Hi, I'm just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience to me. I'm 27 and I've felt gay my whole life but I have always wondered if something happened to make me gay or if I was born gay.
When I was younger like 3-5 years old, I used to experiment with kids in my daycare in the bathroom (it was a christian daycare lol). There was like a group of 3 or 4 of us boys I can't remember. I remember that one of the kids showed us how to play with ourselves and then we all kind of went along with it.
Fast forward to me being like 5 or 7 and I'm showing my older cousin (he's like 8 or 9) how to kiss and suck dick. And go on to teaching neighborhood kids what I learned in kindergarten.
Again, fast forward to freshman year after the homecoming game and I'm 13 and my best friend is sleeping over. I tell him I'm gay and try to seduce him? Anyways give him a blowjob and he pretends to be asleep.
When I turned 20 I finally had sex for the first time with a drunk straight guy who literally raped me (I was definitely bleeding), but for some reason I loved it. Helped him get home after he freaked out for having sex with me and slept in his bed...the next morning was so awkward.
I feel like all the guys I go for definitely don't want a relationship. They just want me for sex and then get rid of me. I think that's why I like straight guys, because I feel like I don't deserve love. Has anyone been through any of this or can relate in any way? Haven't told anyone any of this...
TLDR: i'm sad and lonely
Never told anyone this either but shit your opening up so so will I. I was around 7-8 I think. I had this friend who lived in my neighborhood. He was the son of my mother's best friend at the time. Now his older cousin in his early 20's molested him. In turn my friend who was around the same age as me would teach me some of the things his cousin showed him. I was raised Christian but at age 7-8 you aren't really taught being gay is bad (maybe I just didn't understand it) but I went along with it willingly. We used to get naked together and touch each other. It came to a boiling point when my friends cousin tried to get me to let him suck my dick. I said no, and he didn't force me to. Eventually I told my mom and she told her friend. The cousin committed suicide and my friend moved far away. I'm 18 now and that was the first and only gay let alone sexual experience I have ever had in my life. I think its probably why I'm Bi and probably attributes to my dysphoria. It used to hurt a lot, now I could care less. I just want a bf
TL;DR I'm sad and lonely too
>>6568304
we're fucked up bro
>>6568324
I guess we are fucked up. Does that make our homosexual tendencies wrong? Because it's clearly mental deviation.
Also I struggle with religion. What if it's all true and I'm going to burn in hell.
>tfw I just want a cute guy to hold me while I'm wearing girl clothing
>>6568341
Nothing's really right or wrong. The only real wrong thing you can do is hurt somebody else. Keep in mind that the whole "it's unnatural" argument for ANYTHING, not just faggotry is completely and totally fallacious. Humans do a shit ton of unnatural stuff and we are better for it.
>>6568488
Dubs of truth
>>6568499
Fucking extra true mang
>>6568226
>When I turned 20 I finally had sex for the first time with a drunk straight guy who literally raped me (I was definitely bleeding), but for some reason I loved it.
Thats odd, I had many of the same experiences.
Im only admitting this cuz its anon and Im a little stoned.
When I was six, my parents were visiting friends and I was lying in bed at night watching tv with their 20 year old son. He was in his undies and my foot accidentally slipped down his skivvies, it hit his cock and I didn't know what it was.
Thinking he was too big to notice little me, I reached down and used my fingers to feel around, all that hair and this huge hot rock hard cylinder with a smooth top
He finally gave in and among other things, finished by shooting his load in my mouth, and I instinctively swallowed.
My first anal was much like yours.
Anyways, I often wondered if I would've turned out straight if I hadn't been sucking cock at six, and other older boys used to use me too. But I liked it and didn't feel compelled to see myself as a victim. I still dont, but using that language is the only way a lot of people can understand that I liked sucking dick exactly a few minutes after I learned what they could do.
I dont think I was born this way and I have trouble believing that with all other factors in my life, I would not have ended up de-selecting females for sex.
For whatever reason, 95% of the men I've been with preferred women, and thats really the only kind of guy I am comfortable with, which also means I know I will never have a relationship with them. And I prefer it that way.
I dont have tons of sex. And I've done the relationship thing till I was done with it. I simply dont have any patience left for trying to 'love'.
But I really enjoyed all the men I helped, and always thought of it as my natural role: the confidant, the nurturer, the NSA cumdump to get them through the week.
>>6568530
op here
i feel like you, except I think I want love again. I was in love once, but it didn't work out....straight guy of course. but now i am not really sure to go about things. i wish i could be okay with just sex, but I don't think I'm into that anymore. all my friends are starting to get married and having kids and i'm starting to feel so alone you know
im so angsty lol im sorry
Is there any study that shows being gay is genetic? The only ones I've seen have just showed correlations between homosexuality and for example having a mother that had/has a high amount of sexual partners, which to me suggests that it could just as well be a case of nurture
Not that it's a choice, any more than BDSM fetishists chooses to get turned on by being whipped
>>6568560
I see. I'd have some advice, maybe you know what it isn't what you want to hear and idw invite a flame war from others.
My only other advice, no more welcome I guess, would be bluntly that you can focus on the freedom of being single.
Once you reach a certain age, most men have had enough relationship experience, especially gays who have had as much time but typically a lot more people, no matter how you leave the 'game', you either can resent that love is a vision kept alive by youth among themselves, or you can feel good and appreciate that at least at one point, you felt it, and you were happy to share it.
In reality, they end, and it hurts. Some longer, some shorter, but they end, and thats ok. You got to feel it too.
Another aspect of the heterosexual world we can't seem to escape is that a sign of maturity is less need for identity or personal validation from others. A more blunt way of saying it is that we dont tend to see an abstract sentimental value for friendship, and that the whole concept of 'friends' is something younger people see because they naturally have to practice socialization. Older people do not. So "friends" becomes a kind term for people you might chat with but could honestly care less if they live or die, as long as they show up at the water cooler.
If one really wants love, I tell them to get a puppy, at least the dog can feel it for a life time, humans have trouble staying interested in each other for more than a year.
For sex, just let it be sex. A recreation sometimes. Family is still a choice.
>>6568654
No, friend. You embrace it. You celebrate the end of mistakes from a lack of experience. You mustn't resent growth or you will be miserable from being unable to stop it. You're trading a fun worldview of youth with one that gives you a broader love for the follies of humans, even with all its flaws.
I never had any sexual experience as a kid, or as a teen, or most of my twenties really. I had other stuff to do and sex and relationships got pushed on the side.
I have a good relationship with my parents.
I don't really feel damaged in any way, so I guess not all gay people are damaged.
>>6568684
It specifically said "some" gay people right in the title.
>>6568226
get a girlfriend
