unless you have something important to say to me.
I hope you find some sort of peace, friend.
_done_
>>5304294
I'm not trying to be seductive at all. I was angry and hurt.
And I may come off as needy, but I assure you I'm not, he was just extremely distant and frustrating at the time, not just to me either. Also, he definitely didn't use an 'angle', that's dumb, he isn't some gay guy pretending to be straight so I'll ignore him, this is my best friend since like, middle school.
>>5304301
Makes sense. WW3 and Anime, at the end of the day, are really the same thing when you think about it. But the real question is, will there be a Manga, and how much filler will we need to sit through before some fucking nukes drop?
>>5304302
Humans can be incredible complex, what we think someones motive might be, might turn out to be so far removed from what we believed.
See whether we try to be seductive or not is beside the point, our actions are either attracting others, or repelling them. Neediness, self-centeredness, these are actions that repels others, that makes us not want to be around such individuals.
The way you write here and from what you talked about in gg, you seem to have made this the most important issue in your life, and that's a bit... strange.
>>5304317
>most important issue in my life
that's a whole lot to assume about me from a personal message and damn 4chan post.
Look, this guy is important to me, obviously, just because I care about him a lot doesn't mean I have a fucking worship the guy. In fact he can be real ignorant asshole, a lot.
There are far, far more important issues in my life I'm workin on right now, too, and I really don't see why you would think because I made a few posts about this that I put this shit up at #1. Uh, I'm not even 21 yet, I have a lot other shit on my mind, like life in general, this is just a deeply personal problem.
Also I really don't feel like I should even have to explain this. While I'm at, where am I even being needy or self-centered? This whole PM is me calling into question his claiming of thinking homosexuality is 'unnatural' despite all the homosexual shit we've done over the years, not about me, or my needs.
>>5304317
For such a human expert you sure have really missed the mark on this one, bud. I really don't see why me posting about relationshit problems on /lgbt/ at 3:25 in the am somehow means I made this my personal #1 problem in my whole life.
Now I'm more confused and upset at you, random anon, then I was at him.
>>5304387
Gigantic autism paragraphs they may be but I've written plenty of those about many other subjects and almost none of them were the single most important problem in my life.
If I go on a rant about Donald Trump for 5000 words does that mean the elections is now the most important event in my life at the moment?
>>5304366
Are you really asking me why my best friend I was gay with suddenly putting up wall and cutting me out of his life a deep, personal problem?
Do I need to spell it out relationships for you too? He's my -best- friend. I assume you'd had one of those? Usually situations involving them are pretty important considering they are one of the most important persons in someones' life.
Do I need to explain why best friends are important, now, too?
Maybe I am a huge autist but you guys' are making me look like a fuckin' philosopher.
>>5304421
The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life: your memories, your attachments. They burn them all away, but they're not punishing you, they're freeing your soul. If you're frightened of dying and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.
Detatch, don't attach. Maybe he'll start showing interest in you again as well.
>>5304428
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I am detached, I sent this message a week ago and there's been only silence, and the only reason I even sent that message was from another long period of silence. I couldn't get more detached if I wanted.
I still feel you've assumed way too much about my complicated relationship here. I wasn't sending a damn love-letter nor was I looking for attachment. I'm fine if he's not showing interest, again, my problem isn't that he's not interested, it's that he was definitely interested until a sudden change-of-heart that went against his character and actions, and I called him out on it after years of this hot-and-cold treatment and honestly I hope this thread dies because wow is this a miserable failure.
if anyone who actually understand human behavior and relationships wants to call me an autistic faggot because I wrote a gay-ass letter to someone who doesn't want to be that way but clearly has mixed feelings about the subject so it was clearly doomed...fine. but please don't just assume I'm some lonely crying neckbear who doesn't have a life outside the internet for christs' sake.
>>5304444
>4444
>neckbear
i like this post
>>5304444
you don't understand coquetry at all, that's why he had a sudden change of heart, because you got too attached.
>>5304450
you don't understand what I'm saying at all, did you not read the part about the long period of silence?
How was I being too attached during a, repeated for the last time, long period of silence?
Do you know what silence is, anon?
>>5304453
I don't think you understand attachment in this case.
You were and still are attached because you have attached so much meaning to this, and to the friendship. You are trying your hardest to figure it out to the extent that you wrote this long letter.
>>5304461
Correct, I wrote this long letter because I am trying to figure this out. That has absolutely nothing to do with being too attached. I only wrote and sent the letter after a LONG PERIOD OF SILENCE (last time, fr), because he was being extremely anti-social to everyone in his life at the time, not just to me.
So, yes, maybe I am attached to him and the relationship, but I didn't just attach a meaning to these things, the meaning manifested itself, and I am not showing too much attachment by sending him a single letter after no talking for an extended period of time. Or for waiting odd number of years to finally confront about it.
Maybe if I sent a letter like this every other day, or kept trying to contact to him, or put any effort at all into maintaining the relationship past this point. Did you even read that part of the letter or did you just skim through the whole thing?
>>5304473
I've read all of your posts so far, very thoroughly as well I might add. I understand that you are now directing your feelings of bother over on me but I'd advice you to lose this feeling that everything is personal, listen to the words and try taking them to heart.
The frequency of communication does not matter in this instance, the fact that remains at heart since we can never know his view on the whole situation is that you are holding on to it.
Just let it go, be free of it. It was something that happened, it is now a story, don't live in the past.
Improve your life, make yourself the best person you can be and maybe you'll one day meet this person again and he'll have to take a standpoint to whether he wronged in his life or not.
>>5304481
man, I've been trying tell you I'm already doing all of that. I'm just sharing my feelings here, nothing more.
If you really did read my letter you'd know I stated very clearly that we, referring to him, should not talk anymore, that I'd rather not talk at all, and would like to just move on from the relationship because he was clearly no longer interested in it. I said those things. So you telling me them over and over again is extremely frustrating and confusing, like I said earlier.
I am moving on, I am making myself better, and I am not living in the past, that was kind of the point of confronting him. All I was doing was sharing my post in the hopes other anons would discuss it with me not that I would have to explain myself in a billion posts to one.
>>5304481
And for the record, the only feeling I'm directing on you is my immense frustration with your condescension and almost ironic ignorance, my feelings for Skyler I've already dealt with moons ago.
>>5304275
i don't if it will help you op but i cant give a really shortened version of my experience with a similar thing.
The first guy i was with was my best friend at that time. We had an awesome six months together then he suddenly got real standoffish- completely out of the blue. He would hardly speak to me, he would not answer when I called- would have his mom tell me he was out (this was in 1996). It mentally wrecked me, so i mailed him a letter- that had some similarities with yours. His mom intercepted it out of the mail box and read it and kept.
Our friendship sort of withered on the vine and eventually ended. The last time we hung out was in 1998 and to this day I am heartbroken over it. It wasn't until years later that I found out that his grandfather flew off the handle when he found out about us and threatened to kill me. (his mom was cool us being together despite a 5 year age difference- but his grandfather could not accept the gay.)
He's married now and has an awesome family. Still as kind and jovial as I knew him. When we happen to bump into each other in a gas station or grocery store he runs to me and hugs me and tells me he loves me. I do the same. Then we go our separate ways.
Things don't always work but goddammit that first love is a motherfucker.
On second thought OP, even if this didn't help you-it helped me as I have never told my story before.
Lo.- I still love you buddy- thank you for spending some of your life with me. -J.
>>5304496
>Skyler
