So I wondered if you guys could give me some advice, sorry for the tl;dr.
I've been dating a MtF for going on five years now, and recently she's been expressing depressive and suicidal thoughts.
She doesn't have a history of depression although she was on SSRIs for her anxiety, she eventually stopped taking them because of side effects.
Her parents (who she lives with) are forcing her to get a job, as she will no longer qualify for foodstamps and their financial situation has been deteriorating lately, they're by no means poor but they're having some debt problems.
I've stayed with her before and her parents are very nice, very accepting of her, kind, always buying things for her, she has a large family support network, so when she now comes to me with stories of how she can't stand living with them and how they're making her life hell, I'm skeptical.
I know that depression doesn't always have to match reality but this seems like a stretch to me.
I've offered for her to come and stay with me if her family is giving her trouble, which would basically be a free vacation, but she has not accepted.
We have no real relationship problems besides being long distance, and we've had very few arguments or conflicts. I have a thing about emotional manipulation and I've said to here in the past that if she were to start pulling the whole "maybe I'll kill myself" thing for attention or sympathy or in some attempt to manipulate me I would break up with her.
I'm not sure if that's what she's doing now, for the last few days she's been coming out with almost comical doom and gloom talk like "nothing really matters" or "everything is pointless".
Last night I snapped at her, and told her to shut up and cut the negative attitude and that I didn't have any patience for it, as she had been wearing on me for a few days, interrupting my workflow and just generally transferring her negativity to me.
She immediately disconnected and hasn't come back online since.
I don't know if I should take her seriously or not, suicide prevention sites say you should always treat the threat as real, and the list of things "never to say to a suicidal person" I found was pretty much a list of all the things I have said to her, "your life isn't so bad, other people have it worse, think of what it would do to your family" etc.
Now I'm in the situation I promised myself I'd never be in, sitting around wondering if someone I love has killed themselves.
If I were to follow through and break up with her, maybe she's serious about it and that would give her the excuse she needs to do it, if she's doing it for attention I don't know if I can forgive that kind of manipulation, and if she's actually suicidal or maybe has already attempted because of our argument, I don't really want anything to do with that.
Have any of you known transpeople who went through a similar thing? Do you have any advice for me?
Am I horrible person for not wanting anything whatsoever to do with suicidal people?
trans people with depression are just like cis people with depression, and i don't mean that in a stupid 'uhhh everyone is the same way,' just that it manifests very similarly
that said 40% of trans people attempt suicide at some point so it's worth taking as not necessarily emotional bullshittery probably
>>6519915
Yeah that's why I came here.
I'm pretty certain she has no dysphoria or any problems relating to her gender, her family and mine are wholly accepting of her and we've never had any relationship issues relating to that.
Maybe there could be a hormonal element? I'm not sure.
You should take it seriously, OP.
Fuck the seeking attention meme, it's not worth the risk to assume she's trying to manipulate you.
My family is pretty accepting as well but they're also completely shitty in every other way and my ex didn't believe me until he happened to witness some of the shit I have to deal with.
Please just try to take it seriously and help her get through it.
This might not even be /lgbt/ related. People kill themselves over economic reasons all the time. Suicide rates have skyrocketed in the US, during the so-called recovery.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/22/health/us-suicide-rate-surges-to-a-30-year-high.html
>“This is part of the larger emerging pattern of evidence of the links between poverty, hopelessness and health”
>>6519915
No they aren't, they are literally taking hormones and are not like cis people. They will be more emotional, and much more autistic as well.
>>6519868
>>6519872
you are not horrible for not wanting to deal with suicidal people. you are horrible tho to snap, invalidate and belittle her problems. the least you could've done even with no knowledge of dealing with people struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies would be to just listen as they usually are leaking out their feelings instead of blood.
if she was trying to get your attention and manipulate you emotionally she would have somehow reestablish contact with you. she didn't accept your offer to stay with you before, possibly not wanting to burden you with her emotional baggage. you snapping at her just gave her a valid reason to cut you out of her circle. words exchanged during emotional rage are particularly to the point and straightforward so it's easy to realize how you felt about her issue.
her going through the actual deed depends on her mindset about living and the courage toward ending it all swiftly. breaking up with you might give her one less thing to look forward to about living but it should not be the sole cause of her going through it, considering she refused your offer to stay earlier.
if you are worried, sure go ahead and contact her parents if you can to ask for her condition.
unless she is resilient and have her own baggage she has yet to let go before leaping off i don't recommend you to reconcile with her, for you'll probably feel more guilt when you'll snap again later on and hurting her once more.
do go read some suicidal prevention pamphlets for info on how to be calm around suicidal people though, even when you don't want to deal with them. at the very least you might know where to call/get behavioral health specialists to talk to her about her issues.
>>6520042
>cis people have no hormones in their body
Okay.
>>6519868
Give her a week. If she hasn't come crawling back to you yet, she's probably dead.
When she does come back, let her know that you like her but the negativity all the time is stressing you out. Let her know that she's worth your time but that you have your limits on how much of you can take.
I managed to get back in touch and it looks like she's fine, I will try and take your advice to heart.
