(1/2)
Recently realized im probably most likely maybe bi. Very mixed emotions. On one hand its nice because it explains a lot of the weird femmy behavior in my past.
Here are a few examples:
>used to have long hair. Didn't play instruments. Got highlights. Thought I was a "Rock Star". ROFL. I remember thinking it would help me with the ladies at the time or something. Growing it out some again and I like the way it feels. It feels 'nice' I guess?
>never really into typical guy interests like sports, cars, etc. Massive videogame nerd. Was really into lifting for the past few years. I really like to sing, like a lot. Usually when im alone though in my car or at the house. Get embarrassed more often than not if I try to sing in front of other people.
>never chased girls that much...I was pretty bad at it when I tried. Although I have managed to sleep with about 4 woman or so in my life.
>had one LTR that was kind of nightmarish really. She was kind of freaky and did almost anything I wanted. Regularly had sex with no condom. She really seemed to want to marry me and I even 'loved her'. But first GF late in life and still wanted to be a player so yeah. Ended it eventually cause things didn't feel right and didn't have enough fun yet.
>Most recent ONS girl didn't like condoms either. Second time we had sex it took me forever to cum...without a condom...maybe she was too wet I don't know. Got kind of bored I guess. And she isn't a bad looking girl either. Not a supermodel but still. Haven't talked to her since...don't make any sense to me b/c it was easy sex.
>vaguely remember being a lot more outgoing when I was very young. And then my personality changed. I think I must have been teased when acting femmy or something.
>Thoughts of acting feminine make me feel almost 'happy' lately? Had a crazy thought of wanting to cosplay D VA from overwatch the other day at the house.
(2/2)
Im sure there's other stuff but I want to get into the meat of it since this is long already. I've been playing with my asshole quite a bit lately. Feels good man. REALLY GOOD. Almost felt like my first time having sex, but way better! Been doing this for about a week and half now at least a few times a day, more on the weekends when im home alone. Ordered a dildo online the other day, really looking forward to it getting here. Ive had intense 'urges' and 'fantasies' of getting fucked, sometimes multiple times a day. Almost like I was possesed or something. I remember masturbating in the new normal way I do it the other day and some awfully feminine sounds were coming out of me?? Ive also been biting my lip in that sexy way that chicks do sometimes when I masturbate lately, almost like a reflex. Hard to resist it feels so good...I dont know if I can go back to the old way I was jerking it before now...
Very rarely have I had urges like this for hetero sex. Yeah I like hot girls, but possession? But guys still kind of wierd me out.
Tried looking at gay porn. It sucks. Didn't find anything good. Plus guys bodies seem wierd to me. All the hair and shit. Although I have seen some hot guys, I still like the way the female body looks better. And when I see a hot chick I still want to fuck her. Although sometimes I almost wish they had a dick so they could fuck me. Saw a sort of masculine short haired chick at the grocery store the other day that I had the hots for. Annnd jerked it to bailey jay. What the hell man.
>>6246707
(2/2) bonus edition:
What im wondering about is why I never seemed to notice guys before. Once I started playing with myself in this way its like a switch went off in my mind, because before that they weren't even on my radar, at least consiously I suppose...could my denial have been so strong that I didnt even know it myself...
At the same time fucking guys myself doesnt seem to appeal much right now. Id rather fuck a girl if that was the case. Im guessing that could be a problem if I hook up with another bottom or middle of the road guy...
Although blowjobs seem interesting...dont think id be ready for that yet. I wonder if this is still just hangups im getting over, still find it hard to believe that I could be bi. But it does feel right. Despite being confused I feel happy I guess, and at peace. Things make more sense in a way now, and in other ways not so much...
Haven't came out to anyone yet, might be a few that suspect it though. Haven't hooked up yet either. Still trying to wrap my head around all of this.
Send help please
(2/2) bonus edition:
What im wondering about is why I never seemed to notice guys before. Once I started playing with myself in this way its like a switch went off in my mind, because before that they weren't even on my radar, at least consiously I suppose...could my denial have been so strong that I didnt even know it myself...
At the same time fucking guys myself doesnt seem to appeal much right now. Id rather fuck a girl if that was the case. Im guessing that could be a problem if I hook up with another bottom or middle of the road guy...
Although blowjobs seem interesting...dont think id be ready for that yet. I wonder if this is still just hangups im getting over, still find it hard to believe that I could be bi. But it does feel right. Despite being confused I feel happy I guess, and at peace. Things make more sense in a way now, and in other ways not so much...
Haven't came out to anyone yet, might be a few that suspect it though. Haven't hooked up yet either. Still trying to wrap my head around all of this.
Send help please
>>6246700
r u me?
I predict you will come out trans, and only like guys. You literally are following the exact same path of self discovery I took. Have fun on your journey, and try to relax about it and let things flow.
I really relate to this when I figured out I was bi. I pretty much figured out that I only like a few guys and most of them are straight. I really liked feminine stuff and even bought a wig and panties. Panties were hot but I looked bad in a wig so I stopped. Then I got really into a girl so I haven't explored that sense. I think that I feel more feminine when I want a boyfriend.
